Paralyzedparadiseonmytongue And The Beautiful Brained Person That You Are - Tumblr Posts
Seas & Storms
god!yang jungwon x reader [afab]
[prev | the pantheon series | next]
genre: angst & smut
concept: your life has turned out exactly as you always wanted. a life by the sea, a husband who loves you, what could possibly go wrong? more than you ever imagined. when the god you have so devoutly worshiped for so long turns away from you, what else is left?
w/c: 8.8k
warning: god au, religious themes, religious imagery, water / open water, feelings of abandonment, crying, begging, implied discussion of death, light & lightning imagery; sexually explicit content, god fucking, body worship, vaginal sex, partially clothed sex, *unprotected sex, coming inside
For so long, Jungwon has spent his life in his ivory tower, watching from afar but hardly ever getting involved in the ways of mortals. While he’s intervened in ways that matter, in comparison to Sunghoon’s general hand-off approach except when solely necessary, he’s far from being the type to insert himself into the lives of mortals. He’s watched as his brothers play around, though never have their actions been dangerous. He knows of Jaeyun’s indiscretions and Jongseong’s tendency to teach men lessons they would never otherwise learn, but he does not stop them. Their lives are theirs to live after all and he has watched for many eons as they live them. It’s not his job to stop them, just the same way he knows that he will never be able to control his eldest brother. He’s come to terms with that.
Still, the silence of his eldest brother is deafening as he watches things spiral quickly out of control. He holds his tongue, the whispers between his brothers are obvious and true. He knows when they are lying and these are not lies. Whatever these mortals possess, it is more than simple indiscretions that bring his brothers to their doorsteps. His only hope is that when it comes, Heeseung won’t destroy everything in his path to get what he is owed.
Just the same, Jungwon hopes that he himself doesn’t fall victim to whatever possesses his brothers, whatever these mortals have within them that they desire so desperately. Surely if Jungwon were to take a bride, nothing would stop Heeseung.
Despite the cold of the air and the spray of the sea, you’ve never felt more free. You take in a deep breath of the salty sea air, leaning out over the railing of the cliff. The open water stretches out for leagues in front of you, a smile upon your face. You can’t help it, you’ve never been so happy, your fingers tight around the railing, sinking into the feeling. A pair of arms wraps around you from behind, causing you to grin, leaning back into the broad chest against your back.
“I’ve never seen you smile like this,” your husband whispers in your ear and you turn in his arms, wrapping your arms around his waist, your head on his chest. He presses a kiss to the crowd of your head, making you giggle.
“I know you have,” you reply. You lean back to meet his gaze as he looks down at you. “I know because I looked like this on our wedding day.”
“You look at the sea as you look at me?” He asks and you shrug. He laughs, pulling you in again, his hand petting your hair gently. “I suppose I’ll just have to deal with that. Your true love has always been the ocean.”
“I married you, didn’t I?” You retort, making him laugh.
Of all the things in your life, you’ve always been in love with the water. Even when you were young, your parents would tell you that your adoration with the sea was far more than that of any other person. Your favorite days are gray ones, when the storms roll in and cause the ocean to splash against the cliffs that surround the edge of your town, sending sprays of ocean water far up into the air. Your parents would scold you for spending so much time out in the cold and wet, especially when you would inevitably end up ill, but you insisted it was always worth it.
Your parents were unsurprised when you fell in love with a lighthouse keeper. You could never spend your entire life on a boat or waiting for him to come back, but to spend your whole life on the edge of the world, watching the ocean day in and day out, only he could understand you. They were hesitant to agree to your courtship, but he adored you, as you adored him. It was love at first sight, ending in long dates along the edge of the water, afternoons cliffside with the sea breeze in your hair, watching the midnight black waters coming in and out against the rocky shoreline. It didn’t take long until you were in a white dress at the top of the cliffs, saying I do.
Now, it’s just the two of you at this lighthouse. Though the town you grew up in isn’t far, you feel happier than you ever have, just you and the love of your life. Your family is in the back of your mind as you fantasize about the life you’re going to have, the family you’ll raise with him, the future you’re going to sow. Your skirts billow around your legs in the cold air, your head against your husband’s chest as you think about what’s going to come next for the two of you.
You’re left to think it over when your husband leaves your side, telling you he was going to head to town. It was why he came out to see you, kissing you gently. He reminds you to be careful, which you laugh at him for. Your whole life you’ve been at these cliffs, you know to be careful. He leaves you, hesitating to let go of your hand. You giggle when drags it out, eventually letting go so that he can head into town, as promised.
You linger at the edge of the lighthouse for a while longer, eyes scanning over the horizon, when you see it out of the corner of your eye. On a thin outcropping there lies a stone temple, the altar standing alone atop the cliffs. You gather your skirts in your hands, walking away from the railing to make your way over to it.
This altar hardly ever gets touched these days, standing precariously at the edge of the cliff, a strong storm nearly enough to send the tip of it tumbling down into the ocean. You don’t think much of it though, walking further up the cliff, approaching the small, stone shelter, a place you know well.
Once you step inside, the wind dies out around you and you admire the room for what it is. Much of the temple and the altar has begun to erode, even the visage of the God inside starting to wear. You lean forward to wipe it clean, smiling softly at the face that greets you.
