Locker Jocker - Tumblr Posts
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Locker Jocker
You see those doors? Yeah, I’m talking about the lockers. I’m not stupid, bro. Just ... different. I used to be like you. Nosy, smart, self-centered. Well, I still am that last one.
Huhuh. Yeah, bro. I’m cocky. What’d you expect? Got a lot to be cocky about with a bod like this. You think I’m juicin’, right? No way I could get this way on my own. Tryin’ to find evidence.
See, bro, I used to be like you. I used to hate big guys like me. And I get it. Really, I do. I’m a cocky fucker who loves to show off and teach people just how ALPHA I really am. But at least I know what I am. I admit it. And no matter how much people like you try to shame me for it, I love being a BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEAD. There’s nothing wrong with being a BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEAD. This place, ... well, it’s where I was reborn.
It’s where I became a BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEAD.
And bro, I’m never going back.
So, how’d I do it? Well, I figure I’ll show you. Off the record. Trust me, bro, you won’t even know how to put it on the record after I’m done showing you.
Huhuh.
Nobody’d believe it.
*SLAM*
That’s locker one. Don’t worry, bro. I’m not gonna hurt you. That’s not what I do. Nah. Just gonna show you my side of things, you know?
*SLAM*
S’funny, really. You know the old trope, right? Jock bully locks a poor flimsy nerd in a locker....
*SLAM*
And the nerd just gets--
*SLAM*
--Locked away. Huhuhuhuh....
See, bro, BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEADS like me don’t hurt their bros.
*SLAM*
We help our bros grow.
*SLAM*
Not gonna hurt you, bro. Just gonna make you feel a little more comfortable. Go on. Unbutton that shirt of yours. Better yet, tear it open. It’s more fun to show off. Trust me. All you gotta do is stretch just a little bit. A small stretch and a tiny FLEX.
And suddenly,
*SLAM*
POP goes the button.
Huhuhuhuhuhuh. And that’s not the only thing to pop, bro.
*SLAM*
S’like a chain reaction, a reflex, bro. Can’t fight it, bro. Like a jumpscare, y’know? It just happens, and suddenly your whole torso just tenses and flexes. Your chest just gets so tight. And before you know it, your pecs are just bouncing back and forth, bro.
*SLAM*
Back and forth.
*SLAM*
Back and forth.
*SLAM*
Pop. Pop. POP!
*SLAM*
Huhuhuhuh. And it feels so good, bro. Like a firework going off in your brain. Or ... maybe from your brain. Idunno, man. I’m just a BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEAD.
All I know is--
*SLAM*
--It feels good to flex, bro.
And the more the muscle POPS the harder it is to stop.
*SLAM*
To stop flexing.
*SLAM*
To stop enjoying the moment. Because, bro, working out your body feels so awesome.
And all that fear and anxiety, that worry about what others think, what you think. It just gets...
*SLAM*
Locked away, bro.
Huhuh. Just ... shoved into a locker.
*SLAM*
And forgotten.
*SLAM*
Actually, no. I didn’t forget about it, bro.
*SLAM*
I abandoned it.
You know why? Because it feels so fuckin good to just GROW INTO A BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEAD, BRO.
*SLAM*
Flexing.
*SLAM*
Lifting weights.
*SLAM*
Just ... not thinking for a while.
*SLAM*
Bro, it’s the most incredible feeling in the world. Just like ... like the brain gets tied to the muscle and it’s not just about flexing. It’s like ... like every time you grow bigger and stronger, your muscle, your meat, rewards you.
Symbiotic relationship, bro, you know? I put my focus into my muscles. And because I put my focus into my muscles, they reward me with pleasure.
*SLAM*
Pleasure to not think, bro.
*SLAM*
Pleasure to just be a BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEAD.
And not even care what others think about it.
To just ... be you.
Confident. Cocky. Carefree.
*SLAM*
And you know why we can do that? Why we BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEADS can just not care about what others think or judge?
*SLAM*
Because BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEADS don’t care. We just shove it into a locker, just like I said before.
*SLAM*
Scared of bein’ dumb?
Shove it in the locker.
*SLAM*
Worried about what others will say?
Shove it in the locker.
*SLAM*
Bored of your reps?
Shove it in the locker.
*SLAM*
Outgrowing your clothes?
Shove ‘em in the locker.
*SLAM*
You can borrow some of mine, bro. I always carry spares.
*SLAM*
You wanna join me on the gym, bro?
Huhuh. Yeah, bro. You look good in a tank top. Shows off your muscles.
*SLAM*
Come on, bro. Smile for the camera. BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEADS love to show off.
That’s it, bro. One more locker to go.
You wanna do the honors?
...
...
...
*SLAM!*
Good choice, MUSCLEHEAD. Huhuh. Let’s pump you up, bro.
You wanna get pumped, right, bro?
...
You know why, bro?
...
Cause you’re a BIG DUMB MUSCLEHEAD, just like me bro.
C’mon. Say it, bro.
Just like me, bro.
Say it now.
I KNOW YOU WANT TO....