I Suffer A Lot - Tumblr Posts

So last and this week have been crazy, meltdowns that affected my time on the drawings. And a personal problem that happened on Saturday that I will be quiet for a few days or more, maybe a month.

Let me explain, some people in Wattpad knows a bit that I had a problem with my armpit that hurted so bad that I stop writing and moving my arms for a few days. What I didn't continue on saying, I had these problems for more than two years. Long ago, I had this pimple-like bumps under my arms for a few weeks and I never thought about it, even if I was close off the outside and I stay in my room.

To warn you, I'm an autistic teenager who suffer depression, anxiety, diabetes, and many issues. Basically, I'm a very sick person who have many mental health problems. I like to be in my room most of the days because my anxiety keep me away from the outside world when my family goes shopping. There are some times where I am happy to go out and stretch out my legs.

Anyways, I didn't think much about the lumps, even it's weird that I stay in the room yet it came out of nowhere. It wasn't until a few days later, it open into holes, throwing pus and blood goo that dirty any towel within that day. It even stink the room from the smell but the worst was that it gave me huge pain when I move a muscle on my arms. It last a few weeks before it close up and leaves scars under my armpits but in a few days, my other armpit started to repeat that cycle of pain. When it close up, my other arm open up again, repeating all of the years. No pain killers stop the pain for a day, only hours before it sting back again. We went to emergency room more than three times, never telling me what it was and just to "air it out" but they also have me Cephalexin or Keflex pills (was the first thing they gave me when I came in the second time) but I found out that I'm "immune" to it so there was almost nothing to help me.

Until a year ago, my mom took me to my primary doctor instead and they said that I might have Hidradenitis suppurativa. When they send me to a Dermatologist, she said a few words about it and related to me so much, she only have us a pill to stop the flare up (the shocking pain in the arms and muscles). It made me sick and have extreme diarrhea for weeks so my mom decides to stop giving it to me and I got a lot better. The flares up stop for a year but just last week, it created three balls and made a huge lump and when it popped in my sleep, I just cover it with a bandage to stop the blood. When the next night came in, I was have a huge meltdown from the stress of homework I missed (that week before that, I didn't went to school cause the whole household got sick and no one could drive, I'm homeschooled) and the pain came in more extreme than before, my mom took me to the emergency room again but this time, the doctor saw me in pain and told me it was Hidradenitis suppurativa which we knew but he noticed I was really young and sick for this so he wants me to get into surgery to get rid of it which we didn't knew that can be a option until now. We change doctors because they were shit from the beginning and refused to take the hospital referral for an emergency surgery.

So just yesterday, I went to see the new doctor and he sent a note for an urgent surgery to the office, they said that they will send a call for a 24 hour warning to meet the surgeon but they don't know the date it will be for it but it will be this week.

This morning, the doctors who going to do the surgery approved me but they need the notes from the hospital emergency room and see me. So it will happened tomorrow or the next day before that. I seen video of the procedure they do and it looks like I won't able to use my arms for a while. I want this so bad, the freedom of the one thing I have. I may be suffering with others things but I want to move my arms freely to do my drawings and writing my stories. I also scared of the outcome of it after the surgery, also I don't want to wake up in the middle of it.

Thanks for reading this, if you have any questions about this, ask away!