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personally i have a love hate relationship with salads. i eat them pretty frequently cause they’re extremely customizable and tasty, but i feel as if god is having a little teehee every time i’m either unhinging my jaw to consume large leaf wet with vinaigrette or i’m hiding behind my hand while frantically trying to maneuver mutant foliage into my mouth using only lips.

and sure.. knives are an option. but where is the decency in that? as a human i now hold the torch for all those that came before me, and only those who are here now can keep the flame of truth alive for those that first made a spark. and dared to ask the question: lol how big will these leaves get if i keep growing them near each other? and i am not going to take part in breaking that honorable chain.

so i simply don’t eat them in public. instead i consume them with vigor when i am alone like a caveman finding the first shoots of wild onion of spring after a harsh winter.