“Hello again, Your Divinity,” you tell him. You reach into your pocket, thankful to find a handful of coins still in your skirts. You drop them all into the empty altar, knowing it’s been far too long since someone has bothered to trek this far to this particular temple. There are a great many altars that dot the shoreline for him, many much safer and closer. You touch the cheek of the handsome God affectionately, familiar with him as much as you would be an old friend. “I feel as though we have not spoken in a while,” you tell him. “I apologize.” Respectfully, you gather your skirts higher and drop to your knees in prayer.
Your familiarity with the King of the Gods is unlike anything else. Many people have told you that you must carry his spirit within you to be so taken with seas and storms. You have always laughed it off, as you are nothing less than mortal, never a thought ever crossing your mind that you could be anything else. There are those that think themselves as such, prophets or oracles, bridges between the gods and man, but you could never. You’ve always been simple. Still, you cherish him.
Jungwon has always been with you when there has been no one else. You always stuck out amongst the other children your age, head in the clouds, daydreaming about getting away from town. Your mind was consumed with the idea of the next time you would be by the sea, watching the clouds roll in. You could never be taken away from the sight of an incoming storm, odd and off putting to many others. When there was no one else, you would find yourself praying to Jungwon, asking his guidance. He became your confidant, the only person you could turn to. You always knew that even your parents thought you a little off, your siblings unable to understand your obsessions. He’s always been your closest friend.
Until your husband, of course.
When you rise from your prayer, you hesitate to leave, touching the cheek of the bust once more. You smile to yourself, thinking back on how you would insist that there would never be another for you than the God himself. You were just a child then, barely old enough to understand what you were talking about, but he was the most perfect thing to you. You sigh at your childhood obsession and let your hand drop away, turning away to head back down the cliff.
To say your life is quaint now would be far from a lie, long days spent tending to your home and reading your favorite books. Evenings walking along the ocean, letting the cool air tousle your hair, hand in hand with your beloved. At night, your house is illuminated by the light of the lighthouse. Sometimes you find yourself standing at the window, looking out into the crashing waves, watching for ships.
Rare are there ships that don’t know there are cliffs here, still sometimes there are dark shapes along the water, quickly changing course once seeing the bright, swinging light of the lighthouse. You watch as they move, arms wrapped around yourself, breathing in the cool night and being lulled by the sound of the waves upon the rocks.
It’s winter though, so the waves are choppy and rough, often leaving you alone at nights, your husband forced to work through the nights to make sure the lighthouse is lit for any passing ships. You don’t mind, you sleep through the nights comfortably, waking to the appearance of your husband at the kitchen door. You greet him warmly with breakfast and see him to bed. During the days he sleeps while you tend to the house and run to town. It’s a blessed little life.
Snow has, rather miraculously, fallen along the shoreline on a day when you go back out to the railing, dusting the long grass and rocky cliffs like powdered sugar. There is a storm incoming so you can’t be out long. The waves that crash against the shores are towering, known to sweep entire sections of crumbling cliffs out to sea. The place you stand is secure and settled, but that doesn’t mean you are. Still, you’re drawn to the edge of the cliffs, just until the storm truly comes in.
Impossibly, there is lightning off in the distance. You lean forward onto the railing, trying to make it out through the fog, gray clouds and ocean spray. It darts through the air in blinding arcs of white light, another sign of the God you so cherish. Your gaze falls to the waters that lap angrily at the rocks beneath you, kicking up against the rock and stone, throwing great spouts of salty spray into the air. You sigh to yourself, your heart aching.
Severe storms are said to be the manifestation of the King of the God’s frustrations, his anger pouring out of him uncontrollably, turning the water choppy and dangerous. It swirls like it’s boiling beneath you and you can’t help but wonder what’s upset him so.
“Come inside, Y/N!” Your husband calls from the entryway of the lighthouse. You turn away from the incoming storm to see him standing at the door. “The weather’s poor. If you stay out there, you’ll be swept out to sea!”
“I’ll be right there,” you call back. You turn back to the ocean for just another moment, your hair whipping around your face in the gusting wind. You sigh to yourself, hoping that it might calm soon. That the weather will be short and settle quickly. You turn to go, your hand leaving the railing to walk across the terrace, towards the lighthouse.
“Y/N!” Your husband suddenly shouts, and you look up to see nothing but horror written across his face. You turn, opening your mouth to scream but it’s swallowed by the water that rises over the railing, crashing down on you.
It sweeps you from the edge of the cliff, sending you spinning and spiraling through the wave that takes you, sweeping you over the railing. You look up as you’re thrown into midair, seeing your husband chasing after your floating form, standing at the railing, until you’re suddenly crashing down into the waters below. Gray and blue waters obscure your vision as you’re swallowed by the ocean, your eyes falling shut as it takes you.
“You should be more careful.”
You sit up with a gasp. Your heart is racing, your chest heaving and you quickly try to figure out where you are, your head turning this way and that to take in your surroundings. The air is crisp and clean, the grass you’re lying in long and soft, a dazzling green. You look out at the ocean, a sparkling, calm blue past the edge of the cliffs you sit upon. Your fingers dig into the dirt beneath you and you look down to see yourself draped in colors of white and cerulean. Your dress drips over you and you lift a hand to touch, like silk against your skin. A soft breeze blows your hair, which is suddenly tucked behind your ear by a gentle hand.
