I Love Nikolai - Tumblr Posts

𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝑮𝑬 — an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity

RECEIVERS。asylum patient!nikolai gogol x asylum attendant fem!reader

WISHCARD。“Let's make the 21st of February our Valentine's Day!” He says loudly, not caring for anyone who might be watching. “We will celebrate our rela— I mean, friendship, a week after Valentine's Day. It is like an anniversary for a couple, or something like that. Yes? Yes?”

BOUQUET。fluff, light angst, mentions of abuse and r*pe, hurt/comfort

PRICE。approx. 5.4k

FREEGIFT。dark red (steve lacy), & cry! (middle part)

MAIN MENU。FOUR SHADES OF PINK

The sound of droplets of water echoes in the bathroom, along with the symphony of your attempt to stifle your soft cries. The rag is covered with a white and sticky substance—no matter how many times you have stroked the rag onto every crook of your body, it does not wear down any lingering disgusting touches that you could still feel. 

You grimace, throwing the wet rag to the floor and your legs are becoming too weak to hold the rest of your weight. You fall to the floor, sitting down in despair. You let the shower rain over your face, masking your tears along the way. Your hands reach up to wipe your face but they are slow and careful enough to not touch a few red bruises on your cheeks and chin. 

It has been almost a week since Valentine's Day has passed. It was nice to be treated nicely by your patient during the day—he gave you a flower he picked up from a pile of soil from the garden. 

But your fiancé came home drunk and wasted, reeked with the scent of alcohol and sweat, two nights later. The asylum is located pretty far away from the urban civilisation, but that does not mean there is no small town around. You suspected he was out to the town, whoring around women and men alike to celebrate his twisted way of Valentine's Day. No, the relationship between you and your fiancé is not open—he had made it clear and firm to you that he dislikes seeing you around other men. And yet, there he goes, sleeping with people who happened to make his dick wonders. 

You used to be disappointed and upset, upon knowing the fact that he is cheating on you, but that sentiment has turned into complete apathy—to this relationship and yourself. The reasons why you two were not breaking off the engagement were because he still very much wants to marry you and you have nowhere else to go, no one else to depend on. 

Because he could not get to spend Valentine's Day with you, for the next few days, he tried to get you to spend time with him as a romantic engaged couple. But really, all he wants is just to make sure you are still beneath him—someone he can keep around and love in his own ways, someone he can still control. 

He coerced you into having sex with him. You hesitated and you wanted to fight back when he started to grope your breasts and crotch, forcing horrible kisses on your neck and face. When you tried to resist his advance, he pinched—or perhaps gripped—your face too hard. Your skin breaks and bleeds. 

You rushed to the bathroom once he had gone to sleep. And you grabbed any rag to soak it in water and rubbed your body and crotch, trying to get rid of the sinful touches from him. 

But it doesn't work, as you are now sitting under the shower, naked and used. 

You are trembling and you try to control your sobbing and sniffling. Your mind is already deteriorating and you are afraid that you might lose yourself one day—you want to believe there will be something good for you one day, someone who you can trust and love. But the way you have lived your life for years now—alone and unloved—you think you might be in this cage forever. 

The key is nowhere to be found. 

All you can do is just to taste the lingering freedom that only teases your fingertips. 

— ♧

You barely talk to your coworkers when you are getting ready for your shift today in the locker room. In the regulation books, attendants are not allowed to interact with one another publicly. So, the locker room is one of the places the attendants are allowed to be themselves—complaining and gossiping, that is. 

You leave the room quicker than anyone else. You make your way to your patient’s room. Once you arrive, you use your keycard to access the door, allowing you to push it open. 

“Woah!” 

“Huh?” 

The sight of Nikolai splayed on the floor surprised you. He looks like he was doing something to the door right before you arrived. Nikolai grins and stands up quickly as he brushes his uniform. 

“Hello, pretty dove!” He says, cheerfully. You only smile before you silently get to your work—tidying his bed while also checking for anything suspicious. You do not realize Nikolai's stare and his pout when you do not reply to his greeting. 

He pokes your arm, shaking it. “Hey~! I said hello, didn't I?” He whines. 

“Oh…” you mumble. “Hello, Nikolai…” You give him a weak smile—something inside you is pulling your heart and emotions down today. You are in no mood to say anything, let alone smile. 

Nikolai smiles regardless. He is happy enough to hear your voice. His grin is akin to a young boy, though he is just slightly older than you. He holds your arm, slightly hopping like an excited bunny. 

