Mi Writes - Tumblr Posts

story of a red-rose tyrant

mother, where art thou?

where did I go wrong?

tell me mother, what should I do

to make this pain go away?

please fly your hand towards

the smiling edge of my face

on the slightest bit of tart

please cover my ears, eyes

on what should have been and should not

perhaps that way, I would not be in wrath

and within your grasp shall I become 

inside you again, amidst the sanctuary

where you let me suffer grew and prosper 

petite servings and books 

scheduled down to seconds

living on bits and pieces, I live on another day

thinking it was all for the best, 

after all, that’s what you said 

as you sculpted me to your heart’s desire 

mother, oh mother

tell me, where did I go wrong?

why does the world turned against me?

I was always enduring, patient, obedient

following all your rules and whims

so tell me, dear mother

why wouldn’t they do the same?

why do they raise their voice, their thoughts, their hands

against me?

mother, mother, mother

please do enlighten 

am I in the wrong?

was I at fault for following your every orders?

for abiding, for not rebelling, for staying dutiful?

or is it perhaps 

were you the ones in the wrong?

You are a god, and i am your scales.

not even close to a compliance, 

i am but mere scales, flocked around

bits of me will soon fall into the abyss

as you soared with your grace

amidst grayish hue

dutifully, every single being within me

shall worship you with no argue, unquestioning, unyielding.

not even close to an envoy, 

i live on day by day

believing that i am covering you, safeguarding, protecting—

even when Your might is greater than all of us combined 

i am but a mere mortal devoting my insignificant existence to you, 

an omnipotent immortal who shall rule this bountiful land 

dutifully i tread my path

whatever appeal you shall i serve

i am more than grateful to be alive within your grasp

please do use me to your heart's desire

a being dedicated to you and only you

if it is death you adore,

my carcass shall be handed to you on a silver platter

if it is life you crave,

then i shall travel between realms

even if it meant trapping my soul in the process

if it is love you yearn

then i repent, my Lord,

for i have none to give

nor do a temporal frame such as i

deserving of such decorum 

please forgive my incompetence, your Highness

you may have my skull in exchange, if you wish

you were many, many things

both the goods and bads. the once and not. you were a lot of things, yet nothing at the same time. you were mine. you are gone. you knew the depths of me. you know nothing of me. you were all i needed. you are all i ask. in this fraction of kindness you sprinkled, i yearn. i wished to be yours once again. to lie in your arms. to embrace your warmest hugs. basking in your sunshine beneath the stars. tainted in your kiss beneath the scars. to hold you close so i won't lose you ever again. to write another chapter with you. you. you. it's always you and never once me. 

i'm sorry for loving you, my little dove 

dance macabre

let us have this dance of macabre!

strums of lullaby accompany our steps

spectators of all kinds eagerly waiting in silence 

people of all race, of all ages

humans and fae alike, mingling into one

isn't this what you always long for, my dearest?

rub away your tears, if you would

look above, my dear!

look how the ceilings crumbled, 

forging a path upon the starry skies

under the sea of stars shall we waltz with grace

one step forward, two steps back

a tango everyone desires

now then, don your brightest smiles!

as we are the prima donna of this palace 

knightly boots replacing glass slippers

briars and thorns, prettier than roses

mere infatuations and lust desist,

only loyalty alone shall exist

hush now, dear

do not loathe me amidst parada

cease your sadness at once

bury your soul deep within one’s eyes

never let those speckles of aurora

be tarnished by the mere sight of carcass 

for I have bestowed you the honor

of taking my hand for this dance

moving in front ochos,

I whisper to you eternal happiness

a promise that’ll never go unkept

holier than the eternal slumber

oh, if only the crowd would cheer!

rather than rotting beneath our feet 

but fret not, my dear 

as we have a long night ahead of us!

general's dissection

the one time a famed general wishes to lose, only to emerge victorious warning: disturbing themes, implied suicidal ideation, angst. unrequited lilinor, implied levan x meleanor wc 343, further details on the tags inspired by this song!