You turn to look, your heart jumping into your throat when you’re met by the gentle visage of the God you so desperately cherish. He smiles softly at you, dimples digging into his cheeks. He’s crouched beside you, his clothes like those of a king, white and gold and cerulean. Your eyes run over his body and he slowly rises to his feet.
“C’mon, then,” he tells you, offering you a hand. “Best not laze around all day.” With a trembling hand, you take the one offered to you, rising to your feet. Your knees are weak though, unsteady, and you stumble into him, his other hand coming up to steady you at your waist. “Watch your step,” he advises, voice soft. When you meet his eyes he smiles at you again.
“Where am I?” You ask. “Please don’t tell me—”
“You’ll not be going there for a long time yet,” he assures you, letting go of your waist once you’re steady. His hand also leaves yours and you find yourself missing his warmth. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll make sure of it.” He nods to the side and you turn, gathering your skirts in your hands to fall into step with him, barefoot while he wanders in boots, hands clasped behind his back.
“Then where am I?” You ask and Jungwon sighs.
“Right now, we’re inside of your mind,” he informs you and your breath catches. “You’ll have to forgive me, I didn’t have a better place to meet you.” He tips his head forward a bit as though embarrassed. “I wanted our meeting to be a little less personal but you see, I was out of line. I suppose even I cannot fully control myself sometimes,” he tells you, turning his head to look away from you, out towards the ocean.
“Your… Divinity?” You ask, confused.
“You weren’t supposed to get caught up in that wave,” he tells you and your eyes widen. “I wasn’t… ah, I was being reckless.” He looks at you and you’re startled by the sincerity in his eyes, clearly very apologetic. “Even Gods make mistakes sometimes, it seems. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
“Nothing to forgive,” you rush to assure him but Jungwon simply shakes his head.
“Kind of you to say such a thing,” he says, a wry smile on his lips, “but it was my mistake.” He stops and then steps in front of you. His eyes are so clear and beautiful, staring directly into yours. It sort of feels like staring into the sun, the golden glow of him when he looks at you, the warmth that emanates off of his skin. You have to restrain yourself from reaching out and touching, too curious for your own good. “I don’t mean to come off as cold,” he suddenly adds and you blink at him, “but you have to understand, you must not call upon me anymore.”
Your heart feels as though it’s stopped in your chest. You’ve forgotten you’re in your own head so you’re surprised when the sky suddenly turns dark. Jungwon sighs softly, eyes falling to the ground as the once beautiful blue sky becomes covered in dark gray clouds, a dangerous wind picking up around you. It whips at your hair and skirts, blowing his hair around his face and ruffling his clothing. He steps closer to you but you step back and there is a crack of lightning in the distance.
“What have I done?” You ask, voice trembling. “What did I do to cause this? Please, you have to tell me—”
“It doesn’t matter,” he insists, cutting you off. “My reasons are unimportant. The only important thing is that as long as you live, you have to call upon someone else to answer you. It cannot be me.”
“But you- you’ve always been—”
“I cannot any longer,” he says, causing tears to well in your eyes. He avoids your gaze, looking out towards the ocean where it begins to stir and swirl with dangerous, crashing waves. They throw themselves against the wall of rocks, causing great sprays of water and seafoam. “I see I’m not the only one capable of great storms.”
“Why did you save me if you only wanted to tell me never to pray to you again? Why bother?” You demand. You close the distance between the two of you, staring hard at the side of his face. He doesn’t meet your gaze though and you don’t see the way his eyes glow with lightning, the way his chest catches with his breath. You’re staring so intently at his profile that you can’t see the way he has to clench his fingers into fists to stop himself from touching you.
“Because I had to,” he whispers. The wind wraps around the two of you, getting louder and faster, manifesting the whirling cyclone of your emotions, trying to figure him out. “Because your life was meant to be saved. You’re not meant to die yet.”
“Send me to him if you must! Maybe he won’t treat me in such a way!” You shout and Jungwon’s eyes widen. He turns to you and you stagger back a step when you see the flickering lightning that consumes his irises, flashing like a storm.
“If you think me cruel, he can be more so,” Jungwon warns you. “Do not ask for what you don’t understand.”
“How can I go on without you?” You ask him.
“You will find a way. Your husband is your God now.”
Your breath catches and the world is struck with lightning, a searingly bright light filling your vision. You stumble backwards, throwing your hand over your face, trying to get away from it. The world goes dark around you immediately afterwards.
When you wake again, it’s in your bed, at home. You blink your eyes open slowly. Someone shouts, there is running and yelling and cheering and crying around you. You don’t move, staring at the ceiling listlessly despite the sound of your husband and your parents and your siblings calling out to you. Tears drip down the sides of your face.
You were found on a low lying beach, miraculously having washed up despite the waves that took you under. Everyone thought for sure you would be killed by crashing against the rocks. When you were found you were taken home and seen by a doctor that told your loved ones that you were blessed by the Gods, that Jungwon had mercy on you. You’re not so sure about that.
