Seriously! Wow! - Tumblr Posts
AAAUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS SO GOOD!! This is so perfectly in character, and is actually one of my many different theories on how the finale will go down! I’ve had a vague idea of something like this for a while, and seeing it all written so beautifully is SO COOL!! Thank you!!
Does It Matter?
pairings: logince (platonic, can be read as romantic)
summary: it had become normal to logan and roman to argue. this time though, roman took it too far and logan took it to heart. now he's not leaving his room and roman looks for a way to make things right.
tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, so much angst, logan is really not doing alright yall, dont worry roman wants to help, self isolation, depression, brief suicide ideation, basically a vent fic, patton and virgil are there for a little bit, angst with a hopeful ending
word count: 6519
Logan didn’t really feel like talking anymore. Well, he wanted to, he really did. He would give anything to engage with any of the other sides like he used to, but he knew why it wasn’t going to work out for him. He tried many times to include himself with them in the same lighthearted way that he used to when everything was so much simpler, but nothing worked.
They never listened to him.
Everything Logan said went unheard, completely disregarded in favor of what the others had to say every time. He felt he should be used to it by now, it shouldn’t bother him anymore. It had been going on for years with nothing changing or improving at all, and Logan wished he could have just gone numb to the experience. He wished it didn’t upset him, but it did.
He just wanted to be heard, to be seen. If not by Thomas, then by someone. By anyone.
As much as he wanted that, he knew he’d never have it. Every interaction he had with the other sides only worked to further prove that fact, as lately he could hardly get a single word in before someone else interrupted and ignored him.
It was exhausting and frustrating, and Logan couldn’t take much more of it. He didn’t see the point in continuing to involve himself with them if he was just going to be let down every time.
And yet he still continued all the same. After all, what would he be without his work?
If only the others could see that. If only Roman would.
Logan had… complicated opinions about Roman. He valued his work highly, and respected his contributions just as greatly as he did any other side, but there was something else there that made things different, more confusing. Maybe it was the flamboyant yet charming demeanor Roman held about himself, or the way he always managed to bring a lightness and ease to any conversation. It might have been how self-absorbed and selfish he could be, the way his arrogance and dogmatic pursuit for the spotlight blinded him to the wants and needs of everyone else. There were a lot of things that made Roman so difficult to understand, but Logan did like to think that he was getting along with him at least somewhat better, every now and then.
He just wished Roman would accept his usefulness and recognize that were it not for Logan directing and guiding his whimsical ideals, nothing in Thomas’ life would work out. If they could just see eye to eye on something, maybe they wouldn’t argue so often.
They did manage to work together on occasion, despite their many differences and disagreements. Thomas had actually said that the two of them were a good team once, some time ago. Logan was tempted to agree about that.
Maybe not right now, though. This time, things had gotten out of hand.
He and Roman had been pulled into another discussion about planning and video ideas. It was a topic they had debated many times now, with Roman rambling on about all kinds of fantastical and whimsical concepts that Logan always tried to organize and schedule in a way that would be most effective and efficient. They rarely reached a consensus on this topic, and it didn’t look like they would find any agreement today either, not with how they were arguing.
The tension only increased, leaving no room for Logan to say a single word. Yet again Roman refused to listen to him, only this time he wouldn’t even let him talk at all. Accusations and insults were constantly being thrown and Logan was struggling to get Roman to pay attention to what he was saying. He could feel his chest grow tight as an unpleasant pressure threatened to spill out at any second. Why wouldn’t he just listen?
Logan tried again to talk and make his point. “If you would please just- “
"No one cares, Logan!” Roman shouted. “Stop making this about you, it doesn’t matter!”
The words washed over him like ice. “No one cares”. Not about his work, not about his role, and certainly not about him. He had suspected as such for a while now, but to hear Roman say it, to have audible proof confirming what he had always dreaded, it made his stomach turn.
Roman kept talking, throwing a few more insulting nicknames and rants his way, but Logan wasn’t registering any of them. He didn’t care, none of them did. He didn’t matter to them.
Logan felt his chest tighten, his vision growing hazy. He could practically feel his blood rushing red-hot through his veins. He was burning and drowning all at once, desperate for Roman to understand the impact of what he had just said.