“Can we go get breakfast now? I swear I didn't do anything suspicious last night, so quit checking my bed, okay?” He says as he pulls both your hands, directing you away from his bed. You look at him and nod, and once again a weak small smile forms on your face. 

“Yes, let's go. You must be starving. Come, change your slippers first.” 

Nikolai happily obeys you. You wait for him outside and when he finally leaves his room, he quickly holds your hand, grinning sweetly at you. “It's okay if we hold hands, right?” he asks. 

“Yeah…Yeah, it's okay,” you say before you close the door. “But we cannot be seen like this in the cafeteria, so let go of my hand later, okay?” You start to walk first and your footsteps are being followed by Nikolai. 

The cafeteria has a lot of people today—the asylum residents and their attendants of course. You notice your fiancé is attending to his patient. He looks up and his eyes roam around before they land on you. You try to avert your gaze elsewhere, not wanting to look at him at all. 

But Nikolai suddenly stands right in the middle of his sight, blocking you from being looked at by him. 

“It's okay, I’ll protect you forever.” Nikolai grins at you. You only stare at the taller man and nod slowly. Having no energy to even protest or remind him of guidelines, you mutter a soft gratitude, hoping Nikolai will catch it. 

Nikolai and you sit in the corner—it is his least favourite spot since it is pretty hot there. But he seems to notice the tension in you when you are near your fiancé, despite exchanging not a single word. 

“Do you remember the rose I gave you on Valentine's Day?” he strikes a question. You look at him and nod. You do remember the rose but you do not know where it is now. You know you put it on your dressing table in your shared apartment but the very next day, it disappeared. 

You suspected it was your fiancé’s doing, but you have no guts to call him out for it. 

“I think you lost it,” Nikolai says as he sways his feet under the table, accidentally kicking your shin and raising your dress sometimes. But he does not seem to care about it, despite your frown at his action beneath the table.

“How do you know?” you ask back. “Also, can you stop doing that?” 

He giggles. “Pardon me, my love.” His feet stop moving. “Because I put some magic on it. I told the flower to make you happy as long as she is near. But now you are so, so sad—she probably has disappeared now.” 

You snort with a small smile. “A magic, huh? Is it… one of your supernatural abilities or something?”

Nikolai smirks, rubbing his lips as his eyes gaze away from you. “You need not to worry about that. You have seen my records, aren't you? I can only do ‘stuff’ when I have my special cloak.” 

“Right…” 

“Speaking of which, are we entirely sure my cloak is not being kept here?” he beams. You shrug your shoulders. You know about Nikolai's ‘ability’ or something like that… based on what you read in his records when you first assigned to attend to him. You thought that kind of supernatural abilities thing was just a myth—you don't think you ever encountered one. 

But perhaps you really do not know what's outside of this place. 

Much like the residents of this asylum, you do not really view much of the world. Come to think of it, you have never taken a plane either. And it has been a while since you last saw a beach—you remember going to such places when you were a small child. 

“I heard that the authorities discarded your ‘special’ cloak. I don't know much about it.” You reply carefully. Nikolai crosses his arms and hums. 

“That sucks. I like that cloak. I love coats too. It is like my comfort piece of clothing. Do you know where I came from?” Nikolai asks again, leaning forward as he rests his chin on his hands, staring at you. Without waiting for your answer, he says: “I once lived in a city called St. Petersburg. You know, there is a period where the sun never fully sets. Eleven at night looks like eleven in the morning!” 

You let out a cackle, shaking your head. “Is that so? Are we sure you’re not lying?” 

“No, no, not at all! I don't lie! I just don't tell!” Nikolai looks offended but he continues regardless. “You should definitely come and see it. It is only for a certain time though. This world is just a rotating ball after all.” 

“I see…” you reply softly as you look down to your plate. Sometimes you envy this man—he always tells you about the places he went. From Europe to Asia, from the sky to the bottom underground. It kind of envies you because you know it is just a dream for you—you have no one and nowhere, and just like the residents, this asylum is your forever home. 

“Well, I guess if I ever had a chance, I’d visit such places…” you say. “Though, it's gonna be challenging if I were to travel by myself, no?” you look at him with a forced smile, although Nikolai is just looking at you with a slight frown. 

“Who said you’re travelling by yourself? I’ll come too!” 

“I’m not sure if anyone will allow you to step outside, Nikolai…” 

“But I am a much much much safer option than your…” he leans forward, suddenly whispering, “… fiancé.” 

