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protection [ j.p]

word count: 2.2k

pairing: james potter x twin!reader

warnings: angst!!!!

a/n: i lost inspiration halfway through, and forced the rest out. this is a bit different to my normal writing style, and i dont know if i like it. i really just wanted to post something after going mia for a few days. 

request: Could you please do a James Potter imagine where he had a twin sister who he was really close to and she was heart broken when he died. And they reunite in the afterlife after she risks her life for Harry when Draco brings the death eaters to the school or something? Please and thanks xxx

-

you sat on your couch, silent tears rolling down your face as your thoughts raced through your head at an ungodly speed. you tried listening, you really did, but everyone’s frantic chatter was drowned out by the sinking feeling in your stomach. 

abruptly, you stood up, catching the eye of everyone as you walked casually out of the room, and you made a faint note about how the distant buzz of conversation was suddenly missing as you exited. you didn’t blame them for staring, nor in that moment, did you care. 

he was dead. your other half, your twin was dead. the boy who used to pick on your height, chase you around the backyard, the one who helped you up when you fell. 

he was dead. 

she was too. 

your best friend from all those years in school, the one who had a growing hatred for your brother’s annoying, flirty comments he seemed to throw her way daily. she was dead. 

james and lily, the two most important people in your life, were dead.

you didn’t know what to do. you cried for them. for james, your twin brother. for lily, your best friend. for their love. for your loss. the person you cried the most for however, was your nephew, harry. 

you wanted to take him in, you did. it pained you to do so, but you asked lily’s sister to take him in. 

it took some convincing, but after pleading to her about how you wanted him away from the magic community, she agreed. he looked exactly like james, and you knew with time he’d only grow to look more like your missing half. 

selfishly, you gave him away to protect yourself. and you ran as far as you could, out of sight, and out of harry’s life.

it was just before the start of harry’s third year when you received a message from remus. over the years of your absence, you’d vaguely kept in contact, you updating him moderately on your locations, only meeting a select few times for a short butterbeer and chat. you never stayed in the same place for too long, for fear of being caught. 

ever since you’d lost james and lily, you’d never been the same. always on edge, not trust anyone. except remus. 

he was always your favorite of james’ friends, his soft spot for you forming the day you met. he always cared for you like another brother, who brought a different type of comfort than what you had with james. 

so when you read the letter he’d sent, you were in complete shock. 

dearest y/n,

it is with mixed emotions i write you this letter. i hope you receive it quickly, as the term will begin in the next few weeks. as you know, my condition has prevented me of finding work within the magical community, for reasons i feel i don’t need to explain. not to you, anyways.

professor dumbledore (i suppose it's only appropriate for me to address him as so again) has contacted me, and has offered me a position at hogwarts. i’m beginning as the new defensive against the dark arts teacher at the school this term. 

i know what you’re probably thinking reading this; how safe can it be for a school with a werewolf as a professor? trust me, i feel the same way, though dumbledore has once again assured me he will put the same precautions we took as children into my case and ensure the environment is safe for me. 

i’m sure you’ve already figured it out at this point, but harry will be attending the school as well and yes, i will be teaching him. i will not mention you if you wish not to, but as much as i’ve been pushing you to be apart of his life y/n, now’s your chance. 

i can bring you up, or i can pretend you don’t exist. harry has suffered long enough, he thinks he’s alone in this world and you can change that. sure, he’ll be upset but he won’t hate you. 

i won’t pressure you into anything, but i want you to consider it. i just hope through all of this, no matter what you may choose to do, you’ll be happy for me. this opportunity is asking a lot of the school and it is very special to me. 

not only for a job, but to finally get to meet harry in person. i’ve been told he’s much like james.. nearly identical. i suppose i’ll see for myself soon enough. write back soon.

wishing you well, 

remus.

you inhaled sharply as you folded the letter, placing it down on the counter and leaning back against the cheap armchair sat awkwardly in the corner of your rented motel room. you sighed, pausing before pulling out the photograph you’d taken of yourself, james, and lily in your younger years. 

the picture transitioned from the three of you posing, to james shoving you for a stupid joke you’d made, and the three of you laughing happily. 

a tear slipped from your eye as you pondered remus’ letter. harry was alone. it made you wonder about petunia, and quickly you realized you really never had checked up on him. 

you felt sick with guilt, and in an instant, you’d pulled out your quill and ink and wrote back a simple reply, sending it off with your owl.

hogsmeade first weekend of the school year? need to talk in person.

a few owls and details sorted later, you found yourself sitting in your old booth, anxiously drumming your fingers as memories seemingly swarmed around you. 

remus walked in shortly after, and you gave him a tight hug before suggesting he sit. however, he hesitated, nervously shifting on his feet and chewing on his lip; a nervous tick of his, you recalled. 

