How Can I Fall In Love With This Man More Than I Already Am??? - Tumblr Posts

We're not better off as friends.

Pairing: Han Jisung x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: after months of basically drifting apart, your best friend asks you to come with him to his family's cabin and on the first night, things already take an unexpected turn, leaving you questioning if friends is all you want to be.

Warnings/Tags: non!idol au, best friends to lovers (sorta), reader's first time, semi-angst, semi-fluff, explicit content, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, slight dirty talking, somewhat praising, Han's pull out game is pretty good.

SMUT WARNING MDNI

Ever since the day you were paired up with Han for a grade 6 science project, the two of you were inseparable. At first, he was awfully annoying because he refused to leave you alone at recess, but it wasn't until you actually asked him, way too harshly, why the hell he didn't go and bother someone else, that you found out why. 

You'll never forget the way he looked at you that day when he said you're his only friend. You were guilt-ridden and disgusted with yourself for how you treated him. You were a friend in his eyes but to you, he was just plain annoying, so you took him under your wing the very next day. 

You discovered things in Han during your ever-growing friendship that you'd never seen or known from anyone else you've ever met, things that made you feel like you really picked up a good package of a best friend. 

He was supportive of everything you did, even when he didn't agree with it. He made you feel like your feelings were valid no matter how many outbursts he fell victim to, and he never ever, not once, made you question his loyalty towards you. 

In the middle stages of high school, just like every other girl who was straight and had a guy best friend, you also woke up one day and found him to be somewhat attractive. Which was purely hormones because when you look back at the yearbook, he wasn't nearly as mind-blowing as he is today. 

But nevertheless, something about him gave you excited little shivers whenever he came over, a warm, fluttering in your belly igniting when he gave you a hug or when you guys had sleepovers and he'd refuse to sleep alone in the guest room. 

Your parents loved him, and his loved you too so there was never anything strange about the two of you sleeping in the same bed, but for you, it was pure torture to feel his body up against yours if he spooned you when you knew you would never be able to satisfy your attraction for him. 

High school came and went, and you found yourself settling into the realization that things with Han would never develop into anything more, which was a sad and disappointing reality but one you had to face nonetheless, and when college came and the two of you split up to different campuses, that's when you started exploring. 

You didn't go through a phase like your other friends did; you didn't feel the need to fuck everything that moved. You had your few boyfriends, whom you made to wait many, many lonely nights until you allowed them to even try anything with you. Only one made it past second base, also known as making out, and it wasn't a pleasant experience anyway. 

You felt chemistry with him, but for some stupid reason, none of them matched the attraction you had towards Han. It had nothing to do with their looks, they just didn't make you feel as safe and accepted as Han did. So in order to stop trying to fill the void, you gave up on dating and enjoyed the single life. 

You and Han still met up regularly, and by the sounds of it, his experience in the dating realm was very much like yours, except the major difference being that he had a lot more relationships than you did, but he could never provide you a reason why he didn't just stick to being single. 

It didn't make him an asshole surprisingly, but it did make him distant. He became less affectionate with you whenever he was in a relationship, which you told him you understood and respected, but of course, the little girl in you missed those cuddles with your best friend. You held onto those moments when they did occur though in the few times he was single throughout that time period of his young adult life. 

But during your and Han's second year in college, he changed. Not just physically going from a bit scrawny and more bone than flesh to working out every day and building a body Calvin Klein would want as their front cover, but also internally. 

Han started to enjoy being by himself. He didn't feel the need to be in any kind of relationship to feel better about himself and his confidence grew enough for him to be sure of who he is, without being a dickhead about it. 

You were glad he'd found contentment, and you were even more glad that he was glowing as a person. But even though it's been 8 months since his last relationship, Han hasn't been as affectionate as he always was with you, and it broke your heart to see him preferring to sleep on the couch than in your bed when he came over. 

You weren't sure why he'd changed, and you weren't sure you wanted to know either. You'd also…changed throughout the years, but besides your boobs getting bigger, gaining some form of body shape, and not wearing your hair in a bun every day, you were basically the same. 

