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svintsnghostsrecs

2 years ago

INSOMNIA 불면증 CHAPTER #2

CHAPTER SYNOPSIS: While you’re caught in the dilemma of either continuing your unusual agreement with your roommate or just cutting it off because of your unrequited feelings for him, another person of your friend group approaches you with a similar offer. Too bad you can’t stand him, right? But will you still be able to resist when his fingers slowly start trailing your curves and the filthiest words leave his lips?

💫 GENRE: angst, smut

🗝 WORD COUNT: 10.8k

🧸 CONTENT INFO: chan x afab reader, minho x afab reader, nonidol!au, university!au, fwb, friends2lovers, reader is queer, roommate!chan, frenemy!minho, childhoodfriend!tzuyu (twice), roommate!lisa (blackpink), roommate!felix, miyeon ((g)i-dle), members of ateez, original characters; minho our favourite tsundere, seonghwa is annoying in this one I’m sorry, the reader is annoying as well but in a different way

🍃 WARNING: chan has insomnia, reader has depression, mention of SA in the past (not explicit and none of the idols of course!!), lots of insecurities about society’s expectations regarding romance and sex, dad joke about new year I’m so sorry I couldn’t resist, alcohol consumption, mention of acrophobia and aquaphobia, mention of food, description of anxiety attack, cigarette smoking (reader smokes once and it’s mentioned that reader’s friends do it as well at parties)

✨ SMUT WARNING: dom!minho, sub!reader, fingering, name calling (doll, darling, good girl, pretty), discussion of safe word

💌 AUTHOR’S NOTE: thank you all for being so patient 😭 I’ve went through a long writer’s block, almost wanted to do it all over again until a sparkle of motivation hit me and voilà that’s what we’ve got now. Enjoy!! 💚 also feedback (comments & reblogs) are highly appreciated!!

spotify playlist ☁️

☽ SERIES MASTERLIST ☽

The characters do not portray any of the skz members in real life, the names are just used for fiction. Also minors do not interact, this post contains mature themes. By clicking on “read more” you consent to nsfw content.

“Is it alright with you if I open the window for a few minutes? The air in here is stuffy,” Tzuyu asks, as she already makes her way up towards the other side of your childhood room.

Agreeing with her statement, you nod as you watch her reach for the handle. The fresh yet freezing air immediately fills the room. You feel your brain waking up a bit, only realising now how tired you’ve gotten. Since Christmas Eve has been some days ago, the temperatures have dropped to their lowest. Still, you haven’t given up on the possibility of some snowy days, even after the holidays.

Snow has always relaxed your mind, so it’s exactly what you would need right now, trying to get your mind off of as much stress as possible. And for as long as your desirable weather hasn’t arrived yet, spending time with your childhood friend does a good job as well.

You’ve missed it. You’ve really missed it – spontaneously meeting up with Tzuyu, talking about life and all the little disasters you both have to go through until 3 AM in the morning with either a hot chocolate or mulled wine in one hand and your phone in the other, showing your best friend pictures to keep her update on your not so busy life.

The only thing that’s really changed is time, if you’re honest. Tzuyu and you still look the same, still think the same, still act the same around each other as if it hasn’t been years since you’ve graduated and gone separate ways to fulfill your dreams. Whereas you’ve moved to a city far away, Tzuyu has stayed in your hometown, taking a degree in music at university here, while working in your favourite restaurant. The one at the corner between two narrow alleys in an older part of town where they sell the best pasta and pizza dishes, as you both still claim until this day.

From time to time you get a bit anxious, if she’s mad at you for leaving her here. Unfortunately it’s always been one of your bad coping mechanisms to just bugger off and abandon your home when things get heavy, wanting to start new somewhere else. That’s what you did two years ago. Leaving everything behind to escape your troubles, which has worked mediocrely well. The troubles always seem to find you again, once you’re in your childhood town.

“Should we go to the club later? I’ve heard there’s a 90s party today.” Tzuyu’s words wake you up from your daydreams, as you hope she doesn’t notice how your mind drifted off. “I don’t know. There’s probably going to be many people from our year.”

“Drinks are on me! It’s a great opportunity to get wasted and to get your mind off of this person you’re constantly thinking about.” She giggles and takes a few sips from her hot chocolate. You haven’t told your best friend about Chan yet. She actually does know him already, they have even met and get along quite well.

“I’ve told you– there is no one,” you lie, hiding your face filled with suspicion by drinking your beverage. Your gaze escapes hers, but Tzuyu tilts her head in a way she’s able to look into your eyes. “Stop lying to me. I’m hurt.” She brings her hand on her chest, laying it right where her heart is. The fake-hurt plastered all over her face makes you roll your eyes to the back of your head in annoyance.

“You’ve gotta buy a lot of alcohol for that. Probably gonna be broke by the end of the night if it’s really your biggest wish to find out who he is.” That’s everything she needs to hear. When the corners of her mouth raise, creating a smirk, you realise she’s got you right where she wants you. “Ha! So there is someone!”

You’re doing everything within your might to escape her glances, but she doesn’t give you even a tiny bit of peace. Poking your side, Tzuyu patiently waits for you to admit a bit more.

“Come on, Y/N, you’ve gotta tell me a bit more now.”

Your best friend stands up, still impatiently waiting, heading towards the bag she’s brought with her. Pulling out an above average size wine bottle, she toddles back to her seat next to you. After opening it, the liquid meets the glasses you’ve prepared beforehand.

“Give me the wine first–“ you demand, shooting a strict glare at her. “On my way, what do you think I’m doing here?” Tzuyu hands you the beverage and grabs the other glass for herself.

Not caring anymore about how tonight will end, since you’ve already decided to attend this shitty party at the local club, you gulp down the whole glass at once. The cold liquid meets your throat and with every little drop running towards your stomach, you feel your body heating up – quite opposite to the weather outside.

When you place the now empty object back onto the table, you notice Tzuyu’s big eyes flickering between the item and your face.

“Now I’m concerned, bestie,” she whispers, before taking a sip from her own drink. Wasting no time, she fills your glass to the brim again, waiting for your answer.

“You’ve gotta promise not to laugh at me. Because you know him.”

Her eyes threaten to fall out by now, face getting even closer to you in excitement.

“I promise. Come on, spill it already.”

You take another deep breath, closing your eyes before you speak.

“But it’s embarrassing. He’s my roommate.”

Tzuyu’s palms immediately find her mouth, preventing any squealing sound to escape her lips.

“It’s Chan.”

She wiggles her eyebrows in a half-seductive, half-joking way.

“Good choice. So are you both official already? When’s the wedding? Should I make an appointment at a bridal shop?”