“remus?” you asked, timidly. he offered a nervous smile, before wordlessly walking to the door, hurt washing over you for a moment. he opened the door a crack, beckoning someone to follow him, your eyes widening when you saw the boy walk into the building. 

you froze, watching him listen to remus before looking at you, a confused expression on his face.

he sat down across from you, remus waving you goodbye (much to your protest) and leaving you alone with harry. 

“uh.. hello. remus said you were another friend of my parents.” harry said, clearly not quite sure why he was here. you let out a shaky breath, shaking his hand. 

“uh, something like that, i suppose.” you smiled, “i’m y/n.” it took a couple of odd topics, but after an hour or so, you were comfortably talking. he asked a lot of questions about his parents and you told many stories, and before you knew it he had to leave. “tell remus i said thank you, will you harry?” you asked, brushing yourself off. 

“sure thing, y/n. see you around?” he asked, hopeful. 

you smiled, “i think you will.”

you and harry met once or twice a month, becoming an annual occurrence. you enjoyed his company, and remus was correct; he was exactly like james. of course, there was one slight issue, and that was that you never told him that you were his aunt. 

regrettably so, as now you were so far into a relationship, and you didn’t know how to tell him. 

the longer time passed however, and the more the guilt ate at you. every time you saw him, you saw james; and lying to james was one thing you were never able to do. 

the next time you saw harry was during one of the last hogsmeade trips of the school year. he’d told you about his classes, and at the end of your session, you nearly said your goodbyes when you stopped him. you nearly backed out, but you owed him this at least. 

“harry, there’s something i need to tell you. i should’ve told you sooner but i didn’t know how. i’m sorry for waiting so long.” you told him, tears welling in your eyes. 

if he was just like james (which by now, you were certain he was), this was the last time you would see him willingly. harry looked confused, but silently urged you to continue. “i’m not.. i was never james’ friend. i was..” you sighed, letting the tears flow. “i’m his sister. his twin sister.. i’m your aunt.” 

those were the last words you spoke to harry. you hadn’t seen him since. the memory of the horror mixed with confusion on his face when you’d told him was forever engraved in your brain, and that was nearly 4 years ago. you still talked to remus and rejoined the order when it came time, but you went back to staying away from the country and went back to travelling. 

you went to america for awhile; in your eyes, the farther you were, the less strain it put on harry.

there were days you’d wished you could go back, save harry from that monstrous petunia sooner. you felt like james, wherever he may be, was disappointed in you. you didn’t blame him; you were too. 

you couldn’t believe you’d been so selfish, and for it, harry suffered through things a child should never have to worry about. the past was the past however. 

the war was coming, and you needed to do your part to help harry win. 

voldemort needed to pay for what he did to lily and james all those years ago, and you couldn’t lose harry too. not after everything. you vowed to yourself that no matter what happened, keeping him safe was all that mattered.

curses, hexes and spells were being fired left right and centre as the battle raged on. you weren’t sure how long you’d been fighting, but it had been so long that you were getting tired. 

you wouldn’t give up, but you decided to switch to defensive charms rather than offensive spells for the time being, helping the students you saw in danger. 

you’d lost sight of harry after his ‘death’ and the recommencement of the war, so now you were scrambling around the castle, helping as you went, but still looking for a certain raven-haired boy.

you saw him on the top floor, face to face with a boy around his age with platinum blonde hair, you’d assumed from the way he was positioned and the way he looked, this was lucius’ son. 

harry and the malfoy boy were in the middle of an avid conversation when you saw a figure approaching harry from behind, and you saw the opposing boy’s face change to one of fear as a curse left the deatheater’s lips. 

you quickly sprung yourself in front of harry, and as he turned around and watched your body fly in front of his, you heard a faint scream and a curse being fired in the direction of the original spell before you closed your eyes, allowing death to take you with ease. 

you’d done what you had to save harry, and you were content with dying in order to protect him.

your eyes fluttered open, frowning in confusion as two figures loomed over you, smiling. you squinted as you faintly made out the long, beautifully flowing fiery red hair of the first figure and the messy mop of raven curls of the second figure. you blinked, not believing what was in front of you. 

