Everyone Should Know This - Tumblr Posts

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

importance of consent during sex (pls read)

hey guys, so this will be more of a serious post and since i have somewhat of a following on a social platform now where various and all kinds of people will stumble upon, i need to get this out on the forefront. not only for smut readers but for as much people as possible.

i know it’s kinda hilarious coming from a full on smut account like me, but if anything, this will be the perfect opportunity to purely discuss sex and the needed consent that goes with it. it's pretty long but it's very necessary to read through.

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-> consent is VERY important. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. it is KEY in any kind of relationship—no matter what relationship. it’s not some lightweight, sweep-under-the-rug topic and it's definitely NEEDED for me to say this because i feel a lot of people look over it so easily, or just haven't quite grasped the concept very well yet, especially when entering a potentially sexual situation.

in real life, when having sex or about to, you should be able to have a voice, AT ALL TIMES. you should be able to USE your voice to let them be aware of your concerns and needs. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER(S) should be able to ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES— what you want and don’t want, and where you draw the line with certain activities.

boundaries should be set and verbalized clearly, making sure everything is understood correctly and everyone gets the same idea--kinks and all that good stuff included. communication is KEY and i cant stress that enough. everyone should be having fun during sex, not feeling regretful or worthless after.

if you feel somewhat violated, physically or not, you should be able to say it. it can get pretty hectic and wild in the process, so it's important to at least discuss everything with them first and foremost—make sure to listen to each other and reach middle ground. talk about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING beforehand.

with whomever you're engaging in sexual activities with, everyone involved should be COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE WITH ENGAGING. everyone should be giving their permission and so should you.

if you feel even remotely, the slightest twinge or feeling of anxiety in your gut before or during, even after sex--just any feeling of unsureness or uncertainly, like "hm maybe i should think this over," or "i dont think im ready yet," you should not brush that off, and you should never brush those feelings off. you should be able to voice any concern you have, even if it's the tiniest feeling, with your partner(s). you have a voice and your feelings SHOULD be validated. don't let people talk over that or stomp over you like that.

AND they should be able to accept that and your boundaries, listen to your needs—AT THE VERY LEAST be willing to give you time to think about it, WITH NO PRESSURE. if they pressure you, they're not listening. know what you want and listen to yourself.

if they pressure you into having sex with dumb shit like "oh c'mon, it'll be fun" or "oh, it's just sex...." — nah LISTEN, they are NOT the right people to be engaging in sexual activities with, no matter how tempting it sounds or how horny you may be. they're dumb and immature as fuck— have no sense of establishing boundaries and will have no problem pushing yours. don’t be fucking people who can’t have that at least that bit of respect you.

never feel like you owe them anything either. that in itself is its own red flag. you are your own human being and you have a say, so don't give into that shit EVER. protect yourself. if you feel even somewhat unsafe, you probably are. you should always be 200% comfortable with whoever you have sex with.

now, another point i wanna get across is to not look to or rely on fanfiction like mine or any other smut writers, in general, to use as any kind of depiction of real life sex. NEVER rely on simple fanfic to paint your idea of real life sex. because what we write IS NOT REAL. it is a simple piece of writing and it is ALL FICTION, meaning COMPLETELY MADE UP. please know how to separate smut with reality. take what you read and consume on the internet or social platforms like this with a grain of salt (but do take this message seriously. it's important. consent is and will forever be needed.) fan fiction sex is not in real life sex. please remember that. it’s purely to fuel dirty thoughts and fantasies.

it doesn't matter your age, color, sexual preferences of people, what you identify with--whoever you are, consent is needed and applies to EVERYONE.

-> sex can be an insanely life changing thing for a lot of people, especially first timers, so consent is important. this should be normalized and prevalently talked about, as well as practiced in any aspect regarding the matter. please know this and take it wherever you go with whomever you meet. take this message seriously and don't ever brush your feelings off—but also just as importantly, don’t let OTHERS brush your feelings off.

if you want to do further research, a reliable source on your own search engine should be a good start :))

thank you guys and stay safe fr :)