Things have been different ever since you woke up. While your family has been keeping a close eye on you, tending to you, waiting on you hand and foot to be sure you’re well enough, you haven’t even half the spark you previously did. Your books collect dust, your lovely dresses and skirts go unworn, you spend many hours in bed or sitting in your sitting room, staring out the window. Your parents and husband mutter amongst themselves, concerned with your sudden change in demeanor. It’s strange, of course, but they try not to mention it to you. After all, you almost died. Maybe you’re just dealing with whatever emotions might come along with that feeling.
However, the one thing they thought might actually bring you joy, you avoid more than anything. Your husband insists that it’s normal, you wouldn’t want to see the sea, not with the way it nearly killed you, but your parents aren’t so sure. Even with such a terrifying ordeal as that, you’ve always been so charmed by the ocean, what lies beneath its depths. But when brought up, you turn away from them.
“I don’t want to,” you tell them, bundling yourself in your blankets. “I’d rather just stay in.”
It fills you with a sense of immense sadness. Even when it rains, something even your husband thought might cheer you up, you don’t move from your bed. You watch the water fall and drip down the panes of the window, only to eventually disappear back into the bedroom, hiding under your blankets. He doesn’t understand, of all the things in this world, you’ve always adored the rain, but now you hide from it. He watches from the doorway as your shoulders shake with your muffled sobs, a sense of loss you can barely fathom ripping through you.
Over time, your sadness changes within you. You start to get up, get dressed, tend to the house, go to town, but you’re far from alright. Instead you become short, bitter and even angry. Your parents have long since retreated to their home once more, telling your husband to inform them if you were to fall ill but you don’t. Instead, it just means that he is the sole recipient of your unending rage, directed at the God you trusted most, but also him.
Your husband is your God now, it echoes through your head when you find yourself alone. You try to ignore it but it sits with you, festering like a wound in your chest. Sometimes you can’t barely think with the way it fills your mind, forcing you to pace restlessly through your own home.
What does that mean? What could he mean by that? Why would he say that to you? Does he abandon you because you’re married? Did he leave you, tell you that you cannot ever call upon him, because your husband is the most important thing to you now? Has the love of your life become the one thing that comes between you and your religion, the very God you cherish most of all?
It’s like acid, eating away at you, your thoughts, your actions, even your words become tight and corrosive when you speak to him. You know that it is not his fault, you love him, you adore him, he’s the man you chose to marry but you can’t control the spite that rises inside of you when you think about it. What is it about him that drove your God away? What could he have done to make Jungwon turn away like that, so brutally? You can’t stand it.
You grow to resent him, no matter how much you wish you didn’t.
You spend more and more time alone, spending full days out on the cliffs rather than in the cloying atmosphere of your home, glaring down into the ocean and out the clouds that swirl above the sea. Your husband hardly speaks to you, the house becomes tense with silence. Nothing makes you happy, nothing makes sense anymore, the entire life you’ve lived before you were thrown into the ocean is meaningless to you without the God you used to follow so closely. You could pray to the others, perhaps Jongseong, perhaps he would understand you, your plea for peace and justice for your aching heart, but it doesn’t matter. You don’t want to pray to anyone but him, but he doesn’t care. He probably wouldn’t even listen.
You climb along the cliffs edges as the winter wind whips at you, your body bundled up in many layers to keep the chill away. You can’t help yourself, you find yourself drawn to that little altar you went to so happily not so very long ago. How quickly things change.
You step inside and the wind dies out around you, leaving just you and him. You look upon his countenance as affectionately as you ever have. How silly for you to be so attached to a God that cares not for you. How silly to be so heartbroken over something you never truly had and yet you are. And yet when you look at him, you’re filled with an unimaginable sadness and rage.
Blinding, crackling rage.
“Are you happy?” You tell him, though you doubt he is listening. “Is this what you wanted? Is this all you were hoping for? I thought Gods were supposed to be kind and just and right but you…” You sigh, shaking your head to yourself. “It was childish, I know that now. Do you remember the way I used to coo over you? I’m sure you don’t. I’m sure you found my prayers exhaustive and annoying, why else would you grow bored of me? You were the most important thing to me for such a long time. You were my only friend. And now I don’t even have that.” You lift a hand to your face when you feel a hot tear drip over your cheek. “Does this please you?” You spit. “Is this secretly what you have always wanted. Followers to kneel at your feet just so you can ignore them, just so you can turn away when they need you? I guess Gods are hardly what we make them out to be.”
Your fingers, usually lined with rings, are bare. Have been bare since you awoke in your bed that first day, but you pull a familiar piece of jewelry from your pocket. You throw it carelessly into the bowl of his altar to accompany the coins you once put there, rusted from the elements. You turn on your heel, stomping out.
It settles between the coins in the basin of the bowl, the insignia of a bolt of lightning glinting upon the silver ring.
When you return home, you gently close the door behind you. You make yourself tea, leaning against the counter of your kitchen, wiping roughly at your cheeks. Your tears are half dried from the wind but still they keep coming, causing you to have to keep trying to wipe them away, wetting your face. You sniffle pitifully, rubbing at your nose, hopeful that it might stop soon.
