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Hi! Just a genuine question, I was curious as to why you dislike the Rainbow Fish?

Because Rainbow Fish can be retold like this: 

A fish has a part of their body - their physical, incarnate body, what they were born with - that makes them very happy and that they are very proud of. They also have an unfortunate habit of thinking that they are better than other fish. That part isn’t good, and causes the other fish to be unhappy with them and avoid them. 

The fish is now very sad. The only person who likes the fish anymore tells him to go to the octopus, the animal framed as the adult in the story. 

The octopus tells the rainbow fish that they have been a snotty jerk and that the only way to make people like them again is to take off their scales and give them away. That in order to have any friends and make up for their behaviour, they have to rip off pieces of their own body and self and give them away to other people to make the other people happy and make up for their transgressions. 

And the rainbow fish is upset. And then another fish comes and asks them for a scale. And the rainbow fish takes off a piece of themself, their body, the thing they were born into, and gives it away. And now that fish likes him, and is materially benefitted by this piece of another fish’s actual body that has been given to it. 

And then the other fish come, and the rainbow fish rips off more parts of its body - all of the parts that used to make it happy and that it was proud of - and gives them to the other fish, because it’s not fair that the rainbow fish’s body was so much nicer. And when the rainbow fish has ripped all but one scale off, tearing out of themself all but one of the things that they possessed in their self that made them happy, then all the fish are friends with them! And everything is great! And everyone has a fair share. 

Of the rainbow fish’s, and I do quite mean to keep hammering this point, own body.

What the book says is: 

1. if you are born with something nice - like, for instance, an attractive body or a clever mind or a talent or whatever - and it makes you happy and proud, you are a horrible person and deserve to be shunned. Absolutely no line is ever drawn between Rainbow Fish’s self, their actual own body, and their behaviour. In reality, it’s their behaviour that’s the problem: they are mean and aloof to the other fish. This could be the case whether or not their body was all covered with magnificent scales. However, the book absolutely conflates the two: their behaviour is framed as a natural and unavoidable outcome of being happy about and proud of their special, beautiful body. So don’t you dare ever be happy or proud of anything you have or can do that everyone else doesn’t have exactly the same amount as, because if you do, you are horrible and by definition snotty, stuck up and mean. 

2. That in order to make up for the transgression of having something about your actual self that makes you happy and proud (which, remember, has automatically made you selfish and snobby, because that’s what happens), you must rip pieces of what makes you happy out of yourself and give them to other people for the asking, and you must never ever EVER have more of that part of - again, I hate to belabour except I don’t - your self than other people have, and that makes you a good person that people like and who deserves friends. 

To summarize, then: to be a good person you must never have something about yourself that makes you happy and proud and if you happen to be born with that something you must absolutely find a way to give it away to other people and remove it from yourself, right up to tearing off pieces of your body, in order to be a good person who deserves friends. 

This, I am absolutely sure, is not what the author intended: the author definitely meant it to be a story about sharing versus not sharing. But the author then used, as their allegory/metaphor, the fish’s own actual body. Their self. It was not about sharing shiny rocks that the rainbow fish had gathered up for himself. It wasn’t even about the fish teaching other fish how to do something, or where to find something. 

The metaphor/allegory used is the fish’s literal. body. And so the message is: other people have rights to you. Other people have the right to demand you, yourself, your body, pieces of you, in a way that makes absolutely sure that you have no more of anything about your body and self that is considered “good” than they do. 

And that might just suck a little bit except, hah, so: Gifted adult, here. Identified as a Gifted child. 

This is what Gifted children are told, constantly. All the fucking time. 

(Okay, I overstate. I am sure - at least I fucking HOPE - that particularly by this time there are Gifted children coming to adulthood who did not run into this pathology over and over and over and over again. I haven’t met any of them, though, and I have met a lot of Gifted adults who were identified as Gifted as children.) 

Instead of being told what’s actually a problem with our behaviour (that we’re being mean, or controlling, or putting other people down), or - heavens forfend - the other children being told that us being better at something doesn’t actually mean moral superiority and is totally okay and not something we should be attacked for, we are told: they’re jealous of you. That’s the problem. 

Instead of being taught any way to be happy about our accomplishments and talents that does not also stop the talents and accomplishments of other children - whatever those are! - from being celebrated, we are left with two choices: to be pleased with what we can do, or what we are, or to never, ever make anyone feel bad by being able to do things they can’t. And the first option also comes with two options: either you really ARE superior to them because you have skills, abilities and talents they don’t (or are prettier), or you are a HORRIBLE stuck up monster for feeling that way. 

