Fanore:ch13 - Tumblr Posts

C H A P T E R   1 3   -   C h u a i g h   s é   i   n d e a r m a d   d e   r é i r   a   c h é i l e   ( p t   1 )

She glanced up at him when she was done talking, chin lifted defiantly. He had seen this look before. It was the same challenging face that met the mob on the cliffs after Padrick disappeared. It was the look of a woman beaten down and ready to be judged.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I can’t even imagine the pain you are in, red.’

She didn’t reply. She hung her head and sighed, ‘I’m scared.’

‘I’m here.’

‘I’m scared because you are here.’ She looked up then, blue eyes haunted. ‘Because of me not being strong enough… I killed my daughter. I couldn’t stand up to him and because of that she…’ A whimper cut her off and despite knowing better, despite understanding all the little signs he had before disregarded, he touched her arm gently, whispering, ‘This is not your fault. Órlaith, this has never been your fault.’

‘It is. He is still out there because I was too scared to say anything. I was too scared to talk before she got hurt, and after. I may not be the person who drowned her, but I’m the one that let her drown. She deserved better.’ Before he could say anything she shook her head and with those big blue eyes looked up. ‘I’m still not strong enough, Brian. I’m not strong enough to fight you.’

It broke his heart to see her like this. He could feel the anger burning just under the surface, desperate to get out. Since day one he wanted to know the reason behind her pain and now he did. Everything in him yelled at him to go and avenge her. Find the one who wronged her and erase him from the face of this earth because while she was standing here, he had no right to occupy the same planet. But all he did was lean into her and with as much conviction as he could muster, muttered, ‘You will never have to fight me, Órlaith.’

She closed her eyes, smiling a sad, broken smile. ‘I wish.’

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C H A P T E R   1 3   -   C h u a i g h   s é   i   n d e a r m a d   d e   r é i r   a   c h é i l e   ( p t   2 )

Órlaith stared at the box, mind racing. She was looking, rather desperately, for an escape. She knew that once she opened that box the story started moving again. This box, it was the last sentence of a closing chapter. A chapter that, if she ever wanted to see Brian again, had to end now, with this old dusty box, inside this old dusty library.

Now all she had to do was stop looking for excuses and lift the lid.

But she didn’t. Instead she walked away. Busied herself in the kitchen, cleaned the house, ordered more groceries. She kept returning to the box, checking in on it from time to time to see whether it moved. It never did.

It was well past midnight when she finally closed the door to the library and faced the box one last time. She was still not brave. She was a coward and like a coward she knew this thing has to be handled like a band-aid – yank it off quickly, not giving yourself a chance to run.

She lifted the lid releasing a puff of dust that made her cough. She threw it aside and looked in, expecting all kinds of monsters to attack her. But all the monsters were dead, died a long time ago leaving behind old, dingy relics. She pulled them out, one by one.

Photos stared at her, resting in a pile that never got sorted into a photo album. Staring at the mess she decided to start there. She pulled out what she supposed was her family photo-album and got to work, adding photos to chalky pages. There were no photos of him. She only took photos of Maya.

When she was finished she lifted Mr Jungle, Maya’s favourite panda bear and put her arms around it, leaning back in her armchair. She felt tears biting in her eyes and for once, let them flow as she held on, pushing her fingers into the dusty plush toy.

She woke up hours later, face resting on Mr Jungle. The sun was desperately trying to part the thick clouds outside to announce it’s ascend, falling short. It was going to be a stormy day. With that notion Órlaith stood up, packed up the scattered items, labelled the box Maya and put it back on its shelf.

Mr Jungle stayed with her as she climbed up the stairs and went to sleep in her bed.  

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