But I Found Them Already - Tumblr Posts

I'll be honest y'all, I came to Tumblr for the raw quotes completely out of context, the shitpost that actually end in a deep philosophical discussion on the nature of society, and the breakdown of people trying to make a point by actually experienced people telling you the #facts, but I can't find y'all anywhere.

Where do I look to fill my feed with the people who make your legendary posts that somehow make it as screenshots to Pinterest or narrated as videos on YouTube?

Where are my relatable folks who vent their frustrations by going on a tangent to a completely unrelated topic yet somehow circle back to end up teaching me a life lesson while also making me laugh? Where are my reviews on how Hollywood did it wrong or somehow did it right? Where are you people with way too much experience in That One Thing but actually I do This Other Thing for a living? Where are they who do This Other Thing for a living that can somehow be applied to That One Thing? Where is the Rossetta Stone of culture clash where I end up learning something new from the stupidest life story in existence?

Where are the quippy one-liners that sound like they make no sense but gosh darn it Tumblr can dig deeper than any English class could ever teach you to go and we do it for fun rather than expectation of reward in the form of a meaningless mark on our life's report card?

WHERE ARE YOU MY FELLOWS I NEED MY SEROTONIN?!?!