I Am Behind! - Tumblr Posts

I am trying to finish my stupid associates degree at 32 years old because there is an amazing scholarship and I want to say I actually completed at least one of the rounds of college that I've attended. But y'all. This school shit is for the birds. I don't care how much scholarship money I earn, I am NEVER, NEVER EVER going back to school again.

ELORA ESKILDOTTIR

thirty looking | she/her | 153 cm | Elf | Nord

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Many times you were spared, oh, I did my best Every night you would call for me with your steps I was trying to sleep I was trying to sleep for you Under perfection I woke As you protected your home Oh, I just kept getting stronger I did my best to control The growing unrest in my soul — Wolfie's Just Fine

Prompt from:@oc-tober2023 [ I am not following the same order ]

CW: Drug use

~ Flashback

In a dusty corner, the sparse light barely makes the woman visible, buried beneath scrolls and books.

She slams another book closed, frustration eating at her every bone, while dark circles beneath her eyes seem to grow by the hour.

"Another dead end." She lets herself fall back into the chair, eying the scattered information in front of her. Nothing of value was found.

If only she would find an answer to her many questions, find a good lead to know how to continue. When frustration makes its way through, she starts to doubt her own decision. She chose this very topic of research, but perhaps it was never meant to be brought into the light. An answer never to be found.

She lifts her hand, pushing her sleeve up to reveal blackened veins running down towards her hand. It had been there ever since she was a child, she had read in the many books, that it was supposed to grow until it covers the whole of her body, but it had never changed. Not for her.

If only she could remember that day she got the black veins - but it was so long gone and she had been but a child.

Then by chance, her eyes landed on a detailed illustration in a book to her right. A mushroom, dried, used to clear one's mind. If she couldn't remember, perhaps that could force her memories.

"I need something very specific." Elora interrupted the cook. Her red flaming hair as passionate as her request.

"Don't you always." The cook didn't even look up from her work,"Found something interesting in your books?"

"It's research. Everything has the potential to be interesting, but only worth the goddesses' time, until I tested and studied it."

"What you need?"

"Dried mushrooms."

The cook lifted a skeptical eyebrow. "Just any mushroom or a specific one?"

"The one that will give me answers about my own mind." The woman explains, dark circles beneath her eyes.

"By the gods, you better be careful with stuff like that. It can smoke your brains out, I tell you." Then the cook sighed, "There is no stopping you, however. I know what you need. Follow my instructions and you might be fine."

"I'll take the risk."

"You Heralds are crazy."

The smoke made her face heat up, cold sweat trickling down her neck as slowly her mind started to swim.

She didn't notice it kicking in, or so she thought, but as she started to stand up, everything was spinning and she was smiling.

"How could you do this to us!"

She knew that voice.

"You only ever think about yourself, so selfish and unruly. Is it my fault you turned out to be such an ungrateful daughter?!"

She remembers that memory. It was the fifth pursuer her mother had send after her and Elora had refused his advances bluntly so. Again.

"I will miss you, Élie'rel." 

Her sister. She could never forget her voice.

"Don't ever change, no matter what anyone says. You will find your answers and surprise everyone. I am proud of you."

It was the last time she had seen her, had it already been too long to remember? 

She shook her head. Focus. She was here for answers, not to feel guilty.

Back then Eyrier Lay, the white Valley, was prosperous and lively. The grand elven city En'ayn Mun stood proud and beautiful, the eye piece of the whole area. Lush forests and fields covered the valley. It were merry times.

She remembers the smell of the baked goods sold in the streets, the softness of her bedsheets, the warm sun on her skin when she drank her favourite tea atop the balconies.

She could feel it now. Her mother was smiling at her, her face younger, carefree. Elora can't remember a time her mother had ever smiled in her life. It was a foreign sight.

Everything around her was bright, she couldn't make out the details, but she felt her mother take her hand, they started walking down a copple stone street. Then suddenly, the light vanished, it was suddenly utter cold, the sky was black and she thought that black snowflakes were falling from the sky. Ash?

Then screams, her mother grabbed her small frame, hefted her up into her arms. Elora didn't see them coming, but she knew they were there.

Her mother only stopped when they reached their home. She locked the door, before asking Elora questions, she couldn't make out anymore. Perhaps even back then, she didn't understand them.

Then suddenly her mother was ripped from her view, she looked around, but her house was foggy, she couldn't clearly see. It was like a dream, no a nightmare.

"Mother!" She shouted, her small heart beating wildly in her chest. Then something gripped her wrist, tightly, she cried out by the pain, it was painfully cold, it was freezing her arm solid.

Then it let go and everything went dark, as she sunk to the ground of the library.