Fucking Dungeon Delvers Trying To Steal My Hoard - Tumblr Posts

So you want to fight a dragon?

Do you think you could fistfight an f-16 and win? That's about the level of what you're proposing.

B-but muh lance! Muh bow and arrow! Muh weak spot!

Shut. Any dragon old enough to have a den is gonna start spinning and jinking like a motherfucker the second they see your weird specialty ammo heavy crossbow. Good luck hitting that three inch gap that only some dragons have when it's moving in all three dimensions at over 150 mph.

Now let's talk about what the dragon can do to you. Most dragons have a ranged attack in the from of a breath weapon, absolutely deafening wingbeats, or both. The ones that don't have some other neat trick, or are simply going to toss you around until you're too tired to pull that stab the brain through the roof of the mouth bullshit. Then they eat you and you die. The end.

Don't even get me started on ancient dragons. Regardless of body type, most of them fall somewhere on a spectrum, with the two ends being:

Ghidora with 20 levels in evocation wizard

Or Literal Actual World Serpent

If you've got the magical acumen to deal with the former while also dealing with the physical dragon of the former, or a sword long enough to do more than just chip the scales of the latter, plus the strength to use it, be my guest. I'll save a spot for you in the next issue of Idiot Adventurers.