A loud bang from the bedroom startles you, causing you to push off from the kitchen counter. You walk towards the bedroom, only to be blocked by the frame of your husband. You stare at him, wide eyed and confused, only for him to scoff, shouldering past you into the main room. You turn to watch him, noticing the trunk he carries with him.
“What- what is that?” You ask. He ignores you, dropping it onto the floor and flipping it open. It’s already filled with clothing, well packed like he’s going away for a long time. You rush to his side while he grabs his coats from beside the door, shoving them into the case. “What’re you doing? Are you leaving?”
“Well,” he begins, stuffing them inside and then closing the case. He turns on you and you’re taken aback by the anger in his eyes. “Considering you barely treat me like your husband anymore, I thought it might do the both of us some good to get away from one another.”
“You just decided this?” You ask. “You didn’t even ask me?”
“I thought you’d prefer it if I just up and left. Disappeared for a while, so you can stop feeling so suffocated by me,” he insists and tears begin to well in your eyes again. He shakes his head, picking the case up. He picks up his last coat, putting it on at the door. You’re too dumbstruck to follow him, shocked by his decision. “My father will be by tomorrow to run the lighthouse, he knows you’re here alone. I’ll be staying with my mother for the time being in town, until…” he trails off, then sighs, turning towards you. “Until we make a decision.”
“What do you mean ‘make a decision’?” You ask, your voice breaking.
“I think you know very well what I mean,” he tells you. You bite your lip to stop it from trembling, your husband turning away to put his shoes on. He all but rips the door open, and slams it shut behind him.
You’re left alone, hopelessly alone, in your home. Without your husband, without your God. Your knees give out beneath you, causing you to fall to the floor. Tears flow from your eyes unbidden, your breath hiccuping out of you as you sob on the floor of your sitting room. You’re so utterly alone.
Your bedroom feels like a cavern, empty and dark when the sun goes down. You’ve not eaten, not even tried to start a fire. A storm has begun outside and you can hear the ocean waves crashing against the cliffs, the wind whipping against the walls of your home. You stare into the darkness of your room, wearing only your nightgown, unable to sleep but not wanting to be awake. Your mind is both awake and not. Your eyes have turned red rimmed and sore, you’re leaning against the wall the head of your bed is pushed up against, your tear tracks dried on your face.
The night is so dark outside, only illuminated by the occasional flash of lightning. Your eyes have long adjusted to it though, the shapes and shadows of your bedroom so familiar you know where everything is. Still, it feels foreign and strange when you know that your dresser is half empty, your husband’s shoes are missing from beside the door, his coats gone. You feel like an empty shell of yourself, no one to blame but yourself.
You don’t hear the creak of the door under the sound of the wind howling, the waves crashing, the storm rolling. You don’t even see him, your eyes unfocused at the wall of your bedroom, though he comes with a golden glow. It isn’t until he’s gently easing the door of your bedroom further open that you finally turn your head slightly, taking him in.
“What do you want?” You whisper through the quiet of your room. He looks at you with something you can only assume is pity. “Did I finally do it? Was I finally pitiful enough for you to have mercy?”
“You don’t understand,” Jungwon says.
“Then why are you here?” You ask, your voice rough with your crying. “What are you doing here? If I’m just some useless mortal that you can throw aside so easily, if I don’t understand, then why come here at all?” He approaches you slowly and, impossibly, more tears leak down your face. “Don’t come closer if you’re just going to push me away again. Have I not been through enough? Please, just send me to the bridge. Just end my suffering.”
“I told you, you’ll not be going there—”
“What else do I have to live for?!” You ask, finally standing from your bed. Tears stream down your cheeks and you can’t help but think you must look so small, so pathetic and insignificant to him. You must be worth less than nothing to him but still you can’t stop the way you cry, sobs tearing from your throat. Jungwon looks at you with big eyes, but they’re empty. You can’t see the way he holds himself taut in the darkness, hands clenched into fists at his sides. “My husband has left me here alone. I have ruined my own life. I have no one else. I cannot go back to my parents, they think me too strange. My siblings will never understand me. I barely understand myself. You do not understand how lonely an existence I will live going forward.” You stagger towards him, only to drop to your knees in front of him. Jungwon flinches back as you grab at the bottom of his pants. “Please, I have nothing left. I cannot live like this.”
Slowly, he drops to his knees before you. You won’t meet his gaze, staring at the flooring as tears drip from your eyes, splashing down onto the flooring of your bedroom. Your broken form is too much for him, even he can’t stop himself from reaching for you, gently taking your cheek in hand. You whimper softly, a sob caught in your throat as he tilts your head up. Still, you refuse to look at him and he relents to the ache within him. He leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
“I thought I was protecting you, protecting the both of us,” Jungwon whispers into your skin. “I see now how wrong I was.” When he pulls back, he brushes his thumb over your cheek, and you finally lift your gaze from the floor to his face. “Still, you do not understand. You must make amends with your husband, you must turn away from me. It is the only way.”
“Don’t you see?” You cry. Your fingers fist the front of his jacket, pulling him closer. Jungwon turns his head away from your tears, closing his eyes. “Perhaps they have always been right. I can’t. Without you, I don’t know who I am. The God I’ve followed for so long, and he no longer wants me? He pushes me away when I am weakest? How can you ask that of me? Do I mean that little to you?”
