I Have A Feeling Someones Going To Yell At Me For Pissing On The Poor For This One - Tumblr Posts

My hot take is that you have to be patient with people who are trying to be better allies. And by that I mean don’t bother correcting them saying “pregnant women” instead of “pregnant people” if they haven’t even been introduced to the concept of trans men having periods. If you make someone feel like they’re a bad person for breaking a rule they were never taught, they’re going to give up on trying to be better. Becoming a good ally is not an impossible task. Becoming a good ally in one night absolutely is.

And it’s easy to get into the mentality of “I figured this out at 13, so there’s no excuse for this adult’s ignorance” but we KNOW that on a psychological level it’s not only harder to learn new things as you get older, but it’s also significantly harder to UNLEARN than it is to LEARN.

Do what you need to do for your mental health. You don’t have to be the person who guides your bigoted relative through years of meandering progress. But if you are trying to help someone, you have to be patient, really, exhaustively patient, or you could end up doing more harm than good.

And none of this “don’t reward the bare minimum” bullshit. If someone is making an effort to use they/them pronouns but only does it right 15% of the time, you will get a lot farther by acknowledging that 15% instead of yelling at them the other 85% of the time.

In my experience one of the first hurdles bigoted people are subconsciously stuck on is the idea that being “politically correct” is just something you do to avoid making people angry, rather than something you do to make others feel safe and respected and loved. Don’t reinforce that.

Sincerely, a hot-headed queer girl (with a well-meaning mother from Jackson Mississippi) who spent ten years learning the hard way that yes, you really do catch more bees with honey than vinegar.