Finished Watching The Dofus Show And This Absolutely DESTROYED Me - Tumblr Posts

The big analysis of Joris Jurgen's horrible-no-good childhood.

TW: discussions of child neglect, and what might constitute as emotional abuse.

Firstly, to address something, I hadn't in the last liveblog: There are plenty of times in the show where one can see Joris saying things that he may not entirely mean...

But it is especially interesting to see him say something like this immediately after breaking down into tears about it just a scene prior.

Hm. Anyway. I'm sure this won't affect their relationship going forward.

I've discussed Kerubim's issues of self-worth, loneliness, and dishonesty, before on this blog, — but you will never believe it, Kerubim isn't the only one who suffers because of his issues.

It's nigh time we discuss seven-year-old Joris, and the terrible, no good, case of emotional repression and lying.

Let's set the stage first.

Joris grew up in a deeply isolated and neglectful, and at times dangerous, environment, in every single way. And the child neglect Kerubim engaged in lessened, but did not stop after Simone arrived.

He did not have any family members besides Kerubim, — for obvious reasons, both of their family members are either dead, or want nothing to do with them, — and he did not have any friends, besides Tatak. The reason he did not have friends is unknown, but there are several factors that may have contributed to that:

The sorry state of their house might have complicated his relationship with other kids and given him and Kerubim a poor reputation among neighbours;

The part of the city they live in might simply not have a lot of families, due to being a — being, perhaps, mostly populated by adventurers and other people in violent professions, as well as the shops that cater to them (which are, in turn, mostly ran by retired adventurers).

And then there's the third thing: Kerubim is his best friend.

Joris did not have a support system in the form of an extended family, — or at the very least, in the form of friends outside the household, — and It doesn't seem like the other adults Kerubim knows were at all involved in Joris's childhood. Besides that, Joris was seemingly homeschooled, — and, considering Kerubim's finances, and his referencing at least one school's existence, there were other options.

For the large part of Joris's life, they only had one another, and it almost seems like Kerubim, with his abandonment issues, and low self-esteem, acted in ways that isolated Joris further.

Due to Ecaflip's mistreatment of him as a child, and his loneliness due to the death of his family when he was a child, — what he wanted the most as a father was to be a best friend to Joris.

(And, much more selfishly, not that he would admit that, — he wanted someone to replace Lou/Indie/Atcham/Bashi/Everyone else who has left him.)

He could remember being a child, and he knew how he would have liked to be treated, — as a peer, obviously. It's important for peers to respect each other equally, and listen to each other's pain, right?

Except, in a way, Kerubim is perpetuating a cycle here.

And children are not peers, best friends, or caretakers. They depend on their parents for their survival.

And Joris knows what will happen to him, if Kerubim is gone. Kerubim himself was an orphan, and has shared more than enough stories about that.

Because of this, thoughts of Kerubim passing away are a usual worry for Joris, no doubt fueled by Kerubim's dramatics, and love for his attention — and it means he'll do everything to make sure Kerubim is happy and healthy.

Even if it means sacrificing his own comfort for his sake. Even if it means putting up with being treated badly.

Joris and Kerubim have what is known as an "enmeshed", or "codependent", parent-child relationship, the characteristics of which are, according to online resources:

Parents expecting children to be their best friends and always confiding in them.

Children receiving praise for maintaining the family’s status quo, and conflict-avoidant behaviours.

The lack of emotional and physical boundaries.

Role reversal, in the form of the child being expected to take care of the parent's mental health. (Despite lacking the maturity to)

Children prioritizing parents needs and feelings over their own.

Childhood overindulgence, in the form of the parent using the child for wish fulfilment.

Another interesting titbit that informs his character, is that, from a very young age, children learn how to respond to their feelings and express them, based on the way adults behave, by mirroring those behaviours, — and Kerubim is anything but honest about his feelings, more often than not, putting on a brave smile.

Joris values his stories more than anything, despite knowing that, often, they may be fake, at least in some parts. To him, words matter more than the truth of the matter, when push comes to shove between them. But also, he doesn't like outright lies, which are just as plentiful between them.

Despite how he may usually act, Joris isn't really the happiest about how their family is. He knows that Kerubim is dishonest and neurotic, and, in a way, it causes dissonance in his mind. He loves him more than anything, and to trust him, — but he knows that to trust Kerubim is to be disappointed.

When something bad happens? It's a guarantee, that instead of being comforted, it will be his job to pretend to be comforted, so that Kerubim doesn't completely fall apart. So that he can still be taken care of, — and every child wants to be taken care of.

Yet another thing he can't really trust Kerubim with.

Just like Kerubim, he is growing up to be a good liar. And someone very much afraid of being abandoned.

But everyone has their limit, fear of abandonment or not. No matter how much you repress these feelings, they'll come bubbling to the surface eventually.

...An interesting tidbit about children raised in enmeshed relationships, is that, at times, as adults, they find it difficult to trust others, open up to people, or have close friends in general. Due to guilt of those people on the outside not being their family, and due to associating close relationships with pain, responsibility, and giving up a part of themselves.

They grow up to be aloof, flighty, and cold.

Another interesting tidbit is that, sometimes, they find themselves unable to leave at all.