He wanted to scream until his voice went hoarse from the abuse. He wanted to grab Roman by his sash and shout everything that he had held back for so long, to finally force his frustrations down his throat until he choked on the realization of what he was feeling.
He wouldn’t, though. No matter how much Logan wished it, nothing would make him understand. Roman would never sympathize or say that he was sorry. After all, he didn’t care.
Watering a plastic plant would yield better results.
That realization forced a hollow laugh out of him. Going by the look on Roman's face, he was just as surprised about this as Logan was. The situation was definitely not funny.
And yet, it was.
“…You good, Logan?”
If he could think past the haze in his head, Logan might have answered Roman. It was hard to focus on how he was feeling, or even if he was feeling, but even then, why would Roman care?
“It doesn’t matter.”
Logan quickly sank out, not bothering to continue their conversation. He didn’t care anyway.
Logan shut down completely after that incident, and he had stopped talking to everyone. In fact, he stopped showing up in general. It had been several days if not a week, and he still hadn’t done so much as leave his room. It didn’t matter how much Thomas or any of the sides tried to summon him, he refused to appear for anything. It’s not like Thomas needed him around every moment of the day. Then again, Logan hardly felt like he was needed at all lately.
Besides, unlike when Virgil ducked out, Logan's functions would continue to impact and influence Thomas regardless of whether or not he involved himself. He didn’t have to show up at all now. He wasn’t needed, and he certainly wasn’t wanted. Not by Thomas, not by anyone.
A distant part of him hoped they would come looking for him, that they would all follow him to his room and ask him to come back just like they did when Virgil had ducked out. It was selfish, cruelly so, but he still wished that he meant enough for them to miss him.
They didn’t.
After weeks of hiding away in his room without a word, Logan was starting to get used to the isolation. It was almost comforting, in a strange way. He no longer had to endure the constant arguing and insults, the endless slew of problems and crises that never wanted to be solved. He could focus on his scheduling and his projects without interruption.
As nice as it was, Logan couldn’t help but somewhat miss the noise. He didn’t want to admit it, but he secretly enjoyed the movie nights and the banter, even some of the puns and songs. He missed the sound of laughter, even if it was directed at him most of the time.
But it didn’t matter. If they didn’t want him around then he would just live with the memory of the time he had with them, back when they were all still a family.
Virgil was getting worried. He usually worried about everything, but this was different. He hadn’t seen Logan in weeks, neither had any of the other sides or even Thomas. Normally he’d get it, sometimes people just needed some alone time. Hell, Virgil understood that very well, but the problem was that Logan had never expressed a need to be left alone before. As long as Virgil had known him, Logan had always been on top of things. He was always so self-assured and confident about everything, and even if something got to him, he always bounced back quickly. For him to duck out for so long without warning or explanation was definitely note-worthy in Virgil's book.
That was why, despite Patton asking him to respect Loganxs privacy and Roman's insistence on leaving him alone, Virgil still bit back his nervousness and knocked on the logical sides door.
He didn’t hear anything, and part of him kind of saw that coming. That part of Virgil was currently freaking out while the rest of him was trying to figure out what to do.
"Logan? You there?”
No response.
Virgil ignored the shake in his hands and the tightness on his chest as he tried to continue.
“Look, I get that you probably want to be alone right now, and believe me, I’ve been there, but you’ve been gone for a while now and I’m kind of starting to get worried.”
He laughed to himself, despite the fear that was starting to choke him from the inside out. “I know, what else is new. I’m sure I’m probably overthinking this, but I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. I haven’t seen you in a while now, and I just wanted to check in on you.”
It could have just been Virgil's imagination, but he swore he heard a muffled something from behind the door. He couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but he took it as a sign enough that he was welcome to keep talking.
“Look, I know I’m not really good with this kind of thing, but I do want you to know that I miss having you around. I really like hanging out with you, and I get that you probably don’t want to talk to me or anyone, but I just hope you can come back downstairs and join us for a movie night soon.”
Virgil waited another moment, praying that he’d hear something or that Logan would open the door and talk to him again, even if it was just to tell him that he was overthinking and to stop worrying about nothing. As long as it meant Logan was talking to him.
He didn’t hear anything, especially not Logan's voice.
