The Readers Dialogue Could Be Put Into A Philosophy Textbook Or Something I Swear - Tumblr Posts

to love, despite

notes: i know i said i'd go on hiatus but i think i might have underestimated the genshin brainrot and also the support of my readers so you have this now

word count: 2.7k

premise: when wanderer accompanies the traveler to inazuma, he didn't expect himself to fall in love, much less to get his heart broken and face his fourth betrayal. luckily, you're there to lift him up. maybe he wasn't meant to be alone after all....maybe he was just looking in the wrong places

contains: wanderer x gn!reader, wanderer goes through a breakup with unnamed npc, hurt/comfort, blossoming feelings

warnings: mentions of cheating, scara's insecurities

The sun was slowly setting, tinting the horizon in comforting and warm colors. But today, there was a hint of sadness to the end of this day and right now, to Wanderer at least, the hues of red and orange slowly turning to blues and blacks mirrored the way a time of happiness and joy was washed away with the tides of the ocean. The waves crashed against the bow of the ship as it swayed with the way of the water; staying in control of the captain despite the untamed strength of the sea. It was a comforting sound; as if the shores of his former homeland were speaking to him, telling him: “Don’t grieve what’s lost. This too will pass.”

A music box was playing a slow song behind him. He mused one of the sailors must have put it there because they liked the tune. He glanced at the small apparatus, letting out a bitter laugh when he saw the frail ballerina figurine on top of it. What cruel irony life threw his way over and over again.

He looked out onto the docks as the ship set sail; beginning its journey to Port Ormos. Back to the comfort of his new home, back to Nahida who’d sure have some wise words to try and soothe him. Words that would be ultimately met with silence as they wouldn’t reach his non-existent heart in light of the events that had transpired. He heard the sound of the seagulls above the beach and closed his eyes, listening to the workings of the water; imagining how it’d sway him gently to a place where nothing and no one could hurt him.

He never expected himself to fall in love. And especially not in the span of a couple of months. But the one he loved had been like a hurricane of flowers; filling his hair with beautiful cherry blossoms to distract him from the destructive storm that was on the horizon. His lover had been kind; at first. Kind and joyful. Like they’d wash away his sorrows as they danced among the crowd, dragging him into the masses and encouraging him to dance along. The flowery words and the colorful metaphors had blinded him to how shallow humanity was and always would be. How he’d have to expect disappointment before all else.

They had taken his hands into theirs and promised him they’d stay. That they never met anyone quite like him. He remembered the sound of their laughter as it filled the air of spring; a time that was meant for new beginnings. He really thought this was the start of something good. “You’re adorable”, they had chuckled before kissing his cheek and he had blushed, clutching the flowers they gave him in his hands. They had taken him to their favorite places on Narukami Island and he had followed with a smile on his face; pretending like he hadn’t seen them all before. Still, during those carefree days they had seemed much brighter than before. 

He remembered how he had sat with them under a big tree, watching the birds fly freely and the clouds pass by as if nothing ever mattered but what was there in the current moment. The one he loved had been like a gentle melody soothing the pain that still lingered in his mind and making him appreciate the peace and life around him. They had brought some goods they baked for him and told him they’re almost as sweet as him. They had told him they loved him. But sometimes people were  privy to love only for as long as their lover had an ideal of them in their head that they were unwilling to let go of. A fairytale dream that made the Wanderer recoil; knowing it was never truly him they loved. It was an idea of him that was shaped by their mind to fit the desires of their heart; something he’d probably never truly comprehend.

And then he told them what he was. It shouldn’t matter. “It won’t”, the Traveler and you had reassured him. So he took a fearful step towards the unknown. At first it really didn’t matter. Humans were desperate to hold onto their dreams of perfection, after all. Most would find that without their delusions; life would be hardly the happy place they’d convinced themselves of. His former lover had told him that no matter whether he was a puppet or a human; they’d still love him all the same. For he could love too, after all. But sometimes what one loves in others is not the person themselves but what they can provide for their lives. Enrichment, support, fun. And sometimes it was that and that only.