“lily? james?” you whispered, the two each offering you an arm, helping you to your feet. you stared at them for a moment, before embracing them in a group hug. “i’ve missed you so much.” you sputtered, in shock. 

“we missed you too, y/n” lily smiled, though it was bittersweet. 

it was at her facial expression that a sinking feeling rose inside of you. “how- how is this possible?” you were blanking, completely oblvious to the situation. 

“y/n, you saved him. you died saving him.” james said, quietly. you processed this, suddenly remembering jumping in front of the curse. 

“oh.” you muttered, before a sad smile came across your lips. lily sensed the desire to speak to your twin, so with a last hug, she left the two of you to each other’s company. you quickly embraced james in a tight hug, him returning the favour. 

“i’m so sorry james.” you were crying now, and he shushed you, pulling you at arm’s length. 

“listen to me y/n potter. you have nothing to apologize for. you and i both know if it had been reversed, you would’ve done the same. it’s not my fault he’s exactly like me-” he started, having you slap him lightly, sparking a chuckle. 

“i’m not angry. i promise. i could never be disappointed in you, y/n. no matter how hard you try.” a boyish grin overtook his features as you smiled back, gulping. 

“i’ve missed you so much james.” you whispered.

“i missed you too.” leaning your head on his shoulder, he gently guided you two to where lily was waiting, ready to start your afterlife; one with both lily and james in it. “what about harry?” you stopped, looking at his parents, who only smiled at each other gently. 

“we’ll watch over him still. don’t worry, he’s protected.”

betrayal [s.b]

word count: 1.3k

pairing: sirius black x fem!reader

warnings: none i think, mentions of lily & james. slight angst.

a/n: finally getting back into writing! wasn’t really sure how to end this one though, so let me know what you think!

request: Hey, could you please do a Sirius black imagine where he sees the reader for the first time in an order meeting after he’s escaped. And he’s shocked that she has a little girl who’s like 3 and thinks she’s with someone but he gets told that she is single and then fluff? Or something like that? (requested by anon)

-

“remus, you can’t be serious.” you squeaked, feeling your heart shatter. 

“i wish i wasn’t.” he told you, tears cascading down his cheeks freely. 

lily and james were dead. peter’s gone missing, and sirius was being taken to azkaban. 

you felt your world fall apart in a matter of minutes, crumbling to the ground in a heap. remus tried his best to comfort you, though it didn’t do much as he was in just as much pain as you. 

your best friends were dead, and the love of your life was being taken to the worst place imaginable. you were broken, and you were at a loss. 

what the hell were you supposed to do now?

the reality was, you never did figure out what to do next. you fled, the pain of living in 12 grimmauld place was too much for you to cope with. you stayed with some relatives in france for the first year, before you met him. 

he was kind in the start, always putting you first and before you knew it, the two of you were in love. neither of you were ready for marriage; you’d both gone through rough breakups (even though in your case, you really didn’t breakup, but sirius still held a special place in your heart) and agreed that you would wait until later on. 

when you first got pregnant, nothing changed.

it was a year after your daughter was born that you noticed he began to distance himself. he went to work early every morning and stayed late every night. he began to cancel on plans, and when you confronted him, he simply left. 

he left you and your daughter, and you never saw him again. 

you moved into a smaller flat, just the two of you. you found comfort in her, and she understood very quickly that her father was gone. you two were content with life, that was, until two years later, when came the day you got a letter from remus requesting your assistance with the order. 

the mention of the society resurfaced many old feelings, and it scared you more than anything. you didn’t know what to do, but after debating everything, you knew you couldn’t ignore it. 

you packed up your daughter and all your necessities, and took the floo network back to your least favourite building; the very one you refused to stay in all those years ago. 

you walked out of the chimney, quickly dusting off your daughter and setting her down, hearing some shuffling around before remus walked into the room, slightly taken aback by the sight of your 3 year-old daughter waddling around. 

“she’s so big.” he said, walking over and embracing you tightly. you returned the hug, smiling brightly. 

