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An Important Confession

(Also on deviantART )

So this morning was a little on the unpleasant side.

Just a little.

I'm fine now though. More or less. I'm much calmer now, at least. Ate some breakfast, took a shower, and browsed the internet a bit to calm down. 

Yes, this is going to be a long story. If you do not wish to read or do not want your day dampened, I understand. If you will continue reading, then buckle up, because it's going to be a long and bumpy ride.   

Before I go into detail about what happened, let me set up the situation my family and I are in. I have NEVER spoke of this publicly before. Ever. I've told a few close friends online, but that's about it. I may have hinted at it, but I have been too torn/scared/whatever to write about this. Not even my college friends know about this. Well, those with dA/Tumblr now will. So be it.

Okay, this is what has been happening: My father has been having an affair. For a very long time now. As in, six years long time. Yes, that's right. Six. Years. You know what's worse? My mother, sisters, and I all know. We all know. You want to know something better? We've all MET the woman before. Hell, we've BEEN TO HER HOUSE. MULTIPLE TIMES. Back when that woman was still married. I had my suspicions the very first day we visited that woman's house. But did I say anything? No. Because I was young, stupid, and afraid. I did not want to ruin my family just because I had a tiny hunch of what might not even be there. However, I did not have to worry about that, because my suspicions were right and we found that out two years after first meeting that woman and her family. Obviously, my mother, sisters, and I are no longer being dragged to that house for any visitations of any kind. Unfortunately, the affair has still been going on.

"Well, gee, Laura. Why doesn't your mommy just divorce your dad?"

Because my mom can't support my siblings and I by herself! That's why, imaginary representation of my readers!

See, my family is not exactly financially well off. Plus, we don't have any relatives we can go to. Not to mention I'm in a university, so THAT doesn't help money-wise. I can't even afford to live in a dorm. Not to mention, I would not like to leave my two little sisters while this mess is going on.

So... yeah. My mother, sisters, and I are pretty stuck at the moment. We're trying our best to get out of this mess, but, well, it takes time. Hell, my mother actually JUST learned how to drive recently. But she does not have a car she can drive, yet. It's sad to say, but we have been very dependent on my dad. But we never thought he'd put us through something like this. So it is taking us some time before we can become independent from him.

Now here's what happened this morning:  

It's nine in the morning and I'm woken up by the phone ringing. I don't get out of bed. I think it's nothing big. But then I hear my parents arguing. With that argument, I discover that it was my dad's mistress who called. My dad has to drop off my mom to work, and he has to go to work, too, so they both leave the house, still arguing. Once they are gone, I soon decide to do something. I get up, look at the caller history of our house phone, and see that dad forgot to delete his mistress' number. I'm tired of this woman calling our house. If she wants to talk to my dad or mom, I don't care, she can call their cell phones. 

So, that's what I tell her. I call her with our home phone. She answers, saying something like, "WHAT do you think you're doing calling my home?" She probably thought I was my mom. So, I respond. Now, I did NOT yell at her. I would've loved to, but I said calmly, "This is Ashley (my family's name for me), [insert my dad's name]'s daughter. Could you please stop calling our house? My sisters and I are trying to sleep. And we're trying to enjoy our Spring Break. If you want to talk to my mommy, please call her cell phone. Or rather, do not call her at all, because we don't want to deal with you anymore." I wait for her to respond. She does not. So then I say, "Thank you and good-bye. Slut." and I hang up. And guess what? She CALLED MY DAD. No doubt she whined about me calling her a slut, because a few minutes later, my dad calls me. He yells at me. He actually got mad at ME. He basically kept telling me I had NO business "cussing her out." I told him word for word EXACTLY what I said. Exactly the way I said it. I could've called her ALL kinds of names, but I didn't. But he keeps yelling at me. We get into arguing, and then he actually THREATENS me, tells me that he's on his way back home to knock my teeth out. I told him I'd call CPS or the cops, he said go right ahead. My dad has yelled at me before, he has threatened me before, but he is usually full of hot hair and it is usually just an empty threat. For some reason, this time, I felt like it was different. Nowadays, I could never tell if my dad is using empty threats or means it. His mistress has twisted him so much, has manipulated him so much, I can NEVER tell. I got scared. VERY scared. So I did what I said I would. I called the cops. I told them the situation, and they said they'd send help. My little sister, Allyson and I (my baby sister Apryl was safe in her own room) locked ourselves up in her bedroom to be safe while we waited. My dad got home before the cops did. He banged on the door. He yelled at us. He kept telling us to open the door, but we didn't. And you know what else he did? HE THREATNED TO SHOOT ALLYSON'S DOG IF WE DID NOT OPEN THE DOOR. And he can do it. Because he has a gun in his car. We were so scared then he threatened this, we believed it. We didn't know if he would or not. We honestly didn't know. Thankfully, he did not. He did not fire a single shot. He actually told the cops (when they arrived) that he did not have a gun. For all I know, he might have gotten rid of it, he might be lying, I don't know. But none of us got hurt and I thank God for that. 

