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Ghosting (Constantin/De Sardet)
Songfic
Warnings: Canon character death, angst, panic attack description, allusion to suicide, mother mother song general warning.
It seems like every Mother Mother song reminds me of Constantin or De Sardet so i´ve been suffering for two weeks straight, comments are always appreciated.
Part 2 of the Arms Tonite fic
Words: 1252
When Constantin woke up, he no longer felt the pain in his stomach, he no longer felt his cousin’s strong arms around him either.
When Constantin woke up, De Sardet was kneeling in front of him, in front of his grave. Her head hung low, the weight of loss and guilt on her shoulders.
She stood up and left. Vines had tangled themselves around her ankles, he wondered how long had his cousin been kneeling there.
Constantin followed her home.
“I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting along”
When they were kids, he would hold her hand whenever she led him home from the small forest near the castle. No matter how many times Constantin got lost, De Sardet always found him.
He remembers how he always felt afraid, lost, and alone in those woods, just like now.
He tries to hold her hand, but it slips right through it.
“Ghost in your house, ghost in your arms”
Constantin was clumsy, he still hadn’t got the hang of being a ghost.
De Sardet listened to the stairs creek, and picked up every little trinket that inexplicably fell to the ground during the night.
Being a ghost is hard. Many times had Constantin tried to hug his cousin, their bodies never found eachother.
De Sardet shudders at the cold breeze.
“When you're tossing, when you turn in your sleep
It's because I'm ghosting your dreams”
De Sardet tossed and turned in her bed, the events of that night didn't let her rest, his pale face and scared eyes tormented her dreams.
She couldn’t sleep.
She swears she can feel Constantin’s hand holding hers.
Like when they were kids, and she would hold his little hand whenever he had a nightmare.
How she wishes she could go back in time, undo everything and have him by her side.
“And this is why I have decided”
“To pull these old white sheets from my head”
“I'll leave them folded neat and tidy”
“So that you'll know I'm out of hiding”
Soon, work piled up and De Sardet couldn’t stay home and mourn.
She had to make reports, write letters to the continent, and run errands around the island.
Constantin followed her everywhere.
“I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting alone”
De Sardet paid no mind to the animals that trailed behind her, nor to the beautiful plants and flowers that seemed to grow near her camp.
She also dismissed when a blind Doneigad stared directly behind her head, like looking at someone else.
“Ghost in the world, ghost with no home”
It was known that some ghosts stayed in their homes after death, but how could Constantin stay in one place? De Sardet was his home, and she wouldn’t stop running.
De Sardet ran, ran from the grief, ran from her friends, ran from the memories and her feelings.
“I remember, I remember the days
When I'd make you oh-so afraid”
The first weeks after Constantin’s death, De Sardet thought she had lost her mind, she saw the tail of his coat turning every corner of the house, and swore she could faintly hear his laugh.
The first time she saw Constantin in front of her, De Sardet could feel the air leaving her lungs, the floor under her feet unfolding and swallowing her.
The first time, her eyes filled with tears, and the oxygen became scarce, her knees buckled and she fell to the ground, she felt how all her world came tumbling down on her, every memory of her dear cousin replayed itself in an agonizingly long sequence.
Constantin could only watch as his cousin’s trembling body fell to the ground and broke in sobs, her ragged breath broke his heart. As a ghost, there was nothing he could do so he cried along his Lucky star.
“And this is why I have decided”
De Sardet couldn't sleep, the only rest she got was when she passed out from the exhaustion.
“To leave your house and home un-haunted”
Constantin in his clumsiness, managed to knock off a painting of him, breaking the frame.
When De Sardet found it, she clutched the painting close and cried out to him.
Constantin thought she was mad.
De Sardet misses him so much.
“You don't need poltergeists for sidekicks”
Constantin can’t remember the last time he saw Kurt joke around, or Vasco share his sea stories under some alcohol, or Petrus come to visit “his child”, he hasn’t seen Siora bring exotic plants or Aphra bring study books either.
De Sardet is distancing herself from her friends.
“You don't need treats”
Constantin has tried to cheer up his cousin, with little gifts he could move around.
“And you don't need tricks”
His lack of grace has broken many trinkets.
“You don't need treats”
He has tried giving her flowers, making them grow just outside her window.
“You don't need tricks”
She just closed the curtains, and cried.
“You don't need no Halloween”
He has tried to help with the chores in the house, when De Sardet wouldn’t get up in days.
“You don't need treats”
The horribly folded clothes seem to rest years to De Sardet’s life.
“You don't need tricks”
- And you don't need me. - Constantin realises, he looks at his cousin from the corner where he sat, her beautiful eyes no longer shine, and the dark shadow under them looks more prominent than ever, she looked so distant, so… dead. It broke his heart to see his lively cousin like this.
The candles around him flicker and die. His Lucky star hasn’t noticed it’s him anyways, she always looked right past him.
De Sardet sighs, she swears it’s him, his presence has become… comforting, in a way, but she can’t see him or communicate with him.
Oh how she wishes to hold him again.
“Hey, would it be so bad if I stayed
I'm just a ghost out of his grave
And I can't make love in my grave
I won't put white into your hair
I won't make noises in your stairs
I will be kind and I'll be sweet
If you stop staring straight through me”
“And this is why I have decided”
Constantin looked at his cousin, even when she was asleep he could feel her restlessness. He just kept adding to her suffering, he thought.
“To pull these old white sheets from my head”
He placed one last kiss on his Lucky Star’s temple and made his way to the door.
He will leave her in peace.
“I'll leave them folded neat and tidy”
Looking past the folded sheets he had moved so many times to get his cousin’s attention, a stray tear rolled down his pale cheek - Goodbye, my beloved cousin. I will let you rest. -
“So that you'll know I'm out of hiding”
A cold wind woke up De Sardet, something was wrong, something was... missing.
“And this is why I have decided”
She rushed downstairs and saw that the door to the street was ajar, letting in the wind, and letting out...
He left her.
“To leave your house and home un-haunted”
De Sardet loses him for the second time.
“You don't need poltergeists for sidekicks”
And she knows Constantin has left forever now.
“You don't need treats
And you don't need tricks”
Should she follow him?
“You don't need treats
You don't need tricks
You don't need no Halloween”
“You don't need treats
You don't need tricks
You don't need treats
You don't need no Hallows Eve”
“You don't need treats
You don't need tricks
And you don't need”
“me”