i. hunted by many, a single prey escapes

come forth, engage in this game of ‘General’s Dissection’

humans and fae alike may partake

hunting down the general’s head

for he had fallen victim to deceit

castle ground rejects both ashes and bone

as the air grew colder and colder

away from the night’s blessing, I stood

in a path to nowhere

every road I took strayed me further 

unwelcomed even by the gates of death

carrying the seed of your love, I wept

on journeys of no return, I yearn

ii. haunted by the shadow of your love

in the long nights, I dreamt of you

falling in love with someone else

saliva intertwining with what’s not mine

please wake me, please return to my embrace

set me free from this anguish

say, don’t you want to dissect

a general’s heart?

come, join and play this game

you always love carrying out mischief

with that smug grin adoring your silly face

a beating heart would make a fun trinket,

don’t you think?

come back to me and i’ll make you win

exchanging victory with every last piece

of love you’ve left behind

something i could never comprehend,

a grave misconception on your part

as I am a weapon for you to wield, not a warden!

iii. hope, a form of nonexistent luxury

ah

for once i wished to lose 

a being incapable of affection

because if not, why else 

would you escape from my grasp?

how i wished soul could be used as a currency

all i need is an hour, a splitting second

spare me a fragment of your existence

change the trajectory of one's life,

just like how you did way back

surely this kingdom would be better off without that lowly bat fae,

would it not?

bask the land anew with your magnificence

envelop the dusk with your finesse once more

certainly, people of the night shall rejoice 

concerns and doubt looms no longer

as happiness blooms beyond briars and thorns

please come back to me, My Lady.

kiss me goodnight

Even this pain could not distract me from the thought of you

pt. 1 | pt. 2

pairings: mallesil, implied malleyuu

warning: angst, nsfw, mcd. dead dove: do not eat, woundfucking

The silence was deafening. Many would deem meeting the Lord of Briar, especially after such catastrophe, terrifying. People throughout the land knew their Lord was mourning ever since, grieving over the lost of Their Majesty themself. The sun has not peeked even  once, thunderstorms and black cloud ensues, crops failing everywhere. Silver knew he has to do something, he has to, else the kingdom whom he and his father once loved will be descended into ruin. Yet none of the people dared to request their presence upon The Great Lord, either out of loyalty or plain fear disguised under the cloak of devotion.

Today, he stands upon the door of His Lord’s throne room, requesting his presence formally, even though he knew that wouldn’t be needed at all. Both he, Sebek and his father always had free access of this room ever since Malleus ascended from his role as The Crown Prince, yet he does it anyway. He took a deep breath as the grand door opens, revealing two thrones which was left empty. Silver stepped into the huge room. As he approached the center, a flash of green emerges, and along with it, His Lord. He knelt down on one knee, hand on his chest, while the other lies on his back. There was a moment before he stoop his head low, voice stern and dignified, 

‘Dear Lord, I wish to offer myself as a makeshift of your sorrow’ 

It’s as if the world around them stops moving. The air was still, if a single needle were to fall right now, Silver believes it would echo the whole room. His Lord was still levitating a few meters away  from him, before words finally escape his thin-dark lips

‘Rise’ 

So did Silver, raising his head to meet his Lord’s gaze, and was shaken in an instant.

It was an expression he never saw in his Lord before. Heck, he even thinks he never saw him like that when he was still the plain Malleus, with no country or people to rule, back when he still have a handful of freedom between his hands. The face of clear desperation and sorrow, that penetrates far between his facade of nobility and distinguished presence. His heart aches at the view, why of course. The great catastrophe had costed a thousand lives, billion even. Losing his people, and all his loved ones while maintaining dignity to rule over people regardless of his pain. If he’s scarred, then his Lord must be wounded. If he’s feeling a twinge of ache, then his Lord must’ve been in greater pain, ones much greater than his. 

His Lord materialized his staff on his hand, and with a low thud, all his retainers pardoned themselves outside the room. Only then the voice he recognized well ever since his early childhood reverberates

‘Silver’

He listens intently. He knows his Lord has got much more to say.

‘What can one do, to relieve this pain and agony?’

‘Anything.’

‘Anything?’

‘Anything. I would do anything, My Lord, to ease your grief and suffering. 

Please, use me as you please.  I would be delighted to indulge, body and soul.’ 

Body and soul, Silver winces. Body and soul that don’t even belong to him from the very start. His whole being, every strand of hair and inside of his mind belonged to his father and his father only. He would gladly trade his soul for his father’s well-being, happiness, to extend his lifeline, or as simple as to serve a plate to his tastes, anything. Anything for his father, for he always belonged to him. 

