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Daughter of a narcissistic mother

Sorry to go off topic, but... sometimes you just have to talk to about what's in your heart the feel refreshed.

Warning: long text ahead

The love of a mother is pure and absolute.

I listen to that depressed I would never know what the love of a mother is like. And that I would never be validated because society only know that good caring mother.

The truth is, I don't have a mother. I was born from a different woman.

She would blame me for whatever happened to my siblings. She would force me to do her golden child homework. She would emotionally blackmail me to do what she wanted me to. She would be nice to me only to be mean and see me getting angry and frustrated.

She would never validate me for anything I did or said. She would use me as an scapegoat, getting mad at me because she was stressed. She would ask me to do something just to show off to her friends.

She would talk bad about my appearance and how I dressed. She would talk bad about me for nothing. She would forbid me from doing anything I was enjoying because I wasn't allowed to be ok unless she wanted me to.

And she never did.

This woman would blame me for her marriage. She would declare I was a disappointment, a proof that she failed. She badmouth my aunt just to say I was like her. She would say everything was my fault because I was never supportive of her.

This woman is a narcissist.

This woman that calls herself as my mother gave me social phobia disorder, anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. She made me feel miserable, unwanted, unloved. I thought everything was my fault, the fact that she mistreated me, that she wouldn't spend money with me, even for clothes.

But then I discovered the truth and I understood that she is a sick woman, and im not. I understood that she saw the world through faulty lens. I understood why I hated mothers day.

I still live with this woman, but soon enough I'll be moving to another country, very far away from her. Her attacks are stronger each day my moving gets closer, and I won't say they don't hit, of course they do, but I can endure and ignore them now.

Because now I know I don't have a mother.