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Name a more tortured protagonist than him. I'll wait.

what if i just released a short chapter 1 of new story im working on

Ok. Wait. I've hallucinated a phone call I'm manifesting.

Florence Welch: "Hello Hayden"

Hayden: "Yes my Queen?" *Does a 17 step salute a long with a little jazz finger thing*

Flomo Wozo (as the streets call her): "We're on a phone call. I heard movement. You know I can't see that weird jazz thing you always do when you see me."

Hayfever: "Why do you happen to be seeking my voice? My Queen?"

Flomo: "So um."

"There's this freak online."

"He's written me a resume and cover letter applying for the invented position of my platonic catboy homemaker husband."

"Said something about a tough job market."

"He also apologized for not having the toe bean socks. HE WAS REALLY SORRY APPARENTLY. Said the cat was just in his soul."

Hayden: "Shit he got out of containment. I'm so sorry. We normally keep him in an isolation chamber with a strict diet of krill."