But life is not always that simple. And as much as he wants to stay with his father forever, even residing in his deathbed until the reaper comes for him too, the world just chose to disagree. As much as he wants to, his father would despise it, for all he ever asked in his long life towards Silver was to not give up on living. 

But how can he live life without his father? 

Ever since his father left for the Land of the Red Dragons, he would always sent him letters. Telling stories of any happenings in the Land of  Thorns, or any minor changes in their cottage. How his friends and the people from Night Raven College are doing after graduation. Sometimes he travels overseas too, following his father’s footsteps, telling everything he discovered along his journey in the form of words. He would write frequently, without miss, knowing that the place his father chose to resides is still untouched of modern technology.

His father used to write back to him just as much. About his travels there, the people he met, how the children that used to play around his abode made him reminisce about Silver's childhood back in the day. There were so much things to share with his beloved son, many things to tell even if they're billion feets apart. He would reassure that he's doing good everytime, that there's nothing to worry about and that Silver can stay wherever he wants without needing to worry about him. 

But one day, the letters are coming to a halt. Silver no longer receive replies as frequent, even though he will still receive one during his birthday each year without miss, even though it’s  only filled with wishes for his well-being and none of its contents answered his questions nor is  aligned with the previous letters. 

The catastrophe had elapsed, and not even in those dire situations did his father return

His father wouldn’t leave his son and his beloved pupils to face such dangers alone. 

Not when he’s still breathing

Not when he can use his body as a fae shield

Not when he’s alive

Silver’s not a fool, Deep down he knew, realized that his father may be long gone. Without him on his side. Or his beloved ones. Or his disciple. All alone in a faraway land, where no news of his passing would reach their ears. 

Perhaps that’s what his father planned long ago, when he tried to leave Night Raven College

But what about him? What about Silver, your beloved son? That you hold dear the moment you laid your eyes on him, amidst the darkest thorns? That you raised and nurtured  with utmost genuine love you had never received nor believed you were capable of? What will become of him, now that you’re gone? Do you know how I always, always belonged to you father, my one and only, as  I will forever be your one and only son? What, how-  how would you expect me to live without your presence? Who will soothe me? Who will cradle me in his arms no matter how big I have grown? Who will find me amidst the dark forest during a thunderstorm just to bring me home, back to the warmth of your embrace? Where will I return to? Where is home when there is no you inside? 

Father, it is not that I am incapable of living

I am merely incapable of living in a world without you in it.

If only his father was here. Perhaps the catastrophe wouldn’t become such atrocious turns of events, perhaps many lives could be saved with his father’s abilities. Perhaps his life wouldn’t be led astray. Perhaps living wouldn’t feel as horrible, maybe-

‘We’re here.’ 

His Lord’s voice echoes in front of a huge gate underground, where they’ve been walking this whole time. Silver doesn’t know how far they’ve walked, or how deep they are beneath the surface, but no matter. The entrance creaked open, and along with it the torches inside the room lit up with bright green flames. The young Lord stepped inside, so he followed his footsteps. 

Inside were dolls, many many dolls. From wool, cotton, polyester of some kind, glass, plastic, wood..? Majority of them were mannequins, and Silver can’t help but realize that each and every doll bears some kind of resemblance

They all looked like Yuu- no, Their Highness. 

Both tread their path in silence, where they finally stopped in the heart of the room. There is a large banquet table full of distinct food atop of it, one that will not be found anywhere across the realm of Twisted Wonderland as none of them hailed from here. All which could only come into being along with the existence of the once infamous Ramshackle Prefect, which now people knew as the savior of the catastrophe

Far away in the middle, he sees something that doesn’t belong in the dinner table sitting prettily amidst the crowded cuisine:

A pair of doll

Unlike any other dolls in the room, this one was unique 

It was a gift from the Prefect on his Lord’s 179th birthday, just before his Lord left for his internship in the fourth year. One was supposedly made to resemble himself, and the other was made to resemble the creator. They would exchange their dolls everytime the other was away, as if to relieve their longing by having a miniature of each other. He himself knew because his Lord was exhilarated by this gift, claiming it as one of his most prized possessions. He would bring it with him everywhere and boast it to every person he met, until his father advised him, saying the doll would get damaged faster if he brought it with him everytime.