Then the cops came. One of the cops actually knows the whole situation, about the affair and everything due to my mom calling the cops when  my dad and his mistress tried to get into the house before. But that's another story. The cops told us they could not do much. 

NOW LET ME CLARIFY HERE.

They DID believe me and that my father threatened us. BUT, they said since no one got hurt, they could not do anything. 

They said the whole situation is between dad, mom, and that other woman. They told me I should not be calling the other woman. They told me since I'm an adult and I'm not happy with the situation, I could leave. I told them I have nowhere to go. They could not really respond to that. I was honestly a little annoyed with what they were telling us. It's like they were trying to reason with US when they should have been reasoning with my dad who FUCKING THREATENED US. But, I understood. My dad was there when the cops were talking to us, and they could not do much since none of us were actually hurt. They probably talked to him before they got Allyson and I to get out of her room. And they were right about what they were saying. My sisters and I getting involved, at least openly in front of our dad, would make things messier. So I told them I would never call that woman again. I did not want anything to do with her anymore; none of my sisters and my mother don't. They said that was good. I was honest about that, because I really DO NOT want any more to do with that woman. That is the first and only time I'll ever call her. I want to move on. Allyson and I stayed quiet unless asked questions. 

My dad kept telling the cops that he and mom were solving things out. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he said he's going to fix it. BULLSHIT. He always says that. But Allyson and I didn't say anything. We didn't want to let on that mom plans on divorcing him real soon. But mom has to divorce first if we want to do this right. Anyhow, the cops and dad left. Dad had to leave for work. 

I was honestly a little frustrated with the cops that they didn't really address how my dad THREATENED TO PUNCH MY TEETH OUT AND SHOOT MY LITTLE SISTER'S DOG. But again, my little sister and I were not there when the cops first talked to my dad. We were still in her bedroom. However, I do appreciate that they believed me and talked to me like an adult. They kept telling me that even though what he is doing is wrong, he can do it, because he's an adult. He SHOULD NOT be doing it, but he can. One cop even told me that I should respect my dad, even though my dad may not deserve it. At first, this sounds irritating, but they are right, the more I thought about it. Let me put it this way, if I tried to talk back to my dad and fight him, my dad may have very well hurt me. He may have been angered to the point of ACTUALLY hurting me. In short, please do not get mad at the cops. 'Cause honestly, I don't know what they COULD have done. My father was not in a rage when they arrived. He was away from the door my sister's bedroom. I don't know if he calmed down or WHAT he was doing when he stepped away from my sister's bedroom door, because, frankly, my little sister and I were too scared to find out.

After they all left, I suddenly broke down hyperventilating. I'm fine now, but... I was terrified. When Allyson and I locked ourselves up in her bedroom, I prayed like never before. I actually found myself shaking, I was that scared. When I looked into my mom and dad's bedroom, I saw his belt on the bed. I'm guessing he was planning to belt me. I honestly had NO idea what dad was going to do to me. That's what made it all the more terrifying.

And that, my children, is what happened.

I'm not looking for this to be in the news, and I PRAY that the cops do not have to be called again. The only thing I want is for my mother, sister, and I to not have to deal with my father and his mistress. If they want to have an affair, whatever. Their souls can rot, that's their choice. I just do not want them affecting my mother and sisters' well-being. We all want to ignore them and get on with our lives. All my mother, sisters, and I want is to live in peace. I do NOT want this looming over me any longer. I have been trying to live my life and not let this control me. I refuse for it to. And that's why I am writing this right now. I feel like if I do not want this controlling me, I should feel free to talk about it. 

Thank you to all who actually read this whole thing through (you are a REAL trooper, I know it was a lot to read) and thank you to all who have helped out! Be it by sending kind words my way, donating money, or spreading the word. All of you dearies are amazing. My sisters and I are eternally grateful for the support. 

God bless,

Laura