I See You And Your Support Still Means The World To Me - Tumblr Posts
hiii lovelies, I’m tagging you because you’ve commented on this story and I know it’s been a long while since I updated (a whole year… I’m so sorry ૮꒰ ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ྀི꒱ა).
I truly hope you all get to enjoy this next part and I can’t wait to read your views on it ૮꒰ྀི∩' ᵕ '∩꒱ྀིა
@pixieknj
@jksgirlfrl
@armydgirl
@bbgniecyy
@e-estella
@yolireadsbts
@hopejungguk
@monochromaticfawn
college crush - 5
summary: college au I when the frontier between a crush and an obsession blurs, how can you draw the line?
pairing: shy n clingy bf! jk × black fem! reader
genre: fluff, soft yandere | headcanons
word count: 4,300. on going story
warnings: physical violence ideation (Jungkook wants to slit someone’s throat), light mention of homophobia, description of comp-het, description of sexual violence because of acephobia (y/n is spiraling)
author's note: hi lovelies, it’s been a year since the last update, can you believe it ? I keep saying that there is only one last chapter left, but then I keep having more ideas and the story keeps expending ; so I’ll just stop saying that. ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა This chapter is a bit spicier than all the other ones, Jungkook is getting closer to his goal ! But is it really going to be as easy as he thinks it’ll be ? I truly hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it my loves. As always, I love reading your comments and I hope you know that it really hypes me up to beat writer’s block and finish this story ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა
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5/ Wanting to fly the nest as far as he could, the bird aims for the sun, like Icarus, daring to rise to its death
— The bird, that just learned how to fly, soars with all his might
Its been two weeks now since you both started texting each other
At the beginning he was so nervous just thinking about directly speaking with you
He would overthink every single text he sent you for 20 minutes straight minimum
But the conversation started to flow very easily and chemistry began to develop between the two of you
It grew so much that you’ve been exchanging messages every single day with no fail, talking about any and every thing
On top of that, jungkook continued to send you gifts and come to your place while you’re not there
It added a special taste to know that whenever he would send you anything or clean your place or fill up your fridge
You would text him a few hours later to express gratitude and contentment
It filled his heart with pure joy and love for you even more now that he had your approval in real time
He didn’t need to constantly check your bins anymore
Jungkook felt his heartbeat rush and adrenaline spike up every single time you’d send him a message
It was truly heaven on earth
Now, for you… things were a bit different.
Sure, there was a cool situationship in the making
But it just wasn’t enough. you knew you needed more
You couldn’t just fall in love with a concept
You needed to put a face to it.
You decided to get bold today and proposed to arrange a date with your secret admirer
Yes this was a careless and rushed decision, whatever
But you were tired of playing it safe and decided to take matters into your own hands
Since your secret admirer wasn’t gonna be the one to do so
When jungkook received your advance he couldn’t believe his eyes and literally fell to his knees in the middle of the library
His ultimate crush was asking him out.
Asking him, out.
He knows that he’s been making a lot of efforts by talking directly to you everyday
(Even repeating that sentence in his head was making him feel dizzy)
But he couldn’t bring himself to actually reveal his whole identity to you just yet
So, he declines your offer by honestly revealing that he does not feel ready to face you at the moment
He wanted to pretend to be very sick and not wanting to contaminate you
But he absolutely loathed himself for even thinking about lying to you and betraying your trust in him
He still feels like shit because of his cowardliness
But he knows this is for the greater good of your relationship
Now, don’t get him wrong : he’s not near giving up.
The rest of his plan is waiting for the photography class partner project to unfold
But the thing is, their refusal disheartened you a bit
You thought everything was going so well between you ?
Why do they chicken out all of a sudden when it’s time to make things concrete between you ?
Are they very shy ?
Are they very ugly ?
Or are they an actual creepy serial killer that is not supposed to be on this campus ?
You tried to reassure them by stating that you’re sure that they’re a total hottie
And that there’s no reason for them to be shy with you anymore
However, your excitement started to wear off a bit, unbeknownst to Jungkook.
— The bird, finally resting for the first time in a while, inopportunely falls from a breaking branch
The following week on a tuesday, it finally arrives
The group project in photography class. the most crucial event for the rest of The Plan ™️
He tried hard to make a good first impression with his outfit
He wore a hoodie in your favorite color, slim jeans to reveal his thighs (because he overheard you talking about liking strong legs in guys) and black boots to appear more “hard” & “cool” (that’s also your type it seems)
You were wearing a very pretty light dress with some oversized pants and an oversized jacket to top it all
You were so outstandingly beautiful and cool, he just couldn’t compete with you even if he tried
The professor came in at the same time as you (you made it in time today he notes) and started the class directly by talking about the group project
But instead of a duo, like he imagined, the project will be in a quatuor with 2 boys and 2 girls
AND he already made the groups so no one could choose
The room audibly moaned and complained while he remained silent but his blood was boiling
He could not be more confused, angry and disappointed.
