D4ffodil.txt - Tumblr Posts

Born to serve cunt forced to

Living itself is the Source of Sin

☆ Hi, please call me Four. I'm a highschooler with a fucked up academic history (no crimes committed)

Interests!

☆ Literature, writing, illustration, graphic design

☆ Aquatic animals, birds, and insects, though my knowledge of them is quite limited

☆ Chainsaw man, Bungo Stray Dogs, Wonder Egg Priority

☆ Mitski, Car Seat Headrest, Crywank

Feel free to send a music/book reccommendation. ^^

My favorite books this year are: All the Lovers in the Night by Mieko Kawakami, No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai, and The Dream of a Ridiculous Man by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. ♥︎

Goals!

☆ Build a work ethic

☆ Improve Tagalog

Tag system:

#chrys4nthemum = queued posts

#periwinkle = bookmarks

#holly = resources

#lotus = favorite posts

#4iris.txt = original creations

#s4mpaguita.txt = Tagalog posts

#l4urel.txt = night updates

#d4ffodil.txt = morning updates

Text posts are untagged

August 30, 2024

Slacked out on a nightly update lol. Didn't do much yesterday but planning to speed through a lot of my things today and avoid doomscrolling on Pinterest and Tumblr so I can actually get things done. I mainly have "take notes" and "make practice exams" on my to-do list, and I have a lot of time for today and the days following after.

Song of the day (I forgot it yesterday):

August 31. 2024 update

Tried to keep my morning as on-track as possible but I'm not sure if it's worked yet. I felt like I got way too sidetracked with summarizing my MAPEH subject and reviewing it instead of the thing I'd prioritized the most (my Tagalog subjects) so woops. On the brighter side, I've gotten into the "active learning" stages of my studies, I've made a practice test for Filipino which must've taken about a single failed attempt before I aced it. 👍

I had breakfast late as usual so I was too hungry to take in my most prioritized topics, but I'll be doing them immediately after I have some food. I have a feeling the day's gonna be long considering that even the glossary took a whole ass day to finish as well, but fingers crossed that I can get things done early.

Worst case scenario, I cram in MAPEH last minute since it's the easiest subject for me and idrc about it. I'm seriously itching to draw again so I'm going slightly rabid trying to finish up in order to have some freedom here and there.

September 1. 2024

I feel like absolute fucking dogshit. I wanna be knocked out into a coma for at least a week, but I'm still doing my work as usual because what the fuck else is there to do about it? I'm not about to feel like dogshit and fuck up my grades at the same time. I still have a lot of leftover reading and reviewing, but I'll try to take on the most prioritized at my list right now as much as I can to do some damage control. I've written about one page worth of shit for Filipino, and I still have about 7 pages from the book to note down.

1 page took about 20 minutes to write down so if my Math isn't dogshit it'll take 2 hours or so to go through the whole thing, but I have faith since the rest of the notes are just summaries of the folk epics written down + a list of the characters and a small description of the narrative, just to make sure. I think it'll help that I'd already gone through the stories when I was writing the glossary, so it should be an easier read the second time around.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 3. 2024. [I have so much fucking shit to do today fuck me to the highest heavens.]

I woke feeling like absolute dogshit today but fuck it, we're gonna continue anyways. I know a lot of these entries are chaotic and fucked up and that's because I'm still trying to figure my way out around this thing, so forgive me if it's inconsistent-looking. Anyways, I'll speedrun through a lot today, make some practice tests, etc. Some of the pictures that my AP teacher sent me are blurry but when has that ever fucking stopped me I have astigmatism. Fuck it we ball and it is what it is. WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING ANGER. WHERE IS YOUR RAGE. RISE RISE RISE RISE

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 5. 2024 [Please God let me summon the mental energy today]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ Filipino: notes (5/6 completed)

♡ AP: notes

♡ AP: read powerpoint

♡ Math: review

♡ Science: review

Aaa we had online classes today so work was easier, we're still reading through the folk tales so no tests yet. I need to do some heavy reviewing for AP just to make it easier to study on the weekends. At least skimming through the lesson and making extremely quick notes would suffice enough to have a basic understanding of whats going on, cause currently I just have no idea what the fuck is happening right now.

I took a bunch of notes for each of my classes so I'm proud about that, some of my reviewing and advanced reading had also paid off in my quizzes, so yipiee. I still need to finish my notes for one very specific folk tale that I'd missed.

Last night I went through my school's online library and saved a bunch of books to have some outside knowledge. Mainly History, Filipino, Math and things related to computer science or programming. (We don't have the last two, but I wanted to get a quick overview of what I was getting into if I were to seriously pursue compsci)

I actually love to learn things outside of the provided textbooks, especially history since that's what tends to be the most heavily censored and oversimplified in my classes.

The current book I wanna go through right now is called "History of the Philippines" by Luis H. Francia, there's about 354 pages so it's gonna be one hell of a bitch to finish, but I wanna do it, so fuck it, let's go.