When you don’t answer, your best friend immediately senses there’s something wrong.

“Y/N, it’s unrequited, isn’t it?”

You simply nod, glancing down onto the floor as your fingers start twirling the carpet underneath your feet.

“Is there a chance he likes you as well?”

There is no harm in her words, still, you’re nearly at the verge of tears again.

“N-No,” you speak with broken words, “we’re kinda in a friends with benefits situation and he would have made a move if he wanted too. It’s been too long.”

“I see. Is there a possibility to talk about it with him?”

You shrug your shoulders.

“Not really. It seems rather hopeless to me. Also, I'm not even sure if I am ready for anything serious. He’s way too important to me as a friend, you know?”

Tzuyu gives you a warm smile, the patting on your upper arm making you look up at her.

“It’ll work out when the time is right. Trust me, okay?”

☽

It’s been some time since you’ve felt this alive. Swinging your hips to the rhythm, you get lost in the sound of the music, the noise of the bass synchronising with the beat of your heart. The tunes of your favourite songs crawl up into your ears, making it so easy to forget your little and bigger troubles.

Tzuyu takes both your hands, joining you with her dance moves similar to your own. It’s good to be back. It’s good to be together with her again, your childhood best friend you still call your other half up until this day. Her face is filled with joy, a wide smile from ear to ear, telling she’s having as much fun as you are.

“We should get some drinks. They’re on me,” Tzuyu suggests, already guiding you towards the bar through the crowd of sweaty people accidentally bumping into each other.

“Of course, just like you’ve promised.” You add a wink to your sentence. She’s not able to see your expression and neither are you to witness her scoffing jokingly.

Once you’ve made it to the bartender, Tzuyu orders for the both of you, while you suddenly feel a stranger’s hand on your shoulder.

“It’s really you!” The voice screams through the loud room, getting a bit closer and you soon realise who it is.

“Yunho! Nice to see you, it has been ages.” You allow him to hug you – you swear he’s even taller compared to the last time you’ve met. “It really is. How are you? How’s it going?”

That’s when Tzuyu gets the beverages and turns around, instantly greeting your old friend as well. “We can sit down a bit, if you want. I’m here with Wooyoung. He should be over there.” Yunho points to the couch a bit far away from the bar, letting you know you’d have to make your way through the crowd again.

“Great idea!” Tzuyu decides for the both of you, already dragging you along with her as you both follow the tall boy.

☽

“No no no no– it wasn’t like that. I didn’t exactly know he was our biology teacher's daughter, okay?”

Wooyoung lets his face fall into the palms of his hands. The embarrassment can be felt in the whole club.

“And two years younger than you–“ Yunho’s words cause his younger friend to let out a high pitched squeal, almost similar to a mouse being caught by a cat.

“So you’ve got a thing for the innocent daughter of your enemy teacher?” Tzuyu asks in between giggles.

“Dude– it’s been what? Three years? And you’re still calling me out on that?”

“Well then she’s finally over 18 now, right? Should give it another try– maybe she can teach you some anatomy.” The ongoing back and fourth of Wooyoung’s and Tzuyu’s bickering has always entertained you.

Still, there’s this odd feeling in your chest from earlier since you’ve had that talk about Chan with your best friend. Possibly, it’s just all the booze talking but you’re getting a bit emotional now – especially whilst talking about your love lives.

“What about Y/N? How’s the dating game going for you?” Wooyoung adds a smirk to his question, getting a scolding look from his older friend.

“There isn’t really anything going on,” you mutter but your friends still catch your words. “No special one?” He asks again.

Gulping down the rest of your drink, you’re trying your best to avoid the unreadable glimpses. Yes, there is something going on. A lot, exactly. But not what you want, what your heart desires. The lack of intimation on a romantic level is eating you alive.

Also, the fact you haven’t really heard a lot from Chan the past couple of days makes it a lot harder. Sure, he’s currently visiting his family just like you, but he could have sent a message, right?

Except for this one greeting a few days ago on Christmas Eve. Which was obviously a message he just copy pasted and sent to all of his contacts. He’s been behaving weird lately and of course he’s not the only one to blame.

But the more you think about it, the less this feels like him acting truthfully to you. The more you think about it, the less you believe he wants this agreement to continue. The more you think about it, the more you believe he might have met someone.

And the more you think about this part again, the more you believe it’s something serious.

“HELLO?! EARTH TO Y/N!” Tzuyu screams at you, both considering your short session of zoning out and the bass echoing through the room.

“Sorry, what was the question?” You clear your throat in an attempt to get rid of the weird atmosphere.

“What’s their name?” Wooyoung asks, a mischievous smile decorating his face. “Who?” You reply.

“The person you’re in love with, stupid.”

“There’s no person–“

“Y/N, you don’t have to lie to your friends, it’s obvious.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it,” Yunho says now, trying to change the topic.

“No, Yunho, it's alright,” you start, shifting a bit in your seat. The alcohol does wonders to your confidence, you’ve always been a person who tends to overshare when given the right amount of liquor and a fitting atmosphere.

“You’ll tell me I’m stupid though because he’s my friends with benefits.” Your confession makes them sigh out in pity, it’s at that moment you remember Wooyoung has experienced something similar – with a disastrous outcome.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart” – this nickname usually only leaves his lips when he really means it, indicating you’ve fucked up big times – “but I can tell you it’s a dead end. I bet he has been behaving differently lately, hasn’t he?”

It’s as if Wooyoung is able to read your mind, his new demeanour – no sign of even an ounce of bratiness left in his appearance – telling you he’s actually being serious now, done playing games to sugarcoat problems.

“Y/N, it seems like you’ve just moved apartments,” Wooyound continues, getting a bit closer to you as a comforting gesture, “since there’s a lot to unpack here.”

His joking words cause a smile to appear on your face, as he’s pulling you into a hug.

You know you can trust your friends and they’re patiently waiting for you to start with the story.

☽

Saying you’re wasted would be an understatement. The combination of getting together with your three closest friends from your childhood and the cheap alcohol at the local club of your hometown has never been a good idea.

That’s why you’re standing in front of said venue now, struggling to light the cigarette that’s placed between your fingers.

Once you’ve successfully managed that overwhelming task, you take a deep drag from it, the nicotine filled smoke instantly being spread into your lungs.

Obviously, this doesn’t help you with sobering up again and you soon find yourself scrolling through the contacts in your phones, dialling the number you’re looking for once you’ve found it.

“Hey, Y/N, how’s it going?”

Chan’s voice rings through the speaker.

“I’ve thought about us, Channie,” you start, swaying around as the floor under your feet seems to move on its own. Your drunk personality is glad about the fact your level of intoxication gets unnoticed by Chan.

