I Adore Dos To Death But Whenever His Works Get To The Romance Part I Roll My Eyes - Tumblr Posts

Had a couple conversations recently that led me to realize… There’s sort of a nasty intersection of amatonormativity and misogyny that isolates aro women and shuts us out of media. Allow me to explain.

Aros, let me ask you a question. Have you ever worried that you might be a misogynist, because all your favorite characters are men? Somehow, you just don’t like most female characters. You know all about double standards and misogyny in fandom, fictional women who get absurd amounts of hate for “getting in the way of the slash”, etc., and you try hard not to be that person. You try to love fictional women the same way you love fictional men, but somehow they all annoy you, and you just can’t connect. You don’t know why, so surely the only explanation is that you’re a misogynist, right?

Now, let me ask you another question. How many female characters can you name in your favorite series, who are part of the main group of protagonists, and who aren’t heavily involved in a romantic relationship?

In my case, the only ones I can think of- after thinking this over for the entire day- are Hermes Costello and Foo Fighters. And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are more, but not in any series I really love, and not that are important enough to come to mind.

Everyone knows that women, especially well-written women, are enough of an endangered species in fiction, but it’s so much worse if you’re aro.  There’s a reason why most action anime are shounen (made for boys), while most romance anime are shoujo (made for girls). We’re taught that romance is feminine, that falling in love is an unavoidable part of being a woman. 

Female characters that get to be independent and cool and live their lives without getting caught up in a romance are such a fucking rarity that even series with relatively well written women fall victim to this (hello, Fullmetal Alchemist), and even female protagonists automatically get romances (hello, Sailor Moon). When you’re someone who’s romance repulsed, that makes it damn near impossible to find any fictional women that you can genuinely like and relate to. 

And I know what you’re thinking: “But male characters get involved in romances too!” Yes, but their romances aren’t often major parts of their lives. They don’t take up the majority of the time they’re on screen. That’s why they’re easier for me to relate to, because I can easily filter out romance and still have so much left over, whereas that’s not often the case with female characters. 

Men get to be developed characters with love interests, and women get to be love interests with character development. And that’s a problem, not only for all women, but especially for aro women.