You tried reaching out to Han, inviting him to festivals and camping with your other mutual friends, but he always rejected it. Until he finally reached out one day and asked if you'd like to go with him to his parent's house back home. 

You grabbed at the opportunity the moment it rose, saving up enough from your sideline hustle working down at the coffee shop on weekends to be able to pay for your flight and help towards groceries. The trip was set out for a month before he told you but you found yourself counting down the days till you could see him. 

You were incomprehensibly shaken by how much he had changed when you met up with him at the airport the morning of your flight. His hair wasn't straight or black as you last remembered it, it was blonde instead and even a bit longer than you recall. His skin was beyond flawless, not a single scar of acne, which you always envied of him. 

His body had changed even more than you could remember, you felt it when he wrapped his arms around you in greeting how much stronger they'd become, how defined his chest was, and just how tiny his waist really was. 

He looked phenomenal with his black jeans and tucked-in vest that looked like it could've been another layer of skin, and his jewelry topped it off in ways you didn't know would look as good as it did on him. 

Glimpses of the old Han appeared on your trip. He hugged you more than once, and he even stayed close beside you when walking through the flood of people to the boarding gate. He carried your duffle bag and he spoke almost as much as he used to. But something about him was still holding back, you just couldn't figure it out yet, but hopefully, the time away from the norm would relax him enough to open up to you. 

The flight was long and rather exhausting, but fun nonetheless because you had good company beside you. You and Han spent most of the time talking about what you'd been getting up to the last while. You discovered that Han did change a lot, even his eyes seemed to sparkle differently than they used to, but it wasn't entirely a bad thing. 

You found yourself getting sleepy after hours of talking and unknowingly rested your head on his shoulder when you fell asleep. You woke up to a stretched neck muscle, but feeling Han's warmth spread to your body under the blanket he must've thrown over you two, did a great job lulling you back to sleep again, you faintly remember the tingling feeling of his hand resting on your knee. 

Han’s parents hadn’t changed since you last saw them two years ago, but you could tell they were getting older. They were welcoming as always, immediately inviting you in for dinner even if you and Han were going to be sleeping in the cabin just a few yards away from the main property. His mom told you you’d grown up so beautifully since she last saw you, and so did his dad, and when you mindlessly looked across the table, Han was already looking at you with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“How’s it feel to be back home?” You ask Han as you walk onto the porch of the cabin you’re going to be sleeping in. The sun was about to dive under the horizon, the air cool and crisp.

You know it shouldn’t have made your stomach churn when you opened the door and saw only one double bed in the open-plan cottage, but somehow, maybe due to the unsettling distance Han has shown to you the last while, it was almost nerve-wracking to think about sharing a bed with someone you don’t even hug that much anymore, let alone share a room with for a week. 

“Feels good, I missed my parents,” He replies, straightening up and clearing his throat the moment you brush his shoulder. 

You glance over the green hills forming waves on the surface of the earth in front of you. The house is located in one of the most tropical parts of the country, and it has the prettiest view from up here in the mountains. 

“I missed you.” 

Han’s words make you face him, the depth of his eyes when he looks at you causing an awkward bubbling to arise in your throat, and you instantly reach out to nudge his arm with your fist as you chuckle, “Missed you too, Hannie.” 

You couldn’t understand why you were feeling so awkward. You were never the type to struggle with nervousness or awkwardness, but yet here you are, struggling to even look Han in the eyes as you settle down for the night. 

You'd taken a shower and put on your pajamas, joining him on the bed as he lay scrolling through his phone that he clicked off the moment you joined him. Your eyes drifted to his arms momentarily, and then up to his bare shoulders, your core pulling tight at the realization that he's topless. 

"You okay?" He asks, his voice bringing your eyes to the warmth of his. They widen when his eyes fall to your silk tank top busy slipping down your shoulder, the curve of your breast peeking out. 

You mumble a mhm, turning on your side to face the opposite way. You're just going to have to stick it out by avoiding him physically - at least just for tonight while your hormones are being so inconsiderate.

The room darkens as Han switches off the bedside lamp and you feel the bed dipping as he shuffles into place, a relieved sigh escaping from your chest. But then you hear the ruffling of the sheets behind you, and then the careful fingertips walking over your waist. 