(It is not uncommon for Gifted kids to chose either side, which means it’s not uncommon for them to choose “okay fine I really AM better than you”; this can often be summarized as “intent on sticking their noses in the air because everyone else is intent on rubbing them in the dirt”; on the other hand I have met a lot of Gifted women, particularly*, who cannot actually contemplate the idea of being Gifted because to do so is to immediately imply that they are somehow of more moral or human worth than someone else and this means they are HORRIBLE HORRIBLE SELFISH PEOPLE, and so will find literally any reason at all that their accomplishments are not accomplishments or that they don’t deserve anything for them.) 

Instead of being given any kind of autonomy or ownership of ourselves, we are loaded down by other people’s expectations: we are told that because we can accomplish more we must, and that daring not to do what other people want to the extent that they want with what we are capable of we are selfish, slackers, lazy, whatever. We are taught that we owe other people - our parents, our friends, even The World - excellence, the very best we can possibly do, and trust me when I say people are ALWAYS insisting We Could Do Better. And we should, or else we will be disappointing them, or letting them down, because (because we are Gifted) the only reason we could possibly be failing is not trying hard enough. 

We are, in fact, told over and over and over and over again, to rip off pieces of ourselves to give to other people to make them happy, because those pieces are valuable, but forbidden from enjoying the value of those pieces - pieces of our selves - for our own sake because that would be selfish and arrogant. And we owe this, because we were born a particular way. 

Because, metaphorically, we were born with rainbow scales, so now we have to rip off those rainbow scales in the name of Sharing, and otherwise we are selfish and horrible and deserve to be alone.** 

That is why I fucking hate The Rainbow Fish. 

Because whatever the author INTENDED, the metaphor they chose, the allegory they picked, means that THAT is the story they actually told. (And is the story that child after child after child after child I have encountered actually takes from it.) I don’t hate the author; I’m not even mad at them. But I do hate the book with a fiery passion, and it is among the books I will literally rip apart rather than allow in my house when I have kids, because I’m not going to give it to anyone ELSE’s kid either. 

*but, I would like to note, not UNIQUELY: this is something I encounter in Gifted men as well. 

**I can’t remember who it was, in relation to this, put forward the thought: if people actually talked about the access and use of children’s bodies the way we talk about access to and use of Gifted children’s minds and talents†, the abusiveness would be absolutely clear? But they’re right. 

†because sometimes it is Gifted children’s bodies in an abstract way, in that its their talent for gymnastics or their talent for ballet or sport or whatever, so I mean in a very raw way, the actual physical embodied flesh we are. 

their last dream of you ☁️🔒

Y’all know how obsessed I am with King George and Queen Charlotte and I’m equally as obsessed with period pieces, especially romance ones. I watched the whole show some time ago and I loved it so much and I felt it really resonated with me and reminded me of my divine masculine and I’m so tempted to watch it again because it’s so beautiful and they love each other so much against all odds so that’s why I chose them for my banner today and chose to use hands with loving energy from period pieces for my pile choices. I’m about to start giggling lmaoo, I’ve got all this bubbling nervous energy about this reading I know it’s going to be a good one. Okay, enough of my useless rambling, I talk too much feel free to skip over this! Love you, enjoy! 💛

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i.

Omg, I'm gonna start yelling!! I haven't even shuffled out the cards but someone part of this collective as well as their person is very sentimental. Someone really loves someone in such a timeless manner. In every lifetime, in every era, in every universe, a great love is shared here. Like I feel that ache in my chest that you get when you really really love someone and want to be near them. I really want to say buttons are significant, someone collects something or is prone to or has a tiny habit of holding onto things, even the tiniest most minuscule of things because it's in their nature to hold on and not let go. Someone could have a level of childhood trauma here too, a lack of instability makes them feel unsafe or they may struggle sometimes when they don't have all the answers or don't know what all is going on because it makes them feel very afraid and anxious and I hear someone is going through this right now.

You could be in separation with your divine counterpart and your person is mirroring you. I'm hearing “Don't misunderstand them. Don't judge them harshly or hold their actions to their spirit.” just because they're not speaking to you right now or just because things aren't extremely clear doesn't mean they don't love you or want to be with you and wouldn't go to the ends of the world for you. You know them as you know yourself because they are you. Show them mercy. Offer them compassion because I know how you love them and I know you couldn't really truly be upset with them even if you tried because you love this person so deeply and if you ever are upset it's only because you're afraid of not receiving the outcome you desire.

