Setauketloyalties - Tumblr Posts
“It’s so strange. I’ve never felt so peaceful, before.” - from Thomas (@setauketloyalties)
"You find peace strange?" Curiously, Anne eyed him, searching his features for any sign of deception. When she couldn't seem to locate any sense of jest, she sighed, nodding along with his sentiment. She knew all too well how foreign a single moment of peace could be. Most of her time was spent around three young girls, so serenity was hardly ever an option and, when it was, it was short-lived. But it was different for men. Or at least she thought it was. "Well, I'm glad I was to help offer at least a sliver of peace. As fleeting as it might be."
"No, I don't imagine it would be." She smiled weakly. Her own life had been far from peaceful and she'd never known the hardships of war. She knew the pains of a broken heart, of exile and shame. She knew the struggles of having to start over in an entirely foreign place. But the exact trials that a soldier endured made her own troubles seem childish. After all, most of her problems stemmed from her own mistakes.
She was hesitant to move much, not wanting to stain her own dress, but also not wishing to break the stillness. It was peaceful. The weather was charming, the air tepid and sky clear. There was a startling lack of screaming young ladies, and the simple company of another made it feel like a dreamscape. When he shifts to look at her, she follows suit and sits up, flattening out her skirts as she folded her legs.
"The sun will set eventually." Anne offered with a gentle tone. "The clouds will return, the skies will darken. And we will return to our lives. Unfortunately, everything is fleeting, even peace." As a light flush of embarrassment crossed her cheeks, Anne bowed her head in apology. "Forgive me, I suppose that's the most reassuring thing to say."
Certainly, life had been anything but peaceful for Thomas. Having been sent down south for much of the war, he had been disturbed to see what the war had made of his home and his loved ones. His beloved father had been killed by men considered Thomas’s comrades in the war, his younger brother had taken his birthright and used it to betray all that he held dear. Setauket, and the rest of America, held nothing for him.
So, he had taken passage to England. Though he knew some disdained him for his accent and his now severely weakened leg, he had generally been accepted by those he met. To sustain himself and earn even a small crust of bread, he had begun to work as a tutor. He had always had a talent for languages and for figures and he quickly picked back up now that he had access to books.
That was what had brought him to the Pleinsworth household, and to Anne.
“The life of a soldier isn’t very peaceful,” Thomas responded, a smile flickering onto his lips. He had been lying in the grass, certainly staining his shirt and waistcoat. However, as this moment, he did not mind. These stolen moments of peace in the garden of the home seemed miles away from judgmental eyes.
Slowly, Thomas turned some onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow so he could better face Anne. His green eyes looked to her, searching her face. In a softer voice, he continued, “I certainly hope this peace isn’t fleeting.”
"I have no doubts that you served your country well, Mister Woodhull." Her lips pressed together into a sheepish smile. Soldiers were always an enigma in her mind. Boys forced to become men, and then forced to become whatever they were needed to be. It was similar to that of a lady's, if she dissected it closely enough, but the dancefloors of soirees and trials of courtships were different than any of the battlefields Thomas must've stepped foot on.
She does feel sorry for him, but not in a patronizing way. She does not pity him, necessarily, as much as mourns the peace he might've had if his own life hadn't been stolen from him. Much the way she mourned her own life that had been left behind in Northumberland. Feeling sorry for the way their lives had played out was fruitless, but that didn't mean they weren't allowed to grieve all the what-ifs.
His touch is gentle and it strikes her as odd, how a single gesture can open a Pandora's box of emotions in her heart. Moments like this remind her of her childhood, of the afternoons when her and Charlotte would lounge in the grass, braiding together daisy chains while Marabeth complained about bugs. Annelise had always been annoyed with her eldest sister for always having something to complain about, but, after a decade apart from her family, she would give anything to hear her sister whine about anything, just one more time. If she were to close her eyes and awaken in her mind's idea of a perfect place, Anne thinks it would be something like this. No expectations, no judgements. No secrets or ghosts of her past looming in the distance. Just the freedom to exist amidst the serenity of nature and comfort of companionship.
Anne's eyes linger on his hand as her mind trails off on its own accord. She desperately wished she could believe his words, believe that not all things were temporary. Time, life, happiness. They were all fleeting moments, only made valuable by being short-lived. If she were still the idealistic girl she'd been in her youth, Anne might've dared to hope that certain things were meant to last, but her rose-tinted lenses had shattered long ago, along with her life as Annelise Shawcross.
"I would like to believe that, yes." Her smile was wistful as she lifted her gaze to meet his. "But how many good deeds does it take to outweigh the bad ones?"
Thomas had never questioned Anne much on her past. It was not as if he didn’t care— he truly did wish to know more about her. However, he worried that his own questions may open the door for her to question his past. He was careful about what he revealed. After all, he would be shunned if he were to reveal that his younger brother had been a common spy. Graciousness was already quite difficult to come by, he certainly did not need to make things more difficult for himself.
“It was my duty, and I did it to the best of my ability. You mustn’t feel sorry for me,” Thomas reassured her. Of course, he doubted himself on such. If he had been a truly good soldier and as intelligent as he once thought himself, would he not have seen his brother behaving like a common snake in a garden riddled with weeds? To think of it makes his heart hurt, so he pushes those thoughts away.
For a moment, he simply watches Anne. Admittedly, she is breathtaking. That is another thing he holds close. He is afraid to offer himself, especially his heart to others. If his own brother could betray him, how can he trust anyone else? But she is kind to him, her words never wounding his admittedly fragile heart. He has not noticed her staring at his bad leg, or laughing at his voices, as he has seen others do. Desperately, he wishes to trust her.
Thickly, he swallows at her words. As she said, all things were fleeting. It was a lesson he had certainly learned the hard way, by some cruel master.
“Please don’t worry,” Thomas reassured, gently reaching out his hand, his fingers brushing her hand. “Perhaps though, not all things are fleeting. Do you not believe that we will be awarded for good deeds in this life in the world to come?”