I Think Its Just Cuz In The End It Was A Semi Good Ending As In They Didnt Break Up SO !!! W - Tumblr Posts

be sweet (i wanna believe in you)

pairing: choi beomgyu x reader

word count: 2,876

summary / [request 💌]: the one where beomgyu accidentally breaks your heart

contains: beomgyu being an asshole sorry, he might be out of character, might not be 100% healthy but hey mc and bg are a work in progress, crying, mentions of insomnia, arguments, debilitating anxiety, nothing too serious

a/n: some of this is based on my life so 🤣 sorry for the self insert lmfao

things between you and beomgyu are good. that’s a fact outside of what you tell yourself because you don’t have the best luck in relationships. he lights up your world and he never fails to look out for you, the way you do for him.

arguments however interrupted that, even little comments that he probably didn’t even mean to say. there were still instances where you could be hurt.

and when he was angry, it was no different. you had never seen him angry at you, irritated at best over a handful of things, but today was different.

you’d stayed up the entire night studying for a test, your exam scheduled for the afternoon. beomgyu had had to wake up at five a.m. for practice, but the night before, with a kiss to your forehead, he’d reassured you that he would wake himself up with his alarm.

however, you had your headphones in, so focused, sitting in the kitchen overlooking your living room. that’s the reason why beomgyu had woken up late, ignoring his alarms since he’d been exhausted from the late practice the night before. but, in the heat of the moment, there was no room for explanation when you look up from your computer screen and it’s beomgyu rushing to put on a jacket, mouth moving a mile a minute. his bare face is so beautiful and long black hair messy, the collar of his shirt so wide so there was room to make him up. you missed having time to do that.

wanting to meet him halfway, you pick up the corner of your headphones to listen to his voice, but your smile goes away when you hear him: voice serious, increasing in volume slowly, an edge of accusation and anger to it.

“- and you’re not even fucking listening to me! why the fuck am i even bothering? can’t believe i’m fucking late because of this bullshit. so fucking exhausted and all you do is just sit there —“ you go back to listening to your study music, trying not to cry as he continues complaining, glaring at you while you pretend to type, blinking roughly. he finally leaves with a slam of the door that makes you flinch through your loud tunes. the worst part of that was that he had been saying all those things to your face, knowing you couldn’t hear. or maybe he’d wanted you to hear. your sweet, puppy boyfriend had never once been that cold. was it all a lie? you’d never seen him so mad, and he has never been this annoyed with you. was this going to be how it was from now on? your sensitive, pathetic heart couldn’t even fathom it. you needed him to be clear at all times because you could get so in your head so quickly.

beomgyu knows that. he knows that…

your broken heart and anxiety made it hard to focus and understand the content, but you pushed through your studying. everything must be grueling for him, so you decided to just try and forget about it. before you knew it, it was time for your exam, which took hours, including the commute to and from. walking back and on the subway back home, you didn’t feel any better, stomach in knots, delirious from lack of sleep, and anxiety making you physically weak. you returned home to find no one there, somewhat relieved at his lack of presence. anxiously awaiting his return, you tried to make food, unable to stomach it, so you placed it in the fridge and left a note on the table, so he’d know, just in case you wouldn’t be able to do it in person. you even sent soobin a text message, trying not to pry, but you couldn’t help your curiosity.

you: hi soobin, hope practice wasn’t too bad for u guys :C

soobingsu: hey yn thank you for ur kind words, its been hard but im sure u know since beomgyu has been on edge

you: oh ? is he ok ? are u guys ok ?

soobingsu: nothing to worry about too much, just as long as hes not giving u a hard time, little yn. we’re resting rn and we have photoshoots later so don’t miss us too much

you left him on read, too nervous to ask more and to dare to tell him what happened in the morning. soobin was your best friend outside of your longtime relationship with beomgyu, but work has been demanding for all of them, and you felt like you wanted to make yourself small about all of it.

you eventually had to go to work, unable to sleep and get the rest you’d missed. it distracted you well though, at least for a few hours, even when you opened the door when you got home. it was when you noticed the door was unlocked, the shower running that you grew more nervous again.

so, in an attempt to try and make the landing a little softer, you tried to heat up some of his food that was on the counter since it was cold, put his favorite playlist on your television, and dimmed the lighting so it wasn’t too harsh. somehow, when he left the bathroom and walked in the same room as you, your body knew before you did that things were not going to be easy.

