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Girl Genius Fave Characters + Hogwarts Houses

Or, "Two characters you thought were in Slytherin, but aren't, and two you thought weren't in Slytherin (but one of whom actually is)"

Since Tarvek's section is Long and I live on AO3 where you know ahead of time who’s getting written up): the faves are {Bang, Tarvek, Violetta, Zoing}. No, there is not a favoriter much less favoritest among them.

Bang: Gryffindor

She's Gryff in that she has one hammer [well, knife] that she applies to all problems. You might think be tempted to think she's Slytherin because she's willing to kill people to get what she wants, but she's not really ends justify the means. She's more stabbing justifies the stabbing. She has one value system, and applies it to everything. Pretty much Gryffindor in a nutshell. You don't conform to my value system? I will make you conform!

Tarvek: Ravenclaw

Tarvek is the hardest to place. The natural inclination is Slytherin. He's our beloved underhanded weasel of ambition. Smells exactly like Slytherin. But there's something a little off. He wants to rule the world, but rather than it being an ends in and of itself, for Tarvek, this appears to be a means.

Ravenclaw, however, fits, and not just from Sparkiness. He studied the socio-political problem, and believes that his solution is the best solution, not just for his own gain. The world can be a better place, not just "better for him," and the way to get there is to rule it all. And I believe he wouldn't necessarily fight for the title if he thought the world was going to be okay (probably in Gil or Agatha's hands. Maybe not Gil).

Let's take a look at the ways we see he isn't just for himself:

He saves Grandma

He saves Colette

He saves Anevka

He saves Lucrezia

He saves Violetta (by sending her to Mechanicsburg)

He drops onto a Fun-Sized Mobile Agony and Death Dispenser

He saves a jager and a Vespiary Squad member from a burning dirigible

He goes up against a Slaver with a wooden sword (and thank goodness Agatha is there)

Okay, so most of these you can argue are still Slytherin. Saving Grandma wins him lots of Family Points, for example. But grabbing Jorgi on top of Ruxala? Recall, his first and primary goal was to save the weasels. (Wait a second... how does he even know to save the little furballs? Bang, a high-ranking Wulfenbach captain didn't know about them until a few hours ago. I guess that's a question for another day.) He's 2 seconds from death the entire time. You could still argue he wants Ruxala for her knowledge, and the jager wins him points with Agatha. But the wooden sword move is exactly the sort of nonsense you expect from Gryffindors.

So Gryffindor!? Motives are a closer match, but the methods are off (which, you'll note, is exactly the opposite problem he has with being a Slytherin). Tarvek's way of dealing with problems is basically everything but straightforward because he knows if he hits a problem head-on, he's going to die. (And maybe this is why his type is too heroic for their own good.) Also, I don't know how you would do a Gryffindor calculation and think, "Yeah, I should save Lucrezia." (You're about to bring up a Wormtail-shaped argument, aren't you? I love me some Peter Pettigrew character analysis so Bring. It. ON!)

Well, Hufflepuffs are do-gooders, too, so why not Hufflepuff? Tarvek does work his butt off, but have you heard him talk about his family? There's a piece to Hufflepuff that believes in the very best of people, and that is very much not Tarvek. Maybe it's that he believes it of everyone but his family. Which is like, anti-Slytherin (arguably therefore Slytherin). Or something.

It's a little unfair that at this point, we only have one house left standing, especially because, surface level, you could easily place every Spark in Ravenclaw, and no one would really say you were wrong. They're all capable of disappearing into their lab, spending hours (if not days) on their chosen project (or whatever happens to pass under their hands), and operate at a level that is untouched by non-Sparks. But just because they're all able to do that, does not mean we should just lump them all in Ravenclaw. (First of all, that'd have to be one sturdy tower.)

For Tarvek, though, it fits. His approach to the socio-political situation doesn't seem to stem from what do I gain from it and how do I end up on top. Instead, he studied and understood the game, thoroughly thought about each and every possibility and the futures they could bring, decided he hated it, that it does no one a benefit, and the only way to get out is to win it, and to do that, he again leaves no means unexamined in crafting his plans. To him, it's chess. And when Agatha walks into the picture, he does a lot of re-calculating. Suddenly the things he had taken for granted as the only way are no longer the only way, and he's willing to adjust his plans to fit the new reality. He’s sort of an experimental Ravenclaw in that way. Come up with the theory, see how it unfolds, and adjust as you go.

The only "outlier" on Ravenclaw is that Tarvek has amazing restraint for a Spark, and doesn't get lost in his passions and interests. But you could also chalk that up to, he's calculated it out, and this really just is the best way. (I mean, well, it is.)

Violetta: Hufflepuff

By far the most straightforward to place. She knows her family is problematic, but then argues that Auntie Margolotta was awfully sweet for not trying very hard to kill her. She spends her first part of Mechanicsburg hating Tarvek for sending her away, but manages to figure out on her own why he sent her. And at the end of the day, she'll save his ass. (It's her job, she says.) And she works insanely hard. Sure, she also complains about it incessantly. (Just let her have cakes and dresses already!)

Zoing: Slytherin

If Tarvek was the hardest to place, Zoing is probably the most surprising. The obvious easy choice here would be another Puff because wholesome, but it just doesn't feel right. No one's going to argue against Zoing being the purest, but Zoing does not think of everyone as equal or even pretend that some people are more equal than others. Zoing's #1 is Gil. He will be loyal forever and always to Gil first. And Zoing has teeeea ambitions. (Who knows what he would've done if Gil said Agatha was there to make tea. And Zoing probably has a running [one-sided] competition with Wooster as to who can be more helpful to Gil.) 

For all his tea ambitions, not everyone gets Zoing!tea. There are people who deserve tea, and people who don't deserve tea. Othar probably isn't ever getting tea (unless Gil explicitly says Othar gets tea). If you dissed Gil or laughed at Zoing's hat, you're probably not getting tea. I'd have words with you for making Zoing spite you, but it'd be possible. 

You might think of loyalty as a Gryffindor trait, but, let's face it, Zoing is not the bravest.

A full Hogwarts

I swear I didn't pick houses or characters so that I could have a full set, but let's not pretend … I am very pleased by this conclusion. Sorting method a little bit derived from @sortinghatchats, but I didn't want understanding their taxonomy to be required reading (it’s fun though!). And shout out to @circumference-pie  without whom this post would have never existed.