Jeon Jungkook X Reader Angst - Tumblr Posts

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✧.* 16+

jungkook fell in love with korea when he was twelve years old. by eighteen, he knew he had to see it all. he wanted to see how his story would unfold. so, he took the risk and the fall. his memory was restricted to a polaroid, all the bad ones drowning in a void. he wore his smile on his face and his heart on his sleeve. he said to his father, “i wanna stay, but i have to leave.”

he loved his daddy and his love for his wife, he grew up in awe, wanting the same life. his mother was pretty, he knew that was true. how good she looked, black and blue. it was all jungkook wanted, a life of his own. a woman like her to claim his heart, so he wouldn’t spend life alone. he noticed her hands that trembled and such, how her skin was ice cold to the touch. “don't worry, you'll make do,” he had whispered. “dad's gonna take care of you.”

you met him somewhere in daegu on the thoroughfare. you saw him, the glint in his eyes and the wind in his hair. maybe it was what god had in store, a route that connected two places and more. your clothes were ripped apart, he couldn’t help but look. he wanted to help you, actually. no matter what it took. he could see it, the pistol under your belt. thought it was cute when he clutched it, damn near made his heart melt. “i’ll take you anywhere, don't run,” what what he said. you took the offer, out of luck to spend.

he asked you, “wanna see the west with me?” love was out there, and he couldn’t leave it be. he drove fast, you could feel the wind in your hair. everything was gone—every issue, the need to care. love never meant much to you, but you agreed, “sure, maybe i’ll find love, too.”

you could feel your heart beat as you made your way to seoul. maybe you were healing, you could feel it in your soul. you remembered thanking god for time well spent, with your hands pressed together, jungkook saw how much it meant. asked if you believed in christ, you told him “sometimes, i do.” his gaze grew cautious, almost iced as you asked him, “what about you?” he didn’t answer at first, his stomach tying into a knot. then, he said, “even the iron still fears the rot.”

he didn’t care much about jesus, he just wanted to find love. he knew it was up to him, not the man above. you drove to find his lover, day and night. every little diner saw you, and things just felt right. when the moments were still in motels that were cheap, it was then that you noticed something that made your heart leap. you had started to see jungkook in a different light. for the first time since you were young, he was a man who didn't bite. told you, “i haven’t left busan in a long time, but now that i’m with you, it feels like a good sign.” could've sworn god was real when he felt you—tight, welcoming and warm, too. you loved yourself for sinning, something you were used to.

maybe it was real, you wanted it to be. you took your chances and risked it for everyone to see. thinking god had your back, just had to keep your faith all along. just like mommy once said, “put your trust in god and all your burdens will be gone.” you had lived through so much, this was a chance like no other. a love that no one could give, not even your own brother.

blessed be the daughters, suffering eternal through the sins of their fathers. blessed be their whore mothers, crying and angry with bated in a motionless ferry. blessed be the children, each and every one come to know their god through some senseless act of violence that says they’ve won. blessed be you, girl, promised to him by a man who only felt hatred for you again and again. you were your father’s girl just for a while, but he left you the curse that made him hostile. the man who felt hatred must’ve been him, he had given what was taken. then again, it could’ve have been god, maybe satan. you could barely tell the difference between them, that much was blatant.

forgive me father, for i have fallen in love. it wasn’t love, it was never love. but he had stopped listening long ago, the man above. you were foolish to think he was on your side, what you should’ve done was run and hide. but it was too late, your cards were dealt, something too long has passed since you last felt.

he was cruel to you, but it was all knew. what was the worst that could happen to a girl that was already hurt? you noticed the cross on the wall with a frown, since he had turned it upside down. he was a believer, that wasn’t a lie. he loved the man who opposed the sky. maybe it wasn’t his fault, he wanted love with a golden hue, but too many times had he watched daddy beat her black and blue. i want a love like that, he thought. he would get it from you and leave you to rot.

the chamber was dirty, the world was ending, yet you seemed to be the only one fending. the cuffs were tight and your body was bare, but to him it was right, he didn’t care. he liked it when you were scared. you didn’t fear for long, to jungkook’s surprise. he had stopped seeing tears in your eyes. instead, you felt something you hadn’t in a bit. it was the feeling you felt each time you got hit.

you wanted more, everything he had to give. you wanted more, it didn’t matter if you’d live. he had all of his options and still chose you, but he was sweet in ways no one knew. when he’d kept you fed and warm overnight, even if it meant beating you black and white. he’d clean up your scar and wrap it up nice, but every gesture meant a bigger price.

you were raw, exposed, as you hung from the wall. you were broken, bleeding, because he had done it all. don’t talk to strangers or you might fall in love, that love will be there when push turns to shove. he didn’t give a damn about you, that much you knew. he wanted you to hurt for what your faith had put him through. even the iron still feared the rot, hiding from something you couldn't stop.

licking your wounds, it was all you could do. counting your blessings until he was finished with you. you counted your curses until he was done, but the list just continued on. he wanted to hurt you, he thought it was fair. he was his daddy’s boy, and you weren't going anywhere.

✧.*