While the professor was calling the members of every groups out loud, he prayed to all the Gods and angels listening to please let him be with you
Even if there will be others he absolutely needed to be by your side.
He couldn’t bear leaving you all alone with two random men and no one to protect you
It seems one of the holy spirits heard his desperate pleading and answered immediately
Because the professor called his name right after yours
He doesn’t have the time to digest what just happened because the professor is already rushing everyone to gather in groups and introduce themselves
While everyone rearrange the tables and sit again, he succeeds in sitting in front of you
But he can hardly handle to look into your eyes from this close without fainting
This is the nearest he has ever been to you in real life and it truly feels like a dream come true
He can actually admire you from up close… he can smell you… he can almost touch your hand if he tries… and he wasn’t hiding from you anymore
It felt so right and natural to be in your space and bask in your presence
He was fully floating on a cloud focusing on nothing else but you and your voice
The rest of the class goes pretty smoothly with everyone introducing themselves and giving their inquiry about the project
Though he sat there in silence the entire time
While the only thing he mustered up enough courage to say was :
“Hi, my name is Jungkook. Nice to meet you all”
He was way too shy at the idea of talking to you viva voce in this context
He could try talking with you one-on-one if the project was a duo, like he planned.
But with two other strangers nearby watching and judging ?
Hell no, that was just too much all at once
Nevertheless, he does not regret witnessing you being the absolute brightest star right in front of him, even in silence
You were so full of life, energy and motivation for this project that it was actually hyping him up
Even though he really didn’t give a fuck about it in the first place
But it seems he wasn’t the only person entranced by you
Because why was this other guy clearly trying to flirt with you right in front of everyone ?
Thankfully it seems like you’ve got no clue and you’re not playing into his games at all
But Jungkook has to deal with him.
He wanted to just slit his throat so bad right then and there, without any hesitation.
But he knows he cannot show this side of himself to you just yet, and definitely not in the middle of this class
He’s gonna get rid of him definitely without scaring you off
No other boy has the right to have access to you other than him
You were his soulmate and his only.
He promised to himself to make this punk get it as soon as possible
At the end of the hour, this fucker has the audacity to ask for your number, and only yours
“it’s to talk about the project more in depth, you know !”
The holy spirits truly were by his sides today, because you suggested to have a group chat instead
“it’s to make the conversation about the project more efficient, you know !”
Everyone gives you their number and you create the groupchat right away before you all part ways
The walk home from this session at the photography class was the worst one he’s had in a while
He couldn’t even bask in the feelings of pure joy, love and excitement he has felt by being this close to you
He even gave you his real number for you to text the real him !
That was supposed to be one of the best moments of his life, right before :
your first kiss,
your marriage,
and your first child together.
But instead, he simply felt like absolute shit for witnessing a man blatantly flirting with his promised partner right in front of his face
And not doing anything to stop it and protect you.
He knows he can always count on you to preserve yourself for him and him only
But it certainly won’t last long if he doesn’t do anything
He feels really powerless and he does not like it one bit
He has to reverse the situation to promptly get rid of this parasite and secure his place in your heart
— The heavily weakened bird serendipitously finds some food on the ground
The thing is, he was so focused on his feelings for you and that other douchebag that he did not even notice everything else that happened outside of that
Like the fact that the other girl of the group was clearly trying to hit on him too
but he was so oblivious he only responded to her with vague hmms indicating yes or no
Or the fact that his charm and his silence intrigued you the most and you definitely wanted to spend more time with him to break his shell
Like, he was seriously one of the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen.
The way his long hair and square glasses perfectly framed his angelic face
The way he was not able to say a single word during the entire hour
And the way he blushed + looked away shyly any time anyone glanced for a little too long at him……
His cuteness already caught your eye before but this meeting solidified your crush for him even more
He was effortlessly checking every box of your ideal type one by one, it was not even funny
So much so that you started to wonder if it was worth entertaining a situationship with a potentially dangerous secret admirer
That is not even bold enough to show their face despite claiming to be deeply in love with you
Rather than shooting your shot with the cute nerdy guy from photography class
That is a very real person within reach, even if there is no certitude that he’s interested in you in the slightest
It was starting to hurt your head to think this much about all this
so you decided to open up to your secret admirer
Hoping to wake them up, for good.