Now it all clicked in his head

This was his Lord’s attempt to relieve his grief. 

The Lord took a few steps back from the heart of the banquet, bringing the two dolls into the sides as if letting them watch. Silver, understanding the cue, proceeds to climb up the lavish table

‘Lie down’ ordered his Lord 

And so he does. 

With a slight wave of his Lord’s fingers, every single thread on Silver’s body dissipated into thin air.

‘How much are you willing to devote to me?’ asked his Lord, voice devoid of emotions 

‘As much as what my father offered for the kingdom’ 

There’s a pang in his chest on the single word that came from his mouth. His father. Father, father, father- 

A luminescent greenish hue envelopes his frame 

Father, will you return if I crave hard enough?

Sharp claw grazed his skin, slowly at first, before cutting a thin, fine line atop his chest 

Will you welcome me by the door after I’m done playing in the woods? 

Something gripped his chest, and as if on cue, his heart starts beating faster to the touch 

I’m lost, father. Are you on your feet to skim the forest for my presence? 

Enjoying the rhythm in his hands, he placed his face closer, as if to kiss it

Leaning down, he pressed it into his ears. Music soothes a pair of pointy ears, while the other pair weeps in silence

Then came out a sob

Plump tears mixed with the ones inside his body, streaks of translucent joining heaps of scarlet

His Lord was atop of him fully, right hand gripping his heart strong, while the other graze over his lungs

With a loud cry, black fingertips clutched harsh, bursting the lung beneath

Silver gasped, or at least tried to. It’s as if every last piece of oxygen was drained of this world 

His head flinched a bit, before laying helplessly on the other side of the table 

Father, I am in peril. Wouldn’t you come to my rescue now? 

He can feel the grip on his heart tightens. Muttering something along the lines of ‘if only I could give you a beating heart’ and ‘aint such alluring instrument befitting of your beauty, my dearest?’ 

I miss you. Father, please come. I’d do anything for not losing you

Fingers caressed his other lung, going around in circles 

Please. Please come back. I, by the Seven’s name, could not bear to live another day without you

Something pierced through him. Fierce at first, then replaced by something much firmer

Pounding gently, then getting rougher on each stab as if to keep up the pace

I’d trade my whole life for you, father 

It hurts. Everything hurts. He faintly heard whimpers atop of him, but the ache in his heart stings more than the ones on his body 

The motion accelerates as time goes, his already limp body thumping rhythmically with each pound

Your presence is all I ask. Is that too much to ask? 

A splutter. Something filled up his insides. Another fluid, this one much thicker in texture, joined the unsightly mixture of whatever various liquid entered his body since all of this started

I’d rather cease to exist in a world without you, father. 

A stray tear fall 

Even this pain could not distract me from the thought of you.

kiss me goodnight

Even this pain could not distract me from the thought of you

pt. 1 | pt. 2

pairings: mallesil, implied malleyuu

please read!! warning: angst, slight nsfw, mcd. dead dove: do not eat, woundfucking

The silence was deafening. Many would deem meeting the Lord of Briar, especially after such catastrophe, terrifying. People throughout the land knew their Lord was mourning ever since, grieving over the lost of Their Majesty themself. The sun has not peeked even  once, thunderstorms and black cloud ensues, crops failing everywhere. Silver knew he has to do something, he has to, else the kingdom whom he and his father once loved will be descended into ruin. Yet none of the people dared to request their presence upon The Great Lord, either out of loyalty or plain fear disguised under the cloak of devotion.

Today, he stands upon the door of His Lord’s throne room, requesting his presence formally, even though he knew that wouldn’t be needed at all. Both he, Sebek and his father always had free access of this room ever since Malleus ascended from his role as The Crown Prince, yet he does it anyway. He took a deep breath as the grand door opens, revealing two thrones which was left empty. Silver stepped into the huge room. As he approached the center, a flash of green emerges, and along with it, His Lord. He knelt down on one knee, hand on his chest, while the other lies on his back. There was a moment before he stoop his head low, voice stern and dignified, 

‘Dear Lord, I wish to offer myself as a makeshift of your sorrow’ 

It’s as if the world around them stops moving. The air was still, if a single needle were to fall right now, Silver believes it would echo the whole room. His Lord was still levitating a few meters away  from him, before words finally escape his thin-dark lips

‘Rise’ 

So did Silver, raising his head to meet his Lord’s gaze, and was shaken in an instant.