“yeah, she is.” you muttered, pulling back and glancing at her in admiration. it was only when you turned back to remus when you saw the bittersweet expression on his face. “what is it?” 

“there’s..” he started, sighing deeply. “there’s something i didn’t tell you before you came, y/n.” you didn’t understand what he meant, so he beckoned you over to the living room, where sat the one person who you’d never managed to shake from your thoughts.

“sirius?” you whispered, catching his attention. time seemed to stop as you locked eyes with the love of your life, forgetting for a moment everything he’d done. he stood up, and you quickly ran into his arms, embracing him tightly. 

you stood there in silence for a moment, before reality seemed to catch up to you and you pulled away, anger in your eyes. “you betrayed them!” you muttered, disgusted as you stepped away from him. hurt flashed in his eyes, as he switched his gaze towards remus with confusion. 

“no, y/n-” he tried to explain, but you quickly left the room, grabbing your daughter and turning to remus. 

“how dare you let me bring my child here, with someone as dangerous as him around?” you spat, and before either of them could speak, you stormed out of the building and down the familiar old roads.

“y/n! wait!” you faintly heard remus call, but you held onto your daughter firmly and kept your gaze forward. “he didn’t do it, he was framed!” he called, cause you to hesitate slightly. 

you sighed, your heart grasping onto the small ounce of hope remus has bestowed upon you. “oh yeah? how’d that come about then? who killed lily and james, because they’re dead remus! nothing is going to change that; sirius wouldn’t have gone to azkaban had he not done it.” you were screaming and your daughter was crying, you no longer caring. 

he’d touched a very sensitive topic, though you knew it was no easier for him. remus reached out, and you allowed him to take your daughter, him calming her tears instantly. 

“it’s not safe to talk about here.” he said quietly, trying to divert the small attention your scene had caused. “go talk to him.” 

you opened your mouth to protest, but were cut off. “i’ll take her to my place for now and take care of her. please y/n, at least let him explain.” knowing you couldn’t escape this, you nodded and headed back to the dreaded house.

you walked into the room, only to see sirius exactly where he was before you left, only know staring into the blazing flames of the fire. “i’m here now. care to explain?” you spoke, your voice quivering slightly. 

you’d always hoped by some miracle, sirius was innocent. you knew him for as long as you can remember; you’d be friends throughout all your hogwarts years, and you were madly in love with each other. 

you could never fully cope with the fact he’d betrayed james, his best friend, and lily, your best friend. it simply didn’t make sense; and even after all these years, you still couldn’t piece it together. hence why you sat across from him, and listened to his story from beginning to end.

by the end of his explanation, your head was spinning. “peter betrayed them.. he betrayed us.” you whispered, realization coming over you. you quickly put together everything; you’d not heard remus mention peter’s return once. 

he was working with the dark lord. he gave up lily and james. he killed lily and james. 

you felt the tears prick your eyes, and before you knew it, you were leaning into sirius, holding him tight and crying into his shoulder. as poor as the situation was, it was nice to finally be back in his arms.

you weren’t sure how long you’d been sitting there, but soon remus walked in, your sleeping daughter in his arms. you smiled at the sight of her, but felt sirius tense under you. 

you turned to him confused, but he wouldn’t look you in the eyes. his eyes were trained on your daughter’s sleeping figure. 

“could you lay her down somewhere?” you asked remus, softly. he nodded, leaving you and sirius alone together. “i know what you’re thinking.” you muttered, breaking the tense silence. 

“what’s that, then?” he asked playfully, but there was some hurt behind his words. 

“i met someone, for awhile. it didn’t last though, and i think you and i both know why.” you said, not looking at him directly. 

you felt his gaze on you, “yeah? why is that?” he asked, having you sigh. you knew he was playing with you know, you could practically hear the smile he was fighting off. 

“because he wasn’t you.” suddenly, he reached under your chin, pulling you to face him. 