You shift uncomfortably in your seat, looking away from his gaze. Nikolai props his head on his hand, scanning you up and down. “I notice, you know?” He says softly and slowly, just for you to hear. You do not look up or respond. 

“I am—well, I was a criminal. I kill people, I torture people and I beat people too. I know when a person is hit by another. Cheap makeup you can just afford from the nearest small town won’t work wonderfully to hide certain bruises, you know that right?” 

You palm your face, sighing lowly. Hesitantly, you look up at him and shake your head—silently pleading him to not mention anything more. But Nikolai presses on, “I don't like your fiancé. It frustrates me the fuck out knowing you are close to him when I am not near. Seriously, who the fuck he think he is? My love, if you just give me one real kitchen knife, I’ll make your life 100% safer, I swear.” 

“Nikolai, please… I don't wanna talk about this.” You plead and Nikolai groans, throwing his head back as he huffs. Hate it or not, he has to respect your choice—which is hard for him. 

“I don't like seeing you sad, that's all…” 

“Thank you… for your consideration, but I will manage this by myself.” 

“Oh, honey, you are a terrible liar.” 

You only glance at him as you collect his food tray and yours. Awkwardly, you get up. “I want you to stay here and not go anywhere. I’ll return these trays to the staff real quick.” You say and without waiting for his answer, you leave with the food trays. 

It takes you around seven minutes to leave empty-handed. But you see Nikolai is no longer at his seat. You grumble, cursing yourself. Of course he will roam around for no reason. He does not really like to do nothing. 

But it is not hard to find Nikolai. It takes you one round of walking around the cafeteria before you find him standing at the dessert counter. The desserts served are never really good—they are mostly just random delicacies with a lot of sugar and artificial flavouring. 

You walk towards Nikolai, touching his back—somehow it surprises you to feel his body beneath the patient's uniform. His shoulders are broad and the longer you let your fingers trace his back, you can feel the toned muscles of his body. And despite your hand on his back, Nikolai doesn't turn around. He still does something on the counter. 

“I have a gift for you.” Nikolai suddenly turns around, causing you to retract your hand. He smiles. His eyes glance at your hand that is still in the air. Flustered, you pull down your hand to your side. It hits you that you just touch his back for quite some time than necessary—perhaps you just feel his back without you realizing it. 

“W-What gift?” You ask, attempting to wash away the awkwardness. 

Nikolai then happily shows you a wheat cracker that is horribly cut into a crooked heart shape, with a messy strawberry jam on it. “Happy Valentine's Day.” He says with a grin. 

You take the messy ‘heart-shaped’ wheat cracker. It barely looks like a heart. Most likely it is because he ‘handcrafted’ it. But still, the effort and the gift make you laugh a little. 

“Thanks. Valentine's Day is one week ago, you know?” You say before you bite the cracker. You nudge your chin to the counter which is messy with scattered cracker dust. “And you need to get rid of the evidence.” 

“Oh, right!” Nikolai wipes off the dust on the counter with his hand, pushing them off to the floor. “Okay, clean!” He beams before his foot also pushing some cracker dust on the floor away. 

“Come! Let's go to the garden. Let's celebrate more for Valentine's Day!” He swiftly hooks his arm with yours and pulls you to leave the cafeteria. Exactly one second after you two step out, he holds your hand and just smiles. 

You say nothing, just letting him hold your hand as you two walk to the garden. 

You expect him to go to the birdhouses immediately—it is his favourite activity after all. But instead, when you two are out in the garden, he goes straight to the flower field. 

“Nikolai, what about the birdhouse? You don't wanna check on Timmy?” You ask, mentioning his favourite bird, little Timmy. Nikolai shakes his head before he carefully walks through the field, holding your hand tightly. 

“Later. I wanna make you happy now.” 

He stops by a crop of roses and squats right in front of it. Forced to follow, you lower yourself too, careful with the white parts of your dress. “I’m gonna make you a fresh bouquet. The gardener doesn't mind, right?” 

“I don't know.” 

Nikolai stares at you before he shrugs his shoulders. “Well, whatever! What use are they if they exist just to bloom and die? Might as well give them a purpose to make a girl happy.” Nikolai says before he touches one flamboyant red rose. “Now, let's make it a mission, little dove.” He clasps his hands, looking at you with a beam of smile. “What do we need when it comes to a bouquet?” 

