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Seventeen's reaction to their s/o being a people pleaser

Synopsis: How seventeen would react when they realise their s/o is a people pleaser. Pairing: Seventeen x gn! reader Genre: Angst, hurt/ comfort | sfw Word Count: 1.1k words Warnings: People pleasing, disregard for one’s self, low self-esteem (fear of not being good enough), boundaries being ignored, fear of confrontation, allusion to toxic relationships (friendship, familial, romantic) where reader has been used for other’s personal gain Disclaimer: i’m writing this scenario based on my own personal views and experience of being a people pleaser. Obviously, other people would have their own experiences and interpretations of how the svt members would react. Not proof read. A/n: requested by @haecien. Sorry it took so long, Cien Bien… i’m ngl, this isn’t really my best work and i’m really not the best person to write this because i’m a chronic people pleaser as well :((

.ᐟ.ᐟ He resolves to help you overcome your people pleasing tendencies.

Jeonghan, Joshua, Wonwoo, Woozi, Minghao, Seungkwan, Vernon

▸ He’s not surprised. He’s perceptive enough that he would have noticed your people pleasing tendencies a long time ago. Don’t think he doesn’t notice the way you always ask him what he prefers, the way you always capitulate to him regardless of what your preference was originally, or the way you always adjust your needs to his. And don’t think he doesn’t notice you fidgeting with your hands/ clothes, the soft sighs, small sheepish smiles and nods where the light doesn’t reach your eyes. He knows those are mannerisms you exhibit unconsciously when you are not completely comfortable doing something. 

▸ So yes, he’s not surprised at all, and he vows to help you overcome this tendency. He won’t completely cease to ask you to help him with things, nor would he forcefully insist that you both go along with your preferences because that might be counterproductive. People pleasers have a tendency to believe they did something wrong, that they let you down, or that you don’t need them anymore if you’re not asking them to do something anymore. It’s a very unhealthy, warped way of thinking which stems from them being used by others for personal gain in the past before being thrown aside when they are no longer of use. 

▸ Instead, he will try to phrase things differently and adjust to your needs as well. Communication is extremely important to him. He needs to show you that your opinion, your time, your energy, your feelings, and your boundaries are all valid and important. You need to prioritise your comfort over other people’s needs, including his own, by not just setting, but also enforcing your boundaries. And of course, he doesn’t need you to explain your boundaries to him. If you want to, great. If you don’t, that’s okay too. You don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you are uncomfortable with something. 

▸ You’re an equal in this relationship with him. He’s going to respect your boundaries. He would never force you to do something you didn’t want to do, or go somewhere you didn’t want to go. He would make a conscious effort to observe your mannerisms to ensure you were comfortable, and he would ask you to verbally confirm your comfort levels. Plus, to get around your people pleasing tendencies, he would try to shift the focus of the conversation back onto you and to give you the choice. He might say things like “how about you? I know you’re okay with my choice of eating place for our date, but I made that decision last time. How about we go to that place you’ve been talking about?” And when it comes to asking you to do something, he would phrase things in a way which would always give you a way out. For example, “would it be okay if you help me with this? If you can’t, that’s perfectly fine. I can always ask one of my friends to help.” Not the best examples, but you get the point. 

.ᐟ.ᐟ He is torn… he doesn’t really know what to think, feel or do. 

Seungcheol, Jun, Soonyoung, Dokyeom, Mingyu, Dino

▸ He’s shocked, frustrated, and disappointed with everything and everyone when he finds out you’re a people pleaser. He wouldn’t have noticed you were a people pleaser for the longest time until someone pointed out how you were always doing things for him/ going to places he chose for dates. Listen, he’s observant enough, but he genuinely thought you were always giving into him/ helping him, because you were watching out for him. You were always telling him that he deserves to be spoiled a little or that you guys should go to where he wanted due to his busy schedule. And to be fair to him, it’s not like he was extremely demanding or the kind to insist he get his way all the time either. 

▸ He feels so much regret. How could he have been so blind that he didn’t notice you were always putting other people’s needs above your own. Like the time you stayed up late to help him with a project despite the fact you were already tired from your own day. Or the time you went with him to a new tourist attraction despite having mentioned that you were terrified of one particular part of it. He’s also angry. At himself for not noticing and inadvertently trampling over your boundaries. At you for not saying you were uncomfortable or for thinking he would love you any less if you didn’t give into him. At other people who he didn’t even know, the ones who might have treated you in some horrible way which led you to develop people pleasing tendencies in the first place.

▸ Unlike the group above, he would pull away completely and very suddenly. He would stop asking you for your help unless absolutely necessary, and he would insist you choose your destination for dates. He doesn’t want to put you in a tight spot where you feel like you are trapped and have to pander to his needs. But this probably would backfire on him because you would see his actions, though they were out of his consideration for you, as him withdrawing from you. It would make you feel like you weren’t needed anymore, like he didn’t want you anymore. Perhaps you did something to anger him and he didn’t want to tell you. Eventually, you both might get into an argument over it only to realise you were both being dumb and more communication was needed. 

▸ It’s a learning curve for both of you. You needed to learn how to establish boundaries, communicate them, and enforce them firmly. Ironically, you’ll have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable when you’re learning to put your foot down and say “no”. It is something he would help you along with though, as he becomes more aware of your mannerisms. As for him, he’ll need to learn to be able to distinguish when you were being a people pleaser, and when you were simply being his significant other. There will be times, many times, when you go out of your way to put his needs before yours because you love him and you’re doing things out of consideration for him. He needs to understand it isn’t you ignoring your boundaries, but in fact, you're working within your boundaries to ensure he is comfortable in your relationship as well. 

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