“i was hoping you’d say that.” he whispered, kissing you gently. 

you felt the same butterflies in your stomach that you’d felt all those years ago, and for once since everything happened, you felt like everything was going to be okay.

heartbreak [s.b]

word count: 2.7k

pairing: sirius black x hufflepuff!reader

warnings: underage drinking, swearing, ANGST.

a/n: omg look at me actually doing a request a month and a half later.. oops?

request: Hey! :) I'd like to request an imagine with Sirius. The reader is hufflepuff and she's great friends with all the marauders, closest to Sirius. But what he doesn't know is that she's in love with him. She talks to one of the other marauders about it and he can't help it but to tell Sirius about it. You can decide what Sirius does and how he reacts to this information, you decide how it ends :) (submitted by @imagining-hogwarts)

-

it was unusual, you would admit. many around you found it strange that a presumably quiet hufflepuff like yourself, associated and were friends with the wild and mischievous group of gryffindors, also known as the marauders. you yourself still questioned why and how you became friends with the unlikely group. 

you were sat in the library one day, working on a particularly tricky essay for potions with your partner, lily evans. all was going well, you thought, until you heard the creaking of the door and peeked up to see a group of gryffindor boys walking into the room. 

you heard lily groan, and gave her a questioning glance. “that’s james.” she muttered, rolling her eyes.

the two of you had been paired for a week or so now, with new arrangements given by your professor. you weren’t too happy about it in the beginning, but lily had turned out to be one of the sweetest people you’d ever met. your study sessions turned into late night chats, and you two quickly became friends. 

thus, you had heard all about james potter and his ‘slight’ crush on lily, as well as his three companions who never seemed to leave his side. 

of course, you knew of them before; the four were notorious for getting an alarming amount of detentions for who knows what. you had never personally met the four, being in different houses did cause a bit of a division within the school and you really never had much reason to interact with them otherwise. 

perhaps you’d had exchanged a word or two in classes, but other than that, you knew nothing about them. nor did they know anything about you.

the group made their way over, james in the front and the others following behind, making jokes about their friend’s unsuccessful attempts to woo lily. 

“hey there, lily!” he flirted, sliding into the seat next to her. you were baffled at the bluntness of the situation, but you supposed gryffindors did things much differently than hufflepuffs generally did. you turned to the other three boys, who were trying not to burst out laughing at lily’s unamused expression. 

sirius turned to you, quirking an eyebrow. “and who may you be?” he asked politely, and you smiled shyly. 

“y/n l/n, i’m lily’s potions partner.” remus, sirius and peter introduced themselves to you, and you hardly noticed when the redhead next to you stormed off, her books and quills completely gone. 

“well, that could’ve gone better.” james muttered, sighing and turning to you. “i’m james.” he introduced, sticking out a hand. 

you smiled, a giggle escaping your lips. “i got that much from lily.” with a grimace, james looked at you sheepishly. 

“all good things, i hope?” with that comment, you laughed loudly, ending in the five of you being kicked out of the library; which only caused more laughter amongst you. thus beginning your friendship with the marauders.

you bonded over that day, and treasured it greatly. as the year went on, you spent more and more time with them (much to lily’s disapproval), and found yourself growing quite close with sirius in particular. 

you thought nothing of it at first, surely it was because the two of you simply got along better than the others, and they always found themselves preoccupied (james with lily, remus with his studies, and peter.. doing whatever peter did), allowing the two of you to get closest. 

it wasn’t until after a quidditch match you realized you wanted more than a friendship with the boy. 

it was an intense, highly anticipated match of gryffindor versus ravenclaw, and the tension in the school had been high. the two teams were severely competitive, this year in particular they were practically clawing at each other's throats off the pitch. 

you and remus sat in the stands, cheering on james and sirius. sirius flashed you a wink, and you playfully winked back. in the end, it was close, but the snitch was caught, and gryffindor won the game. which in turn, meant a celebration in gryffindor tower.

the night was thrilling; being a friend of the marauder, you were easily let into the party without much argument. you weren’t the only one from another house anyways, you saw various ties of yellow, green and even a few blue (though very little, ravenclaws were super competitive and were likely not in the mood to party), and you didn’t feel as isolated as you thought you would. 

the drinks were flowing, glasses of firewhiskey being passed around and for someone who rarely drank, you were certainly having a lot. you weren’t really sure why, maybe it was the fact that sirius and james were downing cup after cup and you were feeling the vibe, or maybe it was the stress from your upcoming o.w.l.s. you didn’t know, nor did you care at that moment as you soak in the feeling of the buzzing alcohol in your system.

remus came over, seeing you drinking more than you could handle, taking away your cup. you frowned, but didn’t object. you glanced around the room, looking for a certain curly-haired wizard. 

