If U Give Time Out Of Ur Day To Read This Ily - Tumblr Posts

rant about my life and how it’s going rn (not good and super long)

so I do have a job but since I’m an esthetician it’s commission based which means I only get paid when I have a client. since its summer it’s been dead I’ve been working here for about 3 weeks now and I could probably count how many clients I’ve had on my 1 hand😭 yeah so really bad. so that also means I’m not getting paid even when I am at work just sitting waiting for someone to book or doing promotion things. my industry is REALLY hard so I did expect it to be slow at first but not this bad! another thing is while wasting gas at my current job I have been actively looking for hourly paying jobs and I’ve had like 2 otp interviews and 1 actual in person interview. I’ve basically applied everywhere I can even jobs I don’t necessarily qualify for. all that with nothing to come of it and I do like everybody else have bills to pay like rent and such. I’ve really just been surving off my dead mom’s life insurance policy money and that’s also hard bc my family doesn’t trust me to have access to it on my own. (There’s a whole story behind this but the distrust really comes from them bc they still think of me as a child and had an issue with me using mary jane until i had to tell them my dead MOM was absolutely fine with it and knew about it!) anyway so every time I need money even just for food I have to ask one of my family members to write me a check and it’s embarrassing bc the literal checks have my OWN NAME on them and she still writes that’s it’s for me on them😭! that’s also an added stress to my life bc I already have a hard time asking for help bc most of the time it comes with some sort of judgement (about my career or anything). so I’m super stressed out now bc my family member just lmk that the funds for my mom life insurance policy are frozen and that’s scary asf! I’m grinding for clients but that doesn’t have a guarantee and it also doesn’t help that my bf lost his job a month ago as well. his car being totaled by a tree in January and his family being of no help or support for that at all😭 (mostly his dad bc he had the title to his car and couldn’t find it for months and chose to get it fucking mailed which takes forever) bc we need to try to sell it. of course my bf has been doing his best with trying to find a job that’s close bc he’ll need a bike at the least to get to and from. also our lease on our apartment that we live in (my bf moved in with me a little before my mom died). it’s just the lease is up in July and we’re both pretty much freaking the fuck out about how we’re going to make it. It’s also very hard for me to even try to explain this to my family (older millennials/boomers) about just how hard it’s been to just try to make it and have enough money for food, gas, rent, etc. so if we can’t make rent for next month we’re both pretty much fucked I’ll have to live with my grandparents and my bf will need to move back in with his dad probably but I know he hates even the thought of that bc they’ve always had a bad relationship and he’s just not a good father in general.

I just needed to rant bc I have no one else of than my bf who I can talk about this with so if anyone can relate in the slightest or just understand what I’m talking about please feel free to message me we all need support :)