“You did?” He asks shyly, patiently waiting for a response.

“Hm, I did,” you say, taking another puff on your cigarette.

“I think it’s better if we end this thing between us, Channie.”

The blonde doesn’t know what’s making him more furious – the fact you’re cutting him off over the phone or the audacity you have to still call him by this nickname that always makes his stupid heart flutter.

“I– Are you sure about that?”

You hum under your breath.

“Yeah, definitely. It’s for the better.”

For a while he doesn’t say anything and you ask him if he’s still there.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here,” he says, waiting a few more seconds before he continues.

“If that’s what you want, that’s okay. I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve then.”

Before you’re able to reply, he’s already hung up.

☽

If avoiding your (no longer) friend with benefits was an Olympic game, you would definitely stand on the victory podium now, waiting to get your medal covered in gold.

It’s been only a few hours since you came back to your shared apartment, both happy and uneasy to leave your hometown. The familiar comfort surely has helped you to escape your problems, mainly the situation with Chan. Still, you look forward to tonight’s New Year’s Eve party, already excited to see all your friends again.

Felix and Lisa had already been back at the place, when you entered the apartment. Since all three of you are still busy preparing drinks and food, you almost don’t notice Chan joining you in the kitchen.

“I’ve bought some more drinks from the store,” he says as a way of greeting when he enters the room, placing the items on the round table.

“There’s no time left, the first guests will arrive in less than ten minutes,” Lisa rushes, almost screaming her words out to no one in particular. The stress is already getting to her head again, making a great job in spreading the tensed atmosphere through the whole room.

“We’ve got this, don’t worry,” Felix reassures her, as he steps behind her and massages her shoulders so she feels at least a bit more comfortable. It does do wonders, you soon observe her facial expression relaxing.

A few moments later, the first guests arrive and in the blink of an eye, everyone has got their drinks as you gather all together on the big sofas and around the table. Vicky and Miyeon join you on some pillows on the floor, already joking around and appreciating you being back again.

A sudden ringing of the door bell awakens you from your daydreaming session, as you hastily blink a few times.

“Hongjoong, Seonghwa,” Lisa greets them, her loud voice echoing through the apartment. “Always on time.”

Her sarcastic comment makes you chuckle a bit, until you come to the realisation Seonghwa will probably continue his usual ‘hitting-on-Y/N-until- she-gets-annoyed’ ritual this evening. So you’re already standing up to get as far away from the front door as possible.

Until Hongjoong spots you and it would be unfair of you to avoid him since it’s not his fault his best friend doesn’t know how to behave.

“Y/N, long time no see,” he greets you and you waste no time pulling him into a warm hug. “How’s it going?” The common small talk continues, as you make sure to get him a starter drink for the night while refilling your own glass.

You’re so deeply occupied in him speaking of his time at home over the holidays, you nearly don’t notice an unfamiliar face is making its way towards you. The girl has long light brown hair, her choice of outfit rather simple, still you would be a liar if you didn’t admit she’s beautiful.

Getting your hopes up high, the idea of her being Seonghwa’s girlfriend starts bubbling up in your head. If that’s the case, tonight’s gonna be very chill since he probably won’t hit on you.

“Hey, I’m Macy,” she introduces herself, approaching you in the meantime. “Y/N, nice to meet you. You’re one of Seonghwa’s friends?”

The girl nods, a shy smile decorating her face. “Yes. Thanks for the invitation!” You return the generosity by handing her a drink and soon after she’s already on her way again to greet the other people.

“She seems nice,” you tell Hongjoong, who’s still standing beside you.

“Oh, yeah. She’s a friend of mine as well. Oh– I introduced her to Chan a few weeks ago and– don’t tell him you’ve got this from me,” he gets a bit closer to you so he’s able to whisper into your ear, “but they’ve been on a date and she’s got a huge crush on him.”

A wink and a smirk follow his statement and you just awkwardly chuckle at his words. There’s really no time to respond to anything since Hongjoong gets taken away by Vicky. She’s wanted to talk to him for a while now.

They went on a date?

Hongjoong’s word don’t stop echoing through your head, no matter what you do or try to think about instead.

He went on a date with her?

You’re a fool after all. Wooyoung has been right after all and you’re glad now, he’s warned you.

Get over him.

The counter with all the snacks looks less busy at the moment, so you decide to go there, hoping to get some time to yourself. Ironic, considering you’re in the middle of a party.

Unfortunately for you, no other than Chan has had the same idea. Almost contemporaneously you meet him there, as you’re both now standing in front of the huge collection of food and drinks.

Unsure how to act, he gives you an uptight smile, reaching for some of the crisps in front of him.

“So– Macy,” you start speaking. Always an expert at making the most awkward conversations in the whole room. You curse yourself for that.

Still, you can’t help yourself. If your own feelings for Chan aren’t killing you, the growing curiosity will do it instead.

“We went on a date last week. When you were at home. The day after your call.”

Regret instantly starts rushing through your veins. The possibility you could have turned all of this around was within reach, but you’ve been at the wrong station when that train was leaving.

No, actually, you weren’t at the wrong station. Instead you were manipulating the train not to depart at all by throwing your emotional-avoidance-garbage onto the tracks.

“I mean. It was a casual thing after all, wasn’t it?”

That’s the only thing you can come up with now, Y/N?

“Right.”

Chan’s agreement leaves a bitter aftertaste but when Miyeon calls you from the other side of the room, making you snap your head in her direction, the blonde has already left when you turn back around.

☽

Ten.

The countdown finally starts, summoning the new year. At this point of the night, you’re all back together around the table in the living room, glasses of the cheapest champagne the store had to offer in everyone’s hands.

Nine, eight, seven.

Vicky’s telling a joke to Felix, his mouth instantly falling agape and you’re a bit sad you’ve missed what she said. She’s always making you laugh without any effort.

Six, five, four.

Seonghwa is looking your way again, as if he’s hoping to celebrate the first seconds of the new year with you. But luckily you don’t notice.

Three.

The air in the room is disastrous and for a moment you contemplate opening the window. You’re sure, the scent of all your idiotic friends smoking inside the kitchen will be glued to the furniture for a few days.

Two.

The amount of bubbles in your beverage is already decreasing, telling you this is in fact a fucking cheap champagne, but there’s no going back now anyway.

One.

Fireworks outside start shooting high up to the stars, melting into one with them when they meet their destination.

Happy New Year.

Everyone is already cheering around in the kitchen, embracing each other as the clinking sound of the glasses echoes through the small room.

Vicky is the first one to pull you into a hug and soon everyone is speaking at the same time, noises and noises flooding into your ears.

