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The Insemination Wars Epilogue
drabble #3: Blueberries
summary an overview of what it means to be a full-time businesswoman while simultaneously juggling early mornings with your family. except it wouldn’t be just any average day if you weren’t surprised with an unexpected visitor at your workplace to stir things up.
warnings language | alcohol mention | soft baby stuff | yoongi being a frustrated dad | marital bickering | angst level: mild
author’s note finally we’re getting some real plot substance. as always, thank you for the support you’ve given this epilogue thus far, and all of your patience!
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can u do headcannons of iw yoongi asking out oc in college?? and their first dates/kisses/sex and stuff
alright here we go. apologies for the continuity errors, I can’t go back and research very extensively HAHA
their first makeout was on a friend’s futon and if you’re asking if it was drunk and sloppy and predictable, then you’d be absolutely right
two drunk freshmen in isolation exploring their sexual boundaries can only make for the greatest of first impressions
the sex came sober after y/n was too smitten by this boy with adequate makeout skills, she practically forced his number into her own pocket by way of Mutual Friends
cue the awkward touchy feelies and dialogue “are you a virgin” “do you want me to be” followed by pillowtalk exclusive to shit talking kihyun and complaining about obnoxiously discretionless roommates. bonus: yoongi was a great lay with a heavy hand, we’ll leave it at that
except we won’t leave it at that, y/n is a fucking animal yet somehow the most untainted fuck he’s ever had and he gives head like it’s his last meal on earth, who knew kihyun’s awkward roommate had the finger game of an automatic rifle
now they have to look at each other in front of their friends during social functions and act like they didn’t totally Blow each other’s brains out for two hours straight last weekend, are you free this weekend, do you wanna grab coffee and feel each other up again in your car
yoongi is painfully easy to flirt with after that and that’s how y/n scores a first date after they’ve already got a few hookups under their belt. give a guy a hickey and squeeze his ass during sex, suddenly he wants to buy you food
except he never actually asked her out, y/n coerced it out of him, a man who wanted to stay exclusive to Sexual Content Only because Girls Get Complicated, but this fine ass business major flirted her way into him buying her movie tickets and snuggling up to him during seasonal basketball games
fellas is it weird to kiss a girl on her doorstep if you’ve already blown her back out four times, is it even weirder to want to Hold Her Hand when she puts her head on your shoulder
now she’s got him cornered in the IT department with claims of Broken Laptops and yoongi’s literally getting paid to be hit on and his friends won’t let him live it down because he’s So Fucking Bad with girls but somehow this pothead idiot scored the smartest lay of the Gen-Ed class
yoongi is so fucking tsundere about it, he’s got this pretty girl in his lap at every party and all because kihyun Rejected Her In Cold Blood but now he’s asking yoongi how to give halfway decent head because Clearly she’s not with him for his personality
he’ll groan about this girl constantly blowing up his phone for a booty call but he’s got his arm around her at every social function and walks her drunk ass home and buys her hangover food and holds her hand when she cries over her childhood
makeouts in discreet hideouts across campus that Sometimes (usually) turn sexual, yoongi’s really gonna die, he’s living his co-ed fantasies vicariously through this hot girl but also Kind Of Falling In Love, Are You Free Tomorrow Night
cue the “I don’t do relationships but I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s ruining my life” conversation and now they’re making things Exclusive and kihyun is wondering what kind of dick magic his roommate really has, how did this sexually hungry girl suddenly forget every other man in the whole world exists
literally none of this was supposed to happen, these two losers at the bottom of the food chain fell in love over a few hookups and it was supposed to stop there but now it’s been two years and yoongi’s letting her crash at his apartment because it’s closer to the business and political science building and now there’s somehow a cat involved and the cat likes her more than he likes yoongi
but yoongi loves this girl unconditionally and he’s never loved something before in his life but they’re getting their own apartment together like it’s natural and the landlord hates cats but maybe He Won’t Hate Kids Someday
The Insemination Wars Epilogue
drabble #2: Pillowtalk (m.)
summary being back in the hotel room with a complete stranger makes you vulnerable to bad decisions and unusual revelations.
warnings language | alcohol use | drunk adults acting like kids | brief mentions of past homophobia | softcore girl on girl action
author’s note is it smut? is it fluff? who knows but it makes for one hell of a filler chapter
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the insemination wars epilogue: official masterlist
::DISCLAIMER:: due to popular and personal demand, the epilogue for insemination wars will be written up in chronological drabbles rather than a oneshot. primarily rated m for mature content. each individual drabble will be given its own summary upon posting. masterlist will be updated as drabbles are posted.
