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To The Brink Of Confession: Chapter 2, Fester
A bit shorter, but there's gotta be a build-up, right?
@mytanuki-kun
Summary: The feelings of worry, frustration, and hurt fester.
Deflecting onto Hidan only worked for a short while after their conversation. Despite what Hidan seemed to think, she had been aware that her feelings were somewhat reciprocated, at least until recently. Kisame was always so friendly, and dare she say sweet with her that it was hard for her to ignore the inkling that he was interested. It was all so circumstantial though, that it was hard to find any clear moments she could point to. Bumping into her, always steadying her with a chuckling apology, saying he just never saw her. Always finding that he was in close enough quarters to brush against her gently, something that with any other would have made her uncomfortable. Taking care of her, constantly looking out for her, making sure she ate enough, rested, offering his large cloak whenever she was cold, even though it was so large on her that it dragged on the ground. These were all things that made her heart flutter with hope, yet could all be brushed off as just him being friendly and feeling responsible for her since she wasn’t a shinobi.
Confidence was something she actively had to work at. Showing her affections came naturally, she had never had any trouble being forward with her feelings, but allowing herself to pursue perceived affection from others was so much riskier than giving a compliment or saying she appreciated someone's company. Risking looking arrogant and self-important made her doubt what she so wanted to believe were the signs that he was as greedy as her. Months of questioning his actions had led up to her deciding to say something, to confess, but before she could he was gone. It hurt that their banter was missing from her days, his sharp grin now only visible when she walked in on a conversation he was having with someone else. No longer was he close enough to accidentally nudge her in the kitchen, nor did he sit on the couch next to her taking up more room than he needed, pressing a muscled thigh against her soft one, arm lazily slung over the backrest behind her. It was clear on his face when she tried to talk that he was uncomfortable, and he practically ran away when he could. All the built-up confidence was toppled over by his very clear avoidance of her.
It hurt. More than she would have expected. Even if she had managed to work up the courage to say something and he turned her down, she would have been fine with that. As long as he could still be her friend, someone she didn’t feel guilty relying on, who always had her stomach aching with the laughter he tore from her. His possible rejection was something she had been preparing for, but his complete absence was unaccounted for.
Following Hidan and Kakuzu for the remainder of her stay had left her plenty of time to think in between mediating the two violent criminals, and when she had been returned back to her home she was left alone to think even more. The doubt that he had ever had any feelings for her grew, and eventually turned to fear that she had been projecting onto him while he was merely tolerating her antics. Maybe he had simply been, making the best of his situation by trying to find entertainment with her, but she just wasn’t enough. That thought stung hard and she tried to force herself to focus on other things. Work, family, friends, hobbies, distracted her for a while, but it was always in the back of her mind. ‘What did I do?’
Weeks of him taking up her time and worry eventually turned her hurt into frustration. ‘He’s a grown man, why’s he avoiding me like a child?’ She mentally huffed. Resentment was bubbling under the surface, making her snippy at work, short-tempered with her friends. As mad as she was becoming with him, there was still the ache of loss that she tried to bury under her rising fury. The days passed quickly, yet they dragged so slowly as the date of the Akatsuki’s return approached. Prepping for their arrival was a routine and distracting task which she greatly appreciated yet dreaded as it meant the reason she felt so distressed was closer to coming face to face with her again. ‘That's if he even lets me see him,’ she thought bitterly.
Itachi hadn’t taken long at all to notice the change in his mood. Presuming that Kisame was simply disoriented with the sudden change in environment was proven wrong as the dark and prodding humor of his partner morphed into something that seemed fueled by pessimism instead of the usual attempt to make his straight-faced counterpart smile. The reason wasn’t exactly clear, but he had a guess as to why the normal hunger for violence had doubled seemingly overnight. He was torturing himself.
Romantic feelings were prohibited by his own past and his future plans; Itachi had no space and no desire for complicated emotions like those that swarmed his tall, blue, friend. His inability to relate didn’t mean he didn’t care. Dulled as the world was to him now, he had always been a sensitive person, someone who couldn’t help but take the burden of others so as to lessen their strain in life, and Kisame’s burdens were impacting him already as they seemed to leave every battlefield scattered with shredded fleshy lumps that almost resembled bodies. Allowing the bottled-up angst to fester would only cause the lid to burst off with force, he trusted Kisame in the middle of a fight, but outside of tearing flesh and covering his partner back, he was less predictable. To Itachi, it was becoming clear that the extra aggression was his way of compensating for the lack of freedom he allowed when interacting with her. It would have been humorous if it wasn’t pitiful to see the clear hurt his actions caused her. For someone who had made it clear he would tear limb from limb anyone who did her wrong, he was ironically treading down the path of having to kick his own ass.
Stepping in had seemed the correct decision, yet all he was met with was denial and deflection. It was clear that the topic was undiscussable for the time being, and was unlikely to be resolved simply by Itachi’s intervention. As the day of their return to her residence was growing nearer, Kisame’s ferocity intensified, and Itachi’s patience with his partner’s lack of communication began to wear thin.