MAXILLA - Tumblr Posts

PRESS

You press the button.

Nothing happens. Nothing happens for a while. Nothing happens, not for a while more.

But in the flurry of nothing happening, suddenly, something happens indeed.

Right where you're standing, a giant sausage-fingered white gloved hand attached to a spring flings you from the Earth into the sky.

You cry out as the world whizzes past you at such speed that you can't even feel the wind whipping by your face.

Just when you think you're about to fall into the great beyond, from below a platform emerges, a trampoline atop, bouncing you further into the air.

Then suddenly, you're soaring over the clouds, above them.

You hit another bouncy platform, boosting you higher. It happens again, higher still.

Then the platforms get lower - bouncing you closer and closer towards the center of gravity of which you were swept from.

The incline increases again, and while you'd otherwise be terrified for your life in this situation, somehow you can't help but feel exhilarated. You're flying through the heavens like an angel! You've always loved heights! Why wouldn't you love this too?!

But then you land in something different - a giant pink and purple and blue tube.

Wait, it's not a tube - it's a slide! And you're inside it - sliding down it in a smooth, rhythmic descent.

It goes on and on, faster and faster, as if to make up for all those moments where you weren't falling or being thrown or whatever. And through its blurs of circular windows you can see yourself getting closer to the end of the ride - back to the ground, back to the dirt, and soon enough the windows stop appearing at all, and just then -

SPLASH!

Peach-colored bubbles surround you, encompassing you in warmth as water begins to rise all around.

After everything had been cleared away, and after your lungs were empty enough, you emerge from the liquid. You look around you to see...

A pool. You've been dunked in a pool. And in front of that pool is a house - but not like any other house you've ever seen! A house that has angles that twist in impossible ways, coated in color, with the kind of architecture you would expect from the pages of a storybook.

Then, from out of a window comes another, smaller hand attached to a spring - and it lifts you out of the water with vim and vigor, and then, there you are, back on the ground, standing before this otherworldly house. You're dripping wet but feeling quite refreshed all the same.

The hand retracts back - the house spins around like a wound-up top, the backyard towards you turning into a front yard, a grand entryway reveals itself. A carpet rolls out, brightly-lit arrow signs point towards the door, and the door swings open, as if alive, and before you can go up to it, out of it comes the little man in the house. You expect him to start waltzing towards you, but he's curled his entire body into a hoop, and he goes flying straight across the rug instead. Just when you think he's about to wheel straight into you, his body unfurls like a scroll - and there he is, the greatest entertainer himself!

MR. MAXILLA: NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION!!!

You look to your side, and by some miracle - the whole time, the box never left your arms.

(What do you do next?)

"GOD DAMN THAT STUPID CAT."

literally I was just finished doing my biology final bro