I'll update ya'll on my progress with that. I'm taking most advantage of my 'not-bedrotting' state right now so I'm gonna try to do as much as I can before it goes to shit and I have to recover again.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 6. 2024 [I need to sleep so fucking bad]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ English: activity

♡ English: assignment

♡ Math: activity (0/5)

♡ Filipino: notes (5/6)

♡ Mapeh: review

♡ Other: take a fucking nap, holy shit, man

I always get excited about English assignments regarding analysis and the likes that it almost makes me want to advance faster so I can get assigned to read a full blown novel. Technically, I'm already doing that in my free time, but having it as a school assignment would be cool as fuck, too.

I don't have much to do over the weekend since I've already finished my notes on Folk Songs and POV for Filipino a week back in advance. Or maybe I do. I don't know, I don't wanna jinx it. I still have to write my AP notes, I want to do it in advance for today but like I said in my previous update, I've been setting way too many high goals that I end up never completing them, which bums me the fuck out so let's try not to do that for today.

We have more time for AP since the lessons sent haven't been discussed yet so that's something!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 7. 2024 [PLEASE let me finish this shit for once in my fucking life]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ English: finish writing plot diagram

♡ AP: notes (0/10)

♡ Ap: notes on powerpoint (0/6)

♡ Mapeh: notes (0/7)

Alright. I stayed up really fucking late yesterday to at least finish a good portion of the things on my to-do list, but I still failed, so fuck me. The most prioritized on my list right now is to write the plot diagram for Dead Stars, which is halfly-done, though kinda shittily since I was desperate to finish. I'll need to write a quick description of each point and then elaborate it that way.

Speaking of Dead Stars, I just finished The Setting Sun like I said in my last post, so reading another story about being in love with someone who's already taken was a silly coincidence. TSS is still marinating in my head, so I can't say much about it other than that ending was fucking crazy. Both siblings being in love with the same couple was a crazy ass plot twist, and I loved it, ngl.

For me, most books need more than one reading in order to fully understand. First reading is for the vibes, second is vibes enhanced with additional context, and third is where you get to Overthink about it all and seriously dig into every line. It sucks that I haven't re-read many books this year, I'll have to do at least one, once everything settles over.

Anyways, wish me luck on getting shit done today. I'm trying so fucking hard!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 8. 2024 [We're going to be okay and we're going to live today]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ AP: notes (4.9/10)

♡ Ap: notes on powerpoint (0/6)

♡ Mapeh: notes (0/7)

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 10. 2024 [Rest. Need to rest]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ Filipino: seatwork (0/1)

♡ Science: review formulas (0/3)

♡ Ap: glossary (0/3)

♡ Math: practice times table and basic arithmetic

♡ Other: take a fucking nap

I'm so fucking tired guys holy shit. I planned out the rest of my weekend and I should be pretty good, but holy fuck. I seriously need to rest. I'll update this list when more comes up btw

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 14. 2024 [I'll get through today. There's no other choice!!!]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ AP 1 quiz

♡ AP 3 notes (6 pages)

♡ AP 3 quiz

♡ Filipino 1 quiz

♡ Filipino 3 quiz

Following a set of orders and routine always helps me. This public journal is one of those things that holds me accountable just a little more, while also giving me a frame of reference and reminder to trust myself. I got this far already. I can do it.

𖤓˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 15. 2024 [I fucked up so bad]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ Math quiz

♡ English 1 quiz

♡ Science 1 quiz

♡ TLE quiz

I don't have a lot of time left. I need to be harsher on myself, so I'm setting a ban on all apps I've been rotting in until I can finish shit.

𖤓˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 17. 2024 [Giddy up and chop chop get to work girl]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ Rewrite all notes (0/7)

♡ Rewrite formal notebooks (0/2)

♡ Clean my bed cause what the fuck

♡ Put dirty clothes into laundry basket

This is kind of a pain in the ass, but apparently separate notebooks are required for each subject so I can't just one notebook my way out of everything. :[ Oh well. It'll take me a bit to copy everything down onto different notebooks. I probably can't swear in them now also because my teachers will be reviewing them lol. This sucks ass!!!!!

𖤓˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 24. 2024 [God, I'm pissed.]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ Answer Math problem

♡ Review for polygons and angles

Radio silence lately cause I've been falling off a bit. I'm really fucking mad at myself but I live anyways because what the fuck else can I do? Sorry if I sound bitter, just trying to process all this right now. I can feel whatever I had at the start of the month wearing off so I've been keeping a close eye on myself and trying to steer myself away from the cycles.

Aside from all that, I've been interested in the idea of making a carrd. I've been putting it off because everything you need to know about me already fits inside my introduction post, but working on visuals and maybe even a little section that links to all my journal entries so far would be interesting. Though, part of the reason why I've been so mad lately is because I haven't had the time to get into my hobbies.

I've been itching to actually have a session where I can just sit down and work on some projects I've been looking forward to for however long I wanted, but I'll have to wait and try not to go mad in the process.

𖤓˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ September 27. 2024 [I'm gonna SCREAM.]

To do 𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖°

♡ Sulating pangwakas (0/1)

♡ Transfer English notes

♡ Transfer Filipino notes

Fml. I'm taking a nap. I've been mildly foaming at the mouth gnashing bones over not working as much so I'd like to get back on it after I have a proper rest.