That was what he had realised when he caught them showing their affections to someone else. In that moment, it seemed as if their whole demeanor had shifted. The aura of innocence and gentleness had long since faded and he had come to realize that they were not a rare treasure that existed outside of all the things that had hurt him; they were entangled in that same net of human faults and selfishness as all the other obstacles he had faced throughout his life. As all of them ever would, he thought; his pessimism clouding his mind once more.

“I’m sorry!”, they had called out to him with tears in their eyes, “I was going to talk with you about this, but I didn’t know how!” What are you crying for?, he had wondered. As they went on and on about how they never wanted to break his heart but they didn’t fully understand what it would be like to date a puppet; what it lacked; he grew colder by the minute. What did he lack? Wasn’t this what Nahida and the Traveler had attempted to convince him of? That there was no reason to not call himself a human? That he could have the same experiences as one regardless; love the same and be loved in return. He had fallen in love; with courage and hope in his veins; but the lightning had struck him nonetheless. He remembered the words they’d told him before he left: “I really care about you. And I still treasure you as a friend. But I need someone who…”

They never finished that sentence but Wanderer knew exactly what they were going to say. Someone who is human. I get it. 

If the world was always going to reject his existence, maybe he should go back to rejecting the world in turn. Let the bitterness in his heart numb the pain. Let the anger wash away the sorrows and let the pride clouding his head blow down all that others had built in his life. You’re bigger than this now…, he reminded himself, knowing no anger or hatred would ever make his sorrow disappear. Only time and purpose and love could. 

“Hey”, you began quietly. He hadn’t even noticed you were there; standing next to him now and observing the waves, same as he did. After what had happened, he didn’t feel like spending another day in Inazuma. The Traveler still had some unfinished business here and Wanderer was ready to leave on his own when you had convinced him to follow him back to Sumeru. You never said it but he could see in your eyes how you believed he needed a shoulder to lean on right now. And if he was really, truly honest with himself….then maybe he did.

“I got you one of those little mocktails they sell next to the captain’s booth”, you handed him the drink that had been poured into an empty ajilenakh nut, “I made sure they didn’t put any dango in it.” He thanked you and drank a bit of it. It wasn’t as bad as he had expected it to, even though it was a little bit sweeter than what he’d normally drink. 

For a while, the two of you remained quiet. The constant sound of the ocean was enough to not make it awkward. “I’m sorry”, you then said quietly, “you didn’t deserve this to happen to you.” “I know”, he replied and closed his eyes, clutching his anemo vision for support over his chest where his heart should be, “but it keeps happening anyway.” 

At least for now he wasn’t completely alone. He had Nahida, the Traveler and you. Even Paimon. You were his friends. For how long will they remain your friends, though?, that bitter voice in his head spoke once more. But over the past year, he had grown more familiar and comfortable with you and he had listened to your stories about the life you led and the people you’ve met throughout it. It had made him realize that while his feelings of estrangement as a puppet were unique ones; ones no one in this world might as well fully be able to comprehend; there were many humans out there who had struggled with loneliness and abandonment and it had left them as scarred as he had been. 

“Such is the way of mankind”, you insisted, holding your hand out into the wind as if you could touch it. Little did he know you had grown to love the wind a little more ever since he received his vision, because it reminded you of him. He didn’t know that you had fallen for him long since, watching him fall in love with another and drift further away from you. And now he was hurting because of it. And in a way, that made you even more sad but just as determined to ease his mind and soothe the pain in his heart; one which may not be inside him but which you were nonetheless sure he had. 

“Some of us seem to find our place in this world as easily as it is to breathe”, you began, looking at him with a gentle expression, “but I’ve found many of those never reach true happiness. They just settle. But for a lot of us that’s never enough. We get swept away by the waves of conflict and abandonment; relentlessly clawing our way up the next cliff and hoping that this time no one will push us off.” He didn’t dare look at you for a while when you placed your hand on top of his but he had to admit he found comfort in the subtle touch. Maybe he was just clinging onto a hint of affection after having been abandoned; desperate to feel cared for; but in this moment that didn’t matter to him.