“where’s sirius?” you hiccuped, remus looking at you concerned. 

“he’s over by the drinks table.” your eyes jumped to the table, only to see sirius flirting with a girl and your smile dropped. “oh.” 

remus followed your gaze, confusion overtaking his features before it began to set in what was happening. “y/n, do you.. maybe.. like sirius? as more than a friend?” 

you rolled your eyes, “no, why would you think-” you cut yourself off with a gasp, as you watched sirius’ lips meet someone else’s. 

remus saw the look of hurt and heartbreak on your face, and he sighed, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of the room. 

“i think i should get you back to your common room.” he muttered, and without a word of protest, you allowed him to pull you back to the hufflepuff common room, and you gave him a tight hug before heading up to your dorm, and thanks to the alcohol still swimming in your system, you fell asleep nearly instantly. 

remus made his way back to the common room quickly, careful to avoid any potential prefects who were wandering about. the group had memorized the route they took each night, so it wasn’t a difficult journey and he easily made his way to the fat lady portrait, muttering the password and stepping back into the lively party. 

sirius spotted him immediately, rushing over and swinging an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “moony! where ya been? where’s y/n, weren’t they with you?” he frowned, glancing around for the yellow uniform you wore, only to find nothing. 

“took they back to they dorms. they had one too many.” remus joked, and sirius bought it easily, a chuckle escaping his lips as he shook his head. 

“shame, but understandable. they don’t hold liquor well!” with a forced laugh and smile, remus decided he shouldn’t be the one to tell sirius how you felt, especially not when he himself found out from a drunken state. he would wait until you were ready to tell him yourself.

it was getting harder and harder for remus to keep his - well, your - secret. the first day after the party, you’d completely avoided the group of unsuspecting boys. they thought nothing of it- you were probably off studying for your o.w.l.s or doing something important, since you were such a busy and hardworking student. 

the second day, you had potions with them. you came in at the very last second, sitting with lily across the room. again, nothing unusual, until the second the word “dismissed” left your professor’s lips, you were gone. 

they were confused, but assumed you had something to do before your next period. it wasn’t until the third day, they realized you were avoiding them. you’d saw them on the staircases on your way to charms, and the moment your eyes met james’, you turned and took another route to your destination. 

of course, this caused much conversation among the four boys. had they done something to upset you? clearly, you didn’t want to talk to them, but they hadn’t the slightest clue why. well, three of them didn’t. 

remus, however, knew exactly why you were acting as you were. he didn’t blame you, either. he saw how distraught you were over sirius, and his heart ached for you. 

he only wished you would tell sirius, and all could be resolved, but instead, he was stuck lying to his best friends, and was forced to act like he was just as clueless as the rest of them. 

the fourth and fifth day after the party were no different than the others; you still hadn’t said a word to any of them. they’d tried everything; trapping you in a hallway, bombarding you in classes, hell, they even tried to get lily to tell them what was wrong; but they hadn’t got anywhere. 

remus was losing his mind; secrets were not his forte, and he was dying to tell his friends and to put an end to the distance in your friendship. you may have been closest with sirius, but you were friends with all of the marauders, and they all missed you. remus included. 

it was the sixth day, when remus snapped. the four were sitting in their common room late at night, everyone was slowly clearing out of the room and heading to their dorms, though the boys were comfortably staring at the fire. they all felt a sense of longing; they hadn’t gone two days without talking to you the whole year and they missed you dearly. 

“what d’you think we could’ve done to have them avoid us?” sirius muttered, his gaze set firmly on the fire in front of him. remus bit his lip, averting his gaze to his hands. 

“i dunno. it must’ve been pretty bad though.” james frowned, “i wish they would just tell us instead of acting like we don’t exist.” the boys collectively sighed, and sirius hesitantly spoke up. 

“do you think it’s just something to do with them? maybe it’s not us-” something in remus snapped, and he couldn’t stop himself anymore. 

“no, it’s definitely not because of us. but it is because of you.” 

a silence fell around the room, the three boys gawking at remus. no one was sure if it was because of his outburst, or the shock of what he said. 

“because of me?” sirius squeaked, suddenly feeling very guilty, though he still had no idea what he’d done. 