“You mean everything to me,” Jungwon whispers. When he opens his eyes, you’re shocked to see tears in them. “Please forgive me.”
“Don’t pull away,” you plead. “Don’t leave me. Please, just stay.” You rest your forehead against his chest, gripping the front of his jacket. “Please, you’re all I have left.” Jungwon cradles you to his chest, no matter how much it pains him. Tears drip down his own cheeks and he cannot bear the pain of your cries anymore.
All these weeks he’s ignored your cries, nearly torn to shreds by your helpless prayers. Everything else has been drowned out by the sound of your voice, the ache in your worship. You stopped calling out to him, but he could feel you, like you were an ever-present ghost. He couldn’t hope to ignore you, he was haunted by your vision, your voice, what your prayers felt like, how it felt like something was tied around his throat, pulling and choking every time he turned his back on you. He understood what Sunghoon felt, the need to obey, the desire to be with you. Surely he can’t blame them now, even though Sunoo and Riki both followed his guidance, staying distant until they were sure, of course they eventually fell to their mortals. Their goddesses.
And Jungwon will too.
“Forgive me, brother,” he whispers. In the same breath, his arms wrap around your body, sliding beneath your knees and your back, lifting you into his arms. You gasp, clinging tighter to his jacket as Jungwon gets to his feet, holding you against his body. You daren’t look up to see whatever his expression is, surely tired of you, of your insolence and crying, trying to find a way to leave you behind. His jacket is balled up in your hands and you’re lowered back down, but his body doesn’t leave yours.
“Look at me,” Jungwon whispers. Slowly, you lift your gaze from his chest, finding him looking down at you. His hand cups your cheek again, your body against his, and he tilts your face up gently. “Forgive me.” You don’t get a chance to answer before his mouth is on yours.
It’s like lightning in your veins, your own body lit up with the feeling of electricity pulsing through you. Your eyes roll back as they close, your hands leaving his jacket to instead touch his neck, wrapping around the sides of it. Jungwon’s arm clutches your body close to his, his lips intent and warm against yours. Your mouth falls open to the sweet press of his tongue, your God tasting you eagerly, moaning into your lips. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, star bursts and fireworks and a sizzling desire pooling in your stomach. You shift against him, causing Jungwon to let go of your face, instead grabbing your thigh.
He rolls the two of you over, your head hitting the pillows as he leans over the top of you, your leg hooked over his hip, sending your nightgown falling to bunch around your hips. His hand slides up the bare length of your thigh as he kisses you breathless. You try to keep up, but every sensation is rushing through your body, hot and aching and bright and beating. You can’t control the way you arch up against him, wanting and needing and restless.
When he parts from your mouth, he tips his forehead against yours, panting against your lips. You pet your fingertips over his jawline, breath ragged. His fingers are splayed out over your lower back and your thigh, almost too warm against your bared skin. When you open your eyes, you realize his are still closed.
“You can still push me away, you know?” He whispers and you gasp softly. “You don’t have to do this. I know you love him.”
“Can I have you if I have him?”
“No,” Jungwon admits. It hurts, but it’s true. As long as you’re down here, as long as you’re mortal, Jungwon cannot answer you. He cannot do that, it would tear him apart. He has to ignore you, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how badly he wants to answer your every prayer, be at your beck and call, a God cannot obey a mortal. His immortal life cannot be guided simply that of a mortal, everything would be wrong. He would do anything for you and he cannot allow that. If you are bound to the Earth, he cannot be bound to you.
“Then… then promise me he’ll be safe. Promise me his happiness,” you whisper. Jungwon bites at his lip, knowing this would be the exchange. All things with a price, all things in exchange for another. “And I’ll be yours.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I cannot live without you,” you insist. You press another kiss to his lips, tugging him in. His fingers dig into your skin, trying to force control within himself. You are intoxicating and dangerous, he shouldn’t be lying with you and yet he is. When you part, your lips brush his as you speak. “Please, I cannot imagine a life where I am abandoned by my God. I will only grow to resent him further. Do not let me do that. I will only make him unhappy, we will never understand each other again. Let me free him, and in turn you get me.” You bring his forehead against yours again, brushing your nose against his. “I know you will make me happy. As long as he is happy too, I can live unburdened.”
“Is it what you desire?” Jungwon whispers.
“It is.”
“Give me your word. Give me your life. And I promise, you will never know sadness again. I swear to you, a life you’ve dreamed of. A future you’ve always wanted. I would do that. I would do anything,” Jungwon promises. “But you must be mine.”
“Then I am yours.”
It’s all the answer Jungwon needs, pressing his lips against yours once more, needy and desperate for you. You kiss him back just the same, letting your arms wrap around him as his hands grip you tightly. Bright flashes of light go off behind your eyelids as his hands roam over your body, every touch causing a bright spark to light up your veins, into your bones. Electricity pulses through you like a storm, the sound of the rainstorm outside almost covering up the soft whimpers you let out into his mouth as he caresses your body, hands grabbing at your clothes and your skin.
