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Epiphany // Soft Porn (Prologue)

Summary: Joshua has always been comfortable with his sexuality and romantic orientation for as long as he could remember; he's straight, and monogamous. At least, that's what he thought. One day his bestest friend in the world starts exploring the possibility of seeing someone, a mutual friend, and well, Joshua realizes two things: He's not as straight as he thought he was, and he wants both of them.

Characters/Pairing(s): Hong Joshua x F!Reader x Yoon Jeonghan

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut (No smut in the prologue)

AUs/Trope info: Non-Idol!AU, Poly!AU, Strangers to Friends to Lovers,

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Just drinking and cussing

Rating: 18+

A/N: banners by @kwanisms

The warm lights of the restaurant with the alcohol made Joshua's face tingle. He's gotten a few drinks in with his best friend, Jeonghan, who's arguably in a worse state than he was.

“Joshuji, I met this girl at a friend's birthday recently. She's new to the area and I think you guys would click, she's really chill.” Jeonghan slurred slightly, head swaying and while his hair fell over his face.

“Really? Ah, you really know how to make friends in all places huh.” Joshua said, at least he thinks he did. He and Jeonghan notoriously cannot handle their alcohol, so he might've just slurred something incomprehensible.

From the way Jeonghan squinted and furrowed his eyebrows, it was clear that he was having a hard time trying to understand what Joshua was trying to say, still, he nodded as a form of ‘I don't want to think too hard lest my head explodes' gesture. He just laughed it off and hoped it was a joke.

Luckily for him, it was, and as he threw his head back sloppily, Joshua couldn't help but notice the way his long hair whipped off of his face, letting him get a better view of his friend's neck along with the drunken joy of his face.

Ah, he's so pretty. Joshua thought to himself, there's nothing wrong with appreciating the aesthetic beauty of your closest friend, right? It's okay for him to think he's absolutely gorgeous because he means a lot to him, right?

It's totally normal to want to date your bro if you were a girl, right?

I'd absolutely date him if I was a girl.

Totally normal thing to think about your best friend who just so happens to be drop-dead gorgeous. Joshua doesn't think too much about what that could mean; he’s lived 28 years without even questioning what type of people he's attracted to, and he's absolutely confident he liked women. If his hormonal teenage years of being provoked by big tits was any indication, he's completely confident about being into women.

What he didn't consider was the possibility of being into both.

But he's too out of it at the moment. Maybe if he remembers this when he's sober he'll explore the possibility more, but right now, he's content looking at the dopey, lopsided, lazy grin across Jeonghan's face.

Man, I love him… completely platonically!

The morning light bleeds through Joshua's curtains, the warmth of it hitting Joshua's face making his eyes flutter open. That wasn't the only warmth on him though, Jeonghan's sleeping figure was pressed against his chest, his head cradled in Joshua's arms. His shampoo invades Joshua's nose, the calming lavender prompting Joshua to take a deep breath of the scent.

Jeonghan stirs slightly, his arms around Joshua's torso tightening his hold on him, hand gripping the back of Joshua's sleep shirt with a groan. Joshua could feel the vibrations from Jeonghan's chest to his. Jeonghan nuzzles his face into Joshua's chest more, getting comfortable again.

This isn't the first time this happened; Joshua and Jeonghan have always been comfortable with each other, to the point that they'd move in together and cuddle regularly. Jeonghan claimed it made for a more fulfilling sleep, while Joshua is just happy to have Jeonghan close. He loves him, after all.

Completely platonically!

“Good morning.” Joshua murmured into Jeonghan's hair.

Jeonghan hummed in response, “G'morni… don' get up yet… ‘m still comfy…” he slurred, sleep still deep in his system, body heavy and maybe a little hungover from the night before.

Joshua chuckles at this, “I need to make breakfast for us, Hannie.” He said, threading his fingers through Jeonghan's hair to scratch his scalp. This motion causes Jeonghan to grin into Joshua's chest, his grip on his shirt relaxing. If Jeonghan was a cat, he'd be purring by now from content. 

They're broken out of their little bubble of comfort when Jeonghan's stomach growls in protest, his eyes snapping open, cheeks warming up in mild embarrassment from just how loud it was.

Joshua on the other hand, found it fucking adorable.

He pulls Jeonghan closer to his chest, the vibrations of his laughter on Jeonghan's cheek. His face flushes more, burying it into Joshua's chest with a whine.

“Please tell me you'll make breakfast soon.” He said, voice muffled by Joshua's chest.

“I'll make your favorite French toast if it'll make you feel better.” Joshua said, stroking Jeonghan's hair gently.

