Clonazepam - Tumblr Posts
Sometime back I was asked about my anxiety and depression in one of the groups on Facebook. This was my response. Please keep in mind that this was a quick response to a question in a casual environment. Therefore, my writing skills were not at their optimum.
My mother was severely schizophrenic and I had a sadistic father. Being in this inhospitable environment for such a long time caused me to experience a complete breakdown in 1972. I was diagnosed w Schizoid Personality Disorder, a condition resulting from being raised in a schizophrenic environment, and the doctors started shoving pills in me. They had me on everything imaginable including anti-psychotics and Thorazine. But alcohol was the only thing that worked so I drank day and night for eight years.
Though I hated every minute of it, the time I spent drinking was advantageous in that it slowed my brain down and allowed me to examine what was causing my anxiety and to then develop my own coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, the emotional bliss I felt after quitting was short lived. After about six months I met a girl that would prove to be the biggest stressor in my life which would last 27 years. So, back again I went into the depths of anxiety and depression but I managed w out the aid of pills or alcohol.
In 1977 I experienced a temporary bout of unmanageable anxiety and the doctors convinced me that Xanax was safe and non-addicting. It was neither. Though I didn't abuse it I was addicted to it for 25 years until they switched me to Clonazepam about two years ago, part of the world wide moratorium on Xanax.
Anxiety has pretty much ruled my life. It has taken so many opportunities away from me and robbed me of my dignity. It’s so embarrassing when you have to tell someone you can’t travel or that you have to take a bottle of water with you wherever you go because you can’t swallow w out something to drink or why you are afraid to take drugs. The panic attacks are completely immobilizing and you’re afraid to go any place for fear of having one while you’re out. The insomnia deprives you of sleep and leaves you constantly exhausted. The obsessive compulsive behavior drives you batty when you have to check something three times before you are “somewhat” satisfied. The associated physiological symptoms such as migraines, rapid heart beat, hives, dysphasia, dyspnea, nausea and IBS, to name just a few, can be debilitating, painful and inconvenient as hell. The resulting depression is equally debilitating when you’re reticent to go to bed because you’re afraid to be alone w your thoughts, you can’t sleep, can’t drag yourself out of bed, are constantly exhausted, morose all the time, you become immobilized and can’t do anything.
This is just a smattering of things that the anxiety ridden person experiences; that I have experience since I was 19 and still experience. It’s amazing that anyone w these detriments can function at all much less be friendly and keep a positive attitude. I get so tired of people who don’t understand. They are so impatient and often so cruel.
The best advise I can give to anyone who has debilitating anxiety is to try to identify whatever is causing your anxiety and, at all reasonable costs, remove it from your experience. The key to doing this is just to be real w yourself. Whatever you do, don’t allow negative people into your experience. Don’t mess w drugs if you can avoid it. It can be a great temporary fix but the short and long term fallout will only make your anxiety worse. Just avoid negative experiences as much as you possibly can.
This last line was in my response to the group but it applies to everyone, young and old, male and female. Anxiety and depression are not age or gender blind. Don't suffer alone.
If anyone ever needs to talk about their anxiety or depression I’ll be glad to listen and help in whatever way I can. Just remember, I know what you’re going through. I care about you. You are loved. ~ Trabue Gentry
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