I Dont Even Know If This Is Angst - Tumblr Posts

Holding you so....dear.....

In which you, a girl who has been the childhood friend of Shouko Komi, decided to confess the admiration that you felt for so long via poem, before leaving to attend some advance education for your course.

Warning: angst

"Huh.... Making this harder than I thought.... ", a young girl said while slumping on her desk in exhaustion....

"They make so easy in movies, why can't I do it then", the girl complained, while biting her pen it became a habit of yours too bite your pain when your bored, deep in thought or trying to think of something.

You looked at the calendar that was hanging at the wall of your room. 3 days left before you have to leave Japan and transfer to America, to pursue a higher education for your course... Usually you would be pretty chill about if it weren't weren't the fact that you have to make a Poem of love to girl, that has a communication disorder that you couldn't help but fell for her more.... Yet there's that crucial problem...... She's a girl and your a girl.... You don't know of she likes you, like that or not and it's been eating you up for so long..... That you couldn't but long and hide it for your safety.... Thankfully you take the GED (General Educational Development) test that you passed, letting you be leave school early.

You darted your eyes open... And sat up..... You didn't know you dozed off on your desk.... The poem is still not done.... The paper is blank as white as it is... You then remembered your talk with Najimi a week ago.

Both you and Najimi sat on the rooftop, you we're laying on the floor just cloud watching since you've already done your GED test so your allowed to just lounge around as long you don't disturb the other students but for some reason Najimi decided to skip classes to see to cloud watch with you.

It's been 15 minutes that has already passed, classes had already started and you felt slightly unnerved with Najimi who's laying down a few meters away from you, she's been silent the whole time so that only increased your feeling. You then decided to sit up, look at her and interogate.

"Najimi, shouldn't you be at classes right now? ", you asked slightly irritated.

Najimi just looked at you with a blank expression then back at the sky. It irritated you more, when you were about to ask again but got cut off by Najimi.

"Why haven't you confessed yet to Komi-san? I've been your childhood friend Y/N, you really think I wouldn't notice how you would always give Komi-san your stuff that was cute or pretty or on how you look at her with those glint in your eyes......or how sad you looked whenever you saw her with Tadano?... You might be good at hiding yourself...but not to me, Y/N.... Plus....why didn't you tell me your leaving?....", the look of hurt flashed on Najimi's brown eyes that stared at your very own.... You just sat there.... Unable to answer.....

"Sorry, Najimi.... I guess I wanted it to be a surprise... Since I kinda had some gifts ffor you guys as a way to say Sorry and Goodbye.... Since I'm not sure.......if I can come back here.... Plus, you know for a fact I'm scared that....she'll hate me.... I rather be a silent in loving than losing what we have this time.... I'm already contented with our friendship. Don't worry, Najimi*𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘕𝘢𝘫𝘪𝘮𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦* I'll confess before I leave", you said while looking up to the sky with a melancholic smile on your face, while Najimi just stared at you with a sigh then decided to slump themselves on your lap, which you didn't push her away instead you pat her head, knowing you'll miss this.

You sighed and bit your pen harder than before, then decided to write while thinking how you started this admiration of yours.

Huh..... Looks like we got start.....

"I thought it was admiration that I felt"

You paused then began reminiscing how your heart felt all those time....

"Yet in my heart, deeper longing dwelt"

You suddenly gulped nothing but your saliva.....as you continue to write the next line

"A truth so tender, so painfully true"

You felt a sigh leave your mouth.... You decided there that'll you weap the words to the poem you are writing.

"It was until high school, I realized it

My quiet loved, in shadows it sits

I chose to love at a distance, afraid to confide

For I'd fear you'd turn away, our friendship denied"

"I thought you were straight and it might break

This bond we cherished, the risk I couldn't take

So in silent adoration, I keep my hearts plea

Loving you quietly, while letting you be free"

"Yet love is a powerful force

That I couldn't keep behind closed doors

This is our last year together

I couldn't help but take the leap

So here I am to weap

My first love was you, a girl who was near

You were my first love, my adoration and my fear

But I couldn't help but hold you so dear..."