"Can I hold you?" He whispers, his voice closer than you thought. A smidget of your sanity screams not to let him hold you - you don't trust yourself enough and the idea of going to bed with soaked panties makes you cringe. Still, the majority of your shameless insanity wins and you lift yourself to be brought flush to his bare chest as his strong arms curl around you and pull you closer. 

Your breath gets stuck in your throat when you feel him against you. His warm chest solid and firm behind you, his arm heavy and secure in the way it holds you in place. You wish your body wouldn't react this way to something you used to platonically do every single weekend, but your core leaves you devastated by the way your thighs slip over each other already. 

"You sure you're okay?" He asks again, "You're so tense." 

Fuck. 

" 'm fine," Your voice is a little bit more strangled than you thought but you hope it's enough to deter him from your deceiving body language. 

"I'm sorry I haven't been myself with you lately," He sighs, his voice is gentle, his breath warm against the back of your neck running shivers down your spine, "I just- it's hard for me sometimes." 

His fingers innocently play with the hem of your shirt while you try to remember how to focus on his words. The stupid crush you've harbored for your best friend since high school that you were absolutely certain had disintegrated, reappearing so rapidly in the past few hours that you wonder if it ever left at all and if the distance was just making you focus on something else instead. 

"It-it's okay Hannie," You manage once you've finally taken a few breaths, "People change all the time. I'm just glad I could be here with you now." 

Han is quiet after that, and you wonder if he's actually fallen asleep even though his heartbeat against your back is still loud as thunder. 

"Can I ask you something?" You whisper, refusing to turn around but allowing your fingers to reach down to his forearm, gently grazing over his silky skin. 

"Mhm?" His breathing is deeper than it was moments ago, and you hear him swallowing when you shift yourself to be able to lean up slightly.

"Why did you drift away from me?" 

He takes a moment before he answers, his voice barely a whisper, "Guilt, I guess." 

"I missed you when we separated for college. Not having you around had me searching for someone else to make me feel the same way you did. I kept looking, but none of them passed the test I didn't even know I put out. Until I realized that it was because they weren't you. But at that point, I also realized that I hurt you with how I was behaving, I knew it hurt when I became distant; I didn't know how to say sorry or fix it, so I guess I just decided to stop searching and wait." 

His words feel like an anchor in your chest, the unspoken apology for the hurt you didn't know he noticed instantly lightening the somewhat hidden disappointment you felt towards him. 

You realize something in his words, the confession to the very same thing you'd been struggling with during all of your relationships too, "What do you mean no one made you feel the same way I did? How do I- I mean, how did I make you feel?" 

Han's breathing stills, his body gradually tensing behind you, "Not how a best friend should."

You frown, finally turning over so that you can see him, not realizing how close he actually is to you. You can see his eyelashes casting shadows over the apples of his cheeks as he looks down at you, his hair lazily draped over his forehead. 

"What do you mean?" Your voice is gentle, careful not to break the crystal clear webs of electricity you feel between the two of you when your faces are this close to each other, your legs intertwined and your chests nearly touching, briefly wondering if you're the only one who feels it between the two of you. 

Han's hand finds yours underneath the covers and he turns it to place it flat on his chest, the rapid drumming of his heartbeat tapping on the heated pad of your palm. 

"Is-is this normal?" He asks, his eyes flickering between yours at the speed of light, big boba eyes widening. 

You chuckle at him, he's never failed to be cute even in the most heartfelt of moments, and bring a smile to your face. He chuckles with you after a few moments, until you catch his eyes looking down at your lips, his legs curling around yours even tighter as he hesitantly draws you closer. 

The air is deafeningly silent, the only sound being your breathing and the creatures of the night buzzing with life. 

“I’ve also started to feel guilty because of how hot I think you are,” He whispers, and even though you don’t want it to, a nervous giggle breaks through your chest. 

“Me? You think I’m hot?” 

“Are you kidding? You’ve had one of the best glow-ups I’ve ever seen. You turn me on way too much for me not to feel guilty about it. Which is partly why I just stayed away completely.”