Virgil sighed to himself, letting his worry turn into despair. “Alright, I guess I’ll leave you alone now. It’s just- I miss you, y’know? You can always talk to me if you need to, okay? I promise, I’ll listen. I will. I just don’t want you feeling like you’re alone.”
After allowing himself one final second of pause on the off chance that Logan might still say something, he finally turned to leave, the silence behind him deafening.
Patton didn’t like to admit it when things were getting bad. If something was wrong, then it meant that he or someone else was struggling and Thomas might be hurting as a result.
He knew that it never happened on purpose. No one went out of their way to hurt Thomas, especially not by letting themselves suffer in the process. Still, knowing that someone was hurting and that they couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about it always bothered him. He had been working hard to stop hiding his own sad feelings, and he wanted everyone else to know that they ought to do the same. Patton had gotten used to the others coming to him when they needed to; he made it clear to everyone that his room and arms were always open if someone needed comfort or support.
By now he had had his share of Roman mourning lost opportunities or ranting about imperfect ideas, and of Virgil working himself up over a small misunderstanding until he needed to calm down with a supportive dad hug, even if he said he thought they were embarrassing.
In all his years, however, Logan had never gone to him.
It made a bit of sense; Logan was always so cool and collected. There was nothing Patton felt he couldn’t figure out, but that didn’t mean he was incapable of seeking out comfort every now and then. Even if the others didn’t see it, Patton could tell when something was weighing on him. It was subtle, but he saw it in the way his shoulders sagged how his voice lacked any enthusiasm.
Whatever had been bothering Logan, it had been going on for quite a while now, and Patton tried over and over again to cheer him up. He’d tell his funniest jokes, put on Logan's favorite shows, and give out reminders that he would always be there for everyone, and that he would listen if anyone needed to talk about something.
Logan never took the hint. He would insist he was fine, or tell Patton not to assume things, but it always ended with him refusing to admit he wasn’t doing well.
Now he had been cooped up in his room for weeks, and Patton didn’t want to admit it, but it was officially a problem to be handled.
At first he was willing to give Logan his space and let him take some time to be alone for a little while. He knew that the last thing he would have wanted was Patton's cheery, cheesy self smothering him with a whole bunch of mushy feelings Logan never liked dealing with.
After Virgil tried and failed to get through to him, though, Patton figured it had gotten bad enough for him to step in. So, with a plate of cookies in hand and a hopefully convincing smile on his face, Patton knocked gingerly on Logan's door.
And was only met with silence.
Patton paused, shifting slightly where he stood, before knocking again, this time louder.
“Hey, Logan! How’re you holding up?” he called, trying to keep his voice cheery.
No response.
“Um, okay, well I know you’re probably not feeling too good right now, but I was hoping I could cheer you up a little bit! I brought some cookies, and if you wanted we could just, I don’t know, hang out for a little bit. It could be just us two, if you like.”
Patton almost heard a slight shuffling from behind the door, and he pressured on.
“Listen, it’s okay if you’re feeling kinda bad right now. I’ve been there myself. It’s just, I hope you know that you can always come to me if you need to. You can talk to any of us about whatever’s bothering you, okay? We’re all here for you, and we’re all worrying about you, kiddo.”
This time he heard a much clearer noise in response. A cough, or some sort of dry chuckle, like someone who didn’t want to be caught laughing at an unfunny joke.
“Logan? You okay?”
Nothing, not even the same sound as before.
Patton tried not to let his voice betray the creeping grief and fear he was feeling. “Okay, well I guess I’ll just leave you alone for now, then. I’ll uh, I’ll leave the cookies out here by the door, just in case you might want them later. They might help you feel better.”
Patton set the tray down, ensuring no one would be able to trip on it accidentally before making his way back downstairs, wishing he knew how to help.
Logan felt awful. Actually, he hardly felt at all anymore, but what little he did still feel was far from enjoyable. He had stopped keeping track of how long he had been in his room, and the days were blending together as he rotted in his self-imposed prison.
He initially thought it would be good to take a break from the others, to spend some time alone and let them deal with their problems without him. After so much time in isolation, though, he started to become aware of this ache in his chest, sinking over his heart. Every day it got worse, and he worried that it would one day consume him entirely until there was nothing left but the pain.
Maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing. After all, Thomas was functioning just fine without him, and the others didn’t seem to mind his absence all that much. Maybe it was for the best that he faded away in his room, letting himself be forgotten. He was sure that there would be less problems to manage without him constantly bringing up his pointless wants and needs.
So what if he wanted to help Thomas? So what if that was the only purpose he’s ever known? If no one else needed him there, if he didn’t matter as a side, then maybe he just shouldn’t try to help out anymore. No one appreciated his efforts, anyway.
Virgil was the first to check in on him. He sounded concerned, and for a moment Logan was almost touched. Almost. He didn’t know what was wrong, or what to do, and Logan felt himself burning at that fact. How could Virgil have no idea what happened? He had endured years of Roman's bullying before his attention shifted to Logan. If anyone would know how this felt, it ought to be him. He wanted to say just that, but that would mean admitting that he was more affected by it than he should be. It would show them all just how weak he really was.
Virgil left him alone after that, and Logan didn’t know if he was grateful or resentful for it.
Patton came shortly after. He was sympathetic, if not fully understanding, and tried to make an effort to comfort him. Logan was tempted to talk to him, or to open the door and finally let him see, but then Patton lied to him. He said they all cared about him, and that they would all listen to him. Logan couldn’t help but laugh. If either of those statements were ever true, he wouldn’t be hiding in his room right now. Sure, maybe Virgil would listen, or Patton might care, but to say that all of them thought he mattered? He couldn’t think of a more ridiculous claim.
After Patton gave up too, he stopped expecting anyone else to visit. Who else would care to?
If he were human, he’d probably be dead by now. It had been several weeks, probably over a month, and he hadn’t left his room or even spoken at all. He hadn’t bothered to eat or drink anything either, spending most of his days either sleeping or going over his older projects. He’d have certainly starved to death by this point, but it’s not like food really meant anything to him. He wasn’t real, sustenance was pretty much optional for him.
He couldn’t even die.
Well, he could, technically. He exists because Thomas decides he will. Logan's life is tied to him inextricably. If Thomas died, so would he. Or, if Thomas decided he didn’t want or need him as a side anymore, he would simply stop existing entirely.
It didn’t matter if he was here or not, or if he really existed.
Logic would still continue to function of course, that aspect was as constant and continuing as the passage of time. Logan merely existed as a face to the function. Thomas wanted to give himself a literal “Voice of Reason”, and as such created Logan as a representation of his own logic.
But what if Thomas didn't want that anymore? What if he decided, much like the others have by now, that Logan wasn't really important? All he'd have to do is decide Logan wasn't a side anymore and then poof! He'd no longer exist.
That thought should worry him. It should terrify him to think that his current absence could prompt Thomas to unmake him entirely, but instead he felt a calming wave of acceptance.
No one cared, no one would miss him.
Roman had never seen Logan as upset as he was that day. Sure, he had seen him stressed and frustrated before, but the pain he saw on his face was unlike anything he had ever thought the other side was even capable of experiencing. Logan had thrown a few rude comments and even lost his temper on occasion, but nothing like this. Logan had never reacted like that before, not to anything. He had been so hurt that he was now refusing to talk to anyone, not even leaving his room. Roman didn’t understand, they had always butted heads in the past and exchanged plenty of insults, so what had prompted such a strong response this time? What went wrong between them?
Everything had carried on like normal before it happened, despite Roman feeling rather worse for wear. He was desperate for a chance to prove himself as still worthy of his princely role and the urge to come up with a perfect idea was becoming overbearing. It seemed like every suggestion he brought up was being shut down by Logan all day, and the pressure was mounting.
That was when the argument exploded. It all became too much and he finally snapped at Logan, far too frustrated to focus on reasoning with him. He knew starting a fight when they’re both already at their wits end would only make things worse, but at that point all Roman wanted was for Logan to just cut him some slack. He relied on Logan's approval more than anyone’s; if his goals and dreams had any chance of coming to fruition then he needed logic to see some merit in what he had to offer. His opinion made the difference between a good idea and wishful thinking.
