The Driver - Tumblr Posts
The Driver: Richard
--- Originally posted on 2018-01-13 by dumbmusclejockboi ---
“And I will need that report on my desk ASAP! Do you hear me?!” Richard said, talking to someone on his cellphone as he entered his Uber car.
“Richard?” The driver asked. “Says here you’re going to 5th Ave and 52nd St. Is that correct?”
“That is correct,” Richard responded. “And I will also need the Rosier files sent by fax to my hotel room..” he continued on his cellphone.
The driver had had many people like this enter his ride share vehicle. Though seldom did they exit the same person. Richard didn’t know it yet but he had hit the jackpot, or was he about to be eternally cursed? I guess it depended on one’s perspective.
“David, David? Can you here me? Hello? Anyone there?” Richard said shaking his cellphone and then slamming it down onto his thigh letting out an irritated sigh. “Fuck!”
“Cell troubles?” The driver asked.
“Yes. And it’s at the exact wrong time too. I’m working on a huge project at work right now. Very important. My boss has been riding my ass about it. It just gets so irritating sometimes! I wish I didn’t have to carry around all this stress. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this? “
“I wouldn’t worry about it. Many passengers say that they sometimes need an objective listener to just listen to their problems. Wouldn’t it be great to have an objective listener to hear what’s bothering you?”
“Yes. Having an objective listener would be great. Thanks you…” Richarf glanced down st his Uber app and for the drivers name. It only said ‘driver’ for his name.
“My name isn’t really important,( Rich. You don’t need to concern yourself with that. Don’t worry about it.
“In fact I think you will find that you are feeling nice and relaxed. The stress of the day is leaving you, and you don’t have any cares in the world. “
Richard, or was it Rich, could feel something was wrong, but he settled down into his seat anyway. Taking a few deep breathes and letting his shoulders droop.
“Rich, I think that jacket and tie are starting to feel a little constructing, don’t you? Doesn’t it feel like it’s choking you? Stifling you? Perhaps it would be better to take them off? Wouldn’t it feel nice and relaxing if you took them off?”
“Stifling. Choking. Feels better to take off,” Rich mumbled to himself as he removed his jacket and tie.
“Yes, that’s much better. Feels so good, doesn’t it?
“Now, I think you will find that you’re feeling warmer and warmer. Maybe you should take off your shirt and pants. If you take off your shorts and pants you wouldn’t feel as warm as you do now. I’m sure you want to feel cool and comfortable, and the only way to do that is to take off your shirt and pants.”
Beads of sweat had started to form on Rich’s forehead. He looked uncomfortable, until he started unbuttoning his shirt. The moment his shirt was off he let out a sigh of relief. But his legs were still very warm. Better to take off his pants too! With a deft motion, Rich let his pants pool at his feet.
“Hmmm…” The Driver thought to himself.
“I think you need to get down to five percent fat.”
“What the fuck?” Rich swore.
“Oomph!”
Rich’s body sort of sucked I’m on himself. His fat melted away, and like a vacuum-sealed package, revealed the contents below. He became instantly ripped. Well, as ripped as an office worker with no real muscle tone could look.
“What the hell?”
“And, you work out five days a week, sometimes twice a day. You’ve been doing this since you were 15.”
Rich suddenly felt all of his muscles fill with energy and begin to ache.
And Rich’s body expanded in a flash. It was like in those old cartoons when the bunny blew his finger, and suddenly inflated. But this inflation was not air. No, it was 15 years worth of solid muscle. Hard-wrought, well-earned traps, lats , pectorals, biceps, triceps, abs, quads, glutes, and calves.
“You bet I’ve been working out for 15 years,” Rich said as he flexed his 21-inch biceps.
“ think you’ve only been doing this for 5 years. You’re only 21.”
“Bro, I don’t know what I was thinking. Duh, I’m only 21.”
“And I think you need to convert IQ points to penis size. Maybe lose ten points to gain every inch, so you’re gonna ditch 50 IQ points to gain 5 inches of dick. You’re gonna have a foot long cock, when it’s hard, that is as thick as a beer bottle.”
“Ugghhh,” Rich groaned as a dumb smile appeared on his face.
“And your name is Buck Hardwood, a Southern stripper and porn star.”
“Yes, Sir, I work at the best club in New York City, Adonis,” Buck drawled.
“So, Buck, where are you from?”
“I’m from the great state of Alabama,” the newly minted Southerner replies.
“ I know I’ve seen you somewhere before,” Driver says.
“Well sir (pronounced sah), I’ve been is a few pornos. My favorite was ‘Two Bros, One Hole’. That one was super fun to do. Probably my most popular one was ‘Frat Bros are Easy’,” Buck replied.
“That’s great, Buck. And look! Here we are! Adonis nightclub, NYC.”
“Woo-hoo!” Buck cheered. “Wanna come in and watch me strip?”
“I’ll take a raincheck,” The Driver replies as Buck leaves the car. “Enjoy your new life, Buck.”