“hey,” he greeted you lowly, not looking at you much, perhaps his senses were still muddled, dulled, fried, so you simply hummed in response, continuing your homework at the table. it was when beomgyu walked past you, not even giving you a hug or anything, and he went to the counter, that you felt like you were in trouble. it was in his sigh, which sounded so exasperated.

“did you reheat my dinner, yn?” he asked, vacant of joy. you looked up slowly and saw his back to you. he leaned his palms on the counter.

“y-yeah…” it was so quiet until he moved to throw away the entire dish, discarding the food in a bag, and slamming the plate in your bin. when you met his face, his face was so serious. “why’d you throw it away?” you sounded defensive because why else would he have been so dramatic? he rolled his eyes and stopped at the other side of where you sat. “because i had already reheated it. you fucking ruined my food, so thanks by the way,” your face grew hot, frown taking over, and as much as you wanted to immediately cry like a child, you scoffed instead. “well, i didn’t do it on purpose, beomgyu. what’s the real reason you’re so mad?” it seemed a valid question and he inhaled through his teeth. perhaps it wasn’t valid to your boyfriend.

“because!” he raised his voice and you felt the blood leave your face. “because i’m so fucking tired, i’m so, so goddamn tired, and it’s even more tiring have to wear myself thin because you just don’t know anything. you get to be in your own little world all the time while i have to pick up the pieces. give me a fucking break, yn.” he tugged at his eyes, roughly rubbing his face.

your breath quavered, your bottom lip folding and shaking, but no matter what, you didn’t want to cry in front of him - and it made you even more heartbroken because he was the only person you had ever felt comfortable showing your tears to.

you slowly packed your laptop and your backpack, letting him watch you in silence, letting him watch you walk out the door without another word. as hot, thick tears flooded down your cheeks, you bit your lip to keep your wails at bay. you slept over at your friend’s house that night, turning your phone off.

later, when it was past midnight, beomgyu eventually texted your friend, asking where you were. your good friend however said you were safe but that you needed your space, which was true. one night over turned into two nights, three days creeping into three nights.

however, despite all this time away, you still hadn’t been sleeping much, too much in turmoil.

despite not talking and blocking beomgyu for the past few days, you still worried immensely about him.

soobingsu: hey yn sorry im texting you again for the eighth time today but wanted to let you know beomgyu is taking a nap and we all ate earlier, so did he

you: oh thats good, thank you scoob <3

soobingsu: how are you tho :( seriously

you: im better, im gonna go home today so u can let him know

soobingsu: are u sure ? about everything ?

you: yeah

soobingsu: if u need me to kill him i will

you: scooby sooby take a chill pill omfg, we’ll be alright

you: at least i hope

when you got home that night, beomgyu immediately came to you on his knees, shyly but crying and apologizing profusely. so, you forgave him, much too sensitive to his tears. but you still wondered in your head if he meant what he said, if there was truth, if that was such a burden as he’d indirectly relayed to you.

you really wanted to believe that he was only upset because he had a bad day, but how bad of a day must it be for what he said to have been justified? what makes it okay and that he can get away with hurting your feelings? no matter what, it still felt like it was your own fault.

about two weeks passed since that dramatic moment between you two. you should have just gone with the flow, letting and indulging in every sweet interaction that beomgyu would have for you, doing his best to make up for being so cold to you, you were too swept up in trying to be everything he didn’t need or that he needed a break from. it was true; you didn’t know anything, you liked to be as transparent as possible about your sensitive and naive spirit, but it was too much.

so since then, you made it a habit to keep to yourself, to learn how to do most things by yourself, hold yourself back from reaching out constantly, and slowly you lost your smile, your laugh, and a bit of yourself. you felt like you were alone completely, even if things with beomgyu were “normal”.

but, beomgyu had caught on. he knew he was in deep shit, the deepest shit ever for having had the nerve to have broken your heart that night.

he noticed he had gone too far when you had left your apartment, and he had returned to the dorms, soulless, until the boys noticed and asked about you. only you and beomgyu knew what he had said, but only you knew just how deep the nerve he hit. beomgyu thinks that if the others had saw what a beast he’d been, they would have torn his ass in two, and he deserved it.

so, beomgyu struggled but decided to do something special the day you came back from a long shift at work, visibly exhausted as you walked through the door. he lit up candles and was arranging your favorite take out on the table in the living room, smiling brightly like the happy-go-lucky puppy he always is.

in return, though as touched as you were, you remained quiet for the most part as he welcomed you, embracing you in the warmest of hugs. he squeezed you so tight in his arms, and he didn’t want to let go, encouraging you to “relax, baby. you can let it go. welcome home, you can let it go.” he kept saying it over and over again, tenderly, and too taken with how you wanted to cry, you pulled away, clearing your throat.

he stayed put in the living room, watching you walk over to the connected kitchen and fetching a kettle to boil water.

his eyes filled with tears, heart hitting rock bottom because he was so scared that he had hurt you without any chance of undoing all of the pain.