It was an expression he never saw in his Lord before. Heck, he even thinks he never saw him like that when he was still the plain Malleus, with no country or people to rule, back when he still have a handful of freedom between his hands. The face of clear desperation and sorrow, that penetrates far between his facade of nobility and distinguished presence. His heart aches at the view, why of course. The great catastrophe had costed a thousand lives, billion even. Losing his people, and all his loved ones while maintaining dignity to rule over people regardless of his pain. If he’s scarred, then his Lord must be wounded. If he’s feeling a twinge of ache, then his Lord must’ve been in greater pain, ones much greater than his. 

His Lord materialized his staff on his hand, and with a low thud, all his retainers pardoned themselves outside the room. Only then the voice he recognized well ever since his early childhood reverberates

‘Silver’

He listens intently. He knows his Lord has got much more to say.

‘What can one do, to relieve this pain and agony?’

‘Anything.’

‘Anything?’

‘Anything. I would do anything, My Lord, to ease your grief and suffering. 

Please, use me as you please.  I would be delighted to indulge, body and soul.’ 

body and soul, Silver winces. Body and soul that don’t even belong to him from the very start. His whole being, every strand of hair and inside of his mind belonged to his father and his father only. He would gladly trade his soul for his father’s well-being, happiness, to extend his lifeline, or as simple as to serve a plate to his tastes, anything. Anything for his father, for he always belonged to him. 

But life is not always that simple. And as much as he wants to stay with his father forever, even residing in his deathbed until the reaper comes for him too, the world just chose to disagree. As much as he wants to, his father would despise it, for all he ever asked in his long life towards Silver was to not give up on living. 

But how can he live life without his father? 

Ever since his father left for the Land of the Red Dragons, he would always sent him letters. Telling stories of any happenings in the Land of  Thorns, or any minor changes in their cottage. How his friends and the people from Night Raven College are doing after graduation. Sometimes he travels overseas too, following his father’s footsteps, telling everything he discovered along his journey in the form of words. He would write frequently, without miss, knowing that the place his father chose to resides is still untouched of modern technology.

His father used to write back to him just as much. About his travels there, the people he met, how the children that used to play around his abode made him reminisce about Silver's childhood back in the day. There were so much things to share with his beloved son, many things to tell even if they're billion feets apart. He would reassure that he's doing good everytime, that there's nothing to worry about and that Silver can stay wherever he wants without needing to worry about him. 

But one day, the letters are coming to a halt. Silver no longer receive replies as frequent, even though he will still receive one during his birthday each year without miss, even though it’s  only filled with wishes for his well-being and none of its contents answered his questions nor is  aligned with the previous letters. 

The catastrophe had elapsed, and not even in those dire situations did his father return

His father wouldn’t leave his son and his beloved pupils to face such dangers alone. 

Not when he’s still breathing

Not when he can use his body as a fae shield

Not when he’s alive

Silver’s not a fool, Deep down he knew, realized that his father may be long gone. Without him on his side. Or his beloved ones. Or his disciple. All alone in a faraway land, where no news of his passing would reach their ears. 

Perhaps that’s what his father planned long ago, when he tried to leave Night Raven College

But what about him? What about Silver, your beloved son? That you hold dear the moment you laid your eyes on him, amidst the darkest thorns? That you raised and nurtured  with utmost genuine love you had never received nor believed you were capable of? What will become of him, now that you’re gone? Do you know how I always, always belonged to you father, my one and only, as  I will forever be your one and only son? What, how-  how would you expect me to live without your presence? Who will soothe me? Who will cradle me in his arms no matter how big I have grown? Who will find me amidst the dark forest during a thunderstorm just to bring me home, back to the warmth of your embrace? Where will I return to? Where is home when there is no you inside? 

Father, it is not that I am incapable of living

I am merely incapable of living in a world without you in it.

If only his father was here. Perhaps the catastrophe wouldn’t become such atrocious turns of events, perhaps many lives could be saved with his father’s abilities. Perhaps his life wouldn’t be led astray. Perhaps living wouldn’t feel as horrible, maybe-

‘We’re here.’ 