After closing the door to his room, Jungkook received a very lengthy message from you where you disclosed all your doubts about him and your relationship
That’s when he truly lost it and started to sob uncontrollably
He realized that he was seriously on the verge of actually losing you for good
After all the hard work he has done to get to this point
He was inconsolable and cried in a ball on the ground for a good ten minutes
After calming down a bit, he realized that you were giving him the opportunity to officially deepen the connection between you
This was his last chance to truly secure his way to your heart, and you were the one giving it to him
He simply did not deserve the pure kindness of your soul and you still gave it to him
He made the very important decision on the spot to bend The Plan™️
You wanted to know more of his identity ? so be it.
He answered :
“My sweetest love. Thank you for trusting me and pushing for me to still be in your life after I’ve been such a coward. I do not deserve your grace, but I will prove to you by all means that my love for you is infaillible. From now on, you will receive pictures from me about myself and my daily life, and even audios of me directly reading my poems to you, if you feel comfortable with that. I will do my best to get you to know me on a more personal level, so you can realize that I am the perfect pretender to be your lifelong partner and that we are meant to be together forever. But know that at the moment, I still can’t reveal my whole identity to you, whether it be my face or my name, because of personal reasons you will soon understand. Please tell me if this satisfies your needs for now, and I will begin immediately.”
He knew he would have to push through a lot of boundaries within himself to uphold these promises
But he was willing to do absolutely anything for you, your love and your happiness
And to be by your sides
When you received their answer, you got reminded why you loved talking to your secret admirer so much
They were so dramatic sometimes, it was really funny and relieved your stress more often than not
You couldn’t do anything but accept their request without a second thought when it was presented in such a classy and solemn way
It was not exactly what you asked for, but you respected their decision and noted their efforts to try and meet your request still
You did not really pay more attention to it and move on with your life
Until you almost choked to death on your tea 10 minutes later
Since they said that they will not be showing their face, you thought they would exclusively send you innocent pictures of their daily life and stuff
How naive of you to think that.
After opening your phone notification you couldn’t help but stare at your screen, eyes wide open, with your eyebrows touching the ceiling
Instead of a candid still of some food on a plate like you expected
You were met with the mirror picture of a literal greek god with a full sleeve of tattoos, right out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel on their head and another one hanging low on their waist
They followed up on the pic with the wittiest text you’ve ever read from them
“You’re such a lucky princess because I just started my night routine. I’ve been itching to send you pictures like these for so long but I had to make sure the timing was right. I cannot wait to include you in my daily life. Do you want me to do a tour of all the skin care products I use to take care of the body you’re looking at ?”
“Oh, and my pronouns are he/him by the way ;)”
There is no way he’s not fucking with you right now. Absolutely no way.
You’ve been gawking at your phone with your mouth agape for so long, you did not notice the trail of saliva connecting your lips to your thighs.
He even has the time to send you another message apologizing if he made you uncomfortable with his naked body and promising to never cross your boundaries ever again
And that from now on he’ll only send you pictures of him fully clothed, even if it might compromise his anonymity
You collect yourself just enough to send :
“Please send me a real picture of yourself. I cannot believe you’re trying to catfish me after we’ve been talking together for so long.”
It was a bit harsh you admit, but you had to make sure that this wasn’t just some enormous prank
And that you’ve been made fun of this entire time
At first, he got hurt that you actually thought that he was a catfish and that he couldn’t possibly be this good looking
But he remembered that he was still an anonymous stalker in your eyes and that you were a very intelligent woman
It was totally understandable that you’d still be on your guard
Jungkook simply answers back :
“I would absolutely never play in your face and break your trust like that my love. You can make a reverse search on this picture. I took it right now and you’re the only person besides me that has ever laid eyes on it on this earth. All of this is reserved just for you.”
You do as he told and… you simply can’t believe it.
He is right : the picture is nowhere to be found on the internet
That’s when it really kicked in
You actually bagged the literal finest man in campus without doing anything
And he is the one that’s absolutely obsessed with you ??
He is the one who spoils you and showers you with love at any occasion without any inquiry on you part ??
You must have saved the entire human civilization in another life, because there was simply no way in hell this was real
You had to apologize. You were truly not familiar with his game.
You answer back :
“Look, I’m sorry to have doubted you but you’ve always been anonymous this entire time and we haven’t really gotten to know each other on a deeper level just yet. You know what ? You can send me all the pictures you’d like, but no dick pic please, I’m truly not into that.”