“yn…” he said your name painfully. hesitantly, you turned to meet his eyes. beomgyu kept his distance and his unruly, long hair fell over his face. “tell me everything i did wrong, so i can deny it, and fix your heart, please.”

you squeezed your eyes shut, hugging yourself. you didn’t feel quite ready to talk about this, especially be so vulnerable just yet. it felt like it’d been weeks without sunshine, without any sign of rest, without comfort in your relationship with beomgyu, who was simply just a stupid boy.

your mouth opened, but all that came out was a shaky breath, tears collecting around your bottom eyelid.

“beomgyu…” you started, and your boyfriend shook his head. “i know that tone. just tell me, my sweet, sweet, lovely baby, tell me. please… i miss you.” your hands ran up and down your arms soothingly. “i—it’s just that… you meant what you said, didn’t you?” his eyes widened, heart breaking. you looked so small and in agony, like a puppy who had been kicked over and over again. he shook his head some more, wildly, really. “no! no, no, no, fuck, no, any thing that i said or did, i didn’t mean at all. i was just frustrated and tired.” you glare at him, tears gathering at your eyelashes and it blurs your sight. he’s just spots of color. you don’t want to blink.

“then, why else would you have said that if you didn’t mean it? you wanted to hurt me didn’t you? you knew it hurt me!” you palmed your mouth because soon, you were sobbing, another hand coming to shield your eyes. it was all an attempt to soothe yourself. beomgyu joined you in your cries, immediately taking you in his arms and throwing his attempt at giving you space away. you slumped in his arms, body so worn in his embrace.

“i was just cruel. i didn’t care what came out of my mouth, baby, i’m sorry. i’m sorry. you don’t deserve that. you’re so precious, you’re the most precious person in the world, and i’m sorry for all the pain i caused you. fuck - i didn’t mean a single thing. i’m just stupid, baby. yn, honestly, please —“ he stopped to sob, head leaning against your own. “i’d do anything to undo all that i did. you’re just too kind and good to have given all that i gave you back to me. i’m so, so sorry!”

he cried louder than you did, in the end. he rocked you in his arms once you calmed down, and when you made an attempt to comfort him, he tsked and brought your face to his for a deep kiss. beomgyu blindly wiped your face with his even wetter fingers. with every move his lips would make, he’d tell you he loved you in between, licking into your mouth and holding you by the shoulders. your back hit the counter. you gasped for air finally when he pulled away, breathing so harshly, and his glossy eyes searched endlessly in your own. for what? you didn’t know.

“what?” you giggle and some more tears fall, loose still. he smiled gently, wiping them with his thumb. “i’m going to do whatever it takes to treat you as preciously as you are to me, my baby yn. the last thing i would ever want to do is purposely hurt you. i swear. and please don’t be afraid to call me out on my bullshit.” that makes you giggle, exchanging a few more kisses with him.

“okay, gyu. i got it. i know. i just…” he nods at you to keep talking, so you continue. “you just scared me and i shouldn’t have been so sensitive about it now that i -” he shakes his head, shutting you up with some more kisses. beomgyu seems like your lips have given him life with the way he is attached. he kisses you one last time, plump mouth wet, and making an even wetter sound with the kiss. “no. you don’t have to do that, yn. you don’t have to be apologetic about one thing about yourself.”

you smile against his lips, teething showing, and he feels like this is the first time the sun has met the earth, the first time that joy has returned to your beautiful face.

“okay, beomgyu…” you whine, teasingly, and he shakes his head with a chuckle. “i don’t deserve you one bit, baby.” he murmurs, you pout at that. heart feeling so complete and not as broken as it had been for so long.

beomgyu spent the rest of the night, and very much forever, treating you, loving over you, making you feel loved in every single way you wanted to be, reassuring you endlessly. you are finally able to find rest and sleep that night, dreaming peacefully about the reality that beomgyu was real: sometimes a mess, but a beautiful one at that. he was yours, just the way you were his.