I Am Simply Trying To Cope With The Death Of My Babygirl - Tumblr Posts

‘what is love ?’

that question pondered fyodor’s mind every time he spent time with you

love isn’t something that he particularly likes, more rather something he craves, a desire

though desires in his mind, are a weakness, something he wouldn’t tolerate

yet he always yearned for you, yearned for your touch, yearned for your affection

so when fukuchi proposed fyodor would stay in the prison, he almost opposed it

not because he was worried for himself, but he was worried for your safety

he basically forced nikolai to watch over you…or at least make sure you were okay

was it an act of love ? ‘no of course not !’ he’d tell himself but he’s just a liar after all

he can’t feel love, he’s numbed himself over the years to live without the act of care

but in his last moments alive, he can’t help but silently say “forgive me, my dear”

he wished he told you he loved you before he left, oh well at least you’ll have his hand to hold

a / n : left for two weeks, came back with some angst, and no i haven’t gotten over his death