It bothers you that this is the reason why you drifted apart. As best friends who should share everything with each other, you kept your biggest secret from each other for who knows how long. 

“That’s ridiculous,” You blurt out, “We drifted because of the attraction we have for each other?” 

“Each other?” His voice is small, eyes shiny in the little slither of moonlight provided through the slightly open curtains, “You- think I’m hot too?”

You sigh, subconsciously cursing the guard you never have up in front of your mouth, “Maybe a bit too much.”

Both of you chuckle at the confession you just made, and for a moment you feel nothing but content and satisfied, relief washing over your chest and warming you when your laughter dies down and you find yourself looking at Han in a comfortable closeness. You had no idea confessing would feel this relieving, you feared awkwardness and guilt or even regret.

His hand reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his forehead hesitantly resting on yours when he draws closer, "I’ve always wondered what it would be like to kiss you," He whispers, his hand cautiously walking to your waist as he waits with a held breath, "Can I?" 

Your breathing stops, and it feels like your heart does too, but your words come out instinctively, "You don't have to ask." 

You close your eyes the moment your words fall from your lips before you can catch them again, your permission dangling in the air as a few beats of your heart thump in your ears. Then you feel the pillow underneath your head shift as Han moves, and gently, the tip of his nose against your own before his lips are pressed to yours. 

The breath he releases is shaky and so is yours, his hands brought up to hold your face as he takes your breath away with how he kisses you. 

You feel like you're floating. Like this is a vision, a dream some might say, that you would cry if you had to wake up from, yet he feels so real - so warm and so perfect. 

He draws back, swallowing before licking his lips smoothly, "More?" He asks, your instantaneous and excited nod cut short by his lips once again.

Han kisses you deeper this time, the movements of his head causing yours to tip back but he holds you firm with his hand on the nape of your neck. 

Your body, along with the guidance of Han's hands, guides you to messily climb on top of him while trying to kiss in between, your stomach churning the moment your core connects to his bulge in the motions. 

"Fuck," He curses with a hiss, his eyes darting down to where you're connected, "This still okay with you?" 

"I- uhm. W-would we still be friends after this? I mean, is-is this going to ruin our friendship?" You're embarrassingly breathless only after a few minutes of making out, but it doesn't phase you that much seeing as Han is just as breathless as you. 

"I don't know. D-do you wanna stop?" He asks in return, concern laced in his words. 

You realize at this moment that it might be best for your friendship to stop before it gets too far. You could always just be friends that kissed that one time. 

But what if you regret not taking this moment and running with it like your gut says you should? What if you regret not indulging in this moment? 

"No… I-I want this," Your voice is uncertain, there's a part of you that still is. But the majority of you feels like this is how it should be, "Do you? Do you want this too?" 

Han blinks up at you, looking deliriously beautiful with his hair fanning out beside his face, his skin glowing. His fingers walk up the exposed skin of your legs, curling around your hips as he holds you in place and gently rocks up, the bulge in his boxers hard and solid when it connects to your clit in the gentlest nudge, "What d'you think?" 

Another nervous laugh ripples through your chest, “I think you got a problem.”

“Yeah, I like you too much,” He chuckles.

His hands on your face pull you down to kiss him again before you respond, and he manages to smoothly switch your positions, him towering above you with the beautiful silver glow of the moon. His fingers tug on your shirt, and you sit up to help him remove it.

“Holy shit,” He breathes, “You’re gorgeous.”

His lips immediately dive down to place kisses all over your chest, settling on his belly as he looks up at you before taking one of your nipples in between his lips. Your body bursts out in goosebumps, temperature rising each second. 

He alternates between the two of them, watching you cautiously as you squirm underneath his lips, they suckle and tug on the hardening buds and it feels way too good for you to comprehend he’s only teasing your nipples. 

His lips disconnect from your chest, trailing slowly down your torso and halting when he’s at your shorts, his presence so close to your heat making you aware of how aroused you actually are. 

“Can I take these off?” He whispers, his fingers hooking under the elastic of your shorts and you lift yourself for him to remove them. 