That fact meant everything to him, and in that moment it was the last thing on his mind. He just wanted to make something worthwhile again, and he needed Logan to hear him out. Hearing every one of his ideas get repeatedly shut down had struck a nerve, and he acted in anger when he should have tried to reason with him. Roman only meant to make him listen and those hurtful words had slipped out before he could think about it.
He was definitely thinking about it now.
Roman could hardly sleep. He hadn’t seen Logan at all after their fight, with him not even having left his room for months now. Roman wanted to knock on his door and talk things out, but the stubborn silence the others were met with earlier was evidence enough that Logan wasn’t interested in hearing him out at all.
The events of that day played out over and over in his head, hurting worse each time. He didn’t mean for it to go that far, but now Logan was hurt and he didn’t know how to make it better.
How could he apologize to Logan when he couldn’t even talk to him? Both Virgil and Patton had tried to check in on him, but to no avail. Logan had stopped talking to all of them.
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit pleased at first. Without Logan shutting down every idea he came up with, it was a lot easier for Roman's suggestions to be considered. Of course, Logan had been there for a reason. Now that he wasn’t here to keep everyone else on track, plans were becoming near impossible and arguments came up more frequently.
Honestly, life without Logan was a nightmare. One that Roman was eager to wake up from.
Now he stood outside of Logan's door, building up the courage to knock.
He had been up all night trying to come up with the perfect way to apologize. Flowers, speeches, groveling, gifts, even a whole performance that somehow managed to include all of the above. As extravagant and theatrical as his plans were, none of them felt authentic enough. They were all performative and grand, but he doubted they would come off as genuine.
He needed to speak from the heart, first and foremost. Whatever he says, it has to be real.
He only hoped Logan would be willing to listen to whatever he ended up saying.
Roman took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door, waiting patiently for a response that he already knew he wouldn’t receive.
Sure enough, all that answered was silence.
Roman knocked again, this time louder. “Logan? It’s me. Can we talk? Please?”
Still nothing.
“Look, I know I upset you, and I swear I didn’t mean to, but I just wanted to talk about what happened. I wanted to make sure you’re okay, and to let you know that I’m sorry. Can you please just open the door so I can see you? I want to apologize, and I want to do it the right way. I want to make this right between us. I just need to see how you’re doing. I’m worried about you, we all are.”
Silence followed again and Roman was almost ready to admit defeat, until he heard the sudden and swift click of the door unlocking.
He grasped the door handle, turning it gently as the door opened for him. Not willing to let this opportunity get away from him, he quickly entered the room.
Only to stop dead in his tracks once he crossed the threshold.
Logan's room was completely desolated. The walls had completely lost their rich blue color and were now faded to a dull grey, the only thing breaking up the blank expanse being a myriad of cracks and chips in the paint. Dust covered every surface, and scraps of paper lay scattered like apathetic autumn leaves. Logan's bed was disheveled and unkempt, and clothes were haphazardly strewn about the room in a horrendously uncharacteristic manner. What little light the room still had in it was dim, and the air was impossibly cold.
God, this was worse than he thought.
Roman squinted his eyes through the dark and finally found Logan, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall on the far side of the room. Even with the darkness and distance, Roman could still tell that he was worse for wear. His tie was discarded completely, his shirt unbuttoned and untucked. The dark circles under his eyes rivalled Virgil's makeup, and the eyes themselves looked tired and vacant. His pale and faded form almost made him look like a ghost, and he didn’t seem to acknowledge Roman at all as he continued to stare blankly forward.
“Logan?”
All he got in response was a nod, Logans eyes never meeting Romans.
“Can I come over there?”
A shrug this time, but it was enough for Roman to take it as a yes. He slowly moved to him, the sound of papers crunching beneath his shoes now thunderous in the otherwise silent room. He stopped and kneeled an arms length away from him, keeping his eyes level with Logan's.
He still didn’t look at him, focusing instead on the clock.
“Can you look at me, or even just say something?”
Logan only clenched his jaw in response, not reacting otherwise.
Roman summoned a jar of Crofters, holding it out in front of him. Logan looked down at it, a small spark of something flashing in his eyes for a moment, only for it to fade as quickly as it came. He looked away with a sigh, not even bothering to grab the jar.
“Aren’t you hungry? How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”
Another shrug.