“yeah, because of you. they’re bloody in love with you, have you really not realized?” remus sighed, realizing he had no choice but to tell the truth and come clean. not that he wanted to keep it in any longer - he needed this division between you to end. sirius was frozen in place, james choked on the pumpkin juice he was casually sipping at, and peter fell off his chair. 

“they’re what?” sirius stuttered, and remus shook his head, standing up and without another word, heading up to their shared dorm. peter, sensing a one-on-one best friend talk, scurried after remus, leaving sirius and james to talk amongst themselves.

the two boys sat quietly, sirius’ eyes never once leaving the fire, and james’ gaze was glued to his best friend. he thought his love life was tough, but at that moment, his bad luck with lily seemed like a very minor issue. 

“are you okay?” james asked, and at that moment, sirius didn’t know how to respond. 

“they.. they love me.” he repeated, as though he was still trying to process the words. and he was. he didn’t know how to answer. james had never seen his best friend so conflicted.

“well, how do you feel about them?” james questioned, unsure of how to comfort the boy. sirius took a moment, thinking it over. suddenly he felt the need to rethink every moment the two of you shared; late night conversations in the kitchens, small smiles passed from across the hallway, and your infamous hugs. 

he missed it all so much. he missed you so much. the longing he’d felt over the past week had been eating at him, and now more than ever, all he wanted was to talk to you. 

without so much as another glance to james, sirius stood abruptly and left the common room, ignoring james’ questioning. though curious, james didn’t follow; sirius was grateful for that much. 

he sped his way through the castle, easily weaving through the prefect-safe paths he’d memorized his first year. he had his mind set on one specific place; the astronomy tower. he remembered you vividly telling him on various occasions it was your “thinking spot”. 

he wasn’t sure what was telling him you’d be there, but he had a gut feeling and figured with being as desperate as he was, checking wouldn’t hurt. he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep with all on his mind anyway.

though he had a feeling, he still froze on the steps as he heard soft sniffles coming from the top of the tower. he gulped, stepping up quietly and peering over the platform, only to see you curled into yourself, eyes trained on the stars illuminating the sky. 

“i could hear you coming up the stairs, you know.” you muttered, pulling sirius out of his daze. he shook his head, climbing the rest of the way and standing at the top of the staircase. 

“should’ve listened when you told me to pick up my feet.” he joked, only to be met with silence. he sighed, sitting down and resting his back against the nearest wall, still a reasonable distance away from you. 

“i wanted to talk to you.” he spoke quietly, as if you were fragile and could break in an instant. you supposed you must’ve looked as so. had it been anyone else you would’ve left by then, but sirius had seen you in this state countless times and you couldn’t be bothered to try to hide it from him. 

as much as you were avoiding him to save yourself from further heartbreak, you missed him. he was your best friend above all else, and without him you didn’t know what to do. he was everywhere, and it was getting harder and harder to stay away. 

so when you saw him reach the top of the stairs, against your better judgment, you had no desire to leave.

when you said nothing, he took it as a cue to continue. “y/n, remus.. he told me about you.. how you feel about me.” he coughed, and you sighed, unphased. 

“i’m surprised he lasted so long.” you half-joked, forcing out a laugh. “it’s okay, sirius. i know you don’t feel the same- and that’s okay.” you spoke, and you wished so desperately that he would argue, tell you he felt the same. but he never did. 

he only turned his gaze to the ground, kicking at the stone flooring. “i’m sorry.” he whispered, and your heart felt like it had been put back into place, only to be ripped out again; though you were determined not to show it.

“i told you it’s okay.” it took everything within you to hold back your tears and keep your voice steady, and by some miracle, you were managing well. 

“i miss you, sirius, i do. but i can’t keep pretending i don’t feel like this, as much as i don’t want to. i just need some time. i do want to be friends still; hell, i can’t imagine my life without you in it, no matter in what way; but i need to let myself heal first.” you spoke calmly now, and you could see the pity in his eyes. his mouth opened and closed, looking for the right words. 

“please.” you whispered, and with a nod, he stood. he turned to your small figure out last time, gulping as he spoke the last words you were going to hear from him for a very long time. 

“i didn’t mean to break your heart. i’m sorry.” and when you heard the door close behind him, ensuring he was long gone, you broke into a fit of tears. and at that moment, you were sure you would never ‘heal’ the way you needed to; he would always hold a special place in your heart. and you were right.