Muse Inej Ghafa - Tumblr Posts
The scrape on Inej’s knee is courtesy of a rogue Dime Lion. She still doesn’t know how he found her, but he’d managed to get in a good gash on her knee before she got away. She could’ve stitched it up herself, but she let Johanna take care of it. She likes having Johanna around. Nina’s a good healer, but she’s not the best at it. It’s not where her expertise lies. She still doesn’t know where or how Kaz found out about Johanna, but knowing what Inej knows about her now makes her sick. She doesn’t like that what happened to her is happening to Johanna. She doesn’t like that it’s happening behind closed doors, either. The stadwatch isn’t entirely oblivious to the less than ideal conditions of the pleasure houses, but more often than not, they choose to look the other way. With Johanna, no one knows they should be looking the other way.
She blinks at the question. Johanna’s right. Inej does owe a debt. She nods. “Kaz bought my indenture from the Menagerie.” She’s almost certain Johanna knows this already. She works for the Dregs because Kaz works for the Dregs, and because she can’t fathom herself working for anyone else. She doesn’t know anyone else who would’ve given her the opportunities that Kaz has. She doesn’t know who else would’ve made her into something to fear like he has. Inej has had her own hand in crafting her reputation, but most of it is Kaz’s doing. She watches Johanna stand, fixing her pants as best she can. “Indentures are…they’re tricky.” Her indenture to Kaz is something she attributes to the Saints. She would have wasted away in the Menagerie. She’s not wasting away now. “It’s better to be free. But if you have someone that lets you be free, it’s…it’s not as bad.”
@notefinal's i.nej g.hafa says, " sometimes i feel like somebody chose my choice. "
people rip agency away from each other. right out of each other's hands. the first choice johanna feels like she actually took for herself was her escape from the white palace. look at where that led her. she can't be trusted to make her own choices. and yet, she chose this. a few spare kruge in exchange for closed lips and her fingers pressed against wounds---like the scrap on inej's knee. no questions are asked about how she got it. johanna doesn't need to know. stitching the skin back together, cleaning away the blood: this is her own choice. and she'll sink her teeth deep into her limited agency anytime she can.
❝ you, um, you owe a debt, don't you? ❞ it comes out in a small voice. behind barred windows in a room with no one but them, she isn't afraid of anyone seeing her, yet she's somewhat ashamed of the question. digging into someone's past like this. her dangerous hunger for knowledge; consuming her more than she hungers for waffles with apple syrup or a pile of oysters. a little taste of human connection. ❝ that's why you work for the dreggs? ❞ why else would a pretty, smart girl like her stay in ketterdam? she stretches her fingers as she finishes. ❝ i can't judge you at all. i practically gave myself up to be indentured. ❞ words are bitter. johanna rises to her feet, bracing herself against the table so she wouldn't fall. ❝ in my experience, indentures make every choice for you. ❞