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Post-breakup guide for autistics

Hey! So some time ago I broke up with my first ever girlfriend and I thought I could share some of the things that helped me moving on. These are probably obvious but if it could help even one person I’d be glad so I still prefer to put it out there.

This is mostly for people who are autistic like me but feel free to like/reblog even if you don’t have that neurodivergence :)

1. Get back into your special interest(s)

Something absolutely incredible in my opinion about being autistic is the relationship we have to our interests. The passion we have for what we love is enormous and I think this is one of the most efficient way to move on and sooth the pain. It helped me so much to go back to TV shows, subjects, characters that I could hyperfocus on. All this time when my head was occupied with thoughts of a special interest was time that my brain didn’t have to obsess over the past relationship. Finding comfort in a specific subject, fantasy world or activity can be such a great way to cope.

I’d just say to be careful to still take care of your body so don’t forget to drink, eat, sleep and set some alarms to help remind you to take breaks! :)

2. Prepare a bag of stim toys that you can carry with you everywhere

Breaking up with someone can be very stressful. It can mean changes in the previously established routine or situations to handle without a partner to help. It helped me a lot to always make sure that I had a few stimming toys with me so I could relax when going through these tough times. 

3. Take time to name your emotions, this will help you deal with them

I know. If you are autistic, chances are you suck at naming and processing your emotions (at least it’s the case for me haha). This is why I make a whole point about it, because it costs us a lot more effort to take care of this. The first important thing to do in my experience is to just let it all out in a safe environment. If you need to cry, shout, draw something, kick a pillow, etc… Now is the time to do it. These emotions will have to get out so instead of letting them pile up inside it’s very important to get them out one way or another.

After this is done, I think it’s important to try to put words on what happened and how you feel about it. You can start with small precise events and do it step by step. For example, maybe when you broke up they used a word that actually hurt you, maybe you felt uneasy with some of their habits, etc… Try to say it out loud or you could also write a list. You could even use an emotion wheel like this (I haven’t use it but it looks super helpful!) : 

This could help you categorise your feelings and help you feel less overwhelmed by the negative emotions that are all tangled up in your head.

I think one of the key to move on is to help the brain process bits by bits the past so that we can put in a corner of who we are and look forward again. Of course this is only my perspective and maybe this isn’t what you need. I personally don’t think I could’ve moved on so fast if I didn’t take time to look into my feelings first.

4. Talk to someone who function like you.

This. Helped. Me. So. Much.

Talking to someone who is also neurodivergent can be a huge relief after a breakup. It’s just really comforting to know that you are not alone and that who you are is not to be ashamed of. It can also help if your previous relationship have left you with feelings of guilt or of not being enough. As autistic people we already receive so much negativity from others we really don’t need to carry even more of that with us because an ex couldn’t accept what goes along with being autistic.

5. Take time to be alone

If you just got out of a relationship chances are you didn’t have as much time alone as you wished or even needed. Now is the time to let yourself breathe. 

Take as much time as you need to pamper yourself. Self care can take so many forms, it’s important to figure out what actually helps us in difficult times. Maybe you would need to establish a new routine, stay home with your pets, have a walk in the forest nearby, stim for hours while watching TV, etc…. Being alone is so incredibly important for most of us but it’s even more important when you’re autistic because of how overwhelming the world tend to be. 

Give yourself time to heal by being by yourself.

Okay that’s basically it!

This is how I processed my breakup and began to move on but please keep in mind that this is such a personal topic maybe none of what I wrote made sense to you and that’s okay.

If you’re going through a breakup whether you broke up with them or you’ve been broken up with, please take care of yourself. I promise you time will make it less painful and you will heal if you put efforts in the process <3