CLUTCHING MY HEART - Tumblr Posts

Me after reading this😭😭😭

I thought I was prepared I was wrong

Here is alternate angst ending number 1. This is how Cinnamon & Vanilla was initially planned to end before I went in a different happier direction. For this to make sense basically forget that chapter 17 and the proposal happened and chapter 16 ended with Suri getting arrested and Mia coming back into the picture (I hope that makes sense). I will post the other angst, but less angsty version next.

WARNINGS: Very small hint of smut, cheating, character death, funeral, allusions to suicide, a suicide note, swearing. Please proceed with caution if any of these things are hard for you. There will be a second alternate ending posted next that is less harsh if you’d rather read that.

Word Count: 2,257

You watched your father-in-law slam his fists down on the large oak table. “I will not stand for this Yoongi.”, he shouted. Across the table your husband smirked, his mistress Mia, sat next to him with a sly smile.

“Father, there’s nothing you can do or say to change my mind. I am divorcing Y/N and will marry Mia. I’m done being used as a pawn for your corporate gains.”

After Mia and Yoongi were reintroduced they became inseparable. Or it was more like Yoongi was infatuated with his former love thinking he could finally have the life he always dreamed with her, but all she wanted was his money and famous last name. You and everyone else could see it except for him.

His father scoffed, “You think this woman loves you? Yoongi, she left you once before. What makes you think she won’t do it again? I thought you were smarter than this. Y/N cares for you, more than she should in my opinion. She’s done more for you than most and will be a good companion.”

You looked over and made eye contact with your husband. His eyes softened, but yours turned cold. In your mind your relationship was irreparable. The first few weeks after meeting Mia he tried to pretend like nothing was going on, but you saw the signs. The purple marks on his skin that he tried to hide. The faint scent of a floral perfume that would surround him when he got home in the middle of the night. It all came forward when one day you stopped by his office to drop off some lunch. When you knocked on the door you heard a loud thud and some shuffling and when you pushed open the same door you found him in his chair slightly out of breath with his hair ruffled like someone’s hands had been running through it. When he stood up to thank you for the lunch the zipper of his dress pants was noticeably still pulled down. You knew in that moment that you were done and you were no longer going to try to even pretend to save the marriage.

Jin happily helped you build a case against his former friend rounding up all the proof of the infidelity on Yoongi’s side so that hopefully you could get your in laws to agree to a divorce. You were surprised when it seemed that Yoongi had beat you to it and that’s how you ended up here.

Yoongi cleared his throat bringing you back to the present. “Y/n and I are divorcing. I broke my part of the contract therefore she can be the one to file. It’s not up for discussion.”, he spoke.

Mr. Min turned red with anger as he watched Yoongi walk towards the door hand intertwined with Mia’s.

“Yoongi, if you walk out of here with that woman you are no longer considered a son to me. You will step down as CEO and you will loose all access to any of the family money. You will loose the houses and cars. Everything! And don’t you dare come running back when that gold digger leaves you again.”, Mr.Min was out of breath and red in the face. You were getting worried for his health nervous he would have a heart attack. Yoongi continued to walk out the door pulling Mia behind him. She now appeared to be hesitant after Mr. Mins threats. You’re soon to be ex father-in-law gave you a small nod before walking out the same door. Jin who had been silently sitting next to you the whole time squeezed your hand, “Don’t worry Y/N, you’ll have the best divorce lawyer in Seoul.” You smiled trying to hide your pain.

Jin wasn’t kidding either. The divorce was quick and simple. Yoongi seemed to want to be done with everything as fast as possible. You got a very large sum of money plus one of the penthouses and a couple cars in exchange for keeping quiet and not going to the media about anything that happened between you and the Mins. You ended up selling the cars and the penthouse, instead buying a cute apartment just outside the city that was much more your taste. You kept some of the money as a savings and then donated a chunk to various charities that were close to you.

At the paper signing Yoongi barely acknowledged you which you appreciated. As you watched him sign the papers signaling the end of your marriage you felt a strange heaviness in your heart, but you were determined to not let the darkness of Min Yoongi follow you. You did your best to move on and leave that part of your life behind you. Getting a job and making some new friends. You did your best to create your new normal.

It was late one evening when you sat at your kitchen table replaying the last few years in your head. Startling in surprise when you felt a hand on your shoulder you turned to find your fiancé Hoseok or Hobi as you started calling him when you two met up in Korea after he’d quit his waitressing job at the beach hotel and moved back home. “Sorry love, I didn’t mean to scare you.”, he said placing a kiss on the top of your head before taking a seat at the table next to you.

“It’s okay. I was just thinking.”, you chuckled.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

Shaking your head you poured him a glass of water.

“It was a really beautiful service.”, he spoke.

“Yeah it sure was.”, you said trying to suppress the tears.

“It was surprising that his parents showed up. I know not many people thought they would. Seeing Jimin and Jungkook there was nice too.”, he said. All you could do was nod in agreement.

“Well I’m gonna head off to bed. Don’t stay up too late and come get me if you need anything”, he sighed before leaning in for another kiss which you happily reciprocated.

After he walked into the bedroom and you were sure you heard the door close you pulled out the envelope Jin had given to you after the funeral. Your name written beautifully on the front.