Your knees suddenly draw closer, insecurities creeping under your skin like worms, “I-I’ve never, uhm. You’d be the first.”

The way you looks at you from between your legs that opened the instant his hand slid in between makes your chest pull tight, this eyes are warm and generous, gentle despite the hazy undertone, “I’ve got you, do you trust me?”

You nod your head, swallowing thickly. None of your exes have ever gotten to this point, some even begged to be where Han is now, but yet you spread your legs even further for him when his lips trail kisses down your inner thighs. 

You’d heard about being going down on and how good it feels, but you’ve never experienced it before and you’re sure the instant Han’s lips kiss your clit like he kissed you you’d never want to unknow that feeling. 

A tingling ripple shoots down your spine when his tongue darts out of his mouth and licks a stripe through your folds, a gasp ripping through your chest as your head falls back. 

“You taste fucking incredible baby,” He whispers, and when you look down you see him focused intently on your throbbing core as if he’s in a trance, “Been waiting so long, fuck.”

Baby. 

Something you'd been called before, but never has it mattered as much as it does now, you throw your head back as Han's tongue dips inside of you, squealing with delight at how it tingles. 

He sucks on your clit messily, the sounds so sinful as he laps at your folds and groans and grunts right into your flesh, all adding to the building pleasure deep in your core. 

His fingers clamp down on your thighs, creating dents as he holds you in place with no choice but to take the violent flicks of his tongue against your hardening bundle of nerves. Your hand flies down to grip his hair in warning, you've never been this close this quick before. 

"Holy shit, 'm gonna cum already," You warn him, your hips instinctively bucking up to chase after your high, but he gives it to you just right by pulling you down and keeping you there, and with a final suck of his lips paired with flicks of his tongue, he makes you cum with a loud yelp rippling through your chest. Your hand flies over your mouth to cover your cries, slightly embarrassed at how loud you got.

It's pleasure one second and nearly overstimulation the next, your body shuddering as you gasp, but you don't come down far enough, stuck in a state of haziness. Han makes you feel intoxicated with lust, with something brewing in your chest that you've never felt before. Could it have been purposeful that you never let any guy get close to you? Were you waiting for Han all this time? 

He sits upright, the tent in his boxers unreal in size with a pretty little dot of darkness where he's begun to leak. "H-how far do you wanna go?" He asks hesitantly, "I don't want to, uhm, I mean I do. But I don't want to hurt you, or, or y'know I-" He's so breathless, his chest heaving while his face glistens from your arousal, his hair messy and his face even messier, but there's a glow to him - a satisfaction. 

"A-All the way?" You're just as breathless, both of you deciding stupidly that now, being slightly fucked out and adrenaline-pumped, is the time to talk about this, "If you wanna, of course."

"Fuck I-I so badly want to," Han nearly whispers, messily sliding his boxers down the curve of his ass as he drops them to the floor to join your clothes, and you involuntarily gasp when you see his dick. It's beautiful, one that you should actually take pictures of and use online as a model for toys or something. Pretty veins throb underneath the skin, he's solid and you know it's gonna be a stretch to take him. 

"Are you sure you want this?" Han asks after shuffling closer and hooking your legs around his, his hands travelling up your waist reassuringly. You nod your head confidently, "I do, I really do." 

He smiles at you, the first sign of being present and not sucked into the tentacles of lust that is easily blamed for something like this, he's genuine and sincere when he looks at you like this. 

"I'll go slow okay? Tell me if it hurts too much." 

And ever so gently, he slowly brings his tip to kiss your entrance, lazily dragging himself through your folds for that extra slickness just to ensure he doesn't hurt you, his jaw clenches with a hiss, "You're so warm." 

It makes your stomach churn the way he's so gentle, so slow and so compassionate and focused on your heat as if it's the prettiest painting he's ever seen. You'd always known he was gentle, but you've never truly seen just how far his gentleness stretches until now. 

His hand on your hip finds yours as he interlocks his fingers with yours, eyes still focused on his cock and the way it's being welcomed by your body, you squeeze on his hand when the tip nudges in, hissing at the foreign feeling yet loving how it makes you clench in anticipation while he fills you up. 