“Have you slept at all?”
Logan didn’t react to the question, still looking off to the side. If Roman were to guess, he’s either been sleeping far too much or not at all. Hopefully not the latter.
Roman sighed, moving to sit down beside him. He tried not to focus on how Logan subtly flinched as a result, or on how it tugged at something in his chest.
“Logan, I’m sorry. I truly am. What happened earlier, what I said to you then, I didn’t mean it. I never meant to hurt you like that, I swear.” Roman paused for a moment, hoping Logan would respond or at least look at him, but he didn’t. His eyes were downcast, looking absently at his hands, but he didn’t react to what Roman had said.
“Please, I know I’ve hurt you. I didn’t mean to, but I did. I want to make it better, but I don’t know how. I don’t know what I can do to show you how much I care about you.”
Logan let out a scoff at that, his jaw clenching again as his hands balled into fists. He definitely heard what Roman was saying, but he sure as hell didn’t believe a word of it. Still, any reaction is better than none at all, as far as Roman was concerned. At least he was listening.
“Logan, I’ve treated you terribly for far too long, I see that now. I should have known how badly you were hurting. I should have done or said something or just stopped tormenting you like that, but I didn’t, and I’m so sorry for that. I shouldn’t have hurt you the way that I did, and I shouldn’t have let you believe that I didn’t care about you.”
Logan started to release some of the tension he was holding. Not much, but it was a start. Roman ducked his head as he tried to focus on what he was going to say. He had to get this right.
“I never thought I’d say this, but I miss having you around. Really, I do. We all miss you so much and it kills me to see you like this. I just wish you’d come back downstairs and be with us again, it’s not the same without you there with us. I want you back, please. We all do.”
“Falsehood.”
Roman's head shot back up to look at Logan. His arms were now wrapped almost protectively around himself, and his knees were tucked up to his chest. He looked so small like this, but his eyes had sharpened with an anger that was only exaggerated in the roughness of his voice.
“You don’t miss me,” he started, tone hoarse and raspy from disuse. “You don’t want me. You don’t even need me. No one does.” Logan turned his head, finally looking at Roman. “Leave.”
Roman could only stare back in shock. What had he done? Logan wasn’t just hurt; he was completely and utterly broken. How could Roman have messed up so severely without even realizing it? How could he have let this happen? He needed to fix this, here and now.
“I can’t, Logan. I won’t just leave you like this. God, how could I have failed you so badly? I never wanted this for you, I swear. This is the last thing I wanted.”
Logan rolled his eyes, looking back away. The anger was still there, but it had started to dim.
“We do need you, Logan. Life without you is a complete disaster, and I’m so sorry that this is what it took for us to realize it. Without you here, we can hardly get anything done. Sure, at first I thought it would be nice. Thomas was listening to my suggestions a lot more and I really needed that. But none of them are working. Without any plans or direction, all of my ideas are going up in smoke. We aren’t mapping things out right, we keep overlooking things and missing stuff we need to focus on. I can hardly remember the last time Thomas remembered to cook an actual meal for himself. And the others are an absolute mess right now. We fight all the time, and we can’t agree on anything. Patton is a wreck without you here, and Virgil has convinced himself that you’re dead.”
Or working on it, Roman thought to himself.
“Please, you are so important to Thomas, to all of us. Especially to me.”
Logan looked back up at him now, a look of uncertainty on his face.
“I need you to help me make my dreams a reality. I need you to keep me on track when I start to overdo things. I need you because without you, I can’t do anything.”
Logan started to relax the tight ball he had wrapped himself into, but not by much.
“And as much as I need you, I also just plain miss you. I miss our jokes, I miss talking over movies with you, I miss seeing you laugh and smile. I haven’t heard you laugh in years now, and you really do have such a wonderful smile. Even just watching you dig into Crofters with all the zeal of a multi-headed hydra at a buffet is something I wish I could see again.” Roman continued.
Logan's eyes drifted back over to the discarded jar of jam, that same spark from earlier flitting over his face for a moment. Roman swore he heard his stomach growl.
“Please just come back to us, Logan. I know I messed this up, but I swear to you that I will do whatever I can to make sure it never happens again.”
