Funneh - Tumblr Posts
Play a warlock character who calls himself Vithimorex or something like that. Always mention how grateful you are to your patron, Frank, for the wondrous powers he gives you.
Slowly reveal that the powers you get from Frank are things like “sense of smell” and “verbal communication”. As it turns out, Vithimorex is an extradimensional Thing possessing the person formerly known as Frank. All the eldritch blasts and shadow conjurations are boring powers according to Vithimorex. He can’t wait for the level 14 ability to understand and appreciate music.
Apropos of (almost) nothing: I'm the kind of pedant who dislikes calling tentacle porn "tentacle porn" not because I think it's aberrant but because, 98% of the time, what's being depicted are octoform arms or tendrils, not tentacles. Tentacles are defined by the clubbed ends, which are the only part that have suckers. If it's tapered and has suckers all the way down, it's an octoform arm; if it has no suckers at all, it's a tendril.
You're welcome.
Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later
More reasons why Zuko being the Firelord is objectively the funniest thing on earth:
HES SEVENTEEN
He hasn’t been civilised in 4 years, his entire teenage experience consists of living on a boat and sleeping rough. The most stable bed he has was probably in Ba Sing Se he probably will just nap anywhere.
He has customer service experience which means he probably uses his customer service voice on his minsters.
Additionally he probably just wanders into to kitchen to get his own snacks and tea because he forgets what servants do.
He probably has no idea why he can’t just chase after an assassin he used to hunt the avatar for Agnis sake why is the captain of the guard demanding he stay in his room he’ll find the guy first (he’s probably right)
Katara probably has a free pass on Eco terrorism because what’s he going to do challenge her, she’ll beat his ass.
If he saw a minster doing something shady he will either invite lady Beifong to detect their BS or commit B&E and look for evidence himself.
He somehow found a baby dragon and raises it.
He will be far to willing to give Kyoshi island anything they want cause he feels bad and Suki scares him.
He randomly insisted on giving some earth kingdom village 100 ostrich horses.
The Avatar will just show up call him Hotman and demand the go on adventures and the Firelord will just dip because he’s been confined to long and has the Zoomies.
He takes far to much advice from Sokka and will genuinely believe if someone doesn’t get Sokkas plans they must be an idiot because Sokka is 16.
Sokka and Zuko also get into a lot of teenage rebellion phases by accident.
Toph just walks in breaks a wall of his palace and demands a field trip that always involves the Firelord having to explain himself to the cops.
He somehow knows every dangerous teen in the world and they all come for tea uninvited.
He has broken into both the NWT and Ba Sing Se.
He has a really well documented facial scar and official portraits but still disappears to be Lee the tea guy like no one knows.
HES SEVENTEEN.
peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it