Looks like you've finished it more easily than you thought...with that you decided to sleep and plan to let Najimi or Tadano give the poem to Komi...

Tonight..... tonight's..... tonight..........it's finally the day where you would send the poem and leave Japan.........in last ditch move you decided to just send it to her house and maybe tell her parents about it..and give them your parting gifts.....since you were kinda close with the Komi family especially her father..

You took a shaky breath since.....now you're here infront of her house....you suddenly remembered the times you've come over here to hang out with her....now you're here with the enveloped poem on your hoodie's pocket....

"Y/N!", a women's voice shouted at you.

You looked behind you and saw Shouko's Mom and Dad, and looked like the two of them came back from the convenience store.

"Auntie! Uncle! *𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴* it's nice to see you two", you couldn't help but smile at them when they finally reached you.

All three of you are now inside on their dining table, apparently you told them about your plan and asked them to give the envelope to Shouko. Both of people that you called Auntie and Uncle had somber expression on their faces as they look at you with sad smiles.

"I guess..this will be our goodbye for the last time huh?", the joyful and youthful Shuuko Komi now looked matured and sad, while Masayoshi Komi looked more stoned than usual...

"Yeah.... I'm not sure... whether or not I might be back but...here", you gave them the bag filled with your parting gifts.

Shuuko looked at her husband who just stood up and walked towards you, he didn't say any words which intimidated you a bit but you were surprised when he hugged you.

"Take.......care.....of ..your..self", you were even more surprised that THE Masayoshi Komi talked! Yet you couldn't help hugged him back.

"Yes, sir", you said with slight tears on your eyes as Shuuko decided to join her husband and hug the teen who hugged both of them tightly.

"Looks like, it's time for me to go....my plane is just in 40 minutes....... ", you said as you are standing at their doorstep while the couple just looked at you with soft smiles.

The couple nodded and you three exchange your final goodbyes with Shuuko telling you that she'll give the poem to Shuoko, you said your thanks and went out....

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"I.... I'm home", a soft voice calls out at the door of the house, Shuoko Komi comes in after putting her shoes on the shoe rack. She came to the kitchen where her parents are. Both of them looked sadly at her making her tilt her head.

"Ah...Shouko-chan... Your home.... Welcome back", her mother said in soft voice while her father just sat there with the envelope I gave them. Shoko nod and signalled them that she'll be staying at her room, but before she walked her father called.

"Shuoko.....", she immediately stopped and looked at her father in worry, Masayoshi then stand up and hand her the envelope.

"Y/N left....a...letter for you", her father said and left the girl alone who looked at the envelope in her hand with a curious gaze.

Komi was aware that you left Japan since the teacher told them about your departure earlier, she was hoping to meet with you one last time before you go...... considering for the past few weeks, she couldn't hang out with you or talk to you which made her sad... With a nod she went upstairs to her room to see what you gave her.

She was surprised to a paper with seemed like something you wrote about.....she sat at her bed deciding to read it....

.......

.......

You yawned while sitting on the plane ..... looking at the dark sky....

"Hmm.... I wonder how she reacted she must probably surprised or flustered, hehe?

You amused thinking that's how she reacted to your letter but you didn't know was that........

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Your......

Wrong.....

She was in her room on her bed clutching the poem to her chest as tears went down her face..she didn't have the appetite to eat...since.......she couldn't believe....that you liked her..... Like....how she liked you....she thought you didn't feel the same....she wished she could told you about it.....but now....that your gone she couldn't help the tears to spill out of her eyes as she hugged the poem closer to her.... Letting out sniffles....

"I wish.....I could ....told....you .....were....dear ....."

I know is shitty but hey, it's my work not yours so try to give your judgement since I know for a fact I need it.