Not long after your divorce was finalized Mr.Min stayed true to his word. Yoongi was forcefully removed as CEO of Min Enterprises. He was cut off from all the family money and was only left with what he had already earned. It didn’t take long for Mia to go through what he had left. When she realized that she wasn’t going to be living the lavished life of a billionaires wife she was fast to leave him. Quickly marrying the son of some Australian cattle farming tycoon. Jimin had quit working for Yoongi not long after he started dating Mia exclusively. He swore it had nothing to do with you and that he just got a higher paying less stressful offer elsewhere, but you knew better. Jin quit working with Yoongi and Min Enterprises instead opting to open his own law firm. Even Jungkook had quit and took a job in Los Angeles leaving Yoongi all alone. Yoongi’s parents refused to let him back into the company, but they did start funneling him a little money here and there to keep him afloat as that was better than your famous son being homeless.

You did worry about him no matter how hard you tried not to, even contemplating reaching out to him a few times, but you were worried it would only make it worse for the both of you. It seemed like every morning you were waking up to a new story or video of him belligerently drunk, getting in fights, leaving clubs with multiple women. He was completely off the rails again and didn’t seem to have a care in the world anymore. The last video you saw of him he looked like a zombie. You knew he must’ve been living off of whiskey and cigarettes at that point and it was only a matter of time until something bad happened.

Then one morning last week you got the call. Jin was on the other end and you could just tell by the way his breathing was uneven that he didn’t have good news. He didn’t have much info, but promised to call you with the details of the funeral as soon as he knew them.

When you arrived at the church you were greeted by Jimin and Jungkook the two wrapping you in a hug. Mr. And Mrs. Min said hello and congratulated you on your new engagement. When you finally made your way over to Jin he smiled, “They found this on his bed. Has your name on it.” Gently you took the letter placing it in your bag for now as the service was about to begin.

Now back at your apartment you sat at the kitchen table staring down at the envelope. With shaking hands you gently unfolded the paper. Some parts were a little smudged thanks to the ink getting wet and drying again. A detail that definitely didn’t go unnoticed by you. A small sob escaping you as you thought about what Yoongi must have been thinking in that moment. You took a deep breath and began to read,

“Dear Y/N,

If you are reading this then it means that everything went according to my plan. I guess I just have some things I want to get off my chest and admittedly I’m too much of a coward to say them to your face or even to call you. Plus, I know if I hear your voice I’ll change my mind about this. First I want to apologize. I know I’ve done that a lot and never seemed to really mean it, but I am sorry for everything. You never deserved any of this from the start. You deserved to fall in love with someone that was capable of truly loving you back, but that couldn’t be me when I didn’t even love myself. Someone who would be there to take care of you emotionally and physically. I regret that I could never grow up and be that person. I heard that you are engaged. Congratulations. I hope that he takes care of you well and makes you as happy as you deserve.

I have reached a point in my life that is just so low I don’t think I could ever recover. What even is the point of life anyways? I guess I’ll never know. I don’t know what went wrong either. I was once a happy kid who loved music and basketball, who wanted to travel the world, who wanted to get married and have a bunch of kids. Now I’m sitting in my bathtub alone with a bottle of cheap whiskey writing a letter to a woman I never loved, but can’t get out of my head. They say you never know what you have until it’s gone. I always thought that was a bullshit excuse that people used to make themselves feel better about their choices, but I now know that it’s true. You were the best thing that could ever happen to me and I threw it all away. You were loving and kind, generous and thoughtful, loyal. You were so much when all I did was try to hurt you. I am truly sorry. I hope that your life brings you everything you’ve ever wanted and one day you’ll completely forget the name Min Yoongi. But until then I hope that maybe hearing or speaking my name won’t bring such disgust to your tongue. Maybe in the next life we can try this again. Take care of yourself Y/N.

Best regards,

Yoongi”

By the time you were done the letter was soaked with your own tears. You folded up the paper and put it back in the envelope before gently placing it in the kitchen drawer. Your heart broke for the man that was hurting so badly. You felt a slight pain of guilt that maybe there was something else you could’ve done, but in the end no one was able to help him. You were thankful for Hobi who came into your life like a big ray of sunshine bringing light and warmth. You smiled as you placed his coat in the closet, his cologne still strong with the smell of jasmine quickly surrounding you and reminding you of the new chapter of your life.

Turning to walk to the bedroom a piece of paper laying on the kitchen floor caught your eye. It wasn’t there earlier so you figured it must’ve fallen out of the envelope from Yoongi when you opened it. Shuffling over to pick it up you started laughing as you read it over,

“Thanks to your generous donation to Perry’s Sheep Farm we are able to continue rescuing sheep in need across the world. As a special thanks please see the attached photo of one of our sheep that your generous gift has helped.”

“He just couldn’t let this fucking sheep thing go.”, you chuckled. You shook your head letting out another laugh as you pulled out the Polaroid. As hard as you tried you couldn’t prevent the tears from flowing once again as you fell to the floor clutching the photos to your chest. Smiling back at you in the photo was a big fluffy sheep with a bright pink bow on the side of her head. The lettering across the bottom said, ‘Petunia’, written in Yoongi’s handwriting. Maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you, but you swore you could detect the faintest hint of cinnamon and vanilla in the air.

FML