It’s a moment of happiness, a moment of feeling welcomed.

But then you see the last thing you’ve ever needed to see.

Her lips on his.

Macy’s lips on Chan’s.

That stupid girls’ lips on your best friend you’re secretly in love with.

Stupid Macy’s lips on Channie’s.

Your Channie.

With the way his back is only visible for you, you can’t figure out if he’s returning her actions. But the lack of resistance tells you enough.

And when a few of your friends start cheering when they notice them both kissing, you can’t fight it anymore. The tears are practically waiting on your lash lines for their kickoff, ready to start running down your cheeks.

“Oh, I’m from now on the biggest Chacy shipper– these two would make the absolute perfect couple.” Hongjoong’s words cause a stinging ache in your heart, a thousand tiny needles pricking into your stomach.

Happy new fucking year.

In the blink of an eye, you’ve made your way out of the centre of the party, heading to the bathroom to get inside. Instantly sinking down to the floor, the tears finally burst free, sprinting down your face one after another.

Your breath hitches, then you inhale deeply, just for the air to get stuck on its way down to your lungs. The anxiety has found its home in your body, by now threatening to rule over it.

The last remaining piece of control has successfully abandoned you, the hateful thoughts fully dominating your mind. Just like a vicious spiral, as you’re mentally at the same position like your mental state – on the floor.

Knock knock.

The noise startles you, your whole body visibly shrugging for a second when your ears recognise the sound.

There’s only one person who could be outside of the bathroom now, trying to talk to you.

“Chan leave me the fuck alone. I don’t wanna see you right now.” The bathroom continues to be filled with your sobs, the muffled noises echoing through it.

“Are you okay?” A familiar voice asks, who turns out to clearly not be your roommate.

Slowly approaching the door, you open it and look straight into Minho’s eyes – the person you’ve last expected to be here if you’re honest.

“Jesus Christ. You look like fucking shit,” he blurts out, not even trying to mince his words, as he speaks as direct as he always does.

“Thank you, I wouldn’t have noticed without your kind help,” you sarcastically reply, rolling your eyes in disbelief after squeezing them shut.

“Be thankful I’m even looking after you.” Wow. Now he’s gaslighting you? No wonder you’ve never liked this dude. The way how highly he’s thinking of himself lets shivers run down your spine.

“Don’t worry, I can take care of myself,” you say, before you pass him, making sure to push him with your shoulder once you get closer. Just a simple sign of disapproval, nothing more.

And if your ears weren’t ringing from all the crying and noisy music, you would have noticed the tiny chuckle leaving Minho’s lips and a mumbled ‘unbelievable’ after it.

Walking through the corridor, you enter the kitchen again while the suffocating scent of alcohol and cigarettes lingers in the air. Making your way through the crowds of people, you suddenly notice Seonghwa staring at you again, even suggestively waving in your direction.

That’s all you need in order to escape his glances yet another time, since you’re definitely not in the mood for any of his overtures right now.

But let’s be honest. You never are when it comes to this guy.

The only difference that separates him from Minho is Seonghwa’s intrusive behaviour when it comes to flirting with you.

Sure, you’re always up to a little not so innocent conversation, as long as it stays that way and neither of the parties disrespect the others’ boundaries. He doesn’t necessarily do anything creepy or over the top, but the way he has with words – or rather doesn’t have – makes goosebumps erupt all over your skin. Not the good kind of way.

In conclusion, Minho is nothing like that. Sure, he can be annoying too and ask seductive questions, but neither of the few conversations the both of you had ended in total cringe. To be more precise, you’d be lying if you haven’t caught yourself daydreaming about the things he says occasionally when the timing is fitting.

So if you’re thinking about it, Minho would be a way better choice to get back at–

Wait, what?

No, no, no, no, no. We’re not doing that, Y/N, you tell yourself, trying to get at least one logical thought inside your brain again. Your mind visibly got way too foggy from all the crying.

Definitely the crying and not the thoughts of Minho’s hands roaming all over your body and telling you–

Stop. Now.

Think about something else–

Ah. Yes. Alcohol.

You make your way up to the kitchen counter, already grabbing a clean glass from the upper cabinet, when someone is intercepting you.

“You fancy a drink?”

The evil smirk is decorating Minho’s face again, his body closer than normal caused by the lack of space in the kitchen.

“What do you want now, Minho?”

“Oh, you know, the usual things. Make you a drink, if you insist of course, talk a bit, flirt a bit, you underneath me, screaming my name while you struggle not to cum yet.”

You’re glad about the fact you haven’t started drinking yet, his words would have definitely caused you to spill out whatever beverage.

And Minho enjoys it. He enjoys the way you can’t hide your shyness about what he wishes to do to you. You’d blame it on the alcohol, but the fact you haven’t had a drink for some time rejects this thesis.

As if he’s able to read your mind and not only control it with his sinful words, Minho grabs the glass and fills a good amount of rum into it. You’re trying to concentrate on how the liquid splashes into the object, holding onto any logical thought able to cross your brain.

He then fills the remaining space with diet coke after putting in some ice cubes. Since he’s still busy drinking the rest of his beer, Minho doesn’t need anything else at this moment. Of course, except for your attention.

“Cheers. To a great year.”

He says, before bringing his glass to yours, the clinking sound echoing through the room. Minho makes sure to keep his eyes fixated on yours and the other way around.

“To a great year,” you say before taking a sip from the poisonous liquid, already sensing he's been very generous with the amount of alcohol he’s added.

Not even half an hour into said new year, the already awakening twists within the plot you call your love life let you question every decision you’ve made with Chan before. Sure, a few flirtatious gestures from a guy of your friend group you actually barely know won’t subside your feelings for your roommate. But there’s no harm in a little distraction, right?

Also, the way his shirt is clinging onto Minho’s firm chest makes you want to see more.

Your fingers land on his forearm now, innocently caressing his soft skin, your gaze attached to them.

“Trying to get my attention now, doll?”

Continuing your acting, your eyes find his own now. Minho doesn’t hesitate either, quickly leaning forward until his lips almost touch your earlobe and for a second you think he might start kissing you.

You don’t even care where his lips touch your skin, neck, cheeks, lips, chest– everything would be fine and you would allow him.

But it’s not the right time for that yet, at least that’s what Minho decides, when he quietly starts whispering, the words slipping out of his mouth so easily.

“Stop playing innocent, I know exactly what’s going on in this pretty but distracted little head of yours.”

Your heart skips a beat. Or two. Or maybe even more. You’re still blaming it on the alcohol, the heat and thunderous desire he creates between the both of you, every syllable falling from his mouth shoots sparkles through your veins.

“No idea what you’re talking about,” you reply, looking at him with big doll-like eyes just to fit right into how he views you.