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ok but can we get headcanons to the miss who raised iw!oc?
ms. angry corporate mom? oh boy here we go
what can I say about her other than: an advanced version of y/n, and I really mean she’s absolutely what y/n would strive to be if she hadn’t found love and sanctuary in yoongi
a very non-committed lesbian. married two men and ostracized both of them. y/n’s dad had no choice but to abandon ship and that’s why y/n struggled with her own independence and self-identity through college
despite her absence, she’s the reason y/n has a job and moved up so quickly in the work force. explains why y/n feels a backbreaking desire to be competent at her job- has to convince herself she earned her spot and it wasn’t handed to her by mommy
is also the only reason y/n could afford graduate school. she’s not afraid to be charitable when it comes to making her daughter look half as successful as her
has seen her only grandkid. has sent him a card for his birthday. and a thousand bucks towards a college fund because money is her only surefire way of affection
stopped showing up for holidays when yoongi politely had to step in and tell her to get the fuck out after she made her daughter cry over a petty tax argument
enough of the bad, let’s mention the positives. has y/n written in her will but won’t tell her that because that just gives y/n more incentive for murder
made sure all of y/n’s dollhouses were in top shape just to keep her daughter happy until age 10, then y/n was on her own
DID throw out y/n’s only kitchenette set she got from grandma at age 6 because she wasn’t going to let her daughter grow up with dreams of being a housewife
scolded her daughter after her first heartbreak because that’s what she gets for putting faith in blind love, but sent ex boyfriend an anonymous threat in the mail
after she chased him out of the house wielding a letter opener for a weapon
almost did the same to yoongi when he showed up to their first dinner meeting smelling like weed. then again that’s not even half the punishment he later got from y/n
pulled him aside at their rehearsal dinner and told him she had every penny required to make his murder look like an accident, should he opt out of signing a pre-nup. he didn’t anyway. also never told y/n and isn’t going to, anytime soon
do u have any more iw fluffy head cannons?
I’m always a slut for fluff headcanons
yoongi is a goddamn fool if he thinks he’ll ever get away with not giving goodnight kisses. that’s how he knows y/n is angry at bedtime, because then she won’t prod him for it
roo has absolutely acquired this same mindset. it’s yoongi’s fault for being so good at bedtime snuggles
it’s the same spiel for work too. y/n IS stubborn enough to be late for work if yoongi doesn’t comply with Goodbye Smooch Routine
alternatively: y/n won’t eat her lunch until she’s left him a sappy love voicemail
one time yoongi was sick and y/n sent him flowers from work with the placard saying “get well soon or I’ll make you eat them”
date nights are also still a thing but now they just mostly consist of missing roo and convincing themselves they Don’t Need A Second Child over a shared cigarette
let’s take a look back at their first sexual encounter: yoongi slapped y/n’s ass too hard without asking and sent her a sympathy card as an apology because he didn’t know how to say otherwise
except instead of “sorry” it read: “thanks for letting me spank your ass, I promise I don’t do that every time”
in retaliation, y/n sent him her own sympathy card with the note: “my condolences. to your dick next time I see you”
the infamous Rolex on yoongi’s arm? the minute and hour of roo’s exact birth is gold plated. would have been a sweet gesture, save for the fact that it took yoongi six months to figure that out
“can we get divorced just to remarry and make our son the official ring bearer” “vow renewal is a thing”
yoongi made a fuss once about never getting the joy of being able to retire from being a dad, so y/n got petty and set up a retirement fund for him that she puts $14 into every month, “one dollar for every hour I spent in labor with your fucking child”
y/n making Pinterest boards for every movie yoongi has cried to, and sending them to him just for a taunt. collectively, another board for every movie they’ve ruined for each other by having sex through
food for thought: the sweet feeling yoongi gets when he runs into old college buddies and gets to tell them he married the girl they remember him dating way back in the day
yoongi turning around and sending y/n Pinterest ideas of matching parent tattoos. she blocked him