His Lord’s voice echoes in front of a huge gate underground, where they’ve been walking this whole time. Silver doesn’t know how far they’ve walked, or how deep they are beneath the surface, but no matter. The entrance creaked open, and along with it the torches inside the room lit up with bright green flames. The young Lord stepped inside, so he followed his footsteps. 

Inside were dolls, many many dolls. From wool, cotton, polyester of some kind, glass, plastic, wood..? Majority of them were mannequins, and Silver can’t help but realize that each and every doll bears some kind of resemblance

They all looked like Yuu- no, Their Highness. 

Both tread their path in silence, where they finally stopped in the heart of the room. There is a large banquet table full of distinct food atop of it, one that will not be found anywhere across the realm of Twisted Wonderland as none of them hailed from here. All which could only come into being along with the existence of the once infamous Ramshackle Prefect, which now people knew as the savior of the catastrophe

Far away in the middle, he sees something that doesn’t belong in the dinner table sitting prettily amidst the crowded cuisine:

A pair of doll

Unlike any other dolls in the room, this one was unique 

It was a gift from the Prefect on his Lord’s 179th birthday, just before his Lord left for his internship in the fourth year. One was supposedly made to resemble himself, and the other was made to resemble the creator. They would exchange their dolls everytime the other was away, as if to relieve their longing by having a miniature of each other. He himself knew because his Lord was exhilarated by this gift, claiming it as one of his most prized possessions. He would bring it with him everywhere and boast it to every person he met, until his father advised him, saying the doll would get damaged faster if he brought it with him everytime.

Now it all clicked in his head

This was his Lord’s attempt to relieve his grief. 

The Lord took a few steps back from the heart of the banquet, bringing the two dolls into the sides as if letting them watch. Silver, understanding the cue, proceeds to climb up the lavish table

‘Lie down’ ordered his Lord 

And so he does. 

With a slight wave of his Lord’s fingers, every single thread on Silver’s body dissipated into thin air.

‘How much are you willing to devote to me?’ asked his Lord, voice devoid of emotions 

‘As much as what my father offered for the kingdom’ 

There’s a pang in his chest on the single word that came from his mouth. His father. Father, father, father- 

A luminescent greenish hue envelopes his frame 

Father, will you return if I crave hard enough?

Sharp claw grazed his skin, slowly at first, before cutting a thin, fine line atop his chest 

Will you welcome me by the door after I’m done playing in the woods? 

Something gripped his chest, and as if on cue, his heart starts beating faster to the touch 

I’m lost, father. Are you on your feet to skim the forest for my presence? 

Enjoying the rhythm in his hands, he placed his face closer, as if to kiss it

Leaning down, he pressed it into his ears. Music soothes a pair of pointy ears, while the other pair weeps in silence

Then came out a sob

Plump tears mixed with the ones inside his body, streaks of translucent joining heaps of scarlet

His Lord was atop of him fully, right hand gripping his heart strong, while the other graze over his lungs

With a loud cry, black fingertips clutched harsh, bursting the lung beneath

Silver gasped, or at least tried to. It’s as if every last piece of oxygen was drained of this world 

His head flinched a bit, before laying helplessly on the other side of the table 

Father, I am in peril. Wouldn’t you come to my rescue now? 

He can feel the grip on his heart tightens. Muttering something along the lines of ‘if only I could give you a beating heart’ and ‘aint such alluring instrument befitting of your beauty, my dearest?’ 

I miss you. Father, please come. I’d do anything for not losing you

Fingers caressed his other lung, going around in circles 

Please. Please come back. I, by the Seven’s name, could not bear to live another day without you

Something pierced through him. Fierce at first, then replaced by something much firmer

Pounding gently, then getting rougher on each stab as if to keep up the pace

I’d trade my whole life for you, father 

It hurts. Everything hurts. He faintly heard whimpers atop of him, but the ache in his heart stings more than the ones on his body 

The motion accelerates as time goes, his already limp body thumping rhythmically with each pound

Your presence is all I ask. Is that too much to ask? 

A splutter. Something filled up his insides. Another fluid, this one much thicker in texture, joined the unsightly mixture of whatever various liquid entered his body since all of this started

I’d rather cease to exist in a world without you, father. 

A stray tear fall

Even this pain could not distract me from the thought of you.