In the corner of your eyes, you witness your roommate again, suspiciously close to his new lover. One of his hands on her hips, the other one holding a drink. In your mind, you're praying for him to notice you but he just doesn’t seem to even catch a glimpse into your direction.

Nothing at all.

It’s as if you don’t exist and his eyes only crave to have that girl in their vision.

“I know you’re trying to make Chan jealous, but I can play right into your fantasy if you want me to, doll,” Minho tells you with a wink. His sudden confession makes your head snap back and you’re slightly embarrassed now he has noticed it.

“How do you–“ you start, not quite believing he must have really witnessed the tension between your roommate and you. Was it really that obvious? You’re starting to fall into a spiral of second-guessing yourself here.

“Even a blind person would see, darling. Neither of you do a good job in hiding it. So, I’ll stand by my offer. Unless you want to continue pathetically thinking about him, then I’m out. If you’re with me, your whole attention belongs to me, alright?”

The way he just casually uses in all these nicknames, throwing even the last remaining pieces of innocence out the window, leaves you breathless.

You’re in a constant flickering between hoping your roommate may decide to look at you, even if it’s just for a second, or this incredibly hot frenemy of yours to turn the filthiest of your fantasies into reality.

And Minho hasn’t even done anything yet. He hasn’t kissed you. He hasn’t touched you.

He’s already got you right where he wants you just by his words.

And you’re desperate. You’re desperate for touch, hoping to get over Chan by getting under Minho.

But you’re also desperate to feel something real instead of this ongoing back and forth of not admitting any feelings that are painfully obvious right there to each other. You’re not sure yet if Minho can give your heart everything it desires – if you’re honest you doubt he can give you anything involving any emotion except for lust but you’ve stopped caring.

That’s why you can’t help but nod, your eyes fixated on Minho’s own which are filled with pure hunger and evil.

“Consent, doll. I need you to tell me with words that you’re okay with being ruined by me.”

There’s no doubt respect has always been the one thing that has turned you on the most. It’s clear that the anticipation is surely killing you by now and you want the picture of his piercing gaze tattooed on your brain, so you will be able to see it again in front of your inner eyes whenever you like.

“Let’s go to my bedroom.”

Minho lets out a small chuckle, tilting his head to the side while his fingers brush your collarbones again before they catch a strand of your hair to play with.

“Needy, are we?”

Lee Minho, you will be the death of me, you think to yourself.

By now you’re convinced there’s nothing but full desire flowing through your veins and you’re unable to believe how much of an impact he has on you when nothing has even started yet.

That’s even a new level of eagerness for you, if you’re honest.

“Shut up before I change my mind.”

You take his hand to guide him through the crowds of people, as Minho obediently follows suit. Because of the fact you’re walking in front of him, you’re not able to witness the mischievous smirk that’s plastered all over his face.

Before stepping out of the kitchen, you steal a last glance into Chan’s and the girl’s direction but they’re both so occupied in their conversation, he doesn’t notice you leaving to your bedroom with his friend.

To be fair, a tiny part of you wishes for him to see you. After all, Minho officiates as tonight’s rebound. It’s even what he’s offered. So what’s the point of revenge sex, if you can’t get back at the person who’s caused all your anger?

But there’s no time to rethink the decision once you enter your bedroom and he shuts the door behind you. Minho catches you between it and his body, pinning you against the wooden material. He keeps his dark eyes glued onto your face, causing your cheeks to heat up.

Just like a hunter aiming for their target.

Minho is the predator.

And you’re his long awaited prey.

That’s the last somewhat logical thought that crosses your mind, but it’s swept away in the blink of an eye when his lips capture yours for the first time.

He doesn’t bother starting at a slow pace, instead goes all in from the beginning. He’s waited long enough and now he’s finally gathered up that necessary courage to push through, have you all to himself.

Chan’s loss, if he doesn’t know how to take care of her, Minho thinks to himself, while his lips are dancing with your own, his tongue slipping inside to explore your mouth.

As if you’re under a spell, you allow him to do what he wants. You don’t even bother his hands finding their way onto your hips, roughly gripping the soft flesh through your jeans.

Quicker than you’re able to realise, he’s already gotten rid of the belt attached to your trousers. His hand wanders inside, slowly pushing the soaked fabric of your panties aside and you feel Minho chuckle against your mouth.

Precum being smeared over your already wet folds, two of his fingers instantly find your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Look at you, practically dripping, just for me, pretty.”

Lips now busy on your neck, he creates a purple pattern of his own personal signature on your skin. His fingers expertly slide into your heat, effortlessly stretching out your walls, as his thumb keeps drawing circles on your clit.

It’s unbelievable how his touches affect you, as you feel yourself getting lost in the unbearable pleasure.

“Just like that, such a good girl, getting ready for all the things I’ve got planned with you,” he whispers in your ear, once he’s let go of your neck for a second. You simply whimper at his words, satisfaction taking over your whole body and brain.

Without realising it – who would’ve told him – Minho does the one thing, that’s causing everything to take the wrong turn, when he captures your lips with his, kissing you again. Even though some minutes ago, his kisses were all you could think about, now that you’re so intimate it causes uninvited thoughts to appear again.

It’s just kissing, you tell yourself, still it evokes the pictures from back in the kitchen again.

But every time you close your eyes, you see Chan in front of you. It’s pointless to try pushing these thoughts aside, they’re only getting worse by now once they evolve into something worse – not Chan kissing you, but kissing Macy instead.

It’s like you’ve been for breakfast at the heartbreak hotel and the waitress was miserable just like your food. The waitress being Chan here, the food clearly an allegory for his new flame since he’s served their fresh love like a three course meal right in front of all the guests.

The ingredients he’s put into have definitely caused a bitter aftertaste in your mouth, almost to a degree that makes you want to get a test done for possible allergies considering the harsh reactions your body shows. The repetition of the picture inside your head, his lips on hers, makes your stomach turn.

Panic starts running through your veins, once you realise you can’t push those thoughts aside, particularly with Minho’s digits inside you.

That’s why you don’t hesitate to grab his wrist, guiding his hand out of your jeans. For a moment he doesn’t say anything, clearly at a loss for words.

“Are you okay?”

His question is quiet, still the sound finds its way into your ears, making you nod as a non-verbal reply. Tears are stinging on your lower lash line and Minho is fast to notice, placing his hands on his hips in disbelief.

“Clearly you’re not. Have I done something wrong? Do you need anything?”

It’s not even connected to experiencing discomfort, still, your brain sometimes manages to give the familiar strong reactions of silence and the frozen state when being intimate with a person and the sudden urge to stop crashes in. There isn’t anything Minho did that was uncomfortable, the sole reason for you zoning out again is that you can’t get a different face out of your head.