Logan sighed, tilting his head back against the wall as he let his eyes slip shut. “I don’t know how to feel again,” he whispered. “I stopped trying for so long, I can’t remember what it’s like.”
Something tugged at Roman's heart again, but he powered through as best as he could.
“You can talk it out with me. Whatever you’re thinking or feeling, I’ll listen. I promise.”
Logan swallowed slightly, letting out a shaky breath. There was a moment of silence, and Roman worried he had shut back down again. Instead, Logan took another deep breath.
“It’s exhausting,” he mumbled, voice still strained. “I try so hard to be heard, to be seen, and no one notices or cares. It’s hard to see the point in continuing anymore, when all it ever gets me is more neglect and ridicule.” He looked over at Roman, eyes shining with tears. “What’s the point in existing when none of it matters? When I don’t even matter?”
“You do,” Roman blurted out. “You mean so much to me, to all of us. Without you, we’re lost. Thomas needs you so much, and we all want you back with us. You matter. You always have, and you always will. I’m so sorry we let you think you didn’t.”
The tears Logan struggled to hold back finally fell from his eyes, and Roman felt his heart breaking all over again. Logan screwed his eyes shut, running a hand over his face to try and stop crying, but it did little to stop the torrent that finally spilled from the breaking dam in his mind.
“I don’t mean to- I mean, this just isn’t… please don’t say anything,” he choked out past the tears, not looking at him. “This isn’t like me.”
Roman obediently stayed quiet, letting Logan ride the wave of his emotional breakdown. Turns out he was mistaken before; this is the most hurt he had ever seen him. How many years of pain had he buried for it to have built up like this? How much of it was Roman's fault?
Eventually Logan stopped crying, the shaking breaths slowing down to small gasps as the tears finally ran out. He looked embarrassed now, almost ashamed of how he had acted.
“Can you not tell the others about this?” he pleaded, eyes downcast. “I can’t stand the idea of them knowing that any of this happened, or that I had reacted like that.”
Roman could only nod, unsure of what he could say that would help Logan feel better.
There was a brief period of silence before Logan spoke again, his voice barely a whisper.
“Will things ever get better? Will I stop being like this one day?”
Roman forced back the tears that threatened to spill free at any moment, shifting his stance until he was kneeling beside him. “There’s nothing you need to be or stop being as long as you’re still you, and things will always get better. We’ll work this out together,” he said, offering his hand.
Logan eyed it for a moment, before slowly taking hold of it. Roman smiled, standing back up and gently guiding Logan to his feet. Logan swayed slightly, holding onto Roman to gain his balance.
“What do you say we get out of this room for a little while?” Roman offered. “We don’t have to go downstairs or talk to anyone else if you don’t want to, but I think a change of scenery is in order. That and there’s something in the Imagination I think you’d like to see.”
Logan looked skeptical but gave him a nod, and Roman quickly sank them both out of the room. With the two of them now standing in an open field in the Imagination, Roman willed the sky to change, swiftly casting the land into the soft darkness of the night sky.
All at once the sky burst to life. Stars and planets lit up the expanse in dazzling color and light, with nebulas and galaxies impossibly visible and beautifully vivid. It was a moving piece of art, and some of Roman's proudest work in his own opinion.
Logan gasped beside him, eyes widened in surprise and delight at the view above him. Roman saw a ghost of a smile starting to form, and he felt himself beam at the small victory.
“It’s incredible,” Logan exhaled, eyes not leaving the night sky. “Thank you.” His voice still bore a hint of roughness from his time spent alone, but Roman could make out a spark of emotion working its way out. Despite it all, he still fell in love with the stars.
“I can’t lasso the moon for you, but I’ll show you the universe very night, if you want.”
Logan glanced away from the stars for a moment to look at Roman, the spark slowly starting to fan itself into a faint flame. “I think I’d like that.”
Logan gave him a small but genuine smile, still holding his hand like it was the only thing keeping him standing. Maybe it was, but Roman didn’t mind at all. He was going to guide his friend back to life one way or another, and if Logan was going to hold onto him the whole time, then he wasn’t going to complain one bit. Feeling Logan's hand in his own helped to remind him that in spite of everything, his friend was still beside him.
That simple fact mattered more to Roman than anything else.
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