"Okay, I'm in," He whispers after a while, his forehead beginning to shimmer with sweat in the moonlight while you wonder if it's from holding back or the actual humidity in the air. 

"You can move," You give him the green light once you've gotten used to the feeling of being this full, your muscles still clenching repeatedly at the newfound sensation. Gently, Han slides out of you and then leans forward to stilt himself on his hands as he begins to set a pace. 

It's a deep, slow, and controlled pace and it's making you feel delirious with pleasure, your eyes rolling to the back of your head at the sensation of each and every one of your spots that you didn't even know existed, being stimulated all at once. 

"Fuck, you're so tight," Han whimpers, his hips stuttering along with his words. 

"D-Does it feel good, Hannie?" You whisper, your fingers combing through his hair and he hisses at your words, arms nearly caving in as he moans a beautifully whimpered mhm. 

His pace picks up, skin making contact now beginning to flood the room along with your and his rhythmic moans, both basking in the smothering pleasure the other provides. Your moans fill his ears and become fuel, a sound he's always wanted to hear and often found himself wondering too deeply about, yet here you are giving yourself to him like you're made for it. 

"You feel so, so good, holy shit baby," He whines, his hands sliding down to grip your hips as he draws up, instantly speeding his hips up, your hands gripping his thighs as you feel yourself getting closer, pleasure causing your eyes to feel teary. 

“You’re fucking beautiful like this, holy fuck,” He chuckles, and it makes your chest warm with how you’re very aware your hair is probably a mess, your face a little fucked out yet he still finds you beautiful. His head tips back, his neck beautifully on display as the moonlight shines through the slits of the curtains, shiny sweat dewing on his porcelain skin, the veins in his neck throbbing beneath the surface as a groan rumbles through his chest, “ ‘m close, fuck.”

His right-hand slides from your thigh to between your folds, wetting the pad of his thumb as he begins to draw circles over your clit, your legs instantly beginning to tremble, “That’s it baby, clench for me like that.”

His words have your eyes rolling back and your spine arching as your orgasm draws closer your nails scratching marks into his thighs and his sides as you clutch onto anything you can find, “Y-you’re gonna make me cum,” You warn, and it’s as if something ticks in his mind because Han begins to thrust into you even faster, drawing more elicit sounds from not only between your legs but from your lips too.

“Gonna cum with me, baby?” 

You nod profusely, purposefully holding back on your threatening orgasm. 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, c-cum with me baby, please.” 

The band in your belly snaps the moment he says those words to you, the strokes of his cock just too much to handle and you finally let go with a cry almost as loud as a scream. You feel Han shudder and grunt on top of you, letting go of your clit and pulling out instead, stroking vigorously until his head falls back, his chest heaving heavily until he locks eyes with you, eyebrows draw together as he paints the skin of your torso with his release. 

He squeezes his tip, ensuring he’s empty before gently slipping back into you, his arms trembling along with your thighs, a shuddering exhale escaping between his lips, “Holy shit.” 

Your arms wrap around him as he buries his face into the crook of your neck, the movement of your breathing causing chest against chest to brush against each other. 

He leans up, looking at you before connecting his lips to yours. He kisses you deeply, passionately and it feels so euphoric that you feel envious of any other soul that got to see him like this before you.

Gently, he slips out of you, “Stay here for me?” 

He returns from the bathroom just a minute later and wipes with what you assume is a warm cloth everywhere that you’re beginning to feel sticky, even endearingly cupping your heat to clean you everywhere. Each of his actions has you yearning with an ache in your chest, a need to always have him like this. 

“You doing okay?” His voice is hoarse but still gentle when he crawls up behind you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he curls into your body, perfectly fitting with yours. 

“Better than I think I’ve ever been,” You chuckle.

“Do you regret it?” 

Your chest pulls tight, your heart tensing up in the confines of your ribcage, “No? Do you?”

“Honestly? I’ve never been more satisfied with a decision I’ve made before. I’ve been waiting for you, and I‘m glad I did.”

He presses a kiss to your shoulder, his lips lingering just a second longer, and you allow your eyes to flutter shut in the warmth of his arms.

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