Oh, and you know what in the show Queen Charlotte there's this really cute part where George says that he's good with buttons. This person is good at the things you have trouble with, and this person really compliments and completes you, I'm hearing from this message that this person also wants to tell you that they appreciate everything you do for them and they think everything you do is perfect and beautiful. You could make no mistakes, you could do no wrong you're this person's angel. I haven't even shuffled the cards yet, this energy is SO strong I'm channeling from the heart to you. Ceramics, arts and crafts, or a fondness for aesthetics and the arts (music, dance, singing, etc) can be very significant to this group. Your person wants to enjoy the things you enjoy. I can't stop channeling, this person has so much they wanna say to you. HELP!!! 🆘!! Okay. I’m gonna actually start. Doing it in the form of a channeled message from your person about their last dream about you.

This person wants to speak to you through music by the way or they speak to you through music and through lyrics this person wants to tell you, especially if you have a playlist about them or if there’s music you’ve shared with them or they’ve shared with you to listen to it because they’re listening to it. “Please listen to it.” Something is coming in about the way this person talks to you on the phone or the things they call you “my love.” There was a time you talked to this person on the phone and their voice, their words, almost took you out the game. I had to get it off my chest I’m sorry! They’re like wanting to say so much.

This persons message about their last dream about you:

“I dreamt that I finally learned how to follow my heart and that I was finally the man (person) I wanted to be all this time for me and for you. In my dream, I finally got away from all the things that kept me away and kept me hurt and drained. Everything was changing. In the past I tried so hard to control my feelings for you and how things went because I was too scared to lose you if I tried to come to you and really put my all into us and our connection. I dreamt that finally was strong and I was able to come towards you and I did, everything was possible, everything was okay and I made things right. I said I was sorry and I told you how much I love you and how much I want to be with you and I did exactly that. I made a choice to be with you and it was the best choice I ever made.

I was free. I found freedom. I finally got away from all those karmic people and karmic cycles that I had trouble getting rid of in my waking life and I made time to focus on you, to focus on us. We spent lots of time together, and we went out and did things and learned things together. In my dream, we went to go do art together and we sat on the beach together and we just held each other and it was beautiful. And you looked so beautiful like you always do when you come to see me. I felt your skin, I could feel your breath on my neck when you hugged me, I could hear the sound of your heart when I laid down on your chest, and I heard your voice. And you laughed with me and you told me how much you loved me and about all the things you wanted to do together and I felt so loved and appreciated. I know that nobody loves me the way you do, I understand now.

In my dream, I finally had the courage to stop living for others and start living for myself and go after the things I want. I dream of you every night. Every day, I walk around in a dream state, thinking of you and you're motivating me even though you’re not here, I know I love you because you aren’t doing anything and I feel so drawn to you. While I’m asleep, I can feel your kiss. I feel the warmth of your lips on my mine and I miss it. I miss kissing you and holding you. I’m so afraid that you’re moving on from me or that you’re going to leave me. Please don’t leave. You’re my moon. I feel so blessed to be loved by you. In my dream, I dreamt that we were happy and we were married and had children together and had all the things you told me you had wanted. I remember all the things you said. In my dream, the past, those people, old versions of our connections, the pain, the fear, was all gone. It didn’t exist anymore.”

About to start crying for real. This person feels like crying, they've been crying. I'm like at a loss for words I'm typing one single letter per minute right now- hold on to your hope pile one. Justice is coming.

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ii.

Pile one was so big, I feel so guilty, I feel like I spoiled them. But anyway, I'm gonna do this in the form of a channeled message, your person is going to tell about their dreams of you. I'm getting immediately that this person really craves you pile two or they crave your touch. This person has deep romantic undertones for you, so much gentleness, compassion, and love but recently something has really made them wanna get down with you. I didn't think any of these readings were gonna take this turn but I just see this person fast asleep late at night thinking of how close to you their gonna get when they get the chance. I see this person really missing you. They may feel you spiritually and they may really love you emotionally but they want so badly to hold you, to be near you, their losing their minds trying to contain themselves waiting for the next time they see you in person. You've stirred up so much love in this person that they have nothing more to do with it than put it on you. They can't think of another way to show you their appreciation except to show you just how much they appreciate you.

I hear this person thinking to themselves and even telling others in the past or trying to describe to you the way they feel when they're near you and it's impossible. You light a fire within this person. They don't know what to do with all of it because there's plenty. This person could burn entire cities to the ground with the amount of fire they have within themselves because of you. It's greater than arousal. Don't get me wrong, this person is very much attracted to you, very much wants to be intimate with you but this person feels that heavy sensation in their chest about you, they feel their sacral chakra begin to activate, they feel the heat rising. If you've ever heard the song Melting by Kali Uchis. And I’m hearing this person saying that nobody can make them feel this way. This person wants to fuse souls with you. This person knows that you’re their person. You could’ve not seen this person in a long time, even if they’ve seen you recently I hear them telling me it’s all the same. They cry when you’re not around, they don’t like it when they can’t see you. “Why do I cry” by Margo Guryan is a good representation of this persons feelings.