“why can’t you just accept a personalized Rolex with your son’s birthdate on it, you don’t need a tattoo of your kid” “I Would Carve That Kid’s Name Across My Chest With A Butter Knife If I Was Drunk Enough, Try Me”
roo isn’t even real but he’s my fav bab on earth omg so true :((( drop some headcanons on roo bc we going✈️soft bab hours tonight :((
ROO HEADCANONS!!! oh boy here we go
contrary to popular belief, his nickname comes from being his first word lol imagine trying teeth and nail to get this kid to say papa but instead he points at a storybook and promptly excites himself over a baby kangaroo, his first word being a goddamn winnie the pooh character
his second word? mam
only fucks with apple juice. get that milk shit out of here
he’s that kid in your elementary class who’s allergic to everything under the sun. can’t bring peanut bars for birthday treats because goddamn roo is allergic
fascinated by bugs for some reason. much to his father’s dismay, that’s his favorite part of playing outside. which bug can he find and accidentally squish in his hands just to show dad
once snuck an entire rock family into his bedroom from the back yard. yoongi still can’t figure out how that happened. or why roo deemed the most deformed rock as Papa
hates the color red. will scream at it unless it’s on a firetruck. or on winnie the pooh
is no longer teething but will bite everything anyway. this includes yoongi
relatively Good Kid except for the fact that he communicates only by screaming. not distressed screaming but he likes to hear himself at deafening octaves. grammaw says he gets that from dad
loves dinosaurs. in theory. cried at the t-rex exhibit in a museum once and wouldn’t stop until he got a bug hat from the gift shop
yoongi will argue that roo is Not Small, just short. painfully short. I wonder which gene that came from
is a scorpio. do with that what you will
scaled the entire pantry once just for the lucky charms cereal at the top. only to cry, not because he was stuck, but because of the leprechaun on the box. turns out he hates green too
hosts tea parties but doesn’t have a tea set so he stole dad’s shot glasses. and yoongi let him because “let the kid learn his own way to his father’s lifestyle”
hates socks. will scale his dresser just to pull all the socks out and try to bury them in the yard under his rock family
once ate his mom’s entire candy jar off her work desk and planted all the wrappers in yoongi’s lap to blame it on him, in plain sight
an iw drabble: you’re visiting old friends. yoongi is drunk. tender moments ensue.
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yoongi: #41. Just for that, I’m gonna suck your clit til you go blind.
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iw!couple: #52. I’m about to miss this important phone call but oh my god your mouth feels too good to stop right now.
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an(other) iw drabble! requested by this anon, and plotted by this ask. it’s supposed to be angst but it ended up breaching crack status because these two idiots have no concept of how to be mad at each other. enjoy!
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a sequel to this drabble. purely self indulgent because nothing makes me hornier than writing conflict between two otherwise enjoyable characters. also for all you iw!angst fans out there!
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99 sounds like such an angsty iw prompt, like Yoongi is so focused on Roo, and oc manages to forget his birthday and miss the party due to being so busy at work, and she feels like shit because of it.
99. How could you forget your son’s birthday?
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45 with iw!couple? I’ll kiss ya pussi for it
45. You’re getting a vasectomy. That’s final.
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Omg #91 for tis yoongi and oc pls
91. Tell me you need me.
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13 WITH IW COUPLE OH MY GOD?
13. I lost our baby.
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84 + iw!couple and roo hshdhshsh
84. Show me what’s behind your back.
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4 with iw couple!
4. You’re stupid weak for Yoongi doing mundane shit but at least he knows it. Still he’s about as aware as death itself, shaving over the bathroom sink with his shirt unbuttoned down to his waist. If that weren’t bad enough, you’re gritting your teeth to admitting a Rolex kink is even a thing.
“Are you trying to turn me on right now or are you really just that oblivious?”
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