“Uhm… flowers?” you reply to his riddle, hesitating. Nikolai bursts out laughing. 

“Well, duh! We need paper! Or plastic! To hold the flowers together. My, my! Don't tell me… have you never gotten a bouquet before?” He asks and drives his face closer to you. You purse your lips and glance away. Shamefully, you shake your head. 

Nikolai lets out a comical gasp, though you sense that he is not even that surprised—he knows about your relationship with your fiancé enough. Even if you want to avoid talking about it, Nikolai can just quiz himself and get his own answers. And most of the time, he is pretty accurate. 

You wonder if he has been in this kind of relationship before to recognize one. Or perhaps he might be the one who committed horrible things towards a partner. After all, you know he has a history of killing his ‘romantic’ partners. It is quite unclear the reason why he killed them as the only answer he is willing to give to the judge is just—“I want to feel that bliss of freedom again.” 

It seems that ‘freedom’ is just something so big that has been carved deeply in his heart. But if he is that committed to reaching his bliss, isn't he a prisoner of himself? Is he even aware of his circumstances? 

If you were to ask yourself, your freedom would be just simple things—a new life outside of the asylum, far from this place and your own plight. Living in a small apartment, with a decent job, not having to worry to get beaten and raped at night. 

“Hey, hey, hey, snap out of it, please! I wanna talk to you.” 

You feel Nikolai shaking your body, cutting off your thoughts. You turn to him and he is looking at you with concern. You smile stiffly, muttering, “Sorry… What were you saying?” 

“I want a piece of paper or plastic to hold the flowers. Do you know where I can get it?” He asks. 

“I do know a place… But patients aren't allowed there. If you promise to stay here, I’ll go and grab it.” You say. Nikolai nods happily and links his pinky finger with yours. 

“Promise!” 

You chuckle and get up. You hold your dress up to allow you to make wider steps and you jog your way to the staff room near the garden. Managing to get some brown papers from the room, you walk your way back to Nikolai who is—as promised—still in the same spot. 

This time he seems to be cutting some roses from their stems and already collected quite several roses. You stop right by him before you give him the papers. “Are these enough?” You ask and Nikolai hums, nodding. He cuts one more rose from the crop before he turns to you with a boyish smile. But your eyes are rather focused on a pair of scissors that he is holding—where did that come from? 

“Where do you get that? You're not supposed to possess a weapon.” You say, suspicious. Nikolai only shrugs and shakes his head, grinning playfully. He does not answer your question but he is more than happy to give back the scissors to you when you asked for it. 

You will keep away the scissors later. It is probably being left by someone who was in the garden before you two… But it is very unlikely. This pair of scissors is sharp enough to cut a flower from its stem. It is not even a gardening tool. 

You know Nikolai would rather keep his mouth shut than tell you, so you do not bother pressing him any further. 

“Come, let's sit elsewhere. I’ll make you a bouquet!” He says before he gathers the roses he collected onto his arms and cheerfully parades to a nearby bench. You only follow him closely, still suspicious about the scissors. 

You and Nikolai sit on the bench, with a gap between you two. He lays the roses on the bench and starts folding the paper into some kind of triangular shape, mimicking a bouquet. He seems too indulged in his activity, and for quite a few minutes he is too focused on making sure the papers are okay enough to hold the flowers. 

“You are having so much fun by yourself, hm?” You say, which makes him look up to you with wide eyes. 

“Ah! Ah, my love, pardon me for ignoring you. You see, I think I have something serious to deal with for this bouquet! I’m silent because I am thinking, not ignoring you. I promise!” He says with a tone of guilt behind his words. You chuckle, waving your hand dismissively. 

“No, no. It is totally fine. I am glad enough to just accompany you while you are doing things.” You reply, assuring him. “What's the serious thing that you are dealing with? I can help.” 

Nikolai’s eyes trail to your dress and then you. “Well, I want the scissors back, can I?” 

“And why so?” 

“See?” He raises one rose to you. His fingers are holding the stem very carefully because some thorns are still on it. He presses one finger on one of the thorns, making you panic a bit—you do not want him to get hurt either. But the thorn is quite dull, so it does not prick his skin to bleed. Nikolai continues, “I don't want you to get pricked and hurt. I just wanna cut the thorns off.” 

“Okay, okay, I’ll give back the scissors. But don't press your finger on it. You might hurt yourself.” You say as you take out the scissors from your pocket, handing it to him. He takes it and starts cutting the thorns from the roses. 