“Isn’t that a little pathetic?”, he mocked your words with a bitter voice. “It is, truly”, you nodded your head, “we err for as long as we live. But it’s the only way we ever reach our happiness. It’s in our nature to, even in the face of all obstacles, have at least a little bit of hope in us. We all do. Even the ones who claim to have none. And one day that hope may be rewarded. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. It can happen to you. I think that’s worth being a little bit pathetic for.” You chuckled and he thought about your words.

“They looked so happy”, he then said after a while, remembering when he had met his former lover once again with their new partner as they were taking a stroll near the port. He remembered how he’d heard them giggle and tease each other. How they’d referred to jokes he didn’t understand and call each other nicknames that made him cringe. The familiar feeling of shock and disbelief was spreading in his body again and he looked at his shaking fingers. “Do you think they’re happier without me?”, he asked quietly.

“Probably”, you shrugged calmly and he let out a laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Hadn’t you come here in a silly attempt to cheer him up?

“But what matters is not the people we have our best times with, but the ones who stay with us through our worst. Because then we know that when we share happiness with them; one day we’ll be able to look back at those memories and feel satisfied. What’s the point of having the most fun of your life, if who you shared it with will be gone in a year or two because they moved on to the next thrill? What will be left of it but emptiness? What’s the point, but to learn what’s truly of value in this life?”, you gave him an encouraging smile and squeezed his hand, “I know you would have given them all that and been there for them when they needed it most. If they weren’t able to see that, that’s their loss.”

The Wanderer noticed how the Inazuman islands had now disappeared completely from view and he felt a breeze of wind blow through his hair as his tears poured down his cheeks and his facade of bitterness cracked as he allowed himself to say the words that had been stuck on his tongue for all this time. “I’m hardly a loss”, he croaked out with a shaky voice before he started sobbing.

You remained silent, instantly pulling him into your embrace and letting him cry into your shoulder. He clutched the fabric on your back with his fists as you put a hand on the back of his head and gently ran it through his soft hair. 

“That’s not true”, you whispered, not wanting to overwhelm him with new information but also wishing he knew just how much he meant to you. That you wanted to stay by his side and love him the way he deserved, come what may. For now, you chose to try and convey that with your loving embrace, holding him for as long as he needed you to. 

“You’re a wonderful person and I’m glad to be your friend”, you whispered, tightening your hold on him, “you have as much the potential as anyone to make someone else happy and to be happy yourself. It may be hard to believe right now, but I promise you, you just have to hold on a little bit longer.” Many had told him that. But there was a sincerity in your voice and in the way you hugged him that he couldn't help but feel like there was more to it than just empty promises. Were you perhaps talking about yourself? 

What a silly thought, he brushed it off but it still gave him that familiar spark of hope. When he had been abandoned once again, he asked himself if anyone would ever truly love him. And maybe, the answer to that question would be you. Right now, he could hardly say you’d be in love with each other one day. But there was something. Like a sprout growing in the harshest desert. And something inside him couldn’t wait to see what it would become if he only had a little courage.

So he hugged you back gently, resting his head on your shoulder and smiling for the first time in days. This didn’t go unnoticed by you. “Are you feeling a little better?”, you wrapped an arm around his shoulder as you watched the sun set and stars appear in the sky. “Yeah”, he admitted, switching sides on the ship and looking in the direction of Sumeru, “and maybe I can afford to be a little pathetic.” “Oh trust me, you already did that”, you teased him and winked at him, “remember that time you called yourself the ‘Everlasting Lord of Arcane Wisdom’? That was pretty embarrassing.” He cringed at your words but it brought out a laugh through the tears. “Don’t remind me.”

You looked peacefully at the horizon, taking his hand in yours again to indicate you’d stay here to support him. “Relentlessness is one of the most defining traits of humanity”, you said with a gentle smile, “to persevere even in the face of adversity. To thrive in even the harshest environments and succeed despite the failures of the past and against the expectations of others. To suffer and lose, and to love, despite.”

notes: i listened to the sad fairy tail ost while writing this sbdbsndjsjdjs. i've had this idea for a while but the motivation to write it just hit me over the head today. hope you liked it. ❤️