“Thank you again for accepting to reveal more of yourself to me, I’m really enjoying this ! You look very good…”
When he finished reading your message he was smiling from ear to ear
Oh, he knew he won.
— Against all odds, the bird perks up and flaps his wings again
Following this event, you started sending pictures of each other on the regular
You were sending him selfies mostly, not comfortable enough to reveal your body like he does
Jungkook did not mind one bit
He worshipped every single picture you sent to him regardless, going as far as printing and framing them all
His room was starting to fill up with all the pictures of you that you sent him, along side the stolen cliches he took of you
He was literally living his dream life.
He couldn’t believe how far he’d gone in the pursuit of his love, and how far it led him
On the flip side, you were absolutely flabbergasted.
He was sending you very cute pictures of his daily life like him cooking, gaming, painting and all that
But when it came to the pictures of himself…
He was always half naked or wearing very tight fitting clothes like a tank top and a sport crewneck
He explained that he couldn’t send you pictures of him wearing his daily clothes because he didn’t want you to recognize him in the street
That was only half of the truth tho
He also wanted to impress you with the work he’s been putting in the gym during all this time, just for you
But he truly hoped that you didn’t see him as some sort of fuckboy only interested in having sex with you
Showing you his body was just another way to draw you in. Like the final nail in the coffin
In his opinion, he made enough efforts these past few months to give you a glimpse of the overflowing feelings he had for you
He is absolutely head over heels for you but not in a carnal way if that made sense
And he knows very well that you’re not into that either
He has had crushes and stuff but he used to be a complete loser so no one would give him even a crumb of attention
Of course he very occasionally had some peaks of libido and he always took care of his needs by himself
But he quickly realized that he has honestly never felt sexual attention to anyone
When he compared his experience to the way other boys around him where going crazy about sex in his teenage years…
It was alienating to say the least.
He clearly remembers an instance when he tried talking about it to one of his friends at the time
And they bluntly answered :
“You don’t feel attracted to girls ? Are you gay or something ?”
Yes, he later discovered that he was indeed bi, but that was besides the point
The only thing he wanted more than anything was to develop the deepest and closest platonic & romantic relationship he could with anyone
And have them by his side as a friend and a lover, forever
He could not bring himself to perform as a person he was not just to uphold the expectations about what it meant to be a man
It felt like deep betrayal toward himself and the perfect recipe to be miserable forever in order to have company and be accepted by society
He always thought he was weird and doomed to be alone
Until you came into his life and outwardly expressed your need to have someone exactly like him into your life
You were literally the bright and warm light guiding him out of the dark and cold tunnel of loneliness
A dream of his that was once too good to be true
Was now a reality within reach
He could finally let hope fill his heart to the brim, like he always wanted to.
— the bird keeps gliding, with hope being the sole compass of his unpredictable voyage
The thing is, his plan was working on you
You really enjoyed the glimpses into his life and the occasional thirst traps
It kind of felt like texting a very sweet OF model
So you didn’t know why you still felt somewhat… empty
Like, he did answer your request to see more of him.
Of course it’s reassuring and rewarding to know that your secret admirer (and obsessive stalker) is literally eye candy
But you started to get scared about his true intentions
You knew he loved you for you
At least that’s what the countless love letters, acts of services and gifts he was constantly showering you with lead you to believe
And he has never been sexually suggestive in any way
But you still held back in your feelings in some way
You’ve always craved a special type of romantic connection to someone that was rooted in nothing but pure feelings of love and trust, not lust
And he was clearly giving that to you, at the moment
But.. he’s a drop dead gorgeous college boy in his early twenties
He statistically could not possibly be on the same page as you.
What will happen when he’ll start wanting more from you and you’re not gonna be able to give it to him ?
What will happen when on your first night together he’ll try to make a move on you and you’ll have to reject him ?
What will happen when you’ll be forced to open up about your lack of sexual attraction ?
Will he abandon you on the spot, like all these other guys ?
Or is he too far gone in his obsession with you, that he won’t be able to accept your rejection and his knee jerk reaction will be to be outright violent with you ?
Or worse : what if he’ll pretend to understand that “you need time” to get comfortable with him
Only to try to coerce his way into making you do something you simply don’t want to do ?
You want to enjoy this with him as much as possible, you really do
But these thoughts have always plagued your mind
And you had to share them with him to make sure that he stops getting attached to you before it’s too late.
You just couldn’t let hope fill your heart to the brim, even if you wanted to.