“Y/N, what’s going on?” He asks another time, softly grabbing your face now to make you look at him.

“Maybe we can sit down for a second?” You quietly pose the question. “Of course.”

He is leading you towards your bed, carefully helping you to sit down as if you’re made of glass and he’s afraid to break you into a thousand tiny pieces, just like your shattered heart.

Once you feel your thoughts being back to reality again, you take a deep breath before you speak.

“I think this was a bad idea. I can’t stop thinking about him, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t you ever apologise for that, okay?” He tells you, his voice coming off stricter than he would have liked. Scaring you off is the last thing he wants now or would ever want, so he adds another few words, “I mean like in general. No matter what’s the reason, okay?”

He’s not doing it on purpose, pushing all the buttons that make you feel a bit more secure around him. But the idea that you could possibly talk to him about your traumatic experience from a few years ago once the situation is given, creates a green plus above your heads, the friendship bar of your relationship level increasing.

So you nod, giving him a thankful smile.

“You want some advice, pretty?”

“I’m not sure if you’re the right person for that, if I’m honest.”

He chuckles about the remark, a sign for you he agrees with your statement, even though he knows it’s not positive in the slightest.

“Yeah, no judgement about that. You know, I really meant what I said back in the bathroom.”

“Me looking like shit? Go fuck yourself then, Lee Minho.”

The brown haired rolls his eyes in annoyance, lips parting before he lets out a loud scoff.

“No, stupid. I mean, that I’m looking after you. I may seem intriguing but you can always talk to me about everything. We might be more similar than you think.”

Yeah, sure.

“How would you know? This is the longest conversation we’ve ever had.”

Fair point.

“Give me one chance tonight and I’ll prove to you, we’ll get along. If you’re not convinced I’ll leave you alone after it.”

Do you really have a choice here? The only two other options would be to either stay here alone and continue crying until you fall asleep from exhaustion or to get back into the crowd, probably experiencing another attack of tears streaming down your face once you see Chan and her.

“Alright.”

Right decision. Or at least so it seems.

“I’m gonna get some more drinks, if you want me too,” he says but his sentence sounds more like a question mark is attached at the end of it.

“Oh– no need for me to be honest. Unless you want some.” He shakes his head and turns his body around, so he’s facing you.

“So… what do you like to do?” He awkwardly begins, cringing at his own words.

“You know, that’s the worst thing you can ask a person. Whenever someone starts a conversation with this question, I forget my whole personality. My mind instantly goes blank.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry. Maybe you should start then.”

“So, there’s nothing I hate more than small talk. Are you in for deep talks instead, Lee Minho?”

“Thank God. I can stop pretending now. I hate nothing more than small talk as well. I was gonna ask you if you like weather next.”

His confession causes a soft smile to erupt on your face, the weird tension slowly fading away. It’s at this moment you see a non-visible light bulb above his head, indicating he’s got an idea.

“What would you do if you won the lottery?”

“Depends on the amount of money.”

“A lot of money.”

You take a deep breath before answering, still contemplating how to put your thoughts into words.

“Probably panic because I don’t know how to deal with financial situations in general. Maybe get this family sushi plate from the tiny Japanese restaurant downtown near the river and eat the whole meal by myself.”

“That sounds fucking sad.”

You scoff at his response, by now not even trying to hide your reaction.

“I’ve told you– I am not acting responsible when it comes to money so it’s better for the sake of humanity to not give me too much in the first place. Even though I think most people would go insane with such an amount. So I’d probably give some of it to my mum and step dad and donate the rest of it for education or something.”

Minho nods at your response, shuffling around a bit on the bed.

“Alright. That makes sense. You’re next asking a question.”

What’s something you’ve always wanted to know about Minho? Minho, the tsundere character of the Netflix show you call your friend group. Is there a possibility he’s just acting like that? He probably is, considering the fact he’s admitted to listen to and care for you.

Unless this was just part of his plan to help your jeans find their way to the carpet of your bedroom.

But there must be at least something even Minho is afraid of, right?

“Let me think,” you try to gather your thoughts, “do you have any phobias?”

“I’m afraid of heights.” He pauses in order to think. ”And water.”

He’s quick to admit, leaving you a bit speechless since you haven’t expected him to blurt out a response that fast.

And Minho senses it. He senses it by the way you’re looking at him, not even realising your mouth is slightly agape.

“Surprised a guy like me is afraid of stuff?”

“A guy like you?”

What is that supposed to mean? Well, you do know what he means, still you’d like to hear his personal explanation. You’re dying to find out how he sees himself since Minho barely shares any private stuff.

“You know, always looking as if everyone annoys him, unreadable emotions. Sometimes being called mean because people don’t realise they’re crossing a line.”

Minho is in fact way more vulnerable than he seems and you wonder again if it’s the alcohol he’s had over the evening or just the fact he feels so comfortable around you for no explainable reason that’s making him confess all these thoughts.

“Do you think of yourself that way, too?” You ask him.

“It’s my turn first with another question, doll. A little more patience, please.”

You roll your eyes, knowing he’s just avoiding responding to your curiosity. Still, you decide to obey the rules since it’s the only chance to find out more about him.

“What’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever gotten?”

His question surprises you a bit, since you haven’t expected him to come up with something like that.

“Hm, let me think,” you start, trying to save some time, “ah– I’ve got something! My childhood best friend, her name is Tzuyu. We’re both still very close and tell each other everything. She’s been through a hard time some months ago and very frustrated, didn’t know what to do.”

Minho nods at your monologue, telling you he’s attentively listening and showing his actual interest in your story.

“But since I was very busy at that time, she was unsure if she should reach out to me, you know? Even though I’ve always told her I’m there for her – no matter what. Instead, Tzuyu confessed when she was at her lowest, she just asked herself ‘what would Y/N do’ and acted upon that. So, that’s the best compliment I’ve gotten. That I’m good at giving advice. It meant a lot to me and still does.”

The boy in front of you warmly smiles at your words, the stars in your eyes while telling your story are making him feel some type of way he doesn’t want to deal with right now.

He’s driving off with his thoughts soon, almost to the point of zoning out but you’re fast to realise, as you hastily clap your hands.

“You know the question, Lee Minho.” You take your chance now, a mischievous smirk plastered all over your face.

“How do I think about myself? I’m quite confident, that’s not up for consideration. However, I do have a hard time showing people how I really feel, you know?”

Oh, yes, you definitely know how that feels.

“I’d like to work a bit more on that, if I’m honest. Let’s see what the new year offers. I’m tired of running out of given chances just because people think I’m mean. I do make a lot of jokes and teasing whenever I feel insecure, so that’s what I will start working on.”

