I Don't Think He Would Let Himself Be Seen Like That - Tumblr Posts

The tags by @shen-jiu-domestication-club

Now I'm imagining Shen Jiu going around Cang Qiong or on a hunt, with his sleeves - or wherever they used to store stuff - completely overflowing with Yue Qingyuan's gifts

I know I'm probably overthinking it now after thinking about it but the fact that there are writers who have Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu have luxurious things is so spot on for people who grew up poor, who grew up with nothing. From my experience.

And this is me painting it with my brush of projection, of seeing a situation similar(worse) than mine, and while I haven't been as low as they have been, I have been there. I've watched my mother weigh needs over wants--I experienced it myself as I got older and I came out of it in the sense of, having materialistic things isn't necessary but if I had the money for it, of course I'd consider buying it. Not because I actually want it or need it, but because I was a young girl forced to see what a lack of money makes people do or what they give up just to live. Because having money just to survive is such a worry that rich people will never understand why it's a worry. And that expensive, overpriced, luxurious item isn't something that is even a need but a simple want to show that I can have it because I worked for it.

Now, as a grown-up, I can understand the image of Yue Qingyuan giving such guady gifts to Shen Jiu because that's what I do for the people in my life. I see this sparkling piece of jewelry or this pretty shawl or beautiful dress or something that is obviously showy and expensive, and I offer it up to whoever it made me think of because I want them to have nice things. Because I'm in a place to give it to them after living day after day, only allowing myself longing looks and resentful tears of how cruel life can be.

The symbolism of Yue Qingyuan giving Shen Jiu these clearly expensive and probably guady gifts shows that he cares, and it stems from remembering how they had nothing. How it was only a dream that they thought they'd never see come to fruition. But he's suffered, he's worked hard and he's now in a position to give everything they probably talked about to or things he dreamed about giving, to the one person who was there by his side. And it's a terribly messy gift filled with so many memories and feelings that even though he knows it's useless, or knows that it's ugly but he doesn't care because this thing just reminded him of Shen Jiu and it represents absolutely everything and yet nothing at the same time.

It's him saying I remember. It's him saying we had nothing, but now that I'm in this position, everything I own is yours.

And Shen Jiu accepting it is his silent agreement of I remember too.