“Thanks bro.” Jeonghan said, finally releasing his hold on Joshua. He promptly gets up, stretching his arms and cracking his back, bare feet softly padding their way into the kitchen where he starts preparing to make breakfast. 

Jeonghan follows shortly after him, figure slightly swaying from his hangover, uneven steps thudding across the floor of their shared apartment. His furrowed brows and unpleasant expression shifted into a soft smile as soon as he saw Joshua's back facing towards him. 

Walking quietly to where Joshua was in front of the stove, Jeonghan placed his hands on both of Joshua's shoulders to peek over him, looking at the progress of their breakfast. 

Joshua smiles fondly at the sweet gesture, silently flipping the toast to finish cooking it. “Hannie, could you set the table? I think we still have orange juice in the fridge.”

Jeonghan only replies with a nasal hum, one of his many cute habits. He removes himself from Joshua's personal space and goes to check the fridge, taking the juice out to start setting the table.

Breakfast was served! They both sat down at their dining room table to enjoy it. 

“Hey Joshuji, I'm going out today to meet the new friend I made, do you wanna come with me?” Jeonghan asked with a mouthful of toast.

Joshua chews his toast slowly, trying to make some time in his schedule to go and meet with this friend Jeonghan keeps talking about.

“Sorry Han, I can't, I just remembered I have a doctor's appointment today, and with the clinic lines, it's gonna be a while.” He said after he swallowed his toast, picking up his glass of orange juice to wash it down.

“Aw, that's too bad, I had a feeling you guys would get along well. Maybe next time then.” Jeonghan continued to chew with a pout on his face, which Joshua found to be cute as fuck.

Stop pouting, you're too cute, I'd kiss that pout off your face if I were dating you. 

Wait, no, is that gay?

Nah, my love for him is completely platonic!

Joshua thought about that exchange with Jeonghan in their shared apartment for a while, and it easily took over his every waking thought as he sat in his car after his doctor's appointment, too distracted by confusing thoughts to start the car and feel safe driving it.

Was he trying to set me up with his new friend? Why? With the way he was talking about them, I'd assume he was into them. So why was he so adamant on introducing us?

That wasn’t really the issue plaguing him though,  it's the fact that the idea of Jeonghan dating someone is bothering him. Not that he's jealous or anything! It's just that, if Jeonghan starts dating someone else,  then he won't have as much time to hang out with him! He'll get homie-napped and pussy-whipped right in front of his eyes!

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but it is still a very valid concern to have! Jeonghan is Joshua's- best friend. Best friend, platonic soulmate, his other- platonic- half!

They're planning to steal the platonic love of his life!

Oh my god- Joshua what the fuck are you thinking? Be normal!! Your all-in-one best friend, roommate, and soulmate can date people and you don't have to be weird about it! It's not like he hasn't dated before! 

Joshua groaned, slamming his head into the steering wheel causing the car to make an abrupt and loud honk. Joshua jolted, surprising himself, and sending an apologetic look at the lady pushing her stroller in front of his car who was also a little spooked.

God, I'm a mess, why can't I ever be normal about Jeonghan dating people? We're both adults for fuck's sake.

Joshua rubs his palms into his face, groaning a very long groan. The noise of frustration seemingly lasted for hours, at least to him, and his pertinent for dramatics.

Joshua was finally able to get himself out of his head, and he regained the capacity to focus on the road and drive safely, like a very normal, and very sane person. 

Don't think of Jeonghan. Don't think of Jeonghan. Don't think of Jeonghan. Don't think of- Turn left? Left???? Hold on what's left again? Fuckfuckfuckfuck-

Joshua ended up missing his turn and drove an extra 3 hours of shame in an attempt to get back to his original route, so in hindsight, maybe he still wasn't in the right state of mind to have been driving. 

The only silver lining was that his thoughts of Jeonghan were replaced by the desire to finally get home.

Joshua finally made it home in one piece,  though he noticed Jeonghan still hadn't come home.

No, no, bad Joshua! Stop! Stop thinking about him!

He shut his eyes tightly as he tried to navigate the apartment with his eyes closed, trying to push the intrusive thoughts of his pretty best friend from his mind.

Think of literally anything else, think straight thoughts! Women, females, tits, ass, vagina- ew no, I'm straight, not a douchebag. What kind of ass thinks of women as detached genitalia or something? If I just need to stick my dick into something; I have a fist and a fleshlight. 

Joshua successfully pushed the intrusive thoughts away by overthinking himself into an argument with fictitious misogynists.