“I like your jokes. You’re funny. It’s the other people’s problem if they don’t get your humour.”

Minho smiles at your compliment.

“It’s my turn again,” he abruptly says once his emotions are getting to his head again and he realises he can’t deal with them.

“What’s your next question, Lee Minho?” You tease him by calling him by his full name again.

“What’s a situation you would like to forget, if there was the possibility?”

Your breath instantly hitches, chest tightening as an idea immediately pops up in your head.

He’s not doing it on purpose, pushing all the buttons that make you feel a bit less secure around him, around anybody. But then the idea from earlier comes back to your mind again. Maybe now is a good time to tell him. You’re on the right track to become friends, so what’s stopping you?

“You really wanna know? I don’t want to kill the mood,” you warn him and his shoulders quickly fall down.

“You could never ruin anything. I was the one asking, whatever it is, I’m okay. Of course, as long as you want to share it.”

You hesitantly nod.

“I’ve had some bad experiences back in high school, traumatic to be specific, that still haunt me until this day.”

Minho’s gaze is fixated on your face, searching for any signs of discomfort. “Do you want to elaborate on that?”

“My boyfriend back then has crossed some lines while being intimate. You know, pressuring me into stuff I wasn’t sure about and once clearly overhearing me telling him to stop.”

He instantly closes his eyes, as he feels his heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

“Y/N– I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine how that felt– how you must feel up until today.”

Your whole body softens once his words leave his lips, the comfort growing again.

“I’m alright. Really, don’t worry. I’ve been to therapy because of that and we’ve talked a lot about those incidents. Just from time to time I get little flashbacks, but when I’m safe with the other person, there’s nothing to stress about.”

Minho considers getting a bit closer to you after he’s nodded at your explanation. When there’s no sign of hesitation, he moves nearer.

“I know the chances are close to zero but I’d still like to agree on a word, just in case. Doesn’t even have to be for possible or not so possible sexual encounters. I just want you to feel comfortable around me all the time.”

“Thanks for being considerate. Well– Chan and I had always used the word ‘red’ but at this point I’m afraid it’ll make me think of him.”

“Yeah we wouldn’t want that, darling, would we?”

You don’t mind him slightly flirting with you. Actually, you’re feeling quite comfortable around him. Probably as comfortable as you’ve never felt before around someone you haven’t talked with up until such an occasion.

“How about Soonie?”

“Excuse me?” You ask, not quite catching what he’s said.

“It’s my cat’s name. Well, one of them. Doongie or Dori would be fine as well.”

You slightly nod at his idea, finding it rather cute if you’re completely honest.

Minho has cats? Three of them? You’ve always expected him to be a cat person but never thought about three of those little fur balls running around in his apartment.

Somehow, this new information makes him a bit more likeable. But only a little bit. You would never admit he’s quite pleasant to be around.

Nevertheless, it helps you feel safe around him. You’re sure he’s a person to trust.

“Okay. That’s a good choice.”

Minho softly caresses your lower back, warmly smiling at you.

“If you ever wanna talk about the topic again, don’t hesitate to reach out to me, okay? I can’t feel what you must have felt but I can be there for you and listen.”

You thankfully nod at him and a few minutes of comforting silence pass by, neither of you do anything except for Minho still stroking your back.

Suddenly, he grabs his phone out of his jeans pocket, unlocking the device to open an app. “The last bus in the direction of my apartment leaves in like fifteen minutes. I could still catch that one.”

You shuffle around a bit on the bed, the mattress moving under your weight. It’s a bit abrupt, his actions, though you understand he must be tired. It’s been a long night after all and even though he’s got a day off tomorrow, starting the new year on a low level, you’re sure he’d like the comfort of his own bed more.

Also, it would be weird asking him to stay just for sleeping, wouldn’t it?

“Unless you want me to stay,” he unexpectedly whispers and his voice is so quiet, you can barely hear him. Minho is sure, he’s murmured his words because of his still ongoing insecurity, not wanting to cross any lines of yours.

“Yes, of course. You can always stay here.” Your sentence comes off a bit too eager for your liking, hoping he doesn’t take it the wrong way. After all the good and deep talks the both of you have shared over the past few hours, you feel way more comfortable getting to know him first. You’re sure this could be the beginning of a meaningful friendship.

If anyone had told you this last year some hours ago, there’s no chance you would have believed them. It’s like the world has done a one hundred and eighty degrees turn, the sun is now the moon, the sky functions as the ocean and you’re thankful to live in this upside down universe.

“Thank you. If you give me some blankets, I can sleep on the floor,” Minho says and you sheeply chuckle at his response. He’s so… respectful? You’re sure he’s considering every tiny detail so his sentences don’t come off as any type of weird.

“Stop with the joking now, there’s enough space on the bed.”

A warm smile erupts on his face, cheeks blushing like the colour of strawberries and he simply nods and mumbles a quiet ‘thank you’, before he gets up to head to the bathroom.

When you’re both ready to go to bed, your new friend is still a bit hesitant but once he spots the second blanket on your bed, a weight finally falls off his shoulders. It would have been weird for him to be even closer to you, even though he would like it.

“Good night, Minho.”

He clears his throat before answering.

“Good night, Y/N.”

But your eyes shoot open again, once you remember something. “You know, whatever you’re dreaming will come true.”

“Why is that?” Minho asks, unsure what you’re referring to.

“There’s a superstition that sleeping in a bed for the first time will cause whatever dream to turn into reality,” you explain right before you doze off into sleep.

Minho wishes to dream about you that night.

☽

The sunbeams are making their way to your closed eyes, waking you up with a pulsating headache. Mixing up different types of alcohol has never been a good idea, you’ve learnt this from your teenage years. Still, you tend to repeat those mistakes up until this day from time to time.

“Shit,” you groan under your breath, getting a bit startled when you hear a chuckle.

“Got a headache?” Minho asks you, already awake and sitting right beside you. You simply nod, only to realise even such a small movement makes your whole body spin around.

“It’s usually like that, it should be gone once I’ve had a glass of water and some food,” you tell him, so he doesn’t worry about it. “How did you sleep?”

“Fine. Not long enough, but I could get a little rest. Thanks for letting me stay here,” he replies.

“Sure, no need to thank me for that.”

You both smile at each other for a few seconds, until Minho speaks again, “Do you need anything?”

Shaking your head, you position yourself on your forearms, lower back still laying on the mattress. “It’s fine, don’t worry about me, really. I’m gonna go to the kitchen and get some water.”

