Julian Dimaggio - Tumblr Posts
This TikTok but The Penumbra Podcast
Transcribed for those that either can't or don't want to watch the whole thing:
"Your Honor, my client was simply standing on business" - Juno Steel "Your Honor, my client didn't know that was illegal" - Rita "Your Honor, my client was rapping the lyrics as the artist intended" - Mick Mercury "Your Honor, respectfully, you weren't fucking there" - Vespa Ilkay "Your Honor, my client was hitting them folks" - M'tendere "Your Honor, my client did not do that shit!" - Sasha Wire "Your Honor, my client's the powerhouse of the cell" - The Cure Mother Prime "Your Honor, my client would like to plead Gemini" - Buddy Aurinko "Your Honor, my client was thinking of that one girl from 2019" - Peter Nureyev (for the entirety of season 2) "Your Honor, my client was simply going goblin mode" - Jet Sikuliaq "Your Honor, my client's Mexican, he can say it" - [I literally can't think of one so this one doesn't have one] "Your Honor, my client turned himself into a fucking pickle" - The Ruby 7 "Your Honor, my client thought the Xbox mic was muted" - Cecil Kanagawa "Your Honor, if drinking bathwater is illegal you can lock me up too" - Julian DiMaggio "Your Honor, my client would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for these meddling kids" - Ramses O'Flaherty "Your Honor, who am I? "Oh, guilty! Guilty!" dumb fuck" - Brock Engstrom "Your Honor, what does convict mean?" - Peter Nureyev *Donald Trump impression* "Your Honor, my client is the most innocent client" "Your Honor, you're a great Honor. You're the best Honor." "Some would say the most innocent. I walked in here and I said "wow, he looks innocent."" - *Former Hyperion City Mayor, Mx. Pilot Pereyra's PR team* [Seriously these people really had their jobs cut out for them cause wtf? homie did so much illegal shit during their candidacy and the whole city just went "that's our mayor"] "Your Honor, that's cap" - Slip Jackson "Your Honor, you're kinda being a d-bag right now" - Alessandra Strong "Uh, Your Honor, what the fuck!?" - Miasma "Your Honor, my client was hittin' the dougie" - Nova Zolotovna
When I tell you making this took me so long, I mean that incredibly literally (fr in the time it took me to write the whole thing and caption the sections on the actual video I listened to an entire TAZ: Balance episode) but I think it's funny so it's worth it