But Not Me - Tumblr Posts
In fact Emperor broke me. I have. Confession to make - I’ve always considered myself somewhat xenophobic. Not in a real world way, but in a way that I’m not into monsters of any kind at all. I’m horribly, painfully squeamish. Even mermaids don’t feel entirely right for me because I immediately think of their tails and that they smell of fish, and… well, my neurospicy brain creates unpleasant sensory triggers in stories of rockets I don’t expect it too. I’m not into werewolves / they scare me. Not into shapeshifters. Even Garrus in ME was too alien for me to consider more than a friend. (And he can’t be romanced in a m/m way anyway)
But. Buuuut. The Emperor l’s story and romance was a hell of a ride for me. I was literally going through some deep emotional transformation. Sometimes I would just go pacing around the room with a heart beat racing sing and muttering - omg I can’t I just can’t. I can’t even look at him, but his voice, and what he says and his personality gets me so hooked that I can’t even romance other companions.
And mind you, I’m demisexual and very monotropic. If someone got me emotionally hooked - others just don’t work for me. Like at all.
I stopped the game and had to breathe. I didn’t want to become even a half mind flayer at first because I really cherished my characters looks and all. But eventually I accepted.
Step by step, dialogue by dialogue my perception of him changed. From “oh, God I can’t look at him without needing to surprise disgust” to “well, I can look at him especially when I hear him speak” to “how didn’t I notice that there’s beauty and elegance and power to him? Something truly regal in fact?”
It’s so funny to document it now looking at in in a progression.
I literally went through an emotional transformation because of a game character. And I couldn’t romance anyone else in all my play throughs just because no one says things like he does. No romance arc just feels appealing.
Heh. I’m weird I guess.
i wish i had some better friends yet they always let me down
Not my therapist and me talking about heartstopper and them telling me they're kinda sad cause they'll be out of the country when the new season will be aired. They'll need to watch it two weeks later, now I'm forbidden from giving spoilers.