I'm Sorry I Don't Normally Vent This Way - Tumblr Posts

rant alert

Basically shit has gone so wrong in the last few months and tbh I feel like I just needed some time off work and some time to get over everything that’s happened. A few months ago when my grandma was diagnosed with terminal cancer seeing her was very difficult because she was suffering so much, she didn’t go peacefully. And when she did die (well before predicted) I was at work when my mum called to tell me, my manager was good enough to let me leave then and there halfway through my shift - but I took no time off. I thought that working more would be a good distraction from the grief, so i basically stopped drawing and just worked. It was a really busy period and we were really understaffed so we would be coming in early for every shift (by a few hours) and leaving late (usually by about 1-2 hours) and even though everybody was stressed as hell, I thought it was for the best to stay busy. Then long story short about a month ago I got really sick and had to go to hospital and since then I’ve been in and out of doctors, put on the waiting list to see a therapist and been written off work - it’s been very hard and a couple of the doctors I’ve seen think it’s partially psychosomatic, because my grandma died of bladder cancer and now I am getting symptoms that suggest a problem with my bladder and kidneys. I think maybe there is some truth to that, all the tests they have run on me have come back negative. It’s just so horrible when your body is packing in and you’re being told it’s all in your head. Basically I’m fucked and that’s why I haven’t been drawing a lot. I guess the moral of the story is don’t try to put off grief because it will catch up with you eventually