“Alright, fine. If that’s the case– I really should get going.” Minho’s voice is still filled with sleepiness, the tousled hair doing no good job in hiding his tiredness but the warm smile decorating his face somehow helps a bit.

“Do you need any towels? You wanna go to the bathroom?”

“Are you telling me I smell bad, Y/L/N?” He asks, adding a questioning look by raising one of his eyebrows.

“No, Lee Minho, I am not. I’m just trying to be friendly by offering to make you feel welcome in my apartment.”

He chuckles at your response, finding it a bit cute you’re yet again not understanding his playful nature, still putting too much weight in his words. It’s entertaining for him, though. That’s why he catches up on it.

“So sorry, I’m not used to you being so kind, not scratching out my eyes for once.”

When he pulls up the corner of his mouth, you finally realise he’s just joking with you. Grabbing the pillow that’s still laying beside you, you aim it into his direction and with little to no effort it lands directly in his face.

“You still need to practice on your defensive skills, you know,” you tease him now. He doesn’t reply to that, instead simply grabbing his stuff to head towards the bathroom.

In the meantime, you're busy with changing your clothes as well, even though it doesn’t really matter – the transition from your pajamas into another comfy outfit consisting of sweatpants and a big shirt is rather useless. Still, it helps you to feel as if you’re somewhat getting ready for the day which will consist of nothing more than staying at home.

With no further consideration, you make your way to the kitchen, both Felix’s and Lisa’s doors still fully closed, indicating they must be sleeping. Reaching your destination, you halt in place for a second once you spot your other roommate. The blonde curls are hiding his face again, telling you he must have gotten up a few minutes ago as well.

Chan doesn’t notice you, way too occupied in making himself some breakfast and the blaring sound of the kettle causing him to miss that you’re stepping into the room. For some moments you contemplate leaving the kitchen again, not wanting to deal with his presence. But you’re not the one to decide that, your dry throat is already begging for water, thirsty from all the alcohol you’ve had the night before.

And when Chan turns around, spotting you standing not far from the doorframe, there’s no choice left anyway. Another half a minute passes by until either of you moves again, you’re really just standing there, staring at each other.

“Good morning,” Chan makes the first move before he gets back to cooking his meal. “Good morning.”

Trying to play it cool, you stride towards the sink, grabbing a clean glass from the upper counter. Focusing on the current task, you observe the water filling the item you’re holding.

“Can I get one, too?” Minho asks, entering the kitchen as well. He looks a little less tired now, his tamed hair and a washed face helping him with that. “Sure,” you mumble as you follow his request.

Chan’s piercing gaze from beside you is practically shooting through your head and you’re now just realising what he must be thinking.

You went to your bedroom with his friend.

You let his friend stay the night there.

But who is he to judge? He kissed that girl right in front of all the guests, after you had told him it wasn’t anything serious.

How dare he?

How dare he not read your mind, right?

“Morning, Chan,” Minho greets your roommate, not missing any chance to tease the elder, as he walks towards you, innocently patting your shoulder as a sign of thankfulness when he grabs the water. The smirk appearing on Minho’s face doesn't go unnoticed either, still, your roommate doesn’t pay any visible attention to it.

“You’re gonna go to the gym today?” The brown haired tries to start another conversation. “Don’t know,” is all the other boy says, eyes fixated on the sizzling pan in front of him.

That’s when Minho gives up, rolling his eyes in front of you as a sign of annoyance. There’s no reason for him to be mad at his younger friend and Chan knows that, still he’s having a hard time hiding his jealousy and not really doing a great job at it either.

Just the idea of you laying under him, screaming his name instead of Chan’s lets shiver run down his spine, the sudden urge to scream at everyone grows with each second.

He’s already getting afraid of seeing Minho touch you again, just like he did with the little shoulder pat some minutes ago. All the possibilities are running through his mind now, the panic of witnessing him kiss you on your cheek, on your forehead or on your mouth growing each second.

But once Minho says goodbye to you, only sheeply waving in your direction since neither of you like hugs that much, Chan feels quite relieved. At least he’s not doomed to see any physical interactions between the both of you, the imagination of what has happened last night is enough to haunt him for the next few days.

A few minutes pass by, you’ve managed to grab yourself some cereal, currently filling the bowl with the remaining milk this household has got. The atmosphere is tense and for a second you contemplate leaving the kitchen and eating in peace in your bedroom instead, but this would make everything worse and simply awkward.

You can’t escape Chan anymore, after all you both are still living together.

Maybe I should move apartments, your mind is babbling to itself.

Maybe I should flee the country and change my identity.

I’ve always wanted to do research on penguins and Antarctica isn’t that cold in January, right?

“You okay?” Chan’s words break into your thought process.

“I’m fine, just the usual headache, don’t worry.”

It’s clear, he’s talking about you zoning out again, he’s witnessed it many times before. So it’s not unusual for your roommate to make sure you’re fine, in case there are unpleasant thoughts torturing you.

Of course, there are. You don’t even know what to focus on, since every thought brings you back to Chan and the whole thing with Macy and the general situation you are in.

It’s been too much. Too much stuff going on over the past few weeks, the New Year’s Eve with their kisses being the cherry on top of the iceberg, since there’s still so much to unpack. On one hand, there are the obvious troubles tormenting your everyday life but on the other hand, the worst part are all the unspoken words.

But you’re convinced you’ve lost the chance now. Actually, you’ve lost it twice. The first time being the kiss between Chan and the new girl, the second time being when you went to your room with Minho.

“So, Macy is still asleep?” You decide to ask him now, there’s no point in hiding anymore.

“Oh, she didn’t stay overnight. Actually, nothing has really happened between the both of us yet, except for the kiss last night.”

Chan’s not sure why he’s telling you all that, possibly as a way of getting back at you for leading Minho to your room last night. Still, the blonde refrains from asking you what’s going on between you and him. He’s not ready for that – emotionally.

The silence fills the room again, you both continue with your breakfast, unsure what to say to the other one.

“Oh, I didn’t have a proper chance to tell you but I wish you a happy new year,” Chan carries on with a somewhat conversation.

“Happy new year, Chan.”

How’s that famous sentence again? New year, new me?

Well, rather new year, new Chan.

There’s no way your heart will survive calling him Channie anymore.

🖇 TAGLIST: @heelover5 @chimmycupcake @avyskai @angellixie @svintsandghosts @lachinitaaaaa @drrramaaaqweeen @septicrebel @chrissybang @hugs4chan @brit97 @choxcosmos

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this one is gonna hurt i can just feel it poor reader poor chan literally just can't wait for the drama to hit and the angst to rip me apart i'm excitdd but till then chan come here and i will comfort you fic recs please please go check out Tan's works so talented amazing writibg

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