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Doksoo short angst fic (51!KDJ and “HSY”)

Based on the third part of this post by @lialox

[Kim Dok ja]

The fourth wall’s voice came in and out randomly, as if it was also running out of things to converse about.

Which regression turn was it, now?

I couldn’t remember.

I closed my eyes. A blurry vision of Yoo Joonghyuk sleeping soundly on a quiet night with his companions surrounding him came to mind.

He was asleep, huh..

My sight returned back to the empty subway. 

I thought about Yoo Joonghyuk’s companions around him again.

…

Deep down, did I wish my companions were here, as well?

It would hurt them.

My stories were still slowly floating out the window. Perhaps, by the end of this turn, I would truly forget all of my memories.

A tingling sensation began to creep up my chest. It was a thought.

[N ot a go od ide a]

The fourth wall spoke, as if knowing in an instant what I was going to do.

I let out a faint chuckle.

“But if I don’t do it now, will I ever be able to say those words again?”

The comments I wanted to make on the Ways of Survival one last time.

I slowly drew in a deep breath.

[Bookmark “Director of the False Last Act” has been activated!]

The memories I recalled about Han Sooyoung. Both of the one I knew, and the one who saved me. Tls123. The memories I had of them began to slowly float up to the surface of my consciousness.

“Who do you think…”

“A very big baby..” 

“You, you…”

“You better read it…”

“Even if it’s over three thousand chapters…”

Some memories I recalled vividly, some I weren’t sure if it was just my imagination. Nonetheless, all those moments began to converge into one single avatar.

A figure slowly materialized in front of me. A tiny portion of my stories sank into that figure.

A young woman of short stature, her dark hair flowing down to just about her shoulders. A beauty mark beneath her right eye. The white coat that fitted over her body. 

I stared up at that figure’s dark eyes.

[Due to the “Most Ancient Dream”’s blessing, the skill’s application period has been changed to infinite.]

I wished this moment could last forever, too.

“Hey, why are you crying!?”

The avatar behaved exactly like how I expected Han Sooyoung would. She removed the lemon candy sticking out of her mouth and shoved it hurriedly down her pocket. She then picked out another one from somewhere.

“Hey..”

That lemon candy wasn’t forcefully stuffed in my mouth. Instead, she simply bent down and handed it to me.

One of my hands was still holding onto the phone, and the other was covering my face. Han Sooyoung’s concerned expression deepened.

“Tch.. guess I’ll have to do it myself.”

She carefully unwrapped the candy and waved it over my mouth.

“Say ahh.”

Was it because I looked like a child now? I couldn’t help but get slightly annoyed. Nonetheless, I decided to play along.

I opened my mouth as she placed the candy on my tongue.

The lemon candy had no flavor.

Han Sooyoung threw herself onto the seat next to me with a thud, patting my hunched over back softly.

[The fourth wall is shaking!]

[The fourth wall is shaking..]

[The fourth wall…]

After a while, the messages slowly disappeared. Maybe that guy decided to go away for a while.

“What’s wrong, huh?” Han Sooyoung asked, snapping me out of my short trance. She looked down at the phone in my hand.

“You’re reading it again?”

This time, instead of sounding annoyed, she sounded rather gleeful.

I nodded softly. “Yeah.”

Han Sooyoung smirked.

“It was a really great story, isn’t that right?”

The phone I held fell onto the cold floor with a soft thud. Tiny pieces of glass broke off from the screen, but I couldn’t care less.

I’d said something like that before, didn’t I..?

I nodded again, biting down on my dry lips.

“Yeah.”

“What do you think about it?” 

I couldn’t stop myself now. The words began to flow out of my mouth like water bursting out of a broken dam. The words I’d always wanted to tell her, the author. The comments I could no longer write. 

As I kept rambling on and on, her expression shifted along with my energy. She laughed when I got upset, and sarcastically consoled me at the parts that saddened me. 

One thing was consistent, though.

She would smile whenever I mentioned I loved this story more than anything.

I couldn’t tell how much time had gone by. I kept talking as my stories kept floating away. Is this what they mean when they say “time flies by when you’re having fun”?

I’d stop at certain points to catch my breath. Whenever that happened, I’d notice our reflection on the subway window. A young woman with a child whose clothes are too large for his body, both wearing the same white coat like a bring-your-parent-to-school day silly getup. Han Sooyoung would notice what I was seeing, too.

“You look horrible in that.”

But in my eyes, all I saw was a child talking away happily to his guardian.

I smiled.

“I know.”

As the time kept going by, I began to grow tired.

Of talking.

Even though I still had a million more words to say to her.

Han Sooyoung’s soft hand rested on my head, hastily brushing away my loose hair. Without another word, she pulled my small head down to rest on her lap.

There was no familiarity in this feeling. It was strange.

“Sleep, Kim Dokja.” She muttered, slowly removing her hand. My legs were still folded up on the seat awkwardly. She shook her head, as if disappointed. “Stretch your legs!”

I did as she told, letting my legs stretch along the seats. I remember counting the seats each time I was in this position. Originally, it was roughly five seats. Now, it was barely three.

Her dark eyes glanced at me again.

“Seriously…” she grumbled. “Do you need a lullaby or something to sleep? Why am I asking this.. but you’re a child, after all.”

She seemed to direct that last line as a joke.

I shook my head.

Han Sooyoung chuckled to herself, resting her chin on the hand that wasn’t caressing my head.

“Of course you don’t. You’d listen to stories. And only one, for that matter. How stubborn..”

Then, she began recounting the tales of Ways of Survival.

Did Han Sooyoung used to do this?

I had asked myself that question numerous times over since the moment I began talking to “Han Sooyoung”.

If the avatar was truly generated from my memories, then..

Then…

Then how could she be doing things I don’t even expect her to do.

My thoughts came to a halt when she began to recount my favorite part.

Whatever it was, I’d rather relish this moment, even if it’s just for a second more.

I slowly fell asleep listening along to her voice.

…….

When I woke up, the subway was empty again.

I must’ve unknowingly deactivated the skill when I was asleep.

In the dream, I continued to watch Yoo Joonghyuk’s regression turn.

But this time, “Han Sooyoung”’s voice accompanied me.

The author that originally breathed life into this world.

Just to keep a single person alive.

I stared down at my hands, the ends of it still breaking away into the distance.

My stories were leaking out at a much faster pace than before.

[Sl e pt we ll?]

The fourth wall’s voice returned. 

I couldn’t answer it.

In a way, it must’ve been one of the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had in my life.

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out.

The fourth wall sighed.

[St i ll c ry ing]

…….

Han Sooyoung, who was now in the 1865th turn, was standing guard for the other companions as they slept out of exhaustion. She stared up at the night sky, trying to find the star that shone the brightest.

Just now, she had a rather silly thought, that perhaps that guy would’ve created another avatar to accompany himself in that train. Maybe that avatar would look like her. Maybe that avatar would be patient enough to listen to his ramblings about the story he loved the most. Maybe that avatar would’ve taken care of him in her stead, at least for now.

She felt a small tear forming at the corner of her eye.

“What am I thinking…” 

She shook those thoughts off.

“But that guy would definitely do such a thing.”