He rolls you back on top of him, bringing your legs around his waist so he can run his hands up your thighs. You let him have at you, gathering the material in his hands, slowly sliding it up your body, over the curves of your hips and waist. You become revealed to him, your underwear, up your stomach and your chest. He pulls away just so he can pull it over your head. You let him discard it carelessly, bringing your hands down onto his clothed chest as his hands land on your waist.
“You are so beautiful,” Jungwon whispers in the darkness. You feel your skin heat, the idea of being complimented in such a way by a God imaginable. “How have I resisted you?” He leans up to kiss your chest, running his mouth from the bottom of your breasts up the valley of them to your collarbones. Your own desire crackles through you, clutching him close as he mouths over your body, towards your neck while his hands slide up to cup your chest. “I can’t do it anymore,” he pleads into your skin. “I can’t. I need you.”
“You have me,” you whisper, running your fingers through his hair. “You have all of me. You always have.”
His hands leave you so he can pull his jacket and shirts open, your fingers fumbling to help him undress. His clothing is gilded in gold, lined in white and cerulean blue, but he cares not for how ornate it is. He tears it off like it doesn’t even matter, throwing it aside so he can pull you up against him. Hands on your jaw, he pulls your face down towards his, pressing your lips together again. This time you’re the one doing the taking, kissing down into his desperate mouth, while his hands roam your body once more, up your back and down your waist, sizzling trails of heat everywhere he touches. You can barely stand it, aching between your legs, the need in him calling out to the need in you.
His mouth drags over your lips, your cheek, down your jaw. Your hands run over his bare shoulders, soaking in the feeling of him, the heat of his skin, the way you can feel how desperately he desires you with the way he holds you against him. His hands drop down to your backside, curving around the cheeks of your ass, rocking you against his lap. You throw your head back in a moan as your clothed crotch is guided over his, his moans muffled into your throat as he kisses you, sucking wet kisses over your skin. His teeth graze you, sending a shower of bright sparks through you, images of crackling lighting rolling through your mind.
“Please.” The word drips from your lips without your permission, agony in your tone. You’re trembling on top of him, letting your hands run down the length of his chest, his stomach, reaching down for the front of his pants. He doesn’t stop you, hissing through his own desperation, his entire attention on your body. From your neck to your collarbones, you can feel how your skin smarts under his mouth, his teeth and his lips relentlessly marking you, down towards your breasts.
You tug the front of his pants open, finally, trying to push them down his hips. Jungwon moves to let you, lifting his hips as best he can with you on top of him. Once far enough down, his cock is freed from the confines of his clothing and you take him in hand. Jungwon moans, dropping his head forward against your chest, eyes closed as you stroke his cock quickly. You’re too wound up, lost in the pleasure and desire of him, you don’t even care about being fully undressed.
“Jungwon,” you whisper, the name of your god dropping from your lips. Jungwon lifts his head and you gasp at the way his eyes shine, bolts of lightning and electricity glinting inside of his irises.
“Say it again,” he says, moving his hand to your cheek. You swallow, hesitating. “Please, say it. Say it again,” he begs, pulling your face down towards his. “Please, it’s so lovely from your lips.”
“Jungwon,” you whisper and he moans. His cock twitches against your palm, making your breath catch. You can’t stand it, you rise to your knees. From this angle, he looks up at you, wide eyed and pink cheeked. He looks too sweet for words. Were it not for the glowy golden hue that emanates off of him you might think him just another mortal, just another gorgeous man, but you know he’s not. He’s so much more. You reach down to push your underwear aside, aligning the head of his cock to your entrance. Sinking down on him, your eyes roll back, and his flare alive.
Almost like a beacon in the dark, his eyes burn white and gold while you take him inside of you. His hands grab at your hips, digging his fingers in so hard it hurts. You try to cry out but you can’t, your breath caught in your chest as you feel like you’ve been thrown directly into a storm, shaking and trembling as something crushes your chest, strikes through your bones, aches through your muscles. Too many sensations overtake your body as you take him inside of you, forced to grab at his shoulder to try and steady yourself through the overwhelm of it all.
When you finally gasp another full breath you’re thrown out of your body just as quickly as Jungwon suddenly thrusts up into you, almost knocking you over. You cry out, clutching further to him to try and keep yourself upright. You find yourself holding onto him as he brings you down onto him, muffling moans into his neck as he mouths at your shoulder, hands gripping your hips. You can’t think, can barely breath as Jungwon forces your hips back and forth on him, rocking you onto his lap, moaning into your skin.
The sound of thunder and lightning echoes through your mind, like you’re in the eye of the storm, shaking apart above him. When you’re suddenly peeled away from him you see his eyes, glowing and burning for just a moment, and then his mouth is on your chest. Jungwon’s lips touch every part of you, over your breasts, licking and sucking at your nipples while rocking his hips up into yours. You lower your head down to tuck your nose into his hair, gasping and whimpering through the pleasure that soaks through you like a storm, like rain, like a crashing wave. His mouth touches the middle of your chest and you scream when it feels like you’ve been struck by lightning.
“So beautiful,” Jungwon whispers as he bounces you on his cock, your eyes flashing gold, a glowing light beginning to take over your chest. When he finally pulls back from your skin he’s staring at the words he’s carved into your body, an aching claim. You writhe on top of him, fingers digging into his shoulders as he guides your frantic pace, keeping himself as deep inside of you as possible.