“Why do you do this?” You suddenly ask after five minutes of watching him cutting thorns. 

“I wanna make you happy. I have an idea of what your bastardized fiancé did to you. But, it must be a painful memory to live again, right?” Nikolai replies nonchalantly, without even looking at you as he is too focused on his important task. “So I wanna take care of you too! After all, you have been watching over me for a while as my attendant. I can do a little bit of kindness once in a while, yes?” 

“Right… So, why exactly do you want to… ‘make me happy’?” You ask. Nikolai cackles as he carefully arranges the flowers into his makeshift bouquet from the papers he has folded countless times. 

“Because it's our Valentine's Day!” 

Nikolai gives the bouquet to you with a cheerful beam. And you cannot help a sheepish smile form on your face as you take the bouquet. It is far from neat and presentable. But it is the prettiest gift you have ever gotten in your life before, especially from a friend. 

A friend? 

You look at Nikolai. “This is beautiful. It's my first bouquet.” You tell him as you hold the bouquet closer to your chest. “I am not sure if I can keep it in my apartment because… well, you know why. But I will try to make space for it in my locker.” 

Nikolai gasps happily, clapping his hands. “Great, great! Everyone will see that you are mine now!” 

“Well, that's not what—” 

“Ah, I know!” He holds up his hand, stopping you to stop talking. Nikolai then opens his arms proudly. “Let's make the 21st of February our Valentine's Day!” He says loudly, not caring for anyone who might be watching. “We will celebrate our rela— I mean, friendship, a week after Valentine's Day. It is like an anniversary for a couple, or something like that. Yes? Yes?” He scoots closer, lips widening with eagerness. And it is almost adorable—he looks like a young boy who is talking to his long-time crush. 

You want to retort that suggestion though—because perhaps you two would not be friends anymore after a year has gone by. And you are more likely to get assigned to a new patient or Nikolai would get deported to another asylum or another punishment for his crimes. 

Either way, you nod, agreeing to his idea. Nikolai is more than gleeful when he receives your silent approval as he already plans more gifts and ideas to spend the next 21st of February with you. It is nice to have a friend at this moment. Maybe next year, you won't be shackled to your abusive fiancé. Maybe next year, your fate will turn out better. 

“Nikolai,” you call for him and he stops his ramblings, paying attention to you. Your hand reaches up, caressing his cheek only for a few seconds as you say: “If we meet in another circumstance, I would really love to be your friend.” 

His porcelain skin is bleeding with a heated shade of crimson. You pat his cheek before you turn to the bouquet, admiring his handiwork. And Nikolai is silent and serene by your side, with his fingers lightly touching his own cheek on the very spot which your hand was on. 

He smiles sheepishly. 

— ♧

It is almost the end of your shift and your happy mood is gradually becoming stagnant. Sooner or later, you will face your fiancé again, and you are already prepared for whatever advances he might make to you tonight. And you pray to any Deity who is merciful enough to hear you—hoping he does not lay a finger on a strand of your hair. 

Before escorting Nikolai back to his room, you two make a stop at the laundry area to get him a new blanket. He claims that his blanket was dirty because it dropped onto the floor this morning. But to be honest, while you were tidying up his bed, his blanket looked just clean. 

Perhaps Nikolai is secretly a clean freak. 

Regardless, you get a new blanket for him anyway. 

“Mmm! Now it's more comfy!” Nikolai says happily as he squirms on his new blanket. You wonder if he even feels that comfortable on that hard bed. Compared to your apartment, the beds for the asylum residents—especially for criminals—are equivalent to what you would get in a prison. 

“Well, my shift ends here. I’ll see you tomorrow, Nikolai.” You say as you hold the bouquet he made for you this morning closely. Before you turn around, Nikolai gets up and grabs you by your dress. 

“Can you stay for a while?” 

You turn to him, confused. “Is there something wrong?” You ask. Nikolai does not answer, however. He just tugs your dress, forcing you to walk back to his bed. “Kolya, what's wrong?” 

“You can stay if you want.” He says, pulling you gently to sit on his bed. “If you come home at the right moment, you’ll see your fiancé, no? You can stay here until late at night.” 

“Well, that's impossible, isn't it? The guards occasionally check on the patients through that window on the door.” 

“No~! It's fine! It's okay, you don't have to be scared! I just wanna help… You can take a nap here until… I don't know, maybe 1AM? And you can leave. It's alright if you come home when he's too tired to do anything, right? It's alright if you come home when he's already asleep, right? It is truly fine, I assure you. If anyone asks you, just blame it on me! They won't question a madman’s mad behaviour after all!” He says, still trying to convince you. 