Still, even when the thought of Jeonghan wasn't at the forefront of his mind, a sinking feeling still washed over him. Dread, maybe anxiety? Whatever it is, it's ugly, and Joshua hates feeling it.

Joshua wakes up in the middle of the night, body jolting at the realization that he accidentally fell asleep in his outside clothes. He sits up, squinting at the darkness of his bedroom, subconsciously reaching over to the left side of the bed further from the door, only to be met with cold sheets. 

Right, Jeonghan isn't here.

Joshua doesn't know when Jeonghan comes home, he feels a little guilty since he usually waits for Jeonghan to come home so they can do their night routine together. 

Joshua's California King-size bed feels a little too big for him now, too empty to be comfortable. It's not the safe place Joshua feels it is without Jeonghan.

Joshua only has the silence of night and the hug of moonlight to accompany him now, all he has the energy to do now is think. Think about just how much he values and depends on the constant that was Jeonghan in his life. Ever since he met him, fresh out of high school, new to the country. Through the culture shock of moving to the other side of the world, Jeonghan had been a steady rock to lean on.

Thinking was a dangerous thing for Joshua to do, forcing him to address personal turmoils that would usually disappear in the light of day.

Joshua is sure that he loves Jeonghan, but he can't help but explore the possibility of being in love with him.

It's not like he hasn't thought about it before, on other lonely nights like these where Joshua doesn't have the sound of Jeonghan's snores to distract him.

The constant hum of the air conditioning tunes out the sound of Joshua's breathing, and even under his comforter, it's cold. It's lonely without Jeonghan.

Isolation was never good for Joshua, especially if he was left alone with his thoughts. He shakes his head, throwing the covers off himself to make the journey to their kitchen. 

Isolation was never good for Joshua, so he seeks the company of a bottle of whiskey. 

He pours a bit in a glass, neat, not being in the mood to even get ice. He takes the bottle and his glass to the chair facing the floor-to-ceiling windows of their apartment. 

Moonlight lights up Joshua's face, highlighting every shadow over his face. He distantly thinks about Jeonghan again—if he saw Joshua right now, he'd scold him. He's not used to Joshua's way of coping by bleeding his emotions to the moon.

Maybe it's wishful thinking, or maybe it's a desperate prayer that was finally heard, but Jeonghan finds Joshua drinking near the window.

“I thought I told you not to drink alone, Joshuji.” Jeonghan said, sleep still in his voice as his feet pad on the hardwood.

“I know Hannie, I'm sorry, I've just been thinking.” He said, downing the rest of the whiskey in the glass before setting it down on the small table next to his chair.

Jeonghan wordlessly sat on the chair across from Joshua, scanning the shadows of his face. “What were you thinking about?” Jeonghan asked, leaning comfortably against his seat.

Joshua's eyes fell over Jeonghan's face, the moonlight casting a soft glow, skin shining pearlescent, the light creating a halo around his head.

His breath gets caught in his throat, he's beautiful. Angelic was the perfect word to describe how Jeonghan looked at this moment. Joshua remembers how his pastor back in church would describe these higher beings.

He fully believes Jeonghan was sent to him to look after him. There's no other reason for a man to look like “safety” and “security” to him.

Unless, of course, Joshua is in love with him.

“I'm thinking about us.” Joshua finally replied, after much thought, he knew hiding something from Jeonghan would only be more trouble than it was worth.

Jeonghan's back straightened, surprised at the easy confession out of Joshua, “Us? What do you mean by that Joshua?”

Jeonghan only ever uses his real name when he's serious, Joshua only shakes his head and smiles at him.

“It's nothing. But, you know I love you, right?” Joshua says, the word ‘love’ feeling heavy on his tongue.

Jeonghan's face softens, knowing Joshua isn't ready to talk about that just yet. Still, he answers, “I know, I love you too.”

Joshua's heart swells at the reassurance, smiling fondly at Jeonghan, his best friend. As he stands up to walk towards Joshua.

Joshua waits for Jeonghan's next move, patiently watching every delicate movement of his body, from the sway of his hair down to the rocking of the heels of his feet.

Jeonghan reached out to Joshua, cupping his face, the pad of his thumb wiping a stray tear from his cheek, not realizing that they'd started to fall. 

“You mean so much to me, more than you think you do, and I'm waiting for you. Find me when you're ready to talk.” Jeonghan said, moving Joshua's bangs away from his face, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

When Jeonghan moved away from Joshua's face, the light behind Jeonghan's head made a halo around him once more, reminding Joshua that solace was his soulmate.