You can fill it building, aching, churning like the sea inside of you, helpless to the way it takes you. To the way Jungwon takes you. His fingers are like a brand on your skin, your body is barely your own, awash with pleasure the likes of which you have never experienced. When you gaze down at him, you can see the glow of his eyes, the crackle of lightning within them. Your god beneath you, around you, inside of you, you’ll let him have you. Have every part of you. You lower your head down to his again and the both of you close your eyes, clinging to one another.
“Give yourself to me,” he whispers in the thin space between your faces.
“I have always been yours,” you tell him. You kiss down into his mouth, Jungwon planting his feet on the bed to fuck up into you again, and again. Your mouth falls open, allowing him to lick into it, swallowing the cries that spill from your lips. He relentlessly takes you, desperate for it, the glow that he knows will encompass you, the bright light that shines from within. He needs it to see it, he needs to know you’re his, forever.
Your cunt clenches around him, trapping him inside, your body shaking so hard it feels as though you’re going to shatter in his arms. Jungwon holds you, refusing to let go. The tightness of your body, the way you writhe on top of him, it sends him over the edge, pulling away from your mouth to moan. When he peels his eyes open to look, you are godly.
Golden light peers out from between your half lidded eyes, the characters of his name written into your chest. It consumes you, ebbing through your body as it swallows you. Jungwon lets his eyes slide shut again, burying his face into your chest, content with the heat of you against him.
When you wake, you’re alone. You roll over in the sheets, confused and lost. You gather the golden blankets that wrap your frame, covering yourself as you survey your surroundings. Everything is dipped in white and gold, cerulean trim and marble walls. As you take in the room you find yourself in, you look over to see a window, and at it is your bed partner. He stands there in just a robe, his shoulder against the window frame, arms crossed over his chest. Slowly, you gather yourself, worried about what he might be thinking about.
“Jungwon?” You ask, voice soft. Jungwon turns to look at you and his expression softens immediately. You can see the tension that lingers around his eyes though, the anxiety he carries in his shoulders. “Is everything alright?”
“It will be,” he tells you. He uncrosses his arms to reach a hand out to you. You move to him, taking the offered hand. You’re still wrapped in blankets, carefully covered, and Jungwon draws you in, keeping your blankets wrapped tightly around you. You end up against his chest, your head on his shoulder, his cheek on your head. “I think I already love you,” he whispers. It lodges your heart in your throat, eyes widening.
“You do?” You whisper. He pulls back from you so you can look up at him. “Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do,” Jungwon assures you. “How could I not? After everything, the way you called to me, the way I couldn’t resist you,” he cups your cheek in hand, leaning down to kiss your forehead, trailing over your temple and cheek, only to end at your lips, pressing a hard yet sweet kiss there. “I think a part of me has always needed you,” he confesses against your lips. “I think I fell in love with you along the way.”
“I have always loved you,” you tell him and Jungwon smiles softly.
“I know.”
On Earth, beyond the river, past the bridge that curves below the surface, a gateway to what lies beyond, there is yet another disturbance. When he throws open the door to his library, he can feel the change. The tension in the air, and his eyes seek the trembling of the bottle on his shelf.
“I thought we had an understanding, brother,” Heeseung whispers to himself, picking it up. It shakes in his hand, the liquid inside twisting and turning, like it’s boiling, like the churning of the sea, turning blue, green, yellow, gold. He sighs to himself, reaching over to rest it on the scale. He watches as the scale rises, the bottle and what lies inside light than air. “It seems I’ll just have to take what I am owed.” He plucks the bottle from where it sits on the scale, turning it over in his hand. “And the cost… will be so great,” he mutters to himself, curling his fingers around it.
a/n: *the unprotected sex depicted is both purposeful and symbolic, engage in safe sex practices like condoms and contraceptives in real life. safe sex saves lives; oh, jungwon. my darling, sweet jungwon, what have i done? i loved writing this but also it tore me in two, i felt so bad the whole time. i hope you guys enjoyed it for what it was and i hope you're all excited for what's coming up. the pantheon continues...
perma. taglist: @ducksstolemybread @dr0wnme0ut @pockettwinzz @emi-en @lilyuwon @deobitifull @oddracha @skzenhalove @nyfwyeonjun @bunhoons @ministrawberrywithchocolate @heeshlove @nshmrarki @avaleyshin @zeeloveshee @nyxtwixx @enha-bie @manifestobackshot @onlyuyu @in-somnias-world @hoonmine
series taglist: @baekxo07 @pinksweetlittlepiano @hooniebaekgu @starfallia @heelovesmeknot @lovgfrd @xiaoderrrr @jakayval @jaeyunluvr @jungwonloveer @j5yy @seunghancore @binniesbabe @strxwbloody @vveebee @cherlv @aileeeeeeeeeeeee @yongbokified @immelissaaa @fertilizedtoesw @sumzysworld @emberuby @sunshine-skz @nicleyrou @rikibun @lilactangerine @iveivory @yoonzns @addictedtohobi @wonnie99 @enha-stars