You ponder your decision and look around the room, unsure. It is truly like a prison but Nikolai looks like he is happy enough to be in here as long as you are near. 

Sighing softly, you nod slowly. He is quite right though, you do admit. “Alright… Alright, I’ll take a rest here for a few hours.” You say before you sit on the chair beside his bed. You put the flowers on the table, beside the supposedly dirty blanket. Nikolai frowns. 

“Huh? No, no, little dove. You come here.” He is still unsatisfied, tugging you to come to his bed. You reluctantly follow his gesture, finally sitting on the hard-padded bed. The only thing that is fragrant is just the new blanket. Nikolai gently pushes you down to lie on his bed. 

But your fight-or-flight response is acting too quickly as you seize his wrists, looking at him with suspicion and caution. Your breathing gets heavier and your irises are shaking with fear—a nightmare flashes quickly in your head. 

Suddenly, Nikolai lets go of his hold on you and stands quickly. He takes several steps back with his hands up. 

“I am not going to hurt you.”

Chest heaving, you are still shivering albeit slightly. Nikolai is frustrated—mostly because he knows you are reacting this way because of what happened to you yesterday night. 

“I swear to you, I won't hurt you. I won't touch you like that.” 

His voice is small and weak, and somehow you feel guilty that you are acting this way. You get up from the mattress, trying to reach Nikolai but he steps back. “No, no. Please, love. You don't have to feel sorry about me. I just want you to rest and feel comfortable. I apologise.”

You look at him, eyes lost with confusion for his actions. He is too kind—you thought. How is he so kind when he has committed too many atrocities?

“I’m sorry… for reacting that way… I don't know what came over me.” You say slowly as you watch Nikolai pulling the chair away before he sits on it, so there is a distance between you two. 

“Well, I do, so… You don't have to be sorry, really. But, if I could ease your pain just a bit, I would.” Nikolai smiles before he rummages through the drawer before he takes out a book. “How about I read you a short story, hm? You know, as a bedtime story.” 

“That book is from the library… Did you not return it?” 

Nikolai giggles before he just shushes you. “Now, now. Don't blame me for stealing a book. It is my only entertainment in this cell.” He says before he takes the old blanket and drapes it over him. He looks at you, smiling. “Make yourself comfortable, little dove. I am happy enough to sit on this chair for hours, as long as you get a moment of peace.” 

You nod slowly before you lower yourself, finally lying on his bed. You bring the blanket over your body as you turn yourself to face him. Nikolai is still smiling softly at you as he skims the pages of the book. 

“What are you reading?” 

“I don't know. I guess I’ll start at the beginning… This book is a collection of short stories. I think I can finish it all by the time you finish your nap.” Nikolai says before he looks at you. “Would you like me to read it out loud?” 

You nod. Nikolai smiles and with a deep and sultry voice, he begins: “Today an extraordinary adventure took place. I got up rather late in the morning, and when Mavra brought me my polished boots, I asked what time it was.”

You want to listen closely to the story, you truly do. But by the time he is on the second story, your eyes are already fluttering close. Though sometimes you can hear faint screams and laughter from other patients from neighbouring cells, Nikolai's voice is soothing enough to lull you to sleep. 

Ah… I don't really wanna sleep… 

It is 10PM and you plan to stay until twelve, just enough time for you to get back to the locker room before you get home. You do not want to stay for too long too, fearing that anyone would suspect something. 

But God, it feels too serene here, even in this dark cell which anyone would say is equivalent to Hell. For you, away from your plight, this is already a safe haven. 

As you try to fight the urge to drift away, you feel a warm touch on your head, gently caressing you. With your barely opened eyes, you see Nikolai is still on the chair, six feet away from you and he is wrapped nicely with his blanket. If he is this far, so who is caressing you, gently calming your sadness away? 

“Nikolai…” 

The hand that has been touching you trails down to cover your eyes, and it feels very familiar, very warm… very him. 

“Sleep well, my dear. Nightmare is not over but I am still here. I’ll stay with you forever.” 

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

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following up on my post from earlier, I'd like to remind all darkl!ng stans that Nikolai faced all the same problems as king (in the kos duology) that the darkl!ng did, as well as several other new problems (the demon, having to find a wife, etc) and committed ZERO mass murders. your fav could never