This persons message about their last dream about you:

“I dreamt that we finally reconciled and decided to try to have everything we’d ever dreamed of with each other. I dreamt that we talked and we had forgiven each other. You’d forgiven me. I’d forgiven you. Our past was behind us and we finally were ready to move forward and see things from a different perspective. We saw that everything we’d been through, everything we feared, all the pain we felt, and all the times we were in separation were all a part of the divine plan all along and for a good reason. I dreamt that finally, we loved ourselves the way we loved one another, I dreamt that we were confident and we had finally come into ourselves and our power and knew what we came here to do and knew that we loved each other and would not ever want to spend our lives or our time with anyone else.

I dreamt that finally we were in alignment with each other and the disconnection had ended and we didn’t have to struggle anymore. Outside of each other, with other people, outside of ourselves with our fears and our beliefs and feelings. I dreamt that we were finally doing everything we said we’d do and that we finally had it within ourselves to put all of our ambition and all of our dreams to good use in all aspects. I dreamt that you had abundance and you’d found your happiness and your purpose and I dreamt that I overcame all my fears and finally was able to do what I was meant to do and achieve all my goals. I dreamt that we were abundant and happy and successful. All of our dreams and wishes came true. And in all, we had each other and that’s what mattered most.

I dreamt of how beautiful it felt to be loved by you, I dreamt of being made love to by you. I dreamt of your kisses, of your touch, of your body heat. I felt your eyelashes against my cheek, I could run my fingers through your hair, I remembered in my dream what it felt like to look into your eyes and how nervous and flustered that always made me. I remembered how much I love you. How you made me feel. How irreplaceable you are. I remembered how much I needed you for me. How unable I would be to ever be satisfied and content without your love and your presence. I miss your hands. I miss holding your hand. In my waking life, I wonder why you haven’t texted or called. When I wake up from a dream about you I find myself calling out your name or expecting you wholeheartedly to be there because the dream of you is a very real and vivid experience that can’t be denied. I’m sad when I wake up in the morning and you’re not there. It makes me feel like I’m in love with a ghost. I feel you, I hear you, but I can’t see you.

I feel you so strongly. My intuition tells me you’re near. I can’t shake the feeling. All I feel is raw emotion. You’ve left a big gaping hole in my heart that nobody else can fill the shape of but you.”

Let’s all just sit down together and cry. Pile two, your person is giving off this nervous energy. Their so nervous it’s like they’re almost embarrassed by how much they love you and how attracted to you they feel. This person is just a little melty puddle around you. That could be significant. Them melting into a puddle lol they may have told you something like that before. Ugh. Breathe. Take deep breaths!! Everytime I finish the channeled message for a pile, I almost don’t want to start the other group. I don’t want to leave. I hear this person hides from you pile two, they hide how much they feel or they hide the effect you have on them because you make them so nervous. This person may look away from you when they speak to you because if they look at you they'll cry. Or this person really loves your eyes and the way you look at them makes them feel so vulnerable and weak in the knees. This is def a music group. Getting “weak” by SWV. Ugh. Unhand me immediately y'all are making me so nervous. I don't wanna talk to you anymore.

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iii.

GirlUH! -, I had to take a deep breath and go scroll around on TikTok and consume a bunch of nonsense just so I can have a break and pull myself together after piles one and two. Forgive me. I feel like I've been ambushed.

This person could really feel like they miss you or haven’t fully been able to let you go. I’m getting “still think bout u” by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie. This person could've been hurt by you in the past or experienced a lot of heartbreak in your connection but still hasn’t fully been able to release your relationship and let you go although you and this person may have been broken up for a while here if you and this person are separated and not together. I feel very antsy and nervous energy coming through with this person but it’s so strong that it almost makes me want to ignore it or push it down out of fear. This person may suppress or repress their own emotions and then try to up-level themselves or spend time with other people or throw themselves into work to try and make themselves feel better when they’re in pain. Their technique is to be productive and I hear this isn’t working for this person. This person wants to see you pile three they feel like they have no other choice but to be with you even though you hurt them because that’s the only way they see the pain going away.

