I Love The Little Mentions Of What His Therapist Taught Him - Tumblr Posts
Stop & Go
Yo, check please fandom, here’s a fic that was originally going to be Jack’s Freshmen year (aka Jack & Shitty’s origin story) but this first chapter is just Jack getting to Samwell and might end up being a stand alone. Still, figured I’d post it– Hope you enjoy!
Stop & Go (Or Jack’s Freshmen Year)
It is still shocking, how much the hockey world cares about him. He grew up knowing in an offhand way that his father is a Big Deal and then as he’d gotten older it had become more and more apparent how much people expected him to also be a Big Deal and by age twelve, he knew the hockey world cared about him. So, of course he knew. It’s a part of what had caused this whole mess in the first place.
The problem is that he sort of thought it would go away. After months of rehab and therapy and coaching a peewee team, he almost assumed he would have to start over. In April when he decides to take the SATs, he makes one call to Boston University and inquires about whether or not he would be allowed to play hockey there and suddenly–
Well, it turns out that the hockey world still very much cares about Jack Zimmermann, drug addictions and nervous breakdown or no. Coach Quinn initially starts to go on about “most of our team is recruits, but we do hold open tryouts at the beginning of the fall semester and– wait, what did you say your name was again?” Jack repeats it, expecting the admission to result in a resounding ‘no’ because who would want someone who clearly couldn’t handle the pressure in their program? Except that’s not what happens.
Quinn is suddenly beside himself, asking Jack when he would want to visit and if he’s taken his SATs or needs help with his SATs and “let me put together a packet for you, Jack. I think this would be a great fit. Really, I do.”
It seems silly after he hangs up, it seems like this is something Jack should have expected but he finds himself taking deep breaths and holding them and counting to five before exhaling and suddenly he wishes he didn’t love hockey so much.
Because what he realizes is that he is always going to be a Big Deal in hockey. And if he didn’t ache for the feel of ice under his skates and miss the buzz of adrenaline under his skin and if he didn’t dream about the feel of the puck against his stick and the slap sound it makes when he knows he’s hit it just so, he could just give it up. Slink quietly into obscurity and life a life that revolves around something else.
But he can’t do that and so he tries to make it small and manageable, like his therapist taught him, and vows to call at least one coach a day for two weeks, and promises himself he will go visit at least five schools. Because, he does need hockey again. Coaching is not enough. Not right now. Not yet.
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