There’s a complicated energy here and for some of you, you’re like “…” like you don’t want to hear from this person because they may have broken your heart too or caused you pain too and you’re like over it but you feel them tugging on your energy or manifesting you... you may know this person is going through shifts here or isn’t the same and they sense that within themselves or the people around them sense that they aren’t the same. They keep looking for ways to take the edge off and not have to think about you anymore and it’s not working. This person may reflect on memories you have together or the happiness and safety they felt when you were around despite some sort of hardship within your connection. This person is conflicted and is sending you their energy for you to feel because they want you to feel it with them. I avoided starting this pile for a fat minute too. Like I was like “I'm not ready, I'm not ready.” You have this person nervous...

You and this person could’ve hurt each other or not have ended well or there was something that happened that left this person feeling bad about themselves and feeling unhealed and unsafe. I see a situation where they might’ve been vengeful and tried to get back at you for something or could’ve done something bad or deceptive and you called it quits and this person didn’t really expect you to leave for real or leave things so quickly and wash your hands of the situation. I'm SICK!! LOL, this person is sick, you're sick or you were. Sick of this. Sick of the way they feel.

This persons message about their last dream about you:

“I dreamt that I was working and trying to balance out my life and take things and myself seriously. I dreamt that I was a better man (woman). I want to be a better man (woman). I want to feel secure in whole within myself. I dreamt that Id achieved all the things that id been manifesting, everything physical and tangible but still I didn't feel fulfilled and I remembered all the things you'd told me about how the things we want aren't really about the things we want and the feelings that we’d feel if we had them. I'd dreamt that even in all my accolades love was missing and safety was missing and you represent that for me even though you hurt me and I caused you pain too. And in my waking life, I sometimes think about you and I sometimes miss you even still, even after everything but I know you're done with me and it’s best I just stay away. I've been sending you messages, or trying to manifest you so that you could remember our relationship and the good things we had and maybe forgive me and miss me too but I feel your resistance. I feel that you know my presence in your mind is not your own doing.

I dreamt that my manifestations were successful and that you came to me and told me that you missed me and wanted to talk to me again even after all this time apart. In my dream, you told me that you felt the same way like all the work you've done so far had been for nothing if we didn't have each other, and that you wanted to grow with me and work on what happened between us and that we would be together this time and be happy with each other. In my dream, you felt in your heart that we were meant to be and so you were motivated to come forward. To come to me. There was so much possibility for improvement. I was so glad. And we talked about our memories together and our experiences together and they weren’t all for nothing. They meant something to you. They meant something to us.

In my dream, any competition that existed, anyone who you were with you decided you didn’t want to be with anymore and you wanted to be with me and we were going to build together and be successful together. And I told you how I understood everything you said to me before and how much I had learned from you and how much you meant to me all this time and I told you how sorry I was and how hard for me it was to try and replace you and be happy without you. We were gonna be together. Everything was going to be okay. You had forgiven me. We’d forgiven each other.”

I hear this person having a lot of wishful thinking, they have this fantasy in their minds of what things could be like if they wanted to settle down and be in love and I think that you played a huge role in being a primary example of what that was to them but I think they let you and your relationship slip through their fingers perhaps. They may not have been the best to you, may have closed themselves off or cheated on you or broke your trust due to you accidentally causing them pain or giving them a hard time in the past. And I think this person is still very much attatched to you and the idea of you and in their own minds they love you. And I say in their own minds because I don't believe you believe this pile three after their behavior.

What's really interesting is the significance of pride and prejudice coming up. You could’ve watched this movie with this person or tried to share this film with this person during a rough time in your relationship and the way they reacted to you or the film may be significant but I also think that the characters are significant. Mr. Darcy has a horrible way of showing that he loves someone and communicating and he does things that can be really hurtful and do hurt Elizabeth and she’s like absolutely completely expressive that she does not want to be with this man under any circumstances (even though she does) and his half-assed attempt to come towards her and express himself (even though it was really good for his character because you know..) turns out being successful and Elizabeth ends up giving him a second chance and marrying him just as he had asked her to because she loves him but like you’re not Elizabeth and you’re not going to settle for the bare minimum and be like WELL, he said he was sorry!! BOO! YOU WHORE! 🍅🍅🍅! I love pride and prejudice I really do but at the same time. Elizabeth deserved more. Anyways anyways I’m getting carried away.

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Hope these were enlightening and you enjoyed these. Def gonna need a nap to recover from these. I love you so much and I appreciate all the support I've gotten with the readings and me sharing my gifts with you. I racked up a decent following on here off of opinions and aesthetics but I hadn't realized how much of myself I’d been hiding away. I'm excited for what more I can share. Anyways, if you ever want a personal reading from me you could go to my Instagram either @cooki3face or @cookiefacetarot on Instagram and click the link